Anyone care to critique my diversity essay?

[dippindots]

Hi guys,
Would anyone like to critique my diversity essay? I've received vastly different responses from my siblings when I asked them to read (one said she loved it, the other said to scrap it and start over) so I'd like some more opinions. This is the essay that's holding back most of my secondary submissions, so I'd really appreciate some help. Let me know and I'll PM it to you. Thank you!!

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[chronicidal]

me, as long as it's <350 words.

 

[rockafella12]

i'll take a gander at it, if you can send it to me

 

[cysky]

i can take a look if you pm it to me.

 

[235788]

I don't know if i would trust people with <50 posts

 

[Truzzi]

Sure, I've got some free time.

 

[macsta]

I can take a look at it before I get loaded with secondaries.

(I really want to see it, so I can copy it) jk.

Just be careful who you send your **** to.

 

[10Acious]

I would be willing if you're interested.

 

[paul411]

PM me.