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Apprehensive girlfriend

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by Manda, Mar 12, 2002.

  1. Manda

    Manda Doc2006

    Mar 11, 2002
    Los Angeles
    I am 22 years old and my boyfriend of six years is on his way to medical school in the Fall. We are getting married either this summer or next December, but we are trying to feel things out before we make the big plunge. I am not sure what to expect as a girlfriend/wife of a first year med student. Would I be making a big mistake by moving with him. We are both from CA and we would be moving to another state, and I would be leaving all my friends and family. I know it is going to be hard, but is it unbearable??? HELP!!! Any information would be so appreciated, I am so nervous about moving!
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  3. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

    Oct 17, 2000
    upstate ny
    2 questions

    1) what do your family and friends think?
    2) what are you doing w/your life? (schoolwise-workwise)?
  4. Wifty

    Wifty Eccentrically Silly Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

    Oct 2, 2001
    Jefferson City, MO
    Hi Manda!!

    I can definitely understand your fears....its a big step to move out of state and leave everything that you know. Which state will you be moving to?

    If you are going to get married, I assume you love him very much....that is a wonderful thing. To me, the exciting thing about finding your love, is all the adventures you get to do together...just the two of you. Going off to med school is definitely one of the great adventures!!

    I have moved MANY times and what I have learned is that it is a great learning experience. Every place is different with different things to explore. You can make friends whereever you go. Sure they won't have known you when you started preschool, but they will know you on this new adventure and see you blossom and grow.

    If you are having hesitations about going with your fiance, you need to look at that. The most important person to me is my spouse and I love him more then anyone else. That doesn't mean I love my best friends or parents less, but your main connection should be with him and so, you should do the adventures that will make you closer and that are based on your relationship, not other relationships.

    There are certain things that arise in going off to med school and being the spouse. We are starting our adventure in August in Missiouri which is far from Washington where I live. I am nervous too.....I wonder about if I will miss my hubby horribly with all his studying or if I will make friends or if I will feel like less of a person cuz I am a spouse instead of a med student.
    But then I think of solutions - I will find ways to study with hubby sometimes and I plan on reading a far share of his texts; I will make friends that will have things in common with me simply because they are doing this adventure as well; and I won't let myself feel valued less because I know I could go to med school if I wanted but that I don't want to and so we are all doing what makes us happy. :) See? Solutions. :)

    I don't know if I have helped at all. It sounds like you could use some talking and sorting things out a bit. You can email me privately if you would like....we both are about to take the same step!!! Yeah!

    With smiles,
    Wifty aka Rebecca
  5. gatorwife

    gatorwife Junior Member 7+ Year Member

    Feb 28, 2002
    Miami, FL
    I went through the same situation when my now-husband started school. We actually spent his first year apart (at opposite ends of the state), and I moved closer to him for the second year (we were married half way through his second year and he is now in his third - our anniversary is next week :) ). I will not lie, it has been difficult so far, but I wouldn't trade it. Ask yourself if you really love him. If you have been together this long, I am guessing you do. As far as actually living together, we did live together, but for spiritual reasons, I do regret having done that. It is really a personal decision. Have you considered moving closer to him, but getting a roommate until after the wedding? Maybe being close, but not living together would help the adjustment to med school for both of you. Either way, good luck to you!

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