Anyone willing to exchange secondary "why should we take you" for perr-review?

[Enik]

Seems like most schools have a why our school component in the secondary. I've written mine and was wondering if anyone is willing to review each others and offer feedback and overall impression. If a message you are trying to send is clear to you, it may not be always clear to the reader that does not know you.... I am finding this more and more as I'm having others review some of my secondaries. I'm sure others have the same issue.,

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