UT_mikie

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So I'm having a little dilemma, and I thought what better way to try and figure it out than tell a bunch of people I've never met the intimate details. It might be kind of long so for those who don't want to hear a bunch of belly aching feel free to mutter "loser" and click on.

So I just got into med school class of 2009 (praise the lord) but instead of jumping up and down and dancing naked I'm feeling a bit torn. See I've been dating this girl for 2 years and she lives in Japan. I met her while she was studying at my univ, and we continued the relationship when I studied for a year in Tokyo (I got accepted into the exchange program before I met her so please don't think I followed her there, just a great coincidence.) And we've been apart now for a few months but things are still great.

My problem is, is that she got a great job in Tokyo and she has decided to start working, and I currently have two offers.

A.) med school
B.) a pretty good job in Japan.

I've been a pre-med japanese studies major since the beginnning and I've really enjoyed all the things of done relating to Japan. i coordinated international conferences I've studied abroad, and have become fairly fluent in the language but I always thought that I'd be going to med school in the end. But med school pretty much gaurantees that I have to break up with her because medicine is for the most part a domestic gig and i think it would be a complete waste of her talents if she came to the U.S. So no matter what I have to throw something away.

A.) gf and an opportunity in I-relations or
B.) 4 years of hard work and a fabulous future as a physician.

I think deferring will just put off the problem till next year so I need to decide now. Any opinions? Am I just some idiot in love who who needs a swift kick to get back to his senses, or should I take a chance and pursue a geniune interest in i-relations and try to make the thing work with the girlf.
 

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People may not agree with me on this. I don't know how old you are, but I feel like if you're just out of college (i.e 21 to 23), then youu're way too young to make decisions with regards to another person about your life. If you want to medical school, you should do it now, especially if you're ready. I honestly believe that you have to be extremely sure at this age about another person to contemplate altering your decision-making because of them. RIght now, relationships should be fun and exciting but in no way interfere with your future plans, unless of course, if you're entirely sure about the person. That's just me though.
 

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UT_mikie said:
So no matter what I have to throw something away.

A.) gf and an opportunity in I-relations or
B.) 4 years of hard work and a fabulous future as a physician.

I think deferring will just put off the problem till next year so I need to decide now. Any opinions? Am I just some idiot in love who who needs a swift kick to get back to his senses, or should I take a chance and pursue a geniune interest in i-relations and try to make the thing work with the girlf.
I don't think deferring will put off the problem. I think it will give you a year to evaluate whether you want to/prefer to/can live in Japan with your gf or whether you'd prefer to stay in the US. You can always go to med school next year; but if you choose not to, you'll never know what would have happened if you'd tried the Japan thing. At the end of a year you might decide you don't want to be with her, or you don't want to live in Japan. You won't have lost much; for a year of your life you'll have had a cool experience. On the other hand, if you go straight to med school in the US you may spend the rest of your life wondering what if.
 

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You really have to decide where your passion is: is it with one woman who may dump you a year from now, or with a future in medicine which you can conceivably have for the rest of your life. Maybe she doesn't want to break up even if you stay in the US for school. Have you asked her what she wants?
 

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UT_mikie said:
she lives in a Japan....when I studied for a year in her Tokyo.
I must confess, I didn't realize there were many Japans such that the article "a" would be needed to specify one in particular. Also, your girlfriend must be super rich to own one of the many Tokyos that, prior to this thread, I didn't know existed beyond the one capital.

I learn so much from SDN! Who says SDN is not helpful!
 

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GuyLaroche said:
I must confess, I didn't realize there were many Japans such that the article "a" would be needed to specify one in particular. Also, your girlfriend must be super rich to own one of the many Tokyos that, prior to this thread, I didn't know existed beyond the one capital.

I learn so much from SDN! Who says SDN is not helpful!
Wow. Don't be a obnoxious. :)

to the OP: I think you really need to talk to your gf about this--no one on this board can possibly understand your situation better than the two of you.

From the experience of me and my friends, I've realized that long-distance works for 1 year, max. After that, you either have to get back together or decide it wasn't meant to be and move on. I know a couple people who have managed long-distance for years, but I think they're the exception.
 
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UT_mikie

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Thanks for the advice guys. Of course we've talked about this before, but that was before I got offered both options. I was kind of hoping i would get rejected from one or the other. But anyway I think the ball is in my court since I'm the only one with any flexibility at the moment. She of course wants whats best for me which is going to medical school, while I-relations is good, anyone with a half a brain (and the ability to proof read) knows med school is the better route to take.

This decision would not be so hard if it were just an issue of her (kind of cold but true), but I idiotically fostered an interest in both medicine and in i-rel during the last four years and she adds weight to the i-rel side. Yea maybe Mephisto is right, I'm not about to slip a ring on her finger so I should try to think about it without her in the equation.

Anyway, i guess I have a few months to think about it. Hearing you guys opinions gives me something to think about. Maybe deferring is not such a bad idea after all. Whats one year in a 40 year career anyway. :confused:

Thanks again.
 

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Tough decision! Seriously meditate on it for a few days. I'm a non-trad who will be entering med school this fall. After graduating from my undergrad, I immediately got married, followed my (now ex) wife and her career for 10 years, and regretted every day that I hadn't applied to medical school. In retrospect, the experiences we had for those 10 years were excellent, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
If a relationship is meant to be, then it will happen. However, if you do separate for med school and come back together down the road, don't ever resent each other for relationships in between.
I have a friend who dated her husband all through high school. When they graduated, he went on to become an Air Force pilot, and she went on to become a physician. They kept loosely in touch for all those years, dated others, and ended up married with no regrets or jealousy.
Good luck and follow your calling.
 

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It's important you remember who you are asking this question -- almost everyone here reading these boards either has already given up quite a bit for medicine or is preparing to/hopeful to. I'm a third year student who could have had a career in engineering and I have to say, I'm not sure I'm happier than I would have been if I had taken the opposite path.

Now that I am acutally neck deep in medical school and interacting with residents and attendings on a regular basis it is much more obvious to me how much doctors give up to be in their profession than it was when I was in your shoes. If you are having trouble deciding between a situation where you feel you will be happier though perhaps less successful, beware. Medicine will swallow you whole, because you will have lots of opportunities to make that choice over and over again -- eventually leaving you overworked and burnt-out.

If your dream of being a doctor is something you feel will bring you more joy than your relationship in the long term, you can really can't give up on it. However, also remember medicine won't keep you warm at night.
 

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What a tough predicament. But it's hard for any of us to evaluate. I saw someone asked you, but I didn't see your response...how old are you? Is this your first serious relationship? Are you Japanesse or will living over there be a culture shock to you. Yes, I realize you are studying that, but it's different than living there. Is she willing to compromise or it's all yoy...either you move there or you break up? Personally I'd go to med school and not break up. See if you visit often, or maybe she will want to live in the US; maybe you'll hate med school. I never understand why someone has to formally break up in anticipation of it not working out. Pray about it and wait and see what happens. Good luck.
 

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Yeah, I think the sentiments here that suggest a compromise are on the right track. Why end it formally when you've done the long distance thing already?
 

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If you can defer and go to Japan for a year, do it. Not so much because of the girlfriend issue, but because that would be such a great experience to look back on. I mean, med school one year earlier versus a year living and working abroad, I don't think that's even a choice.

Then you also have a year to see where the relationship is going. Maybe it'll end naturally, or maybe you'll decide it's worth it. Worst case, you have to make the same decision again next year.
 
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UT_mikie

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Psycho Doctor said:
What a tough predicament. But it's hard for any of us to evaluate. I saw someone asked you, but I didn't see your response...how old are you? Is this your first serious relationship? Are you Japanesse or will living over there be a culture shock to you. Yes, I realize you are studying that, but it's different than living there. Is she willing to compromise or it's all yoy...either you move there or you break up? Personally I'd go to med school and not break up. See if you visit often, or maybe she will want to live in the US; maybe you'll hate med school. I never understand why someone has to formally break up in anticipation of it not working out. Pray about it and wait and see what happens. Good luck.
I'm 22 turning 23 in a month. This is not my first serious relationship but she is one of the most amazing people I've met. I lived for a year in Japan already and spent a short time working there, so I think i've already encountered any culture shock that I'm going to (plus I'm asian so i tend to blend in better over there). Yea maybe I'm being to hasty~
 

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I think rennairda give the best advice. People on these forums almost always encourage people to pursue medicine no matter what the personal/professional cost. (Just like people at a crappy college/medschool/residency will tell everyone how great it is--they can justify their poor decision by converting others to this cause).

Med school may be the right choice for you. However, we live in an environment where people go to medical school because they can, not because it is the only thing that is right for them. It is such an ultra-competitive process (getting in) that it is dominated by people who are bright and have many choices. (PhD chemists, on the other hand, are usually really good only at chemistry and don't have other choices.) My point is that you should feel no obligation to go to medical school just because you got in.

Even if you look at this independent of the personal relationship element, there are many good reasons to go to Japan.
 
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UT_mikie said:
I'm 22 turning 23 in a month. This is not my first serious relationship but she is one of the most amazing people I've met. I lived for a year in Japan already and spent a short time working there, so I think i've already encountered any culture shock that I'm going to (plus I'm asian so i tend to blend in better over there). Yea maybe I'm being to hasty~

my experience with japanese girls is that they are pretty promiscuous when it comes to sex. I don't think they are that stable to be worth compromising your future for. just my 2 cents
 

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have you ever thought that maybe your girlfirend will see this? Not the smartest thing to do on a public internet forum. I know, its none of my business.
 

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housemd said:
have you ever thought that maybe your girlfirend will see this? Not the smartest thing to do on a public internet forum. I know, its none of my business.

hey buddy, if it's true love go for it.
 

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You should totally defer!

Maybe you will think about the ring in year. Maybe you'll break up. Maybe you'll hate being a full-time employee in Japan. Who can say? Even if you defer, you'll still be young when you graduate (almost my age right now, and I'm only just about to start!). While you're in Japan for a year, start forging relationships that can help you get a position as a physician Japan. It will be extremely hard and there's a good chance you won't accomplish squat, I know, but if it turns out that you stick with your girl AND go to med school, you won't be sorry since you at least tried everything.

-X

UT_mikie said:
Yea maybe Mephisto is right, I'm not about to slip a ring on her finger so I should try to think about it without her in the equation.
 

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UT_mikie said:
So I'm having a little dilemma, and I thought what better way to try and figure it out than tell a bunch of people I've never met the intimate details. It might be kind of long so for those who don't want to hear a bunch of belly aching feel free to mutter "loser" and click on.

So I just got into med school class of 2009 (praise the lord) but instead of jumping up and down and dancing naked I'm feeling a bit torn. See I've been dating this girl for 2 years and she lives in Japan. I met her while she was studying at my univ, and we continued the relationship when I studied for a year in Tokyo (I got accepted into the exchange program before I met her so please don't think I followed her there, just a great coincidence.) And we've been apart now for a few months but things are still great.

My problem is, is that she got a great job in Tokyo and she has decided to start working, and I currently have two offers.

A.) med school
B.) a pretty good job in Japan.

I've been a pre-med japanese studies major since the beginnning and I've really enjoyed all the things of done relating to Japan. i coordinated international conferences I've studied abroad, and have become fairly fluent in the language but I always thought that I'd be going to med school in the end. But med school pretty much gaurantees that I have to break up with her because medicine is for the most part a domestic gig and i think it would be a complete waste of her talents if she came to the U.S. So no matter what I have to throw something away.

A.) gf and an opportunity in I-relations or
B.) 4 years of hard work and a fabulous future as a physician.

I think deferring will just put off the problem till next year so I need to decide now. Any opinions? Am I just some idiot in love who who needs a swift kick to get back to his senses, or should I take a chance and pursue a geniune interest in i-relations and try to make the thing work with the girlf.
there is a discussion on the allopathic thread re: does med school affect your personal relationships (or something similar to that)
 

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I vote for deferring and testing the waters in Japan. You're not really giving up anything by doing that, and you may well regret NOT trying that avenue. Win-win.
 

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There are many more "good careers" than there are "good women".

If you've found one of the latter, don't sacrifice her for a career unless you're willing to make a decision you'll live to regret many times over. Pursue your genuine interest in international relations, get married, have 3 or 4 kids, and grow old gracefully. Live long, and prosper.
 
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UT_mikie

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Excellent you guys all rock.

I think I'll try for the deferal and see how it works out. Its been good to hear other peoples opinions who are completely removed from the situation.

And somehow I don't think she'll stumble upon this. Who the heck would read this forum besides crazy overachieving pre-meds. And if she does and gets mad enough, well that'll solve the problem too. :laugh:
 

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For the record, you can make a long distance relationship work. my bf and I have survived that critical first semester and we're still going strong. I think both parties have to ULTRA committed to making the relationship work and you WILL sacrifice a lot of personal time and $$ if you're doing things right. Also, I agree with the above poster, it is REALLY hard to find someone you are truly happy with, so if you think you've got "the one", go with what you feel. As silly as it sounds, I really think that if things were meant to work out, somehow, they will.
 

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beriberi said:
I think rennairda give the best advice. People on these forums almost always encourage people to pursue medicine no matter what the personal/professional cost. (Just like people at a crappy college/medschool/residency will tell everyone how great it is--they can justify their poor decision by converting others to this cause).

Med school may be the right choice for you. However, we live in an environment where people go to medical school because they can, not because it is the only thing that is right for them. It is such an ultra-competitive process (getting in) that it is dominated by people who are bright and have many choices. (PhD chemists, on the other hand, are usually really good only at chemistry and don't have other choices.) My point is that you should feel no obligation to go to medical school just because you got in.

Even if you look at this independent of the personal relationship element, there are many good reasons to go to Japan.
To be good at Chemistry at that level, you also have to be good with math and physics and other subjects. Chemistry does not exist in a vacuum. The pre-med req's don't even reach this level of math, physics stuff that they need to know for chem at that level.
 

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Second off, all choices we make in life are the right ones. People fall into categories...those that make their choices knowing that whatever happens will be great, and those that make choices thinking they made thewrong one. The first category are always right...unfortunately, so are the second category. Point is, debate all you want, listen to a bunch of strangers all you want, but in the end its your choice and if you WANT to be happy, you will be, either way.
 

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stormpr said:
For the record, you can make a long distance relationship work. my bf and I have survived that critical first semester and we're still going strong. I think both parties have to ULTRA committed to making the relationship work and you WILL sacrifice a lot of personal time and $$ if you're doing things right. Also, I agree with the above poster, it is REALLY hard to find someone you are truly happy with, so if you think you've got "the one", go with what you feel. As silly as it sounds, I really think that if things were meant to work out, somehow, they will.
The third year is the test. Someone invaribaly cheats. And then you simply have to kill them. Then you get arrested. There is a court date, and then you're all over the papers and then you can't go to med school 'cause you just killed someone. But damn it! you got that sucker who dared to toy with your heart. Are you reading this M? Are you reading it? You better read it. I ain't playing.
 

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UT_mikie said:
So I'm having a little dilemma, and I thought what better way to try and figure it out than tell a bunch of people I've never met the intimate details. It might be kind of long so for those who don't want to hear a bunch of belly aching feel free to mutter "loser" and click on.

So I just got into med school class of 2009 (praise the lord) but instead of jumping up and down and dancing naked I'm feeling a bit torn. See I've been dating this girl for 2 years and she lives in Japan. I met her while she was studying at my univ, and we continued the relationship when I studied for a year in Tokyo (I got accepted into the exchange program before I met her so please don't think I followed her there, just a great coincidence.) And we've been apart now for a few months but things are still great.

My problem is, is that she got a great job in Tokyo and she has decided to start working, and I currently have two offers.

A.) med school
B.) a pretty good job in Japan.

I've been a pre-med japanese studies major since the beginnning and I've really enjoyed all the things of done relating to Japan. i coordinated international conferences I've studied abroad, and have become fairly fluent in the language but I always thought that I'd be going to med school in the end. But med school pretty much gaurantees that I have to break up with her because medicine is for the most part a domestic gig and i think it would be a complete waste of her talents if she came to the U.S. So no matter what I have to throw something away.

A.) gf and an opportunity in I-relations or
B.) 4 years of hard work and a fabulous future as a physician.

I think deferring will just put off the problem till next year so I need to decide now. Any opinions? Am I just some idiot in love who who needs a swift kick to get back to his senses, or should I take a chance and pursue a geniune interest in i-relations and try to make the thing work with the girlf.
GET OUT OF UTAH! :)

Don't cave...the pressure to get married and make a family is sooo strong in Utah ...its sad. Dont let the 'menice to society if not married by 29' make a decsion like this for you. There will be other girls. Just because your friends are getting married doesnt mean you have to throw med school away to feel like you are still part of your crowd.

Take it or leave it ...good luck either way..
 

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GuyLaroche said:
The third year is the test. Someone invaribaly cheats. And then you simply have to kill them. Then you get arrested. There is a court date, and then you're all over the papers and then you can't go to med school 'cause you just killed someone. But damn it! you got that sucker who dared to toy with your heart. Are you reading this M? Are you reading it? You better read it. I ain't playing.

Chris Rock did say it the best... you haven't experienced true love until you've planned the death of your significant other and are holding your weapon of choice in hand. needless to say, I've been told that should my bf die a violent death, I will be the one and only suspect.:smuggrin:
 

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chicks are a dime a dozen, you'll meet plenty of great girls in the future.
 

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My first question is: What are your long term goals? Are you truly split between medicine and international work? Only you can honestly answer this. You should answer this as if you were single, to the best of your ability. It's hard to answer this type of question disregarding another person because in fact this girlfriend does influence your answer BUT if you choose work in Japan to be with her, and your relationship doesn't work, are you going to be pi$$ed off about this past decision? So again, try to answer that question as if you were single because choosing a long term life activity for the sake of being with someone, even if very important, could have negative consequences.

My next question is: Why does choosing medicine mean you have to break up with her? Eventually if the two of you decide you want to marry, you'll have to compromise on where you'll be but in the meantime, and through medical school you could visit her during breaks, choose electives/ selectives/ research/ international work in Japan, and have her visit you. If the long distance gig is working now, do you think the two of you can make it work in the coming years? For some people that may not work, but you know your relationship better than all of us strangers, so it's up to you to decide.

Finally, have you considered going med school in Japan?
 
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PookieGirl said:
My first question is: What are your long term goals? Are you truly split between medicine and international work? Only you can honestly answer this. You should answer this as if you were single, to the best of your ability. It's hard to answer this type of question disregarding another person because in fact this girlfriend does influence your answer BUT if you choose work in Japan to be with her, and your relationship doesn't work, are you going to be pi$$ed off about this past decision? So again, try to answer that question as if you were single because choosing a long term life activity for the sake of being with someone, even if very important, could have negative consequences.

My next question is: Why does choosing medicine mean you have to break up with her? Eventually if the two of you decide you want to marry, you'll have to compromise on where you'll be but in the meantime, and through medical school you could visit her during breaks, choose electives/ selectives/ research/ international work in Japan, and have her visit you. If the long distance gig is working now, do you think the two of you can make it work in the coming years? For some people that may not work, but you know your relationship better than all of us strangers, so it's up to you to decide.

Finally, have you considered going med school in Japan?
1.) I've been trying to ask myself that question and answer it honestly for the last couple days. Yea she could dump me the day I land in Japan but I think I would still enjoy my time working there. I am really interested jpn-us relations but... being a Dr. seems more fulfilling in the long term. But like the guy said in the previous post. No sense in second guessing yourself the only choice is to be happy with the choices you make.

2.) I guess we could try it out for a while. The LD thing is working for now, but she starts work in April (Tokyoites work like CRAZY think New York) and Med school is going to take a ton of time, so I can at least forsee it being pretty difficult. Looks like its time to have another talk with the girlf so we can sort this out.

3.) while I'm comfortable with my Japanese, I don't think I'd be able to take on med school work in a 2nd language.
 
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stormpr said:
Chris Rock did say it the best... you haven't experienced true love until you've planned the death of your significant other and are holding your weapon of choice in hand. needless to say, I've been told that should my bf die a violent death, I will be the one and only suspect.:smuggrin:
So whats your name again? Just in case there is a bloody murder on the news. :laugh: ... yea everyone contemplates hurting their sig other I think. Same with family too. :love:
 

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So I'm having a little dilemma, and I thought what better way to try and figure it out than tell a bunch of people I've never met the intimate details. It might be kind of long so for those who don't want to hear a bunch of belly aching feel free to mutter "loser" and click on.

So I just got into med school class of 2009 (praise the lord) but instead of jumping up and down and dancing naked I'm feeling a bit torn. See I've been dating this girl for 2 years and she lives in Japan. I met her while she was studying at my univ, and we continued the relationship when I studied for a year in Tokyo (I got accepted into the exchange program before I met her so please don't think I followed her there, just a great coincidence.) And we've been apart now for a few months but things are still great.

My problem is, is that she got a great job in Tokyo and she has decided to start working, and I currently have two offers.

A.) med school
B.) a pretty good job in Japan.

I've been a pre-med japanese studies major since the beginnning and I've really enjoyed all the things of done relating to Japan. i coordinated international conferences I've studied abroad, and have become fairly fluent in the language but I always thought that I'd be going to med school in the end. But med school pretty much gaurantees that I have to break up with her because medicine is for the most part a domestic gig and i think it would be a complete waste of her talents if she came to the U.S. So no matter what I have to throw something away.

A.) gf and an opportunity in I-relations or
B.) 4 years of hard work and a fabulous future as a physician.

I think deferring will just put off the problem till next year so I need to decide now. Any opinions? Am I just some idiot in love who who needs a swift kick to get back to his senses, or should I take a chance and pursue a geniune interest in i-relations and try to make the thing work with the girlf.
I know this is an old post but we have some things in common here and I would like your advice in relation to your undergraduate pursuits and that path you might have taken. Please pm me.
 

mmmcdowe

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I know this is an old post but we have some things in common here and I would like your advice in relation to your undergraduate pursuits and that path you might have taken. Please pm me.
He hasn't posted in over a year, I would PM him if you want any chance of contacting him.
 
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kpcrew

He hasn't posted in over a year, I would PM him if you want any chance of contacting him.
He doesn't have a pm option but it looks like he's a resident now since he chose medical school over that girl.
 

wjs010

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He doesn't have a pm option but it looks like he's a resident now since he chose medical school over that girl.
maybe he did both :D No one has to end a relationship for med school. you can do both. Easy? hell no , but its possible
 
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nice to see something other than academics. But I say plenty of fish in the sea, you might find someone who shares exact similar interests and love will blossom again. :thumbup:

career first.
 
K

kpcrew

maybe he did both :D No one has to end a relationship for med school. you can do both. Easy? hell no , but its possible
Why bother? Long distance relationships are hard enough and the time difference would finish it off.
 

AestheticGod

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Why bother? Long distance relationships are hard enough and the time difference would finish it off.
Even though i'm a strong disbeliever of long distance relationships, it IS possible (mostly for asians lol).
 

wjs010

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Even though i'm a strong disbeliever of long distance relationships, it IS possible (mostly for asians lol).
I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl from brazil for 3.5 years now. Anythings possible. No, it's not easy, but I suppose my going there 3 times has made it easier :)
 

lobo.solo

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How do people negotiate sex in a long distance relationship??