Any med school introverts that avoided (unstructured) social events?

[DJay4534533]

Incoming MS1 headed to school soon, and our school has the regular required orientation events, but a couple of students from my class have organized some casual events for our class to meet up & socialize in a more informal setting.



So...I’m like textbook definition on introverted. I was planning to use the week before school to just mentally prepare. The thought of going to parties/hangouts with people I literally don’t know gives me anxiety, and I honestly think I might just skip out on all of it.



I’m usually a wallflower at parties anyways, because I can only small talk for so long. Being in large group settings is exhausting for me, especially when we’re all just supposed to gather around and talk. I don’t have the energy to pipe up over all the other loud talkers in the group who monopolize the conversation and lead the charge on all the jokes.



Am I totally missing out by foregoing all the random (non-required) social events? I would like to make friends in school eventually, but I hate socializing in a casual party atmosphere. I hate party atmospheres in general. Any other med school introverts who bypassed early social events and still made it out ok? It seems like a lot of people in my class are planning to go to all the events and I don’t want to be labeled as the antisocial loser right off the bat...but I really am just not feeling it.

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[Kracin]

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[TheIllusionist]

no one cares. you do you. just do as well as you can with integrity.

 

[DJay4534533]

I'm an introvert who started school this week. I generally STRUGGLE at parties. However, for this brief period of time: everyone is very social and very easy to approach.

You should push yourself to meet people for at least the first week, see if you meet people, and then decide if you want to avoid socializing in the future. If you miss the socials you are missing the initially introduction phase and will make it more difficult for yourself to make friends in the future.

Yea, I’m going to all the required stuff. And we do have a more structured social events that I’ll attend (these are put on by my school). It’s just the parties that revolve around drinking & casual hanging out that make me uncomfortable.

 

[pinkowl250]

I had to double check and make sure I didn't make this post because I think we're the same person. I am textbook introvert as well and hate certain environments, especially with strangers and small talk (med school interviews were a struggle bus). I also don't drink, so that doesn't help. You do you OP. I think you can make a few dedicated friends regardless without putting yourself in situations where you know you're going to be unhappy

 

[Schwifty]

I just wrapped up my orientation week, and had similar experiences. Some events setup my the school and some just by the students. I didn’t go to any set up by students before orientation, but I did go to some during/after orientation and had a lot of fun. I will say that I used to be very introverted and have pushed myself for years to overcome it. But to answer your question, if it makes you uncomfortable don’t go. You are starting med school and need to put yourself in the best situation possible. Adding any extra stress to that isn’t necessary.

 

[revrick]

Same. Don't feel like you have to. You'll find your people, there are plenty of us. I'm not drowning in friends but I like the ones I have.

 

[swissnational]

Incoming MS1 headed to school soon, and our school has the regular required orientation events, but a couple of students from my class have organized some casual events for our class to meet up & socialize in a more informal setting.



So...I’m like textbook definition on introverted. I was planning to use the week before school to just mentally prepare. The thought of going to parties/hangouts with people I literally don’t know gives me anxiety, and I honestly think I might just skip out on all of it.



I’m usually a wallflower at parties anyways, because I can only small talk for so long. Being in large group settings is exhausting for me, especially when we’re all just supposed to gather around and talk. I don’t have the energy to pipe up over all the other loud talkers in the group who monopolize the conversation and lead the charge on all the jokes.



Am I totally missing out by foregoing all the random (non-required) social events? I would like to make friends in school eventually, but I hate socializing in a casual party atmosphere. I hate party atmospheres in general. Any other med school introverts who bypassed early social events and still made it out ok? It seems like a lot of people in my class are planning to go to all the events and I don’t want to be labeled as the antisocial loser right off the bat...but I really am just not feeling it.

I hope this thread has showed you that you’re not alone. I’m the same way and I’m honestly hella nervous for some of these events even the structured ones. Im very introverted myself and I get pretty anxious when it comes to trying to make friends with new people. I’ve been working on it though and my best advice would to take things slow. Don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with doing. I know people who have avoided events like those and we’re ok in the end and if that’s what you want to do I don’t think anyone should knock it. I can promise you that you will not be the only person in this situation at your school.

 

[TakotsuboOkazaki]

Activities, OP, activities.

I consider myself somewhat of an introvert. Something that always drives my social anxiety is a feel of people catching on that I am uncomfortable. I find doing something that you truly enjoy in a group setting is a way to mitigate some of that feeling because you can be immersed, just like you are when you do that activity in a comfortable setting.

It doesn't matter what the activity is, try and find a way to make it social.

You will make better relationships with people this way IMO. Going to parties with them, at a later point, will be more comfortable and allow you to be a bit more relaxed.

HOWEVER. Maybe you just don't like parties. Maybe you just don't like being around people. Also cool.

Just whatever you do, don't study the week before school. (If you must, then preview the material the night before the first lecture.)

Best of luck in school.

 

[iforget2]

Are you me? I’m the same way but I do great with smaller groups like 4 and under. I’m a second year and I didn’t go to a lot of the events that were held my first year. Try your best to push yourself to go. You’d be surprised how fast groups form and soon you’ll be outside looking in. My closest friends now are the ones I mustered up the courage to walk up to them and say Hi. Join different clubs you’re interested in that do outings like bowling nights to board game nights.

 

[differentiating]

I went through med school having only attended a single party (which I hated & felt super awkward at). It was fine. I hung out with my friends in other settings.

Do what works best for you. Parties aren't going to make or break your social life in medical school.

 

[DJay4534533]

Are you me? I’m the same way but I do great with smaller groups like 4 and under. I’m a second year and I didn’t go to a lot of the events that were held my first year. Try your best to push yourself to go. You’d be surprised how fast groups form and soon you’ll be outside looking in. My closest friends now are the ones I mustered up the courage to walk up to them and say Hi. Join different clubs you’re interested in that do outings like bowling nights to board game nights.

Haha, thanks. I definetly do plan to join some clubs to find people who have similar interests to me. I do great in small groups as well. But a lot of these events are gonna be 50+ people casually hanging around and drinking hard liquor, which isn’t really my style because I prefer deeper conversations (with sober individuals lol).

The funny thing is I would be down for wine, and chilling with a group of about 10 mellow people (max) lol. Or even going out to chat with some new students over tea & cookies haha. It’s just different settings carry a different energy. Maybe when I’m a second year, I can throw some mellow events for the lowkey people like me lol.

 

[DJay4534533]

I went through med school having only attended a single party (which I hated & felt super awkward at). It was fine. I hung out with my friends in other settings.

Do what works best for you. Parties aren't going to make or break your social life in medical school.

Thanks, I was wondering if I should just force myself to go to put myself out there because people make it seem like most friend groups are formed in the first week. But I almost always leave big parties feeling drained & like I didn’t connect with anyone.

I do definitely plan to get involved in other ways. And I’m assuming that I’m probably not going to find my other (introverted) best friends because they’ll probably be somewhere camped out in their rooms the first week as well lol.

 

[Thesimplelifeofamyloid]

I'll be honest here. Most people have little interest in making friends after 1st semester, so you're really going to have to put yourself out there ASAP. If you don't make a ton of friends, you'll still be fine, as you have a lot on your plate. It's definitely not as noticeable as living in the dorms/being in college and not having a lot of friends.

 

[FistLength]

I didn't go to a single social event in medical school, made 2 close friends despite not going to said events. People will get to know you through your work with them (anatomy lab etc), anything beyond that is not necessary if you don't need social interaction.

 

[deleted967981]

Just finished orientation. I went to 2 unstructured events and met people and did the chitchat thing. Took my husband because he’s an extrovert and a great buffer for me.

Those events were enough for me to have people to sit with during orientation, but it’s designed to throw you together with people you don’t know.

Small talk questions:

Where are you from?
Did you drive or fly in?
Where are you living? (Surprisingly asked often)
Where did you do undergrad?
How did you choose our school?

Now, I’m really bad at inane chitchat, so I was extremely happy when the conversation switched to the upcoming coursework about halfway through the week.

 

[Dr. Brightside]

I definitely have a friend group of people who never really went to any parties, although there were some parties that 90% of the class attended, and I personally liked going to them much more than I thought I would.

 

[CherryRedDracul]

You need to figure out if you hate socializing because of anxiety or true introversion.

If it's anxiety because you're worried about potraying yourself a certain way ... well, how do you act around your closest friends? Probably more like your true self. Put your true self out there. It's much less stressful trying to keep a front up than just being yourself. And if people don't like the real you? Tough. Their loss.

If it's true introversion, then you're like me. I don't have issues with going out with large groups of people, running a conversation, etc., but it can be exhausting, and I enjoy my alone time a lot.

 

[DJay4534533]

You need to figure out if you hate socializing because of anxiety or true introversion.

If it's anxiety because you're worried about potraying yourself a certain way ... well, how do you act around your closest friends? Probably more like your true self. Put your true self out there. It's much less stressful trying to keep a front up than just being yourself. And if people don't like the real you? Tough. Their loss.

If it's true introversion, then you're like me. I don't have issues with going out with large groups of people, running a conversation, etc., but it can be exhausting, and I enjoy my alone time a lot.

Yeah, maybe it’s a little of anxiety. I guess I don’t really mind a group of people either, as long as I know them. When it’s a group of people I don’t know, I find it a lot more daunting, and I prefer to deal with a smaller group of strangers rather than a large group of strangers. I can hold a deep conversation one on one with someone for hours, though. So, I guess when I’m going to a social event, I’m always weighing the potential for meaningful connection. The larger the group, the harder that becomes.

I always assumed the difference between introversion/extroversion is where you get your energy from. So, If you get an energy boost at social events with other people, and you feel an energy decrease when alone, that’s extraversion. If social events exhaust you, and you need to sit in a quiet room by yourself to “recharge,” then you’re an introvert.

So, I guess it’s not necessarily cut and dry for me. If I had to chose between being alone & going to a party with no one I know. I’m gonna go with being alone...but if it’s between being alone & hanging with family/friends that I haven’t seen in a while, I will almost always want to hang with them.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I’ve only gone to one of the non-mandatory get togethers. It was fun but exhausting. I haven’t gone to anything else. No one cares. Just don’t be a dick about it if invited and no one will hold it against you.

 

[Dro133]

Yeah, maybe it’s a little of anxiety. I guess I don’t really mind a group of people either, as long as I know them. When it’s a group of people I don’t know, I find it a lot more daunting, and I prefer to deal with a smaller group of strangers rather than a large group of strangers. I can hold a deep conversation one on one with someone for hours, though. So, I guess when I’m going to a social event, I’m always weighing the potential for meaningful connection. The larger the group, the harder that becomes.

I always assumed the difference between introversion/extroversion is where you get your energy from. So, If you get an energy boost at social events with other people, and you feel an energy decrease when alone, that’s extraversion. If social events exhaust you, and you need to sit in a quiet room by yourself to “recharge,” then you’re an introvert.

So, I guess it’s not necessarily cut and dry for me. If I had to chose between being alone & going to a party with no one I know. I’m gonna go with being alone...but if it’s between being alone & hanging with family/friends that I haven’t seen in a while, I will almost always want to hang with them.

I also tend towards more meaningful conversations when in social situations, so I understand your struggle. One thing I've realized recently though is that when I'm in larger groups, even if I'm around unfamiliar people, it can be kind of fun to shut the ol' noggin off a bit and get lost in the bull****ting and stupid humor/fun that gets thrown around. I just find that it's easier to accept it rather than fight it, and it can even be fun if you're in the mood for it (at least for me). Eventually, the energy will die down a bit and once people are a bit more chilled out, they'll tend to revert to more meaningful conversation again, which is where you can really shine.

 

[pinkowl250]

So guys, I went to our first social last night and it actually went way better than expected. I'm glad I put myself out there because I went expecting it to be horrible but actually had a great time meeting some of my classmates. Most of them are incredibly smart and we had some meaningful conversations about the most random topics. I plan on attending a few more of the low key ones

 

[swissnational]

So guys, I went to our first social last night and it actually went way better than expected. I'm glad I put myself out there because I went expecting it to be horrible but actually had a great time meeting some of my classmates. Most of them are incredibly smart and we had some meaningful conversations about the most random topics. I plan on attending a few more of the low key ones

Aye! That’s what’s up I’m glad you enjoyed it!

 

[Dwight Snoot]

Just try to go to a couple of events and make some good first impressions. If it really gives you that much anxiety its not the end of the world if you skip them-- there will be plenty of opportunities to interact with your classmates first year.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

So guys, I went to our first social last night and it actually went way better than expected. I'm glad I put myself out there because I went expecting it to be horrible but actually had a great time meeting some of my classmates. Most of them are incredibly smart and we had some meaningful conversations about the most random topics. I plan on attending a few more of the low key ones

That’s what I am doing. I will go to very few of the big ones for multiple reasons. I have a family/kids, I don’t live super close to everyone else, and I get very drained after a couple hours in a crowded room. But I will hang out with 6-7 people in a more chill atmosphere once we get in the swing of things.

 

[Osteosaur]

I'll go to official celebrations, or to celebrate after the year is up and such.

Do I go to every party ever? Nope. Do people think I'm weird for it? Maybe, but I don't really care you're an adult. Use your free time how you like with the people you like. If you want your classmates to just be professional colleagues that is fine and maybe for the best.

 

[EMS0821]

Finishing up the orientation events now from school. I really recommend that you try to go to at least one of the events; most of the people you meet in your class are friendly people. It'll certainly be easier to make friends with them now as opposed to later on in the years as groups will have formed and everyone will be busier than they are during orientation.

 

[DJay4534533]

Went to my first event, and I think I’m good for the rest of the week....lol. It was just a lot of people, who already came with their own friends (I came alone) & people were already grouped off into their own friend groups. I don’t really like interrupting conversations to introduce myself, so it was a largely uncomfortable time.

I’ll be going to the other required (more structured) events, but anything else that calls for 100+ people randomly crammed into one place so that we can “meet each other.” I’m good on that...

Besides, I know myself & I know it usually takes time for me to make friends. The large group social scene just isn’t for me, and I’ve made the decision not to force myself to suffer through just so I can meet as many people as possible in my first week (only to forget them most by next year...). I’m planning to join some clubs & organizations where I can meet people on a smaller more intimate level.

But I appreciate all the help & advice you guys have given in this thread!

 

[cookiegrub]

I didn't have any interest in making friends right away because I had a terrible experience beforehand with classmates prior. But some time during my 2nd day I found it refreshing to talk with a person who has been one my best friends throughout med school. I can't say enough how important it is to have a medical school support group. Initially everything seems doable but school gets harder with our schedule and if you are at a DO school it becomes even harder with all the practicals like anatomy and OMM. I'm glad I didn't jump into the class pool right away. Watching and learning about people before getting too involved seemed to help me find my footing. Some people were savvy and made friends with only the brightest bulb of the flock and did everything with them but I was more interested in finding people who were good humans first and when my morale was down their support was often unconditional.

 

[DJay4534533]

Went to my first event, and I think I’m good for the rest of the week....lol. It was just a lot of people, who already came with their own friends (I came alone) & people were already grouped off into their own friend groups. I don’t really like interrupting conversations to introduce myself, so it was a largely uncomfortable time.

I’ll be going to the other required (more structured) events, but anything else that calls for 100+ people randomly crammed into one place so that we can “meet each other.” I’m good on that...

Besides, I know myself & I know it usually takes time for me to make friends. The large group social scene just isn’t for me, and I’ve made the decision not to force myself to suffer through just so I can meet as many people as possible in my first week (only to forget them most by next year...). I’m planning to join some clubs & organizations where I can meet people on a smaller more intimate level.

But I appreciate all the help & advice you guys have given in this thread!

Lol, of course I spoke too soon. We had what I thought was gonna be a structured event today, but it turned out to be another unstructured meet & greet. But this time around I just sat down at a table and of course I stumbled into another self-identifying introvert & we had a really good conversation.

I was almost too embarrassed to update this thread after that pessimistic monologue I left yesterday lol, but just in case anyone else comes through, I want to let them know there’s hope. Don’t feel like you need to work the room, just find a group (or another person awkwardly standing alone) and introduce yourself & ask them about themselves. I know it sounds simple, but yesterday it felt like the hardest thing lol.

And remember some events still may be easier than others. (I feel like bonding over a plate of food is an easier task lol). Don’t focus on the people that are already chilling with the friend groups they’ve formed before med school, capitalize on meeting the people who are looking for people to talk to just like you.

But even still, do what works best for you. The good thing about these events is you can show your face for an hour (or less) and then dip out. And I know there feels like a pressure to meet all your friends in the first week, but just take that pressure off & just look at as getting familiar with your class. Even if it just means identifying a familiar face you can smile/wave at for the rest of the year.

Good luck to all present & future introverted students. Don’t think too much (for once lol).

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Lol, of course I spoke too soon. We had what I thought was gonna be a structured event today, but it turned out to be another unstructured meet & greet. But this time around I just sat down at a table and of course I stumbled into another self-identifying introvert & we had a really good conversation.

I was almost too embarrassed to update this thread after that pessimistic monologue I left yesterday lol, but just in case anyone else comes through, I want to let them know there’s hope. Don’t feel like you need to work the room, just find a group (or another person awkwardly standing alone) and introduce yourself & ask them about themselves. I know it sounds simple, but yesterday it felt like the hardest thing lol.

And remember some events still may be easier than others. (I feel like bonding over a plate of food is an easier task lol). Don’t focus on the people that are already chilling with the friend groups they’ve formed before med school, capitalize on meeting the people who are looking for people to talk to just like you.

But even still, do what works best for you. The good thing about these events is you can show your face for an hour (or less) and then dip out. And I know there feels like a pressure to meet all your friends in the first week, but just take that pressure off & just look at as getting familiar with your class. Even if it just means identifying a familiar face you can smile/wave at for the rest of the year.

Good luck to all present & future introverted students. Don’t think too much (for once lol).

I’m glad you found someone to talk to. For what it’s worth, friendships happen naturally, but only when you’re at least reasonably comfortable. Short of some cultural events that I participated in, I never went to a single non-required event in med school. They don’t interest me and I find strangers exhausting in large quantities. I just treated med school like a job, hung out with my prior existing friends, and I was fine.

 

[RooflessMD]

I feel the same way as you guys. I’m introverted and also several years older than the average matriculant at my school. I feel like I do really well socially in the structured settings like discussion sections. And I’m also really good at interacting with patients because it’s natural for me to observe and listen, not to be the star of the show. Buuuut when it comes to unstructured social events larger than 10 or 20 people, I pretty much shut down. I’m like, what am I supposed to even be doing right now? Lol

 

[jhamaican]

spent the majority of my free time sleeping.

Sleep > socialization.

Yeah not all med students are type A.

Regret nothing.

Deal with it.

 

[RNthenDoc]

Also just get out of your own head when you are at a party

Make a joke

Drink a shot, it will help

Being a normal human will make you relatable to patients, so... use that as weird mental justification to not be weird

 

[SLC]

Strong introvert here; hated that crap. Hurt me in residency apps though. Being a wallflower at pre-interview parties didn’t exactly send out a “let’s work with this guy” vibe.

 

[Billyrmd]

Try to make friends with someone on a one-on-one level and then go with them to these bigger events.

Sometimes you just have to force yourself to be uncomfortable the first 3-5 times and then you will usually be glad you dragged yourself out.

I definitely never made friends instantly either. Wish I did.

 

[ortnakas]

You’re not alone, and you won’t regret it forever if you don’t.

That said, consider this: social events will never be easier than they are that first week when nobody knows anyone and everyone will be in the same boat (including your fellow shy people, they’ll also be hiding in the corners, make friends with them).

 

[Detailfanatic]

Hey OP, I recently started M1 and I'm similar in that I am predominantly introverted. I never party; im really not into that. I usually only have a small group of friends, but if forced to I can make small talk with people but im not into that. The day before orientation, there was huge party that like 75% of the class was going to. I hate parties but thought that it was best to go so I could meet people before orientation and not be alone. there were people setting up pregames before the party that anyone could go to and at first I was like f*ck it ill go. but then panicked right before because I know myself and that im not into that. I ended up just showing up to the party (I was freaking out almost didn't go) and immediately I saw people were already talking in groups and hated everything. I saw a group of a couple guys in a corner and just went up to them and said I didn't know any one. they said the same thing and we got to know each other a bit. then people just started going around introducing themselves and then I met a few more people. then somehow I ended up just standing alone and saw one more group of 3 guys and I started to panic but when up to them and we instantly clicked. they were similar to me and no lie these are gonna be my best friends for med school. its been more than a month and we hang out and study and its been great. for the most part the class is now in their own cliques so im glad I just went for it. this was super long and weird post but whatever. I wanted people to know that there's gonna be others who are introverts and you gotta find those people. you also have to get out of your comfort zone even if its hard. It wasn't easy at all for me to get the courage to just introduce myself but it was worth it. having a support group is gonna be really important so its best to start out early. good luck for people in the future who might read this!

 

[ExcitatorySynapse]

I feel you a bit. A lot of people seem to be treating this as college 2.0 (no disrespect to them!) and I don't know why, but I can't get myself to be that way again. I've had no interest in really drinking and although I am friendly with people and have people that I hang out with (mostly because I sit in a certain lecture row or am in a program), I feel distant from everyone. Maybe it just takes time or maybe my 8 months without anyone I knew dulled me to social interactions (half serious LOL).

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Also just get out of your own head when you are at a party

Make a joke

Drink a shot, it will help

Being a normal human will make you relatable to patients, so... use that as weird mental justification to not be weird

Not really that easy for us introverts. Being sociable is exhausting. Not because we don’t want to be, just being in that setting puts us in like a flight or fight kind of thing. Feeling like you have to be on the whole time gets tiring. And just “getting out of your own head” isn’t as easy as all that.

I’m not someone with crippling social anxiety either. I just prefer to spend my time alone, with my wife and kids, or with one or two friends. Some of us get recharged by quiet and a calm atmosphere.

However I do think it’s important to occasionally participate in those types of things (not necessarily parties, but social events). It’s good to make connections for all kinds of reasons.

 

[ace_inhibitor111]

I’m an introvert and forced myself to attend all the parties and get-togethers for the first 6 months or so of medical school. The plus side is people see you there and will recognize you in class or whatever and you can talk and make friends that way. The downside is that the people who attend these parties are those who love drinking and loud music on a regular basis and will likely do the same thing for the rest of medical school. Eventually, I started rejecting the invites cause deep down I really don’t like that stuff and didn’t really maintain the friends I made so it was kinda a waste of time. Better to be selective and just attend the events that you like or that have people you enjoy seeing and not pretending like you’re an extrovert unless you plan on keeping it up for the next two years.

 

[deleted1005514]

Not really that easy for us introverts. Being sociable is exhausting. Not because we don’t want to be, just being in that setting puts us in like a flight or fight kind of thing. Feeling like you have to be on the whole time gets tiring. And just “getting out of your own head” isn’t as easy as all that.

I’m not someone with crippling social anxiety either. I just prefer to spend my time alone, with my wife and kids, or with one or two friends. Some of us get recharged by quiet and a calm atmosphere.

This. Honestly, when my school does club day or taco Tuesday or whatever, if I go into the room and there are 100+ people all having loud conversations, I’m like “nope” and head straight home.