An unforeseen problem, need serious advice only

[WTFRichard]

Hey Everyone,

I was accepted to my 2nd choice and rejected from my 1st choice, so I am pretty much set on where I am going next fall. Everything about the school is great (great curriculum, location, faculty, research opportunities) except for one thing- my ex-girlfriend was accepted to the same school, and fully intends on matriculating. It would be fine if the break-up was amicable, but sadly, it was (and still is) a disaster. We split about 6 months ago, and I have moved on with my life, but she can't seem to let go. She still calls me 2-3 tiomes per day and sends me 10-15 daily texts. I try to block her but she calls from unknown numbers and such. I am afraid that this will inhibit me from succeeding in medical school. What should I do? In undergrad, if I wanted to avoid someone at school, it was totally doable. Is this how it is in med school? Would our paths cross much? Again, I am set on going to this school. Any advice and/or insight is appreciated.

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[darklabel]

Hook up with another girl in med school party before schools starts and make sure she sees. Or you can take the high road and try talking to her to set things staight.

So far, the med school I've been accepted to is far away from all my ex's .

 

[SnakeOilForSale]

Don't let some crazy bitch keep you from going to the school you want to go to. Change your phone number and go about your life as if she never existed. She'll get tired of the charade eventually.

 

[JediOchoa]

 

[chillaxbro]

give her to me

 

[trino]

Don't let some crazy bitch keep you from going to the school you want to go to. Change your phone number and go about your life as if she never existed. She'll get tired of the charade eventually.

+1 to this. If she has an ounce of normal in her, then she will move on too eventually (6 months is long, but not too long). Please don't let her keep you from attending a school you love...

 

[Mad Jack]

Stop being such a bitch and just go. If she hassles you after class starts, just let administration know and they'll set her straight.

 

[JediOchoa]

use this to your advantage....i heard med school can be stressful... sounds convenient jk

 

[Oso]

Like others have said, don't let her keep you from going to the school you like. It will probably be awkward at first, but I'm sure things will work out eventually. I also think it would be helpful if you were more direct and told her upfront you don't want to talk to her/get back together, instead of just blocking her calls and avoiding her. She will have to accept it (eventually) and move on.

 

[lobo.solo]

Stop being such a bitch and just go. If she hassles you after class starts, just let administration know and they'll set her straight.

Yes!! Man up!!!

 

[yanks26dmb]

Restraining order. end of story.

 

[WTFRichard]

Disclaimer:
I am not a passive person. I was very direct with her during and after the break-up. After 3 months of being direct and literally telling her everyday, "Shelia, we are not getting back together, please stop contacting me," I gave up and tried the passive approach, eg: blocking calls, avoiding contact. So I really don't know what to do if she is in the same vicinity as me with access to my daily schedule. Typing this is getting me worried.

 

[QuinnTheEskimo]

Disclaimer:
I am not a passive person. I was very direct with her during and after the break-up. After 3 months of being direct and literally telling her everyday, "Shelia, we are not getting back together, please stop contacting me," I gave up and tried the passive approach, eg: blocking calls, avoiding contact. So I really don't know what to do if she is in the same vicinity as me with access to my daily schedule. Typing this is getting me worried.

Then go to a different school.

 

[SnakeOilForSale]

Don't be too anxious about it. It's not as if she's going to have loads of free time to keep tabs on you while in medical school. And I'll bet within 6 months of attending she'll have a new romantic interest.

 

[Life Sucks]

It so easy, just do this:

GIFSoup
When you do cadavers, stay away from her.

 

[Reckoner]

OP decides to attend school with ex. Cut to 2016...

 

[PleaseCallMeDoc]

is she hot?

 

[justAstudent]

When you do cadavers, stay away from her.

Damn, you beat me to it lol

 

[cloud.strife]

Tell her you only want to be friends with benefits.

 

[Life Sucks]

Damn, you beat me to it lol

But no seriously, OP better stay away from her when anything that deals with sharp instruments is involved...or clinical
or job related
or during rotation
But seriously OP, tell her you're a man, and she's a women, and he's a lawyer, so stay back lady. And get a restraining order or man up!

 

[DokterMom]

Disclaimer:
I am not a passive person. I was very direct with her during and after the break-up. After 3 months of being direct and literally telling her everyday, "Shelia, we are not getting back together, please stop contacting me," I gave up and tried the passive approach, eg: blocking calls, avoiding contact. So I really don't know what to do if she is in the same vicinity as me with access to my daily schedule. Typing this is getting me worried.

If you've already been direct, time for one last direct statement before going legal -- school first, then restraining order. Six months is too long for post break-up crazy. She's moved into stalking territory. If the genders were reversed there'd be no question, so don't assume that just because she's female, she can't or won't hurt you. (I'm not talking physically.) Since using your own superior physical strength is not going to be an acceptable alternative (violence in a med student?...) and you've already tried directness and ignoring her, the legal route is going to be your best bet. Document first, in case she goes all social media warfare, but protect yourself and your reputation. She sounds unstable...


Edited to remove the 'one last direct statement' bit. I always try to be nice, but with crazies, particularly potentially dangerous ones, that can backfire. Continue not responding, but document, Document, DOCUMENT.

 

[EMDO2018]

Disclaimer:
I am not a passive person. I was very direct with her during and after the break-up. After 3 months of being direct and literally telling her everyday, "Shelia, we are not getting back together, please stop contacting me," I gave up and tried the passive approach, eg: blocking calls, avoiding contact. So I really don't know what to do if she is in the same vicinity as me with access to my daily schedule. Typing this is getting me worried.

Is this chick fugly or something? Usually girl in their 20s can easily get another bf.

 

[SunsFun]

Is this chick fugly or something? Usually girl in their 20s can easily get another bf.

If I had to bet, I'd put my money on her being a hottie with an attitude. Even though she can get other guys, she doesn't want to settle and thinks she deserves him precisely because she is used to getting what she wants. Also, better-looking people, in my experience, have a much harder time coming to grips with an idea that somebody they like might not want to be with them.

 

[WillburCobb]

Is this chick fugly or something? Usually girl in their 20s can easily get another bf.

Well if she's bat **** crazy that may pose a challenge.

OP I'd be proactive. I've dealt with an ugly break up with a nut job myself. We had to live together for a month and half after the break up and she went well out of her way to make my life an absolute hell (hiding my text books and notes, that REALLY hit hard with Ochem, hacking into my computer and deleting papers and assignments, stalking not only me but by friends as well). With her being this close to you (as a classmate), her current behavior, and the stress of starting med school I can't imagine the hell she could make your life. I wouldn't hesitate to make administration or an advisor aware the instant anything starts and look into legal options.


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[JustaUnicorn]

Well if she's bat **** crazy that may pose a challenge.

OP I'd be proactive. I've dealt with an ugly break up with a nut job myself. We had to live together for a month and half after the break up and she went well out of her way to make my life an absolute hell (hiding my text books and notes, that REALLY hit hard with Ochem, hacking into my computer and deleting papers and assignments, stalking not only me but by friends as well). With her being this close to you (as a classmate), her current behavior, and the stress of starting med school I can't imagine the hell she could make your life. I wouldn't hesitate to make administration or an advisor aware the instant anything starts and look into legal options.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sheesh, sorry to hear that. Can't folks just exit a relationship with their dignity intact? Smh...

 

[WTFRichard]

Sorry for the delay, I'll add some clarification. No, she is not fugly, she is actually one of the prettiest girls I've ever dated. Half white, half Persian. I broke up with her after she cheated on me while she was out with her friend's for her sister's 21st bday. (That was just a catalyst, it was coming to an end anyway). I've never been one to judge my looks, but people say I look like a young Tom Cruise, whatever that means. (I;m 6 ft though) Just adding context.

 

[SunsFun]

Sorry for the delay, I'll add some clarification. No, she is not fugly, she is actually one of the prettiest girls I've ever dated. Half white, half Persian. I broke up with her after she cheated on me while she was out with her friend's for her sister's 21st bday. (That was just a catalyst, it was coming to an end anyway). I've never been one to judge my looks, but people say I look like a young Tom Cruise, whatever that means. (I;m 6 ft though) Just adding context.

Called it. Hot with an attitude and lack of self-control.

 

[Lord Osis]

Your life will either be

or

JK. Getting another gf usually solves that kind of problem, but it all depends on what woman you are dealing with..

 

[sobored]

You only beat crazy by being crazy yourself. Start acting all kinds of bat**** in hopes that you can scare her away. Problem solved.

 

[penguinism]

How easy it is to avoid someone in med school really depends on the size of the school and how much required class there is. Also, you'd better hope that you're not stuck in a small group with her.

You can alert the administration if it becomes a problem, but hopefully you can both be mature adults about the situation and it will resolve on its own.

 

[SnakeOilForSale]

You only beat crazy by being crazy yourself. Start acting all kinds of bat**** in hopes that you can scare her away. Problem solved.

Truer words have never been spoken.

OP, start practicing rhythmically shaking back a forth and develop a few tics. Whisper stuff under your breath about the martians watching us.

 

[samurkai]

I have to disagree with the people saying you should confront her. You're doing the right thing, OP. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Any response, be it telling her you don't want to be with her, threatening to get a restraining order, whatever, will be giving her exactly what she wants: attention from you. Whatever you do, don't speak to her, don't respond to any communications, don't do anything. You need to cut her off from the drug that is you.

If she escalates, contact the police without contacting her. I'd suggest documenting the crazy starting now (if you aren't already) for in the event that you need to make a case against her.

Hopefully, with some time and space she will move on with her life and let it go. I would not tell her that you're going to go to the same school as her until the last possible second, just in hope of expediting the letting it go process. Either way, it's a rough situation and I'm sorry you're in it, but stay the course!

 

[Reckoner]

I've never been one to judge my looks, but people say I look like a young Tom Cruise, whatever that means. (I;m 6 ft though) Just adding context.

lol

No one asked what you look like...

 

[Goro]

Get a different phone number

Hit her with a restraining order

Don't answer calls from unknown numbers (that's what voicemail is for).

Hey Everyone,

I was accepted to my 2nd choice and rejected from my 1st choice, so I am pretty much set on where I am going next fall. Everything about the school is great (great curriculum, location, faculty, research opportunities) except for one thing- my ex-girlfriend was accepted to the same school, and fully intends on matriculating. It would be fine if the break-up was amicable, but sadly, it was (and still is) a disaster. We split about 6 months ago, and I have moved on with my life, but she can't seem to let go. She still calls me 2-3 tiomes per day and sends me 10-15 daily texts. I try to block her but she calls from unknown numbers and such. I am afraid that this will inhibit me from succeeding in medical school. What should I do? In undergrad, if I wanted to avoid someone at school, it was totally doable. Is this how it is in med school? Would our paths cross much? Again, I am set on going to this school. Any advice and/or insight is appreciated.

 

[Nymphicus]

To answer one of your original questions, you will probably see her quite a bit, especially at the beginning of the year when everyone is in labs and things together. The very worst thing that I can see happening is that you are on a rotation together...! One would hope that this is no longer an issue by then.

I wouldn't let this deter you from your chosen school.

 

[XmedBarney]

Just change your choice of school. Med school is hard enough without dealing with this ****, everyone has given good advice, but that's for people who can't avoid their problems, you can - since you know for a fact she's matriculating wherever, it would solve your problem thoroughly.

 

[Ismet]

Unfortunately, med school is like high school. Gossip, stupid rumors, etc. Honestly I think there's a chance that she could make the situation even worse than it already is by spreading rumors and gossip. I don't think that you should give up your acceptance to this school just because of this girl, but you do need to be prepared to talk to administration about it, I'd say at the first sign of trouble. Unless you're the type of person who doesn't go to class and generally avoids the school except for required things, you'll probably run into her quite a bit in the first 2 years.

 

[chillaxbro]

I have an idea

Does she have any other acceptances? Tell her you're going to some other school (one where she was also accepted). She'll follow you. Matriculate at your current school. Problem solved

 

[Reckoner]

I have an idea

Does she have any other acceptances? Tell her you're going to some other school (one where she was also accepted). She'll follow you. Matriculate at your current school. Problem solved

Add a little gunner flair: tell her you're going Carib

 

[justAstudent]

I have an idea

Does she have any other acceptances? Tell her you're going to some other school (one where she was also accepted). She'll follow you. Matriculate at your current school. Problem solved

Well played sir, well played

 

[Ashley1989]

This is what you say next time she tries to contact you:
I will also be going to X school in the fall, and I am letting you know so that there will be no surprises. As far as you contacting me this much, it is not normal, I don't like it, and it needs to stop. We will never get back together. Also, I don't want you calling me, texting me, or bothering me while we are both going to X school. If you do these things while we are in school I will consider it harassment and I will be going to the administration to report you, and I know that the last thing you want is administrative problems within the the first month of school. I don't dislike you, and I have no problem with you, but you are not to text/call/email me because it's excessive and makes me feel uncomfortable, and if you do you won't hear from me but the administration. Let it go, leave me alone, and delete my information.

Just lay it out for her. She sounds like a crazy one, and the crazy ones need it dished out hard. If you're passive she will steamroll you until you break.

 

[The Buff OP]

Hook up with another girl in med school party before schools starts and make sure she sees. Or you can take the high road and try talking to her to set things staight.

So far, the med school I've been accepted to is far away from all my ex's .

Are they still in high school? kidding

 

[The Buff OP]

Hey Everyone,

I was accepted to my 2nd choice and rejected from my 1st choice, so I am pretty much set on where I am going next fall. Everything about the school is great (great curriculum, location, faculty, research opportunities) except for one thing- my ex-girlfriend was accepted to the same school, and fully intends on matriculating. It would be fine if the break-up was amicable, but sadly, it was (and still is) a disaster. We split about 6 months ago, and I have moved on with my life, but she can't seem to let go. She still calls me 2-3 tiomes per day and sends me 10-15 daily texts. I try to block her but she calls from unknown numbers and such. I am afraid that this will inhibit me from succeeding in medical school. What should I do? In undergrad, if I wanted to avoid someone at school, it was totally doable. Is this how it is in med school? Would our paths cross much? Again, I am set on going to this school. Any advice and/or insight is appreciated.

There is only 3 things you can do.

1. Every morning listen to this song.
2. Talk to her and tell her how things will be from now on. Do it like a man, make your point.
3. Find yourself a nice honey who can put some nice sense into your ex head.

I really tried not to get that whole video in the msg, just the link.

 

[911 Turbo]

Hey Everyone,

I was accepted to my 2nd choice and rejected from my 1st choice, so I am pretty much set on where I am going next fall. Everything about the school is great (great curriculum, location, faculty, research opportunities) except for one thing- my ex-girlfriend was accepted to the same school, and fully intends on matriculating. It would be fine if the break-up was amicable, but sadly, it was (and still is) a disaster. We split about 6 months ago, and I have moved on with my life, but she can't seem to let go. She still calls me 2-3 tiomes per day and sends me 10-15 daily texts. I try to block her but she calls from unknown numbers and such. I am afraid that this will inhibit me from succeeding in medical school. What should I do? In undergrad, if I wanted to avoid someone at school, it was totally doable. Is this how it is in med school? Would our paths cross much? Again, I am set on going to this school. Any advice and/or insight is appreciated.

throw away your acceptance and don't become a doctor, that'll show her!



or you can just not make such a big deal out of this, lol

 

[Ashley1989]

throw away your acceptance and don't become a doctor, that'll show her!



or you can just not make such a big deal out of this, lol

Actually, a crazy stalker ex
1) sucks ass
2) makes your life way more difficult when it doesn't have to be
3) can get exhausting

So i think it's ok that the OP is getting fed up and making a deal out of it

 

[V5RED]

Bear in mind that a restraining order will have severe consequences for her later in life if not now. Even if the school did not find out about it, residency directors would, so you could be ending her medical career with a restraining order.

Also, if you are serious about getting one, do NOT warn her. Unless your state has much more stringent laws than mine, it is not to difficult to get a temporary order filed against someone if you are female, pissed, and have absolutely no evidence that he did anything at all. If you threaten her with one, it could backfire and you could be the one with a restraining order against you.

Look up Andy Attallah if you don't believe me. In a nutshell, he turned down his ex's marriage proposal, so she freaked out on him, harassed him, then got a restraining order against him by lying to a judge. His school(NYCOM) expelled him and despite being presented with absolute proof that she lied about everything, they refused to reinstate him or allow him access to their disciplinary records about him(which is illegal).

 

[SN12357]

I wish there were more serious responses in this thread. A stalker is a horrible thing to deal with. The fact that the OP is male and the stalker female doesn't change that.

OP, things you should be doing regardless of what school you attend: ignore ALL her communications, make sure your friends understand the problem and she can't get information through them, and document everything. Literally everything. You may need it later.

Some people here have mentioned restraining orders. In my home state, you would most likely not be able to get a restraining order for the actions you have described, particularly as a man with a female stalker. It might be worth doing some research on the situation in your home state because the environment around restraining orders varies widely, both in their form and the willingness of the justice system to grant them.

I honestly would not go to the same school as her. It's a big risk. 6 months is a long time to show this type of continued fixation and medical school classes are much smaller and more synchonrized than undergrad.

 

[bc65]

I agree with the above post.

1. Document and save every voice mail, email, letter. Buy a paper calendar and document each contact the day it happens.

2. Do not reply in any way to any of her attempts at communication. If you wait until she has called you 100 times before you reply, then you have simply shown her that it takes 100 or 200 calls to get a reply. Things will only get worse. So NO contact, NO replies. For more information, please read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. He is a security expert who deals with stalkers.
You might want to get another cell phone number, while keeping the current one, so that she will continue to use your old number, unaware that you have a new one.

3. Go to a different school, preferably one that starts a week or two earlier than the one your girlfriend will be going to, but don't tell anyone , including your family, so that she will stay at the first school and won't be able to transfer in when she finds out that you're not there on the first day of school.
You will not be able to avoid her in school. In most schools, you will be in the same lectures with the entrie class your first two years. If not, you will probably still be seeing her several times a day, for hours at a time.

Don't stay in that school: The stress and fear that you will be going through on a constant basis, worrying about her, is not worth it. You won't do well, and the stress will take its toll. You will have enough to worry about without worrying aobut her.

I would be wary of telling her you're going to a different school, but staying in this one. She might outsmart you. I think you should cut your losses, go elsewhere, but keep it a secret and tell NO ONE. Yes, it will cost you something, but consider it a life lesson, bought relatively cheaply.

4. I would not involve the school. I'm concerned they will be annoyed with both of you. To them, this is just high school drama. They will be worried more about you than about her, and will probably not take the situation seriously enough, and in any case, will not be able to do much to help you. They will only have your word to go on, and are not likely to rescind an acceptance to one student because her ex-boyfriend doesn't want her there.

5. Consider yourself luck. It could be worse. You could have married her. Sometimes, you can't determine how crazy someone is in the beginning of a relationship, but if in retrospect, there were signs, you have now learned how to detect them earlier and you can avoid this sort of problem in the future.

Good luck!

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

As far as I can tell from the OP's post, he's pretty set on his school choice, which I assume means he doesn't have any other acceptances. If that is the case, I think he needs to attend this school as the alternative of no med school next year is unacceptable.

That said, I think the above two posts have some very good advice. The most important is that it is time to cut off all contact. NO responses to her texts. NO answering her calls - if it is from an unknown or blocked number it goes to voicemail. Get a new cell phone number. Save every email, document every contact attempt.

 

[Catalystik]

Any advice and/or insight is appreciated.

See a counselor. You need someone besides the collectively-wise SDN Forum with whom you can ventilate all this stress. And official documentation might be helpful.