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heech said:Thinking back a few years and trying to speak as a 21 year old, I could totally see what a lot of you guys are talking about. Most of us are already the cream of the crop academically, and will be cream of the crop financially soon enough. Why the heck shouldn't we be independent, right?
But now as a 28 year old, my perspectives are different. I'm successful professional, have a graduate degree from MIT, have more money than I know what to do with. I lived on a different coast from my parents for 6 years. But now I'm back... and I'm far, far closer ('emotionally dependent') on my parents today than I ever was as a teenager.
Why? Because I think this Chinese family '$hit' actually works. Seriously. You can't argue with results. Why are there so many damn successful Chinese (and east Asians)? Its not just coincidence. You wanna copy the "independent at 18" model cause thats' what you see on TV, that's what you see with a few friends? Go for it, I'm not the boss of you. But I see the successful Chinese family clans... the families that lean on each other, that rely on each other for advice and help, that turn to each other in times of need... and it all makes sense, now. My parents arent' "disrespecting me" by offering me advice and by staying on my ass... they have 3 decades more of life experience, and some of that stuff is actually still applicable (believe it or not!). And in exchange for this advice, I get the priviledge (and responsibility) of making sure my parents are taking care of later in life. That's just fine with me.
Yea, sometimes that communal and parental pressure sucks. But the best medicine doesn't always taste sweet, ya know. If you want your kids to one day have the same opportunities you have today, might make sense to learn from the model that created *you*.
I think the ones that are really in trouble are the ones that take advantage of the Chinese family's life of "priviledge"... but never learn the Chinese family's requirement for responsibility. You know, the kids driving BMWs but pulling down a 2.0 at the local JC. These kids are the ones that are gonna be hurt in the long run. The mama's boys (<- right here) that learn to apply themselves and face the world like a nanzihan dazhangfu? We'll be just fine.
Not Asian, but definitely agree. This is also the case with Jewish families. My mother pushes and gives advice (solicited and unsolicited) all the time. Usually she's right. I find that my mother has a social knack that keeps me from falling through the social cracks. Dad's usually laid back (pretending that he doesn't care), but when he gets really concerned, he'll just rile up my mom (who oftentimes is more calm in in these cases), and then she does the nagging-screaming dirty work for him.
I mean, if you think about it, this system has been the prevailing system in Europe, Asia, Africa (everywhere!) for thousands of years. It is only in the last hundred years or so (or less) that the phenomenon of "independent at 18" arose in urbanized areas of Europe and the United States. The vast majority of the world still operate by the old system. That said, I prefer to keep it at advice and encouragement, rather than coercion/harsh criticism by my old mother when I'm 40!