Ha! I'm reading the "design your own rejection letter" and figured I might as well write this. Judging by the week I'm having, it will probably come back to bite me in the ass, but I don't really care:
Dear Drexel School of Public Health,
Thank you for your interest. While I am flattered to receive your application, which was apparently mass-mailed to all the students that the
College of Medicine has not communicated with in eight months, I regret to inform you that I will not be releasing my application for your consideration for the class of 2010.
This past year has been an extremely competitive period. I do not use the word "competitive" to describe myself, however; I simply meant that I was competing with other applicants who had much higher grade point averages, and the competition was fairly one-sided and prolonged. This year saw me sending out information and essays to over twenty schools, many of which, including Drexel,
reviewed my application with the same apparent enthusiasm as a vegan being served foie gras.
Fortunately, I was accepted to a medical school. While it is not necessarily my dream school, I am excited and anxious to begin classes in the fall. Go St. George's University...well, I do not believe that we actually have a mascot. Perhaps the foot-long centipedes scurrying about campus could be our symbol. As many words rhyme with centipede, (creed, steed, stampede, reed, peed, teed, steed, deed, feed, heed, lead, mead, need, read, etc.), I believe the fight songs will flow naturally. As well as the venom when the wriggling mascots bite the cheering students.
Now if we only had sports teams...
In any case, please do not see this as a reflection of my esteem of the quality of your program. I simply do not wish to delay my path to becoming a physician any further. Furthermore, I fear that should should I complete your program and become extremely pretentious, I would be paralyzed with confusion
whenever I sign my name (would it be B.S. M.S. M.S. or B.S. M.S.x2?). My life as I recognize it would end and I would descend into near
catatonia.
I wish you the best of luck in recruiting bright, eager students into your program, and hope that we might have the opportunity to work together in the future.
Sincerely,
Digitalising.
P.S. -
Since your letter indicates that you're in contact with the College of Medicine Admissions Committee, could you please ask them to send me a decision letter? Or update my status on the website to reflect the decision that's been made? Seriously, a piece of paper with the word "No" will suffice (although I insist that it be capitalized). It can even be on the back of a scrap piece of paper - I'll just check the return address for confirmation.
Many thanks.