Any Asian-Chinese premeds out there? II

[UT_mikie]

fyi, i'm not chinese, i'm korean. and out of 10 interviews, i was always the only korean there. not surprising since only about ~360 koreans go to med school each year...

Where did you get that number from? There are only two Koreans in my class including me, but I guess that makes sense demographyically.

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[mynameistino]

I have a "thing" for Vietnamese guys....every guy that I've dated (except for one Chinese guy) has been Vietnamese! My mom simply doesn't understand it. She insists that they are inherently different from Chinese people, and is still hoping that I marry a Chinese guy.

Hi, my name is Tino and im vietnamese....

 

[10minutes]

Where did you get that number from? There are only two Koreans in my class including me, but I guess that makes sense demographyically.

There are 7 in my class..

 

[spiritgirl]

How come my parents don't set me up with anyone? Man...you guys/girls are lucky!!!

i agree. why aren't my parents setting me up!? my parents expect me to go out there on my own and find a nice chinese med student to marry, all by myself-- i've gotta do all the lookin. *shakes head* !

 

[plattinum9]

fyi, i'm not chinese, i'm korean. and out of 10 interviews, i was always the only korean there. not surprising since only about ~360 koreans go to med school each year...

wow i didnt know the numbers are so low...i have three korean friends as MSI's and two korean friends as MSII's... so i thought the numbers were high..guess i was wrong

 

[microTAS]

i agree. why aren't my parents setting me up!? my parents expect me to go out there on my own and find a nice chinese med student to marry, all by myself-- i've gotta do all the lookin. *shakes head* !

 

[txguy]

I have a thing for Korean girls too , but I always end up dating Vietnamese or Chinese

-tx

 

[funshine]

Are Korean girls submissive and feminine? Do you know any Korean girls? I suggest you go out and meet a few more.

sorry, i didn't mean it to sound that way. Of course not all korean girls are like that. But from the way he so obviously preferred korean girls, i suspected it was for one of those reasons.

 

[lightnk102]

living at home is not an option.

but is distance from parents a factor for which med school you all are considering?

part of me wants to hightail it to the hills, just so i can breathe and really learn how to live on my own (imagine, i'll get to cook for myself without constant criticism! and maybe *gasp* even try cooking cuisines from other countries besides China/Taiwan). on the other hand - its nice to be close, free food, free oranges (is there really any other fruit?). plus, i think it'll break my dad's heart if i go really far. he keeps telling me it'll be nice if i'm close by, in case i get "sick", even though i haven't ever been seriously sick (not even chicken pox! natural immunity ).

 

[i77ac]

Where did you get that number from? There are only two Koreans in my class including me, but I guess that makes sense demographyically.

According to MSAR '05, there were total of 387 Koreans ACCEPTED to a medical school in 2003. Compare that to 848 Chinese who got accepted.

 

[syperidot]

So do you guys even tell your parents who you're dating or even that u are dating...cause I know if I did they would totally get nosy and worry...I think I would get even less freedom to go out. My father totally doesn't want me to worry bout boys til after med school...isn't that unreasonable.

 

[jh12]

living at home is not an option.

but is distance from parents a factor for which med school you all are considering?

part of me wants to hightail it to the hills, just so i can breathe and really learn how to live on my own (imagine, i'll get to cook for myself without constant criticism! and maybe *gasp* even try cooking cuisines from other countries besides China/Taiwan). on the other hand - its nice to be close, free food, free oranges (is there really any other fruit?). plus, i think it'll break my dad's heart if i go really far. he keeps telling me it'll be nice if i'm close by, in case i get "sick", even though i haven't ever been seriously sick (not even chicken pox! natural immunity ).

Yeah, distance from home is actually one of my biggest reasons for going to LSU in New Orleans. I was born and raised in New Orleans and that's where my parents still live. But for almost four years, I've been living alone in Houston; I'm definitely ready to head home for a while. Besides, I can always leave N'awlins when it comes to residency.

Also, you don't have to be terribly far to get independence. Houston is a six-hour drive from New Orleans, but half the time it seems like I'm in another country. Of course, that's probably because I'm "deep in the heart of Texas."

 

[palminator2003]

living at home is not an option.

but is distance from parents a factor for which med school you all are considering?

part of me wants to hightail it to the hills, just so i can breathe and really learn how to live on my own (imagine, i'll get to cook for myself without constant criticism! and maybe *gasp* even try cooking cuisines from other countries besides China/Taiwan). on the other hand - its nice to be close, free food, free oranges (is there really any other fruit?). plus, i think it'll break my dad's heart if i go really far. he keeps telling me it'll be nice if i'm close by, in case i get "sick", even though i haven't ever been seriously sick (not even chicken pox! natural immunity ).

I can totally understand wanting to get away from your parents so that you can have your freedom. However, after the initial exhilaration of freedom is gone, IMHO having to do everything for yourself really becomes another chore. I would NOT recommend living at home, but having your family close means that can provide you with support. Besides, it's not like you will have time to be bothered by your folks every day. You have your studying to do

 

[palminator2003]

So do you guys even tell your parents who you're dating or even that u are dating...cause I know if I did they would totally get nosy and worry...I think I would get even less freedom to go out. My father totally doesn't want me to worry bout boys til after med school...isn't that unreasonable.

Ummm...eventually. Are you over 18? If you are, then realize the only control they have over you is the psychological type. That is, unless they support you economically. Even then, it's not like you have to do everything they say. Everyone has to redefine their relationship with their parents as they mature into adulthood. Try and figure this out before you go to medical school because there isn't much time during medical school to sort all of these issues out. Ultimately, do what you think is best for yourself. If you think boys will be a distraction, then don't worry about them. If you think you should be dating, then start dating.

Disclaimer: This is just one person's opinion. If you totally mess up your life, it's your own darn fault.

 

[funshine]

I can totally understand wanting to get away from your parents so that you can have your freedom. However, after the initial exhilaration of freedom is gone, IMHO having to do everything for yourself really becomes another chore. I would NOT recommend living at home, but having your family close means that can provide you with support. Besides, it's not like you will have time to be bothered by your folks every day. You have your studying to do

true, but at some point in life, you have to grow up and learn to deal....chores and errands while studying and all.

OK, I don't want to start anything nasty here, but some friends were just having a discussion about how a disproportionate number of asian guys we've known are still astoundingly dependent on their parents...not just financially, but emotionally. Any thought on this?

 

[lazgirl24]

So do you guys even tell your parents who you're dating or even that u are dating...cause I know if I did they would totally get nosy and worry...I think I would get even less freedom to go out. My father totally doesn't want me to worry bout boys til after med school...isn't that unreasonable.

"you can't date till you are finish with school," my dad tells me. Not until i finish med school.

 

[funshine]

"you can't date till you are finish with school," my dad tells me. Not until i finish med school.

umm, that's extreme. I hope you're not following their advice on that.

finding the right person and getting married is not just another task to accomplish in life.
it'll take some of us a lot of time. You want to have options. You want to see who you're most compatible with.

You know, my parents were not in love when they married. It was something they did because they felt like it was the "right time" to find someone and settle down before it became too late (mom 26, dad 32). I think they had never dated anyone else. Sure, they're in love now, or as in love as they'll ever be, i guess...but seeing what my mom went through during the early years of their marriage (dad was SO not right for her), I would not want any girl to go through that.

Please do yourself a favor...though they presumably have good intentions, parents can be very WRONG on certain issues.

 

[palminator2003]

true, but at some point in life, you have to grow up and learn to deal....chores and errands while studying and all.

OK, I don't want to start anything nasty here, but some friends were just having a discussion about how a disproportionate number of asian guys we've known are still astoundingly dependent on their parents...not just financially, but emotionally. Any thought on this?

Well, let's start with the easy one: Financial dependency. It's a sweet deal if you think about it. Your parents support you and you get to do what you want without much responsibility. Plus, with the whole "must have a male to carry on the bloodline" thing, it's is very easy to be financially dependent on your parents. Plus, medical school is EXPENSIVE. If your folks don't help you out, you will be in debt up the wazoo. Also, this isn't something specific to just Chinese/Asian Americans, a lot of twenty-something Americans are sticking around home nowadays. I was going to cite this time article, but it's a paid subscription.

Emotional dependency. That's a tough one. It may be that boys are more pampered than girls in chinese society. It may also be that we're taught to keep our problems within the family. I don't know about your dads, but mine barely talked at all. So, that might have something to do with it too.

 

[jh12]

true, but at some point in life, you have to grow up and learn to deal....chores and errands while studying and all.

OK, I don't want to start anything nasty here, but some friends were just having a discussion about how a disproportionate number of asian guys we've known are still astoundingly dependent on their parents...not just financially, but emotionally. Any thought on this?

Funshine, I think it's all "to each his or her own." I don't think there's anything wrong with having parents as an emotional support base. But if a person feels constrained by their parents, they should by all means find ways to escape.

And I don't think emotional dependence has to be related to physical survival; I highly doubt that a person can make it through life without being able to handle his or her own chores and errands.

Parents aren't going to be around forever. We're all going to have to learn lessons about life eventually. I just think that some learn them earlier than others.

 

[palminator2003]

umm, that's extreme. I hope you're not following their advice on that.

finding the right person and getting married is not just another task to accomplish in life.
it'll take some of us a lot of time. You want to have options. You want to see who you're most compatible with.

I'd just like to add that you really have to figure out what you want in a mate. It isn't just falling in love, it's figuring out if you can spend the rest of your lives together. The initial rush of falling in love will fade (it isn't sustainable biologically), but having a vibrant relationship will get you through the rough patches.

You know, my parents were not in love when they married. It was something they did because they felt like it was the "right time" to find someone and settle down before it became too late (mom 26, dad 32). I think they had never dated anyone else. Sure, they're in love now, or as in love as they'll ever be, i guess...but seeing what my mom went through during the early years of their marriage (dad was SO not right for her), I would not want any girl to go through that.

Hey, maybe mom was SO not right for him

Please do yourself a favor...though they presumably have good intentions, parents can be very WRONG on certain issues.

 

[i77ac]

Well, let's start with the easy one: Financial dependency. It's a sweet deal if you think about it. Your parents support you and you get to do what you want without much responsibility. Plus, with the whole "must have a male to carry on the bloodline" thing, it's is very easy to be financially dependent on your parents. Plus, medical school is EXPENSIVE. If your folks don't help you out, you will be in debt up the wazoo. Also, this isn't something specific to just Chinese/Asian Americans, a lot of twenty-something Americans are sticking around home nowadays. I was going to cite this time article, but it's a paid subscription.

Emotional dependency. That's a tough one. It may be that boys are more pampered than girls in chinese society. It may also be that we're taught to keep our problems within the family. I don't know about your dads, but mine barely talked at all. So, that might have something to do with it too.

i have to disagree with your first comment. i, for one, have been financially independent since I was 18, and plan to continue to do be as such throughout med school. That's right, i am not going to be receiving a penny for my med school. and why should i?

First of all, we will be making enough as soon as we're doing with school/residency to pay back the loans and such. Second, why do you want to depend on your parents so much? Don't you want to be out on your own by now? how long do you want to continue this? Aren't you ashamed that you are STILL taking money from your parents when you should be old enough to make your own money? it's not about their love for us, it about us being self-sufficient and not being such lazy asses.

seriously, my parents try to convince me that they do want to help, and i am grateful for it, but i insist that i will be just fine. i can take scholarships and loans. i want my parents to spend money for themselves and enjoy their life. I get so pist to see so many of my asian friends being so damn spoiled and lazy. We need to get a grip. Going to good colleges, driving mercedes, wearing abercrombie ain't shi*t. Start taking control of your life, stop taking parents' money, and do it on your own for once. It actually feels good when you do.

 

[microTAS]

alright peeps, we need to put our heads together to counteract the parents

"you can't date till you are finish with school," my dad tells me. Not until i finish med school.

don't "date" then, go "hang out"

OK, I don't want to start anything nasty here, but some friends were just having a discussion about how a disproportionate number of asian guys we've known are still astoundingly dependent on their parents...not just financially, but emotionally. Any thought on this?

why speculate on other people we don't know when you can get it straight from the horse's mouth. Ask them why (rephrased in a nice way).

 

[microTAS]

seriously, my parents try to convince me that they do want to help, and i am grateful for it, but i insist that i will be just fine. i can take scholarships and loans. i want my parents to spend money for themselves and enjoy their life. I get so pist to see so many of my asian friends being so damn spoiled and lazy. We need to get a grip. Going to good colleges, driving mercedes, wearing abercrombie ain't shi*t. Start taking control of your life, stop taking parents' money, and do it on your own for once. It actually feels good when you do.

i totally agree. my folk's survival advice is way more valuable anyways. Yeah, i got it, they should be on Survivor!!

 

[palminator2003]

i have to disagree with your first comment. i, for one, have been financially independent since I was 18, and plan to continue to do be as such throughout med school. That's right, i am not going to be receiving a penny for my med school. and why should i?

First of all, we will be making enough as soon as we're doing with school/residency to pay back the loans and such. Second, why do you want to depend on your parents so much? Don't you want to be out on your own by now? how long do you want to continue this? Aren't you ashamed that you are STILL taking money from your parents when you should be old enough to make your own money? it's not about their love for us, it about us being self-sufficient and not being such lazy asses.

You do it because it makes sound economic sense. In the long run, being relatively debt free when you exit medical school gives you a huge leg up on the rest of your life. Don't get me wrong, I applaud you for being so independent minded. For me, it just makes sense to accept the financial assistance. Also, I am not ashamed to receive this assistance. My parents paid for grad school for all of my siblings. Besides, it's a choice of doing it all by yourself and having a really tough road or doing it with some help and having a slightly easier road. Sorry, but I'll choose the easy road. In the end, we'd still both be MD's. Your patients aren't going to ask how you got it, only if you are licensed to practice medicine.

seriously, my parents try to convince me that they do want to help, and i am grateful for it, but i insist that i will be just fine. i can take scholarships and loans. i want my parents to spend money for themselves and enjoy their life. I get so pist to see so many of my asian friends being so damn spoiled and lazy. We need to get a grip. Going to good colleges, driving mercedes, wearing abercrombie ain't shi*t. Start taking control of your life, stop taking parents' money, and do it on your own for once. It actually feels good when you do.

You need to chill dude. The road that was right for you is not necessarily the road for everyone. The way I see it, if all that your spoiled asian friends did were driving mercedes and wearing abercrombie, then they wouldn't get into medical school to begin with. Sooner or later, you'll see how long that lasts. They'll straighten out eventually.

 

[CalH22a]

I think it might be wrong to make your parents help you out financially if they work a 9-5 making like $10/hour. But if it's not a financial burden on your parents to help you out a little, then I think its alright to be economically dependent on them. I mean if your parents have the money to help out, then why not. I for one, definately plan on showing my gratitude to my parents by buying them gifts and supporting them when I get older.

 

[Newquagmire]

accepted. UCSF, Mayo, UCSD, UCSIrivine, JHU. Leaning towards SF.

i hope you're not still holding onto all of those...

 

[UT_mikie]

true, but at some point in life, you have to grow up and learn to deal....chores and errands while studying and all.

OK, I don't want to start anything nasty here, but some friends were just having a discussion about how a disproportionate number of asian guys we've known are still astoundingly dependent on their parents...not just financially, but emotionally. Any thought on this?

Hrmm, I think maternal dependancy continuing into adulthood is a universal thing. Check out this article about Italian men.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4227675.stm

That being said, my mom kicks a$$ and don't any of you say anything bad about her.

I think my parents were extremely unusual for Asian parents as they always gave my sister and I alot of freedom to date and choose the career path that we wanted. On the other hand, my Chinese friends mom calls her 5 times a day and shes a senior in college. I have another Chinese friend whos mom does the same thing. Is this kind of thing common?

 

[syperidot]

umm, that's extreme. I hope you're not following their advice on that.

finding the right person and getting married is not just another task to accomplish in life.
it'll take some of us a lot of time. You want to have options. You want to see who you're most compatible with.

You know, my parents were not in love when they married. It was something they did because they felt like it was the "right time" to find someone and settle down before it became too late (mom 26, dad 32). I think they had never dated anyone else. Sure, they're in love now, or as in love as they'll ever be, i guess...but seeing what my mom went through during the early years of their marriage (dad was SO not right for her), I would not want any girl to go through that.

Please do yourself a favor...though they presumably have good intentions, parents can be very WRONG on certain issues.

Yeah Im definitely not taking their advice...but u know what my parents marriage was a love marriage and that ended up in a divorce, so love or not its all relative. People can change for the better or for the worst after marriage...in my dad's case it was the latter.

 

[lightnk102]

Also, you don't have to be terribly far to get independence. Houston is a six-hour drive from New Orleans, but half the time it seems like I'm in another country. Of course, that's probably because I'm "deep in the heart of Texas."

Ha. For me, the "far" option is 6 hours away (Boston). The "close" option is 12 miles away (Philadelphia), at the med school/hospital that my mother works as a nurse at. It's a shame since Philadelphia would be a shoo-in (I like it more than Boston) if it wasn't a bit too close for comfort. I can't think of a faster way to lose respect among my peers than to run into my mother at the hospital during rotations, and have her fuss over me.

 

[i77ac]

i hope you're not still holding onto all of those...

i am actually. i already have withdrawn few schools that i will definitely not attend, and these are my top choices. gotta see the financial aid package. but i am planning to withdraw from JHU, UCI, UCSD some time this month.

 

[sdnstud]

I want that UCI spot. You withdraw from UCI NOW!!!

i am actually. i already have withdrawn few schools that i will definitely not attend, and these are my top choices. gotta see the financial aid package. but i am planning to withdraw from JHU, UCI, UCSD some time this month.

 

[i77ac]

I want that UCI spot. You withdraw from UCI NOW!!!

haha. i will trade you it with stanford.

 

[i77ac]

haha. i will trade you it with stanford.

oops. i thought i remembered you getting into stanford. maybe wrong person. sorry.

 

[palminator2003]

Yeah Im definitely not taking their advice...but u know what my parents marriage was a love marriage and that ended up in a divorce, so love or not its all relative. People can change for the better or for the worst after marriage...in my dad's case it was the latter.

What's with all the misandry? Ok, granted I don't know your individual situations. But, first funshine and now syperidot get hatin on their dads. I hope this is just a statistical anomaly. I don't really want to think about the other options (maternal brainwashing, really bad dads).

 

[Newquagmire]

i am actually. i already have withdrawn few schools that i will definitely not attend, and these are my top choices. gotta see the financial aid package. but i am planning to withdraw from JHU, UCI, UCSD some time this month.

ah, i forgot that things like fin aid packages exist. it's going to be fun trying to bargain with the schools to see who can give you even more

 

[funshine]

What's with all the misandry? Ok, granted I don't know your individual situations. But, first funshine and now syperidot get hatin on their dads. I hope this is just a statistical anomaly. I don't really want to think about the other options (maternal brainwashing, really bad dads).

sorry, didn't mean to rag on the dad. I think the vast majority of asians that I know have nagging moms and more laid-back dads. But it was definitely the opposite for me.

Onto another topic:

Are any of you taking a year off? Do you get annoying questions from Asian parents about WHY in the world you would want to take time off? Their minds have linked time-off w/ failure . Actually, since I'm not at home, it's my poor mom who has to defend me from all these intrusive questions.
I hate the chinese community so much, I am never going to be a part of it when I grow up.

 

[heech]

Thinking back a few years and trying to speak as a 21 year old, I could totally see what a lot of you guys are talking about. Most of us are already the cream of the crop academically, and will be cream of the crop financially soon enough. Why the heck shouldn't we be independent, right?

But now as a 28 year old, my perspectives are different. I'm successful professional, have a graduate degree from MIT, have more money than I know what to do with. I lived on a different coast from my parents for 6 years. But now I'm back... and I'm far, far closer ('emotionally dependent') on my parents today than I ever was as a teenager.

Why? Because I think this Chinese family '$hit' actually works. Seriously. You can't argue with results. Why are there so many damn successful Chinese (and east Asians)? Its not just coincidence. You wanna copy the "independent at 18" model cause thats' what you see on TV, that's what you see with a few friends? Go for it, I'm not the boss of you. But I see the successful Chinese family clans... the families that lean on each other, that rely on each other for advice and help, that turn to each other in times of need... and it all makes sense, now. My parents arent' "disrespecting me" by offering me advice and by staying on my ass... they have 3 decades more of life experience, and some of that stuff is actually still applicable (believe it or not!). And in exchange for this advice, I get the priviledge (and responsibility) of making sure my parents are taking care of later in life. That's just fine with me.

Yea, sometimes that communal and parental pressure sucks. But the best medicine doesn't always taste sweet, ya know. If you want your kids to one day have the same opportunities you have today, might make sense to learn from the model that created *you*.

I think the ones that are really in trouble are the ones that take advantage of the Chinese family's life of "priviledge"... but never learn the Chinese family's requirement for responsibility. You know, the kids driving BMWs but pulling down a 2.0 at the local JC. These kids are the ones that are gonna be hurt in the long run. The mama's boys (<- right here) that learn to apply themselves and face the world like a nanzihan dazhangfu? We'll be just fine.

 

[syperidot]

sorry, didn't mean to rag on the dad. I think the vast majority of asians that I know have nagging moms and more laid-back dads. But it was definitely the opposite for me.

Onto another topic:

Are any of you taking a year off? Do you get annoying questions from Asian parents about WHY in the world you would want to take time off? Their minds have linked time-off w/ failure . Actually, since I'm not at home, it's my poor mom who has to defend me from all these intrusive questions.
I hate the chinese community so much, I am never going to be a part of it when I grow up.

I definitely feel ya funshine...I actually took two years off and yeah Asian adults always see it as a waste of time and failure. My aunt kept on asking me what I would do if I didn't get into med school...that showed a vote of confidence on her part...but in my heart I knew I could do it. I've realized u just really have to forget bout what others think and don't let them make u feel bad... just do what u believe in. In my two years off I've matured and experienced so much I would not have would I have been studying. I feel as long as ur doing something productive and going out and doing things and living life instead of just vegging in front of a tv at home...taking time off is not a waste of time.

 

[heech]

I actually took two years off and yeah Asian adults always see it as a waste of time and failure. My aunt kept on asking me what I would do if I didn't get into med school...that showed a vote of confidence on her part...but in my heart I knew I could do it.

Not to beleager my point, nor am I challenging the life lesson you've gathered from the past two years of your life... I don't know you personally, and I know nothing about your family.

But let me pose a rhetorical question. Is it possible that it's the nagging from the aunt and other Asian adults that kept you focused on your productive med school career? Is it possible that without this nagging, you might not have kept productive and focused over the past two years of your life? That we wouldn't be congratulating you for achieving this major goal in your life?

The category of "Asians", as a whole, represented nearly 20% of those accepted into medical schools in 2004. By way of comparison, according to Census 2000, Asians represented 4% of the United States' total population. That can't be a coincidence; statistically speaking, "ethnicity" is incredibly significant in every measure of economic and academic success.

I don't subscribe to the idea of racial superiority, but I do absolutely believe in cultural and social values. And I for one hope one day you'll give some credit back to the "Asian adults" that have nagged, bothered, supervised, and spanked your ass enough to help you get in a position to succeed.

 

[palminator2003]

sorry, didn't mean to rag on the dad. I think the vast majority of asians that I know have nagging moms and more laid-back dads. But it was definitely the opposite for me.

No problem. Just wanted to make sure that asian dad's don't get a bad rap. After all, I am not a disinterested party

 

[palminator2003]

Not to beleager my point, nor am I challenging the life lesson you've gathered from the past two years of your life... I don't know you personally, and I know nothing about your family.

But let me pose a rhetorical question. Is it possible that it's the nagging from the aunt and other Asian adults that kept you focused on your productive med school career? Is it possible that without this nagging, you might not have kept productive and focused over the past two years of your life? That we wouldn't be congratulating you for achieving this major goal in your life?

The category of "Asians", as a whole, represented nearly 20% of those accepted into medical schools in 2004. By way of comparison, according to Census 2000, Asians represented 4% of the United States' total population. That can't be a coincidence; statistically speaking, "ethnicity" is incredibly significant in every measure of economic and academic success.

I don't subscribe to the idea of racial superiority, but I do absolutely believe in cultural and social values. And I for one hope one day you'll give some credit back to the "Asian adults" that have nagged, bothered, supervised, and spanked your ass enough to help you get in a position to succeed.

So, basically those years spent in total agony going to Chinese school will be worth it in the end

 

[funshine]

Not to beleager my point, nor am I challenging the life lesson you've gathered from the past two years of your life... I don't know you personally, and I know nothing about your family.

But let me pose a rhetorical question. Is it possible that it's the nagging from the aunt and other Asian adults that kept you focused on your productive med school career? Is it possible that without this nagging, you might not have kept productive and focused over the past two years of your life? That we wouldn't be congratulating you for achieving this major goal in your life?

The category of "Asians", as a whole, represented nearly 20% of those accepted into medical schools in 2004. By way of comparison, according to Census 2000, Asians represented 4% of the United States' total population. That can't be a coincidence; statistically speaking, "ethnicity" is incredibly significant in every measure of economic and academic success.

I don't subscribe to the idea of racial superiority, but I do absolutely believe in cultural and social values. And I for one hope one day you'll give some credit back to the "Asian adults" that have nagged, bothered, supervised, and spanked your ass enough to help you get in a position to succeed.

PLease tell me you are really a parent masquerading as a student on SDN~!

IS IT NECESSARILY A GOOD THING THAT SO MANY ASIAN KIDS END UP SUCCEEDING BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN UNDER RIGID SUPERVISION THEIR WHOLE LIVES? OK, SO THEY END UP BECOMING DOCTORS/I-BANKERS/WHATEVER, BUT ARE THEY REALLY HAPPY? Are they fully developed adults leading their OWN LIFE or simply carrying out their parents desires?

SO MANY ASIAN KIDS I KNOW HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TRULY INTERESTS THEM, BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, THEY WERE NEVER ALLOWED A CHANCE TO DISCOVER THAT FOR THEMSELVES! AS KIDS, THEY WERE HERDED TO VIOLIN/PIANO/TENNIS LESSONS (BUT ONLY FOR RESUME PADDING, MIND YOU--GOD FORBID YOU ACTUALLY BECOME A MUSIC MAJOR!) AND EXPECTED TO PARTICIPATE IN MATH COUNTS AND SCIENCE BOWL...you should know what i'm talking about.

FInally, by college, the more-independent minded are free to explore some subjects that they never got the chance to in high school, but by then, I believe the subconscious urge (UNnatural and forced) to major in science and go into medicine (if this is indeed, what their parents preached for them to do) is so strong, that unless they fail out of Orgo, they'll end up in medical school.

I am glad that you are so thankful to your nagging asian parents for helping you succeed at the field they chose for you. (Yeah, you know they chose it). But there are those of us who wonder what we might have become, had we been raised differently. In a way, because of our parents' narrow view of success and emphasis on security, our potential was limited to whatever fields they deemed "worthy."

I hope others respond w/ more coherent posts. YOu make some good points, and I know my response isn't totally relevant to what you were saying, but I am irked that you praise parental supervision so much, when, for most asian kids, it means their parents had WAY too much say in what they'd do for the rest of their lives.
Sorry about the caps, it was a bad choice, but i don't want to go back and change it.

 

[microTAS]

let's keep in mind that we have different parents and be careful about over-generalizations based on race. There are different kinds of chinese parents out there.

With that said, I encourage you to read Ben Carson's biography and interview and see what he thinks about his mom and family structure.
http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/car1bio-1

 

[lightnk102]

Not to beleager my point, nor am I challenging the life lesson you've gathered from the past two years of your life... I don't know you personally, and I know nothing about your family.

But let me pose a rhetorical question. Is it possible that it's the nagging from the aunt and other Asian adults that kept you focused on your productive med school career? Is it possible that without this nagging, you might not have kept productive and focused over the past two years of your life? That we wouldn't be congratulating you for achieving this major goal in your life?

...And I for one hope one day you'll give some credit back to the "Asian adults" that have nagged, bothered, supervised, and spanked your ass enough to help you get in a position to succeed.

I'm one of those individuals who, like syperidot, took a few years off before going back to medical school. I think it's just as possible that parental nagging may be responsible for the "time away" from achieving this major goal. There comes a time when you start to question how much of yourself is you, and how much of it is what your parents want. Sometimes it becomes easier to just do what your parents say, just to stop the nagging or the constant guilt (and no one knows how to give a guilt trip like Chinese parents). The easiest way to gain some breathing room so you can re-assess your situation, is to do something completely different. I would argue that for every Asian child that is helped by this constant henpecking, there is just are just as many Asian offspring who feel alienated and rejected by their parents as a result of the constant push towards 'accepted' goals.

A computer science major (which my parents disapproved of), a consulting job in New York City (which my parents equally disapproved of), and a post-bacc later, I'm on my way to medical school in the fall. True, my parents are grudgingly thrilled (they think I missed the boat because I didn't apply right after undergrad and now I'll be too old), but I'm even more thrilled that I will be attending with the full knowledge that I'm doing this for the right reasons. If parental nagging is what kept you focused on your goal, then I would seriously question the validity of this goal. If you want something - you don't need the nagging to keep you focused. After alll, we're not children at this point, we're adults.

While I do not deny the good intentions of most Asian parents, I do think that they have an unfortunate tendency to hang on way past the appropriate time. To give my parents proper credit, I would not be where I am if it wasn't for them. Yes, I needed the nagging and the spanking when I was in fourth grade and didn't want to do my homework, but at the age of 24 - really, enough is enough. One of the Asian community's greatest strengths is the unconditional support that is lent to their offspring in pursuit of their goals. However, to provide a fair view of the community, one of its equally greatest weaknesses is its judgemental attitude and complete withdrawal of support for alternative goals that do not fit in with their cookie cutter formula for success.

My dad and I always have the same argument about food, that I think is very indicative of their general attitudes:
"You're cooking your shrimp all wrong Lightnk102. There's only two ways to cook it. Steam them, or bread/fry them."
"Dad. There's more than two correct ways to cook shrimp."

He never agrees. But hey - call it generation gap or culture gap, that's the way it is.

 

[red dot]

my parents tried to hook me up with someone 15 when I was 21. now thats bad.

WHAT! oh that sucks

 

[palminator2003]

My dad and I always have the same argument about food, that I think is very indicative of their general attitudes:
"You're cooking your shrimp all wrong Lightnk102. There's only two ways to cook it. Steam them, or bread/fry them."
"Dad. There's more than two correct ways to cook shrimp."

He never agrees. But hey - call it generation gap or culture gap, that's the way it is.

You should have him watch Forest Gump. I'm sure there's a Chinese version lying around somewhere. That'll teach em

 

[syperidot]

You know what...my parents weren't the typical chinese parents...sure they wanted me to become a doctor, but they really didn't put that much effort. My dad was a gambler and gambled away most of the money...otherwise I'd be quite well off right now... so he wasn't there for the most part of childhood and my mom only graduated high school. So I took care of myself mostly when it came to school and applying to college and medical school. They didn't put me into extra classes and they didn't put me into piano lessons. Maybe they did brainwash me a bit to become a doctor, but I was in full control otherwise. In some ways I think its good...it makes u become a stronger and more independent person. I have typical chinese friends whose parents controlled their lives and they graduated from ivy league colleges and are very smart, but these guys I know are immature. Socially they're not quite there. When you talk to them they talk as if they are still in high school...in fact they look as if they're still in high school as well. They're so sheltered...especially the christian types. I feel if u really wanna succeed in America you really gotta get acclimated into society...so what if alota asian kids are becoming doctors...but we're still not the ones holding the power in the society...we choose to become doctors and engineers cause those are the safest careers for what our parents know spells success.

 

[palminator2003]

This is getting too serious and I'm getting bored. Time to change the topic:

Share with us your bizarre/humorous/traumatizing Chinese School/Piano Lessons stories!

 

[syperidot]

Anyone live in the new york city area...just wanted to know what ur guys' fav chinese restaurants are in chinatown(manhattan). I have yet to find one that's consistently good.

 

[medstudent123]

i'm not quite as old as heech, but i'm beginning to agree more and more with his points. when i was in high school, and even college, i felt the 'pressure.' but now i'm beginning to see the wisdom.

i think many of us struggle with finding 'ourselves' between the two clashing cultures. often the asian culture appears too conservative, backwards, and maybe suffocating, while the alluring 'mainstream american' culture promises individuality, freedom, and pursuit of happiness.

but dont forget that you are still asian. you could rebel against it now, you can run, but you can't hide. eventually it's going to catch up to you.

onto lighter subjects.... chinese girls are the best!

Thinking back a few years and trying to speak as a 21 year old, I could totally see what a lot of you guys are talking about. Most of us are already the cream of the crop academically, and will be cream of the crop financially soon enough. Why the heck shouldn't we be independent, right?

But now as a 28 year old, my perspectives are different. I'm successful professional, have a graduate degree from MIT, have more money than I know what to do with. I lived on a different coast from my parents for 6 years. But now I'm back... and I'm far, far closer ('emotionally dependent') on my parents today than I ever was as a teenager.

Why? Because I think this Chinese family '$hit' actually works. Seriously. You can't argue with results. Why are there so many damn successful Chinese (and east Asians)? Its not just coincidence. You wanna copy the "independent at 18" model cause thats' what you see on TV, that's what you see with a few friends? Go for it, I'm not the boss of you. But I see the successful Chinese family clans... the families that lean on each other, that rely on each other for advice and help, that turn to each other in times of need... and it all makes sense, now. My parents arent' "disrespecting me" by offering me advice and by staying on my ass... they have 3 decades more of life experience, and some of that stuff is actually still applicable (believe it or not!). And in exchange for this advice, I get the priviledge (and responsibility) of making sure my parents are taking care of later in life. That's just fine with me.

Yea, sometimes that communal and parental pressure sucks. But the best medicine doesn't always taste sweet, ya know. If you want your kids to one day have the same opportunities you have today, might make sense to learn from the model that created *you*.

I think the ones that are really in trouble are the ones that take advantage of the Chinese family's life of "priviledge"... but never learn the Chinese family's requirement for responsibility. You know, the kids driving BMWs but pulling down a 2.0 at the local JC. These kids are the ones that are gonna be hurt in the long run. The mama's boys (<- right here) that learn to apply themselves and face the world like a nanzihan dazhangfu? We'll be just fine.