Am worried about my family...

[Sarah-Jean]

I'm going to Uni in October 03 to study a BSc Radiology course. My Husband is very supportive but I'm worried about the effect all this will have on my children. I have two boys who at the moment are 19 months and 8 months old. My course lasts three years.

The chances are my boys would be going to see their Grandmother 5 days a week rather then me getting a child sitter or something similar.

My Husband is now supportive but up until a few weeks ago he was VERY against it all, wasn't supportive, didn't want me to go etc etc.

My Husband will be earning around about ?40k by the time I start and so money is not really too much of an issue, but I know he feels that this is just a whim for me because I don't HAVE to work. The thing is I've always wanted to work in a medical field and I can't seem to get him to understand that.

I'm so worried at the moment about what to do with my kids though. I'm worried that they'll grow up hating me because I left them 5 days a week for 3 years when they were little. Has anyone else felt this way about leaving their kids?

I know if I don't do this I'll regret it. I've spent the last four years regretting that I didn't go straight into uni.

Aaarrrrggghhhh!!!! Oh what kids and husbands do to us!

Love,

Sarah-Jean

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[DoubleDoctor]

My Mom always has worked full time and I had a great childhood and have a great relationship with her so don't despair. She actually laughs because when I was young she and my Dad made the choice that I would not go to a sitter so they worked different shifts (Mom is a nurse and could easily work nights) so I was always with a parent. I was very precocious and really preferred being in the company of adults so this was great for me but when I was about 4 1/2 Mom decided that I needed to learn to be with other kids so they decided to take me to a sitter. Mom tells of planning the first day at the sitter because it actually took HER a few days to get used to the idea. They both took me the first day and they were expecting a long tearfuf and heartbreaking good bye but I was like, "bye, have fun at work, see you later" and ran off and played. Mom said she then went out and bawled her eyes out in the car. That evening, when she came to pick me up, I asked her to come back in a couple of hours because my friends and I were is the middle of playing our game. I think it is harder on parents than the kids.

As far as your husband, you may have some bumpy road ahead because he may very well get resentful and upset when your schooling starts really effecting his life but stand your ground and keep the communication open. Remember that going to school and having a career has nothing to do with need, you deserve to be happy and able to follow your dreams too. Good Luck !!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nina512]

just my two cents

Both my parents worked, grandmother baby sat my siblings and I. Then when she went home, we were with a sitter, then when we were old enough we went to day care. I don't resent my mother or father for working all day. I guess what helped was that I was never alone. I had my siblings to hang out with while at the sitters. I've discussed this with my friend, who was an only child, and she said she would have been lost if her mom didn't stay at home. But she was alone, no siblings to entertain her.

I think I turned out okay. Also, I think my parents made a strong effort not to discuss their problems in front of us kids when we were very young (< 6 years old). The time we did share as a family wasn't spent arguing, but spending quality time together. We ate dinner together as a family every night. Even though I only saw my parents between the hours of 5-9, they were able to provide me with strong feelings of support and stability. I think that's the most important thing for busy parents to do.

 

[splattered]

I, similarly, was often left with a sitter / family friend / nursery school, etc.; I don't remember minding.

But each case will be unique. Just keep track of how the kids are doing, and spend time with them reading, playing, etc., and make adjustments as necessary.