Anyone else having trouble with their significant others?

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by drdrtoledo, Oct 25, 2001.

  1. drdrtoledo

    drdrtoledo Pharm Delicious

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    Man, I am so consumed by this med school stuff that I think I am throwing away an excellent relationship. It seems like it is all I am thinking about. Even if I try to put it out of my mind, it somehow comes up. My girl thinks I am ignoring her and says "things aren't the same". I don't mean to... but I find myself thinking about interviews and apps. Anyone else facing what I have termed "Medical School Application Induced Relationship Disorder (MSAIRD)?
    Thanks :confused:
     
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  3. I went through it and it did cost me a relationship of almost two years. Basically she said, "You aren't giving anything to the relationship." This was when I had a stack of several secondaries and an August MCAT to study for. She broke it off about a week before school started here.

    Many friends quickly told me that it was best right now that I am single. I can focus on the task at hand (getting into med school), and not have one more distraction to worry about. We shared a lot of common friends and they know both sides, aren't upset with either one of us, and constantly say it's just best to move on. We sometimes see each other quite a bit because of our common friends. It took a while to get over, but my life is somewhat back to normal.

    I know this may be a negative story, but just hang in there. Hopefully when you get your first acceptance thigns will be perfect for you two and the stress will be lifted.

    :D :D :D
     
  4. EMDrMoe

    EMDrMoe Senior Member

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    My marriage has been rather tough - and my husband has attributed a lot of it to the time I spend researching med school stuff and applying. However, our case is odd. He's applying too! We decided to go back to school on our honeymoon two years ago and it's colored our marriage quite a bit, I think. Our problems are better now, with some understanding. So, even if you are both applying, the whole process causes stress on the relationship (not to mention the stress of trying to get into the same school). Any way you look at it, though, if someone doesn't like your commitment to the medical school application, they probably won't deal well with your education schedule either. That life isn't for everyone.
     
  5. DrewFromVA

    DrewFromVA Member

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    I've been single for a year and a half now and don't see myself having the time to develop a relationship any time soon. I'm happy to be single right now though... I'm already too stressed out about getting into med school. If I were in a serious relationship I just wouldn't have the time to do both.
     
  6. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    I remember when my boyfriend was pre-med... he would always be filling out applications, writing essays or going to pre-med chat boards like this one. One day I got so pissed I just shut off his computer while he was on it... took his glasses and contacts (he's practically blind without them) and said "Listen here boy... you better show me some love or I'm going to burn these secondaries..."

    We're still together and now I'm applying to medical school! (we're 2 years apart in age)
     
  7. Pinki

    Pinki Sassy Member

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    Too funny csgirl! By the way, where are you in Ohio? I just moved to AZ from Cincinnati - miss it up there too much! Maybe I'll end up at UC or OSU! Anyway, I digress...My fiance is in the masters of architecture program here at ASU and I'm post bacc. He spends 12 hours a day at the studio - I spend that time in the lab, volunteering and at the library (oh, and did I mention, in class, too!) Thank goodness we're both TOO BUSY and that we understand how overloaded the other is. I don't know if we'd work if one of us wasn't in school and the other was a 9 to 5'r.

    That having been said, it takes great understanding, sympathy and compassion on the other person's part to put up with someone going through our process. All qualities that, in my opinion, you'd want in a partner. IF anyone isn't understanding of your need to be committed to the process, not too mention your future school and residency(ies), then they may not be of the ample character for the long haul, anyway. Sure, there are gorgeous fall afternoons I want to go on an impromptu picnic and my fiance has to work in the studio, and vice versa, nights when he wants to cook me a cozy dinner and I can't savor it long enough because of an organic chem quiz the next morning. But you give and take. And you schedule time together.

    I will say, frankly, that while "scheduling" time together and intimacy sounds lame, it does work - and it make studying that more tolerable knowing that you've got a little romp penciled in at 9!
     
  8. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    Fredona: I'm from Akron. Where I live in Akron is really a cool place. I'm walking distance from a huge mall and only a 10 minute drive form downtown.

    I think you're right about the understanding issue. My boyfriend and I are both so busy that we understand when one can't just drop everything to be with the other. But if one of us is having a crisis (like when my parents got divorced, or when he got his first rejection letter) the other will drop everything, no matter how important. It also helps that he lives in Baltimore and I live in Akron. We schedule visits about once a month... that gives us each a lot of time to prepare... to get all our work out of the way for that one weekend.

    Nebraska: Sorry about what happened... but the way I see it... if she couldn't even see you through the application process... she's not a good match. Doctors are always busy. In my opinion, the only people who make good matches for doctors are people who are also really busy (other doctors, lawyers, PhDs, professors, nurses, etc...) or people who don't mind being left alone a lot.
     
  9. Rhiana

    Rhiana Senior Member

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    I'm going through it right now. I'm having problems with my man of six years. I think it's just because we are all planning to go somewhere with our lives and we have to decide which baggage to keep and which to lose. It's really hard to have time for anyone but myself and since he doesn't have a college education I don't think he understands.I think that this happens a lot with my friends because we are just going in such different places. I don't do drugs anymore, or strip, or anything else that used to get me in trouble but my friends still do. I love them but sometimes you have to make choices.
    Med school scares me in that regard. I know that most of the people there will have very different life experiences than mine. Not that it's a bad thing but I found at undergrad I had a hard time feeling like I belonged and I'm sure it's going to be worse at med school. I've considered going to a predominatly minority college but I don't want to limit my options so early in the game. I don't know. It's a hard transition for. me.
     
  10. rpames

    rpames Optometrist

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    This pre-med stuff is tough on relationships but med school is even worse. I read somewhere the divorce rate is something like over 60% for those in med school.

    I have been in a relationship for just under 5 years now and we are still doing very well, infact I asked her to marry me last weekend, she said yes. I have been warning her for 3 years of the divorce rate I mentioned and how much stress in this field. She is OK with it and I know we'll make, hell, she puts up with me now.

    You have to find someone that understands, that they are first in you life, BUT, right now and for the next 4 to 8 years there is a very important item in your life that also needs your undivided attention.
     
  11. Hopkins2010

    Hopkins2010 Banned
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    congrats on your future wedding rpames. My fiance has been extremely supportive of me (she is not in medicine), in fact I even proposed to her while on a trip for a med school interview.

    It has been tough, especially this semester with these interviews, even moreso since she lives in a different city now.

    But she's mine for life, even with all this stuff going on I never really doubt that we will find a way to make it work, whether its going to all these interviews and the application process or working 120 hour weeks as a resident.

    To everybody in a serious (or not so serious) relationship, I would say that there will be added stress but as long as both of you know somewhat what to expect and dont try to make promises you cant keep, WHILE ALSO setting aside reasonable compromises to spend time together, then it CAN work.
     
  12. Bruin4Life

    Bruin4Life Senior Member

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    Getting into medical school can become an obsession. Currently I am single, but only one year ago I had a relationship break-up. I was too obsessed with studying for the MCAT, and the other premed stuff that I couldn't or wouldn't offer much time to the relationship. It's almost an addition, I can not remember when was the last time I didn't wake up thinking about applying to medical school, MCATs or something premed related. I know others at my school that are equallly absorbed by getting into med school, so we're not alone. It's only a transitory phase, hopefully many of us will get in and thus we can stop obsessing about this whole process.
     
  13. lamyers

    lamyers Senior Member

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    My husband knows better, and that's all I have to say about that!
     
  14. luckyduck

    luckyduck Member

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    I have had a few discussions lately with my boyfriend of three years. We have been talking about getting engaged, but I recently told him I would like to wait a little while longer before that step, because I need to figure out what I want from life first. I know that becoming a physician and having a family are what I want, but I need to figure out who exactly I have become. Being a pre-med and focusing on my goal of becoming a physician have made me really lose sight of that (I know very sad)! The stress of all of this stuff plus SENIORITIS is getting to me. I told him that I absolutely love him, but we have to work at seeing each other more often and making even the smallest moments count. We go to the same school, but due to jobs, schoolwork, different friends, etc. we don't get to spend as much ttime together as we used to. I asked him yesterday if he would be able to stand me working what seems like billions of hours when I am a resident. He simply replied, "As long as you'll have me." Times like these make me smile and make me realize that he will be with me in my future. I think that our story will be one of success, because while we've had some hard times, he has been the one to keep me in focus. The way I look at it, if we survived Organic Chemistry together, we can do anything!!! :)
     
  15. mike_D

    mike_D Member

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    Fiance of 4 years down the tubes 3 weeks ago......

    I sure hope med school is worth it...
     
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  17. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    Mike: Damn that sucks... I'm so sorry. :( Don't worry there are plenty of fish in the sea.
     
  18. luckyduck

    luckyduck Member

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    Mike,
    I am sorry :( Good luck in the future. You deserve it!
     
  19. CoffeeCat

    CoffeeCat SDN Angel

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    I haven't started applying to med school yet but my fiance already is moaning that SDN is a permanent part of our relationship! Now I ask you, what in the world's wrong with being obsessed with SDN?!
     
  20. Mike-

    I feel your pain.

    To everyone else...thanks for your support

    I am currently an eligible bachelor you can send me a private message ;)

    In all seriousness, things are just going grand for me. Gonna have a huge party tonight and an after football game party tomorrow night, and there's someone that I have been interested in since I've been here. I don't want to start anything up again. I need time away from a relationship right now, but I would like to hang out with her more before I leave this place, since more than likely i'm not going to school here even if accepted.

    Thanks again for all your supoort. Let's here some success stories to brighten up this thread a little bit.

    :D :D :D
     
  21. drdrtoledo

    drdrtoledo Pharm Delicious

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    I think Aggie brings up an excellent point. I don't want to break up with someone only to start feelings for someone else whom I cannot attend to either. I guess it might be best to take the bachelor road until I figure out where I'm going. I have gone to college for 6 years. 4 undergrad and 2 grad. Each of those years I knew what I was going to be doing the next year. This is the first time I am challenged with complete uncertainty of my future. I feel it is that uncertainty that is inflicting the stress on my relationship. If I get accepted out of state it's over. Long distance relationships is an added stress that I don't think is good for a med student.
    Thanks a lot guys for letting me know I'm not alone :) .
     
  22. andrea

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    Mike, "finding yourself" sure does hurt sometime. But I hope things get better for you, just as they did for me. I was engaged to a medical student, and I remember being so depressed that I had to watch him do what I wanted to do. (He felt that I should have children, stay at home, etc.) Long story short, we broke up two months before the wedding. Now I've been accepted to school and will start in August, completely happy and confident that I made a great decision. I know that someday I'll marry someone who considers my career as an asset rather than a liability. Follow your heart!
     
  23. isa

    isa Senior Member

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    Ended things with the guy I was seeing too... He's now a med student and didn't think he could handle that and a relationship. Funny thing is, I'm pre-med and completely understood his time restraints with school…Makes me think that there was really something else going on. But oh well, trying to revel in my opportunities. Congratulations on your acceptance, andrea. Good luck, mike_d. I know there'll be good times ahead for you. :)
     
  24. Smoke This

    Smoke This Sweet cuppin' cakes!

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    Congratulations, baylor! :D
     
  25. mike_D

    mike_D Member

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    I appreciate everyone'e sentiments. I can say that in my short 23 years that I really have not felt alone or depressed until now. I hit bottom in a way......I was a wreck for about a week. I then realized that feeling sorry for myself was a waste of time considering I'm taking 17 hours of class this semester and have secondaries piled to the roof. After a few hardcore binge drinking sessions and a few days of thinking I'm dealing with it alot better.....time heals all wounds. This experience has made me realize that we should all do what we think is best for us. The whole med school prep thing was a BIG part of why I am single now. Maybe it's best this way.....if she couldn't handle undergrad work there's no way she could handle med school. I want to go to med school for me, and hopefully that's what I'll do. Again, thanks for the kind words....I definitely need them now more than ever.
     
  26. Sarena

    Sarena Member

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    Sorry to hear about your breakup. However, I think you will realize it was for the best. If your significant other can't hang through the application process there is no way they will be able to handle med school and residency.

    I'm fortunate to have a wonderful man who understands the time constraints I'm under right now and never complains. In fact, he plans relaxing evenings for me complete with candles, bubble baths and full body massages. Everyone deserves someone this terrific. Don't settle for less.
     
  27. Original

    Original Ogori-Magongo Warrior

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    I think for any relationship to work out, the parties involved must be "into" each other, what they do, and what they like. Everyone needs someone they can gossip with about what happened at work today. I Split up with my girlfriend of 2 years just before summer because of some honesty issues. But the way I see it is that even if there wasn't such a problem, our relationship was still doomed cause she didn't give a **** about stuff I'm into like research. Of course I didn't expect her to be involved in any of my-type stuff; but to a great extent we are what we do. Therefore if you're interested in a person then by default, you're somewhat interested in what the person does. The downside to our split is that I haven't gotten any ass in the last 4 months. In any case it has boosted my self esteem to know I can survive 4 months without getting laid. :D
     
  28. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    original: Do you know what TMI stands for? J/K! ;) I totally agree with you... in order for a relationship to work, people need to be into each other and interested in at least some of the same things. More importantly they need to share the same idealogy... not necessarily the same religion. I think they just need to share the same sense of morality and set of principles and values.
     
  29. Original

    Original Ogori-Magongo Warrior

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    csgirl:
    What does TMI stand for?
     
  30. Sarena

    Sarena Member

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    I think it stands for "Too Much Information"
     
  31. NickasaurusRex

    NickasaurusRex Junior Member

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    I've found that it's more about coming to mutual understanding with your significant other than anything else. My boyfriend is almost done with law school, and even though he can't always relate to the exact things I'm dealing with, (and vice versa) we make sure to be there for each other, regardless of what is stressing us out. I don't expect him to get excited about what excites me, but I do expect him to be there to listen (and vice versa) and it works out really well. I also love that he's in a different field than me -- it really helps me keep things in perspective instead of thinking that medicine = life. (Although with all this application stuff it certainly seems that way lately!) :)
     
  32. Thumper

    Thumper Senior Member

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    I have been with my boyfriend for more than 2 1/2 years now. We met in college, transfered to UCLA (both Phy Sci majors) and are now applying to Med School. The problem with us is that we are everything to one another. We carpool together, we take the same classes, we study together, etc. I know some of you might be feeling a little claustrophobic, but he is my soulmate and I feel complete when I'm with him. Now the problem. He also happens to be really, really smart, compared to my above average intelligence. He is applying to Harvard and U Pitt, and the UC's, and I'm just hoping to get an acceptance somewhere. I am so proud of him, but I don't know if I can handel being away from him for so many years. What should I do? :( :( :confused: :confused:
     
  33. Original

    Original Ogori-Magongo Warrior

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    Hmmm that's a tough one :confused: Like my mom will say, "pray".
     
  34. jargon124

    jargon124 Senior Member

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    Here's a better question:

    Who the hell ISN'T having trouble with their siginificant others? :) ;) :(
     
  35. You just got to hope.

    Ellie, my former gf and I were just like you two. We did everything together. I just hope you have a happy ending to your story.


    Just an update on my situation...Fate and destiny make my life weird. I was walking on campus this week and ran into a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in two years. I was interested in her back then, not now. Any way, we swap phone numbers and it ends up that she has an extra pass to watch the movie K-PAX. She said that she really wanted me to go so we could catch up on old times. All in all it was a fun night. I wont' date her or anything, but it was just a time to smile and be happy and have fun with someone and not worry about the ex.

    Then this week I find out more good news...
    I'm going to Vegas for Spring Break
    I'm going to Colorado or Oregon for Winter Break.
    Nebraska beat Oklahoma.
    Texas A&M beat Iowa State.

    Things can't get worse for me...I just have to think happy thoughts.
     
  36. Jamier2

    Jamier2 SDN Hillbilly Moderator
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    Actually, I was just telling my wife tonight about this thread and about how glad I am that I haven't let this process eat up my entire life. I just can't imagine getting so wound up in all this to the point of jeopardizing my marriage (of 6.5 years).
     
  37. jargon124

    jargon124 Senior Member

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    Jamier,

    I agree, to let med school or med school admissions get in the way of a meaningful realtionship is just rediculous...My problems have nothing to do with med school. ;)
     
  38. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    Ellier: I feel your pain... my bf goes to JHU. There's less than a 1/10 chance I'll even get into a school in Maryland or DC.
     
  39. Dr. Kermit

    Dr. Kermit Senior Member

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    csgirl-

    don't say that, you could definitely try applying to u of md, gw, and georgetown. i went to school at hopkins, the commute from dc to balto is only an hour by train, less by car :)

    good luck.

    ps. my boyfriend is in philly and i'm in pittsburgh, so i know relationships can be rough.
     
  40. goldie

    goldie Senior Member

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    I have a sob story. I was in a long-distance relationship, and during the MCAT period, we stayed apart so I could concentrate. As it turned out, she started shacking up with her boss during this period, which I found out about right before finals. Such is life.
     
  41. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    Dr. Kermit: I've actually looked into those schools. U.or MAryland doesn't like out of staters. GW and Georgtown I could get into, but even for qualified applicants the chances of getting into one of any two medical schools is only about 1/10... unless your stats are well above their averages.
     
  42. Dr. Kermit

    Dr. Kermit Senior Member

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    I know U of MD isn't too friendly for out of staters, but I had a couple of friends who went there. At least try, when you get to the interview stage, they are very accomodating to applicants in the relationship stage. It's also extremely easy to get MD residency, so you can get in-state tuition your first year! Hope all of this info helps. Are you in the app cycle now?
     
  43. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    Dr. Kermit: I was actually thinking of taking a year of and living in Maryland until I can get residency... if I don't get in the first time around. Thanks for the info :)
     
  44. Scooby Doo

    Scooby Doo IEatShavedPussyCats

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    Ya'll know that I went through **** for all this and lost a great woman...actually..med school wasn't the actual reason but it was a huge problem in our foundation :(
     
  45. KyGrlDr2B

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    I just wanted to add my two cents :(. My bf and I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. We're both pre-med and going through interviews right now. Our state schools are really good so we really want to go to one of them. The catch is--can we get into the same one?? We've decided if we both get into both then its going to be a mutual decision as far as where to go. And if we only get into one thats the same, well, that's where we are headed. But I'm so worried that we won't get into the same school. And I can't handle 4 more years of a LDR, especially with the stress of med school added to it.
    The good news--he's already gotten one acceptance and another interview in Nov. I've just had one interview and another Saturday. Hopefully, being so early in the cycle will be good... SIGH.
     
  46. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    KyGrlDr: Why don't you get married? Seriously... I think the chances that a school would take you both would triple if you were both qualified and presented yourselves as a married couple who want to stay together and in their home state.

    Scooby: Don't worry.... you're a cute guy... med school girls won't let you stay single for long :)
     
  47. vixen

    vixen I like members

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    Yes I really hate boys right now :mad:
     
  48. Sim-don't hate me Ididn't do anything wrong

    For all those now single females out there I have the offer of a lifetime for y'all. A date with me in a small east central Texas town.

    Here's the scoop...
    1) I will put up an electronic application. No paper application, because I don't need anything suspicious coming to my mailbox (who knows those terrorist people could be jealous of me).
    2) I will charge a large fee to process, and I will verify your application and creditials as soon as I receive them (about 2-3 months).
    3) I will then send out another application over the net that will ask you basically the same exact questions on the previous application, but I need the money so this is another way to earn some cash.
    4) Once I receive this secondary (which must be postmarked no later than January 1st), I will place you in a stack of applications and send you a postcard stating that I am currently awaiting a decision. Although it will really be put in a filing cabinet never to be looked at again, maybe.
    5) If you should call me and ask about the status of your application, i will give you one answer. Just send me another one that is a hard copy.
    6) Maybe, just maybe after all this frustration and confusion you can have a wonderful date with me.

    If you have any questions, feel free to contact me here. I'll answer them as soon as possible.
     
  49. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    Nebraska: Is there a test we have to take? Preferably one that asks questions we'd never have to know the answers to in the real world? And will you judge us based on these test results?
    LOL!
     
  50. kutastha

    kutastha 2K Member
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    Attending Physician
    All right. This is what I've experienced and am only going to give my opinion. Take it how you will...

    Anyways, there's all this talk about midlife crises. The guy who buys a Vette at 40 because he realizes he will never be a kid again. Then, there's this sort of pre-midlife crisis I've experienced and many of my friends have. It hits you around 27 or 28. It's this sort of wrecking ball that smacks you upside the head when you relaize your life is in your hands and you're the one that will direct where it will go - no parents no profs and no one else. I don't think everyone has this, but I sure did.

    Now, I say this because a lot of what I read in these previous posts reminds me of when I was younger and in relationships like that. If it's meant to be, it is meant to be. If a significant other is upset about what it is you want to do with your life, then it's time for you to move on. If you can't reach a compromise, you may in fact be wasting each other's time.

    First off, applying shouldn't be taking up all of your time anyways, and neither should studying. Ever. You need to live your life, enjoy what it has to offer, spend time with your friends and most definitely spend time with the one you love. If you don't, you will be 40 and buying a Vetter. Now, if that person you love is not capable of dealing with your career choice, then you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart and try to find out where you stand in each other's life. Just my opinion.

    Andrew
     
  51. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member

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    My opinion is that people should just do whatever they want to do and just find someone that likes to do the same things... if you like to study 24/7 then find someone who also likes to study 24/7 and the two of you can study 24/7 together... and if that means that you're destined to buy a Vette at 40... well, then you can do that together too.
    Just my thoughts... but I'm only 20. :)
     
  52. csgirl-

    I forgot about the test aspect. Of course there has to be a test. I will lie to you and tell you that this test will predict your compatability with me, when I know it won't have any significance. It's just something else to do that will keep you busy. The test you need to take is IWTDN (I Want to date NebraskaAggieDoc2Be). If you need assistance visit your local test center so you can spend $1000+ that won't improve or help your score one bit.
     

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