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Zyvox

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Just trying to make it through this undergrad jungle. Can't work too much because grades will suffer, less money = less going out = less chances to meet people.

Girlfriend = time + money, all things that are so precious to pre-meds

I broke up with my ex about a year ago and I haven't had any real motivation trying to go out and meet datable material. I don't have a lot of money and my car is a piece of poop. I've told myself to wait until medical school, one or more two years and then I'll be on my own and the pressures of getting in will be over. I realize the stress in medical school will be exponential to undergrad but at least I'll be on my own (live with parents now, university close to home)

Anyone else feel like this? Anyone else feels their pre-med shields are up and barricading social relationships?

I've always been good with girls that's not the problem, I just have to meet them half way.

The rich and endowed need not bother replying.
The engaged and married need not bother replying.

Ah the vicious catch-22 cycle...
 

Dendrite

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I broke up with my ex about a year ago and I haven't had any real motivation trying to go out and meet datable material.

Tip #1: try not referring to women as "datable material."

I think it's definitely possible to date in medical school; it's just that your priorities start to change. You have less time on your hands, so I would imagine that you start focusing on making committed relationships rather than casual dating.

But eh, could be wrong; just an undergrad myself.
 
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Zyvox

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Tip #1: try not referring to women as "datable material."

I think it's definitely possible to date in medical school; it's just that your priorities start to change. You have less time on your hands, so I would imagine that you start focusing on making committed relationships rather than casual dating.

But eh, could be wrong; just an undergrad myself.

Tip #2 refer to women as datable material behind their backs

Trust me I don't need any tips...I'm great with women and always respect them. I've never tried to pursue anyone just for the hormonal escapades, I want to settle down and get married. The sooner the better, but it's hard playing the dating game now.

Let's not turn this into a hate thread. I just want your opinions.
 

flaahless

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Tip #2 refer to women as datable material behind their backs

Trust me I don't need any tips...I'm great with women and always respect them. I've never tried to pursue anyone just for the hormonal escapades, I want to settle down and get married. The sooner the better, but it's hard playing the dating game now.

Let's not turn this into a hate thread. I just want your opinions.
I understand where you are coming from. And IMO, unless you apply EDP it's only going to get worse. The application cycle is a time consuming beast, between my amcas, 2ndaries, inteviews, and 2nd looks, I haven't had time for a serious relationship. Hell, I don't even know where I will be in 2 months.

I recommend you partake in those hormonal escapades.
 

Bond8204

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women = time x money

time = money

women = money^2

money = root of all evil.

money^2 = evil.

women = evil. :laugh:

...As for your point. There will never be another time in your life when you'll be surrounded by thousands of good looking, young women who are your age in a context that is, when you really look at it, as free of consequences as you'll ever have in life and as free of time as you'll ever have in your life..

Try to enjoy being an undergrad now. The future is the future.
 

bodonid

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Girlfriend = time + money, all things that are so precious to pre-meds


Lol. You reminded me of this:

girlsareevil.gif


Most have probably seen, but perhaps one or two have not.

Edit- beat me to it!!
 

Jolie South

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i don't see why anyone should "force" themselves to go out and meet people. i definitely think you should be open to the various ladies that you come into contact with, but "being on a mission for a relationship" adds a lot of pressure.

just chill. a relationship will happen when you're in a good place for it to happen. you'll meet that special lady when it's right. :thumbup:
 

bodonid

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HAH! I beat you by a matter of seconds!!


This seems like an appropriate time for me to quote the late great Colonel Sanders, when he said: "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken".
 

Bond8204

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i don't see why anyone should "force" themselves to go out and meet people. i definitely think you should be open to the various ladies that you meet, but trying to make things work adds a lot of pressure.

just chill. a relationship will happen when you're in a good place for it to happen. you'll meet that special lady when it's right. :thumbup:

I agree that being anxious about a situation with the opposite sex can make the situation more anxious.

But the OP said he deals with girls just fine. I guess it kind of goes with that "forcing yoruself to smile all day" and by the end of the day, you feel happy. If you continually push yourself to get yourself out there, rather than putz around, I think you increase your opportunities and successes at love/friendship/et al substantially.
 

Bond8204

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This seems like an appropriate time for me to quote the late great Colonel Sanders, when he said: "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken".

As wise and hilarious as our theorem. Say, do you have a boyfriend?! :D
 

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You have to look at it this way. You're not going to have any more time and money in med school, so don't use that as an excuse to not meet women. However, you also don't know where you'll be going to med school, so starting a relationship shortly before moving across the country would suck.

It's up to you when you start, but the idea that the immediate situation for dating will improve in time is often just a pipedream.
 
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I'll just say a couple of points... if you think the application cycle is too stressful/time consuming to date, it only gets worse in med school.

Once you do get to med school, be prepared to find that a significant proportion of your classmates are:
1.) married
2.) neurotic as hell
3.) some sort of robot that clearly has no desire to propagate the species
 

Jolie South

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I agree that being anxious about a situation with the opposite sex can make the situation more anxious.

But the OP said he deals with girls just fine. I guess it kind of goes with that "forcing yoruself to smile all day" and by the end of the day, you feel happy. If you continually push yourself to get yourself out there, rather than putz around, I think you increase your opportunities and successes at love/friendship/et al substantially.

i don't think the OP should hole up in his house or anything. he should definitely enjoy social activities (parties, intramural sports, hanging out at the coffee shop, etc) where there are opportunities to meet girls, but making meeting a member of the opposite sex priority one seems contrived. the time when you're NOT trying actively to get into a relationship is when you find the best relationships because all the pressure is off and you're just trying to get to know the other person.
 

Bond8204

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but making meeting a member of the opposite sex a goal kinda seems contrived.

...well...yeah.

And with that...ladies and gentlemen...Mr Dane Cook

[YOUTUBE]http://youtube.com/watch?v=27OFhBrfb9A[/YOUTUBE]
 
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If you don't want a relationship, then fine, don't worry about finding "dateable material"

If you actually want a relationship, but feel that you can't for whatever reason because you are pre-med, then I would strongly advise you to go meet some people. Pre-med may be hard for some people, but it definitely shouldn't hinder one's ability to maintain a relationship and have some fun. If it does, then you may want to consider changing some things...
 

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When you meet someone that you're really interested in, the money and time thing goes out the window. If you really have to think and weigh your option as money and time or the girl, you probably shouldn't date her. I've always thought that the 'ol "I don't have the time to date" is a cop out for "I just haven't met anyone". We all know that if there's someone that we like, then we'll magically find time to spend with that person.
 

Jolie South

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When you meet someone that you're really interested in, the money and time thing goes out the window. If you really have to think and weigh your option as money and time or the girl, you probably shouldn't date her. I've always thought that the 'ol "I don't have the time to date" is a cop out for "I just haven't met anyone". We all know that if there's someone that we like, then we'll magically find time to spend with that person.

yes, this is where i was going, but didn't quite get there.
 

Bond8204

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I guess my point is that you have to "play the game" a little bit in order to get to that point oftentimes. It's difficult for a person who you find that time for to just fall into your lap.
 

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Id advise against betting on any new relationships right before taking off for school.

agree with the others who said anything similar.


one short summer probably wont be enough to hold many people over through 4 years of separation, stress, and tight scheduling.
 

Jolie South

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I guess my point is that you have to "play the game" a little bit in order to get to that point oftentimes. It's difficult for a person who you find that time for to just fall into your lap.

i see your point, but i've personally never had luck with that strategy. maybe it's different as a female. i always felt like dudes could the smell blood in the water.

i found my husband when i swore off the "game" and relaxed a bit.
 

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I'd say it's too late at this point to start anything serious unless you happen to meet someone who'll be staying in the same city as you next year.

But I also think dating in med school will be harder because you have fewer classmates, more clasmates who are seriously involved already, and less time on your hands. And you'll probably have a harder time meeting girls who are not classmates since you'll have less time to go out.

That being said, love can happen unpredictably. I promised myself I'd be crazy, carefree, and single until 30. Instead, my casual hormone fling asked me out, I said what the hell, we fell in love, and now I'm happily engaged at 21...things happen.
 
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nu2004

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the more practice you have dating and in relationships, the better partner you will be for the person with whom you decide to tie the knot.

the decision to put career or personal life first is up to you.
 

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****in hilarious TT! If I remember the movie correctly, Steve Carrell was a pre-med for 5 years, med student for 4, and did a neurosurgery residency for 8 more years. Because of medicine, the poor guy never had any time to go out and find any tail, thus becoming a 40 year old virgin.
 

Bond8204

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Wait wait wait. If I've learned anything from television, neurosugery causes you to maintain a constant layer of facial stubble, make people call you McDreamy, and sleep with all of your nurses, interns, and OB/GYN attendings at the hospital. more like 40 years of virgins. ...wait what?
 

muireinin

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the more practice you have dating and in relationships, the better partner you will be for the person with whom you decide to tie the knot.

but isn't there a flip side? the more relationships you've had, the more likely you're carrying some baggage?

the decision to put career or personal life first is up to you.

true :( i'm leaving in three weeks, then moving to an entirely different city, so dating seems somewhat out of reach. and then who knows with medschool time constraints...
 

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It's pretty easy to get completely lost in school and studying and to entirely lose your social life if you don't make a conscious effort to keep balance in your life. I'm currently wrapping up my second year of med school and I prioritize my chores so that I have ample time to go out on dates and to hang with friends. I go out at least one night a week except sometimes on weekends after which we have a major exam. In undergrad I made even more free time than this. If you can't find time to go on dates and have fun now, it's not looking good once you get into med school. It will only get worse. You'll find yourself completely absorbed by studying for sure. You have to balance yourself out. Waiting until med school to date is like waiting until you graduate high school to learn to dress and bathe yourself without your parent's help.

I could easily study a lot more and get even better grades. Do I care? Not really. I've decided from day one that as long as I'm going to throw away most of my free time in the 20's to study medicine I might as well enjoy my life. I refuse to be one of those miserable guys who's all alone and married to his job by the time he's 40. That sucks. I prefer to sacrifice a little here and there* and have fun in the meantime. After all, it never ends, once you're in med school, you start competing for residency....it repeats all over again.

*Note: this doesn't mean I'm failing or borderline passing. Rather, I'm in the second quartile (top 1/3 of the class), but not top ten, is what I meant to say. Good enough for me.
 

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I've gone on many dates and none have really gone anywhere because the quality just wasn't there. Or they've been psycho. It's been a crap shoot for me. Always a deal breaker. I'm looking forward to med school where the people will be self-selected for good qualities like intelligence and dedication. Even though many will be married or in relationships, the handful of us that aren't will be in close proximity and definitely looking.
 

Hurricane95

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Oh man...wow.. there is NO WAY I would want to date anyone in my class. Trust me, you will eventually spend so much time together it will stink. Besides most female med students that I know (exceptions here and there...) have overbearing type A personalities that drive me up the wall...not to mention the occasional bouts of arrogance and the "I'm always right" attitude. Makes me want to puke. Not only that but I would hate to get together with my girl and talk about - you guessed it - medicine! Again! I need variety...most girls in my class eat, sleep, and breath medicine. It's too much. Aside from that I'm a more conservative guy who prefers to date traditional "good girls" and most of the girls in my class have more mileage than an '86 accord with a twice-rebuilt engine. I'm not a fan of sloppy thirds, fourths or fifths... The ones who don't are minorities who would only date amongst themselves anyway. So it's lose-lose.

I've had more luck in the past with girls in other fields. They're less nuts by far and often nicer and sweeter. Past girlfriends include nurse, law student, foreign languages/inat'l relations major and now dating a high school teacher. The teacher is super nice and sweet and I'm a sucker for that :D
 

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Won't it be harder to date when you're in med school? You'll be way busier with classes, and after that (in residency) it's only going to get worse. I feel like if I want to meet someone, I have to do it NOW, in undergrad.
 

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Won't it be harder to date when you're in med school? You'll be way busier with classes, and after that (in residency) it's only going to get worse. I feel like if I want to meet someone, I have to do it NOW, in undergrad.

Agree. Never put things off like this. There will always be someone who tells themselves "things will be better in med school" and forgoes relationships in college to focus on their studies. Then in med school the time is more at a premium and the number of single people is decreased significantly and folks tell themselves "things will be better when I'm a doctor". And this can go on and on. You should never put your life on hold to focus on school. Truth of the matter is you have more time now then you ever will in the rest of your life if you go down the med school road. You will have a LOT less free time in med school. You will have even less free time than that in residency. And after that you likely will want to focus on your career and it's actually hard to find time to date when you are working 70 hours/week at a new job. And so on. So it's all about balance and juggling. Because you have more time now than you likely ever will again (at least until you become fairly senior in your career), so unless you learn to balance now, you never will.
As mentioned above, a heavy percentage of folks will show up to med school attached. So the pool of people to select from also never gets better than you've got right now in college. Not that you should lock someone down now, but just don't think your classmates will necessarily be the same source of dating potential they were in college. Also, dating and relationships are a skill that you need to work on. Each failed relationship is part of your dating resume that helps you know what you are looking for, what works. Without this, you generally will have a harder time making good relationship decisions. So you could have years of failed relationships ahead of you if you don't get out there and make all those mistakes now, to learn from. It is not a skill you get right the first time.
If you are male, I don't agree with Jolie South and the folks who say just wait and things will happen. This likely works for attractive women, but guys always have to play the game or they quickly become undesirable hermits. You will see more than a few of these in med school. folks who never really had anything going in college, but keep hoping someone will chase them down when they have MD after their name. It doesn't work like that.
 
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Jolie South

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If you are male, I don't agree with Jolie South and the folks who say just wait and things will happen. This likely works for attractive women, but guys always have to play the game or they quickly become undesirable hermits. You will see more than a few of these in med school. folks who never really had anything going in college, but keep hoping someone will chase them down when they have MD after their name. It doesn't work like that.

yea, i think it works differently for females and since i am one that's what i was going off of. aggressive action doesn't really work out too well for us, from my limited perspective anyways.
 

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To answer the OP's question, yes I am.

I don't really like any of the women I know currently enough to try to date them. And I seem to have outgrown the "getting trashed and chasing women just for sex" phase of my life (although that may have something to do with the previously stated disinterest in my current group of female friends).

If it wasn't med school it would be something else, I just need to meet a new group of people to get excited about dating again. I have an agreement with my ex that if we're both single at 35 we will get back together, so I'm covered either way.
 

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Wait wait wait. If I've learned anything from television, neurosugery causes you to maintain a constant layer of facial stubble, make people call you McDreamy, and sleep with all of your nurses, interns, and OB/GYN attendings at the hospital. more like 40 years of virgins. ...wait what?

Mmm....deliciously sugery neuro...;)
 

Zyvox

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Oh man...wow.. there is NO WAY I would want to date anyone in my class. Trust me, you will eventually spend so much time together it will stink. Besides most female med students that I know (exceptions here and there...) have overbearing type A personalities that drive me up the wall...not to mention the occasional bouts of arrogance and the "I'm always right" attitude. Makes me want to puke. Not only that but I would hate to get together with my girl and talk about - you guessed it - medicine! Again! I need variety...most girls in my class eat, sleep, and breath medicine. It's too much. Aside from that I'm a more conservative guy who prefers to date traditional "good girls" and most of the girls in my class have more mileage than an '86 accord with a twice-rebuilt engine. I'm not a fan of sloppy thirds, fourths or fifths... The ones who don't are minorities who would only date amongst themselves anyway. So it's lose-lose.

I've had more luck in the past with girls in other fields. They're less nuts by far and often nicer and sweeter. Past girlfriends include nurse, law student, foreign languages/inat'l relations major and now dating a high school teacher. The teacher is super nice and sweet and I'm a sucker for that :D

That's so true. I would like a girl on the other end of the spectrum, artsy, intuitive, and into humanities. It's good to have someone balance you out.
 

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I think it's perfectly fine to put yourself first right now. Putting dating on the back-burner seems like a pretty normal practice for someone who is working toward a professional goal. There is a big difference between actively pursuing the opposite sex, and being comfortable single. Personally I was relieved when my priorities shifted away from actively pursuing the opposite sex.

College priorities before pre-med: 1)booze, 2)girls, 3)$$ to facilitate 1 & 2, 4)school

Priorities after pre-med: 1)school, 2)$$ to facilitate 1, 3)booze, 4)girls


Saying "no" to dating = bad. Taking a more passive role in dating = good.
 

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I'm pretty much waiting to start med school at this point. I dated a few guys during the course of undergrad, but never found anybody worth sticking with. I know it's going to be difficult to date in med school, but I figure it'll be easier to meet guys with similar interests (hopefully).
 

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I'm pretty much waiting to start med school at this point. I dated a few guys during the course of undergrad, but never found anybody worth sticking with. I know it's going to be difficult to date in med school, but I figure it'll be easier to meet guys with similar interests (hopefully).

Don't confine yourself to your class though -- that creates more drama than long-term success. Take advantage of the opportunity to meet other members of the medical community wherever you are and members of the graduate and professional school community at your institution. If you're into the young ones, you could dip into an undergrad pool, as well. The key is to not artificially limit yourself.

Once I realized I probably wasn't going to stay in the same area for med school, I stopped really pursuing the dating thing, but then didn't really meet anyone I was particularly interested in (that was single) for a while after starting medical school. Eventually I realized that, holy crap, it's been a while! Meet people now, before going to medical school - you never know, maybe they're moving there as well? Maybe you meet someone visiting your current area that's from the area of your med school? You never know. I wouldn't go buy an account at an online dating service and post an ad saying "Looking for marriage here and now," but don't put your personal life on hold either.

From here on out, you are almost always going to be busy and you will constantly be thinking about how the next step will uproot you to a new place. You need to focus on succeeding professionally and learning to embrace your personal life within the context of this.
 

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Don't confine yourself to your class though -- that creates more drama than long-term success. Take advantage of the opportunity to meet other members of the medical community wherever you are and members of the graduate and professional school community at your institution. If you're into the young ones, you could dip into an undergrad pool, as well. The key is to not artificially limit yourself.

Once I realized I probably wasn't going to stay in the same area for med school, I stopped really pursuing the dating thing, but then didn't really meet anyone I was particularly interested in (that was single) for a while after starting medical school. Eventually I realized that, holy crap, it's been a while! Meet people now, before going to medical school - you never know, maybe they're moving there as well? Maybe you meet someone visiting your current area that's from the area of your med school? You never know. I wouldn't go buy an account at an online dating service and post an ad saying "Looking for marriage here and now," but don't put your personal life on hold either.

From here on out, you are almost always going to be busy and you will constantly be thinking about how the next step will uproot you to a new place. You need to focus on succeeding professionally and learning to embrace your personal life within the context of this.

Oh, I don't plan to confine myself to my own class. I'm hoping to join a few groups and get to know people in other classes/programs/etc. Like you, I figured I'm not going to be here for med school, so why start something only a few months before leaving? If I met a nice guy I wouldn't immediately turn down the idea, but I guess you could say I'm not actively looking.
 

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Oh man...wow.. there is NO WAY I would want to date anyone in my class. Besides most female med students that I know (exceptions here and there...) have overbearing type A personalities that drive me up the wall...not to mention the occasional bouts of arrogance and the "I'm always right" attitude. Makes me want to puke.

Aside from that I'm a more conservative guy who prefers to date traditional "good girls" and most of the girls in my class have more mileage than an '86 accord with a twice-rebuilt engine. I'm not a fan of sloppy thirds, fourths or fifths...

I think saying all female med students are like this is a bit of an exaggeration. There are also plenty of crazy, socially defunct ones, ugly ones, fat ones, and plenty with various combinations of the aforementioned traits. Also even out of the attractive ones maybe only 80 or 85 percent are village bicycles. So lets be fair and not bigoted about how horrible med student women are alright.
 

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For some reason, in miami every girl i see driving a beetle seems to be pretty damn cute. I don't get it, it's almost guaranteed. And if she happens to be vegan, i don't care as long as she doesn't even THINK of turning me away from my juicy porterhouse steak (well done) :D

I propose an analogy, and you tell me what you think. You are invited to a party that starts at 8pm and ends at midnight. There will be food and beverages at said party. You choose to arrive at 10:20pm, on an empty stomach. What do you THINK is going to happen? You are going to get leftovers my friend...you are going to have to eat whatever is left out in the open on the tables, the food no one wanted or didn't like, yet lots of partygoers poked at it, prodded at it and maybe even took a taste and threw it back. And it's all cold. If you're ok with leftovers in life, then don't read the rest of my post. That's what you are setting yourself up for. You're going to date and then maybe eventually marry a woman who (in most cases, there are exceptions) didn't meet the threshold for most guys out there. Sure there will be a few great girls here and there who are newly single after being in unhappy relationships with terrible guys, but do you really want to deal with the baggage? The early bird catches the worm. Great girls who make a wonderful catch are a finite resource, especially in today's uber-liberal society.

I agree with everything L2D said (as always, the man oozes wisdom from his pores) haha. If you are a girl, especially a really pretty one, you can kind of afford to sit back and chill a bit. You have a greater chance of being approached by guys and being courted even if you are pretty inactive yourself. Girls have it easier...you can be at the gym, school, bar/club, bookstore, mall, heck even the supermarket buying some milk (in your "ugliest" pair of sweats and an old worn shirt, with no makeup) and you have a pretty decent chance of being approached, talked to, smiled at, etc. by guys as long as you look friendly and approachable enough. Maybe not so if you have on an angry face and look antisocial. But seriously, what i'm getting at here is that women can get away with taking a more passive road and still succeed. If a woman actually puts effort into it and actively starts going out to places that are fun and where lots of single guys abound she is multiplying her chances x10.

Guys don't have it so easy. Unless you happen to be Adonis reincarnated or completely loaded and displaying your wealth as a status symbol everywhere you go, women don't just flock to you. In the latter case you are attracting the WRONG type of woman, similarly to when you wait to become a doctor...since lots of women there will simply see you as a cash source for their expensive tastes. A guy who "sits and waits" and hopes to bump into his next gf randomly while following his daily routine is really setting himself up to fail, and will be alone and prospectless most of the time. You have to actively go out there look. Be aggressive and don't settle. Out of all the girls i've ever dated, only ONE of them pursued me. I chased and conquered all of the others. Had I been passive, I would have been pretty lonely all these years.

Don't get so caught up in your books that you are completely trapped by school. There are OTHER places to date besides your med school class in the future. At the very least get out there and study at barnes and noble or a quiet corner at starbucks instead of your school's lonely and musty library...these places are filled with cute girls. When your friends invite you out for a little fun, unless you have a major final the next morning, take them on the offer. Go fun places. Try something new - take dance lessons. Here in miami, of course because of the influence of latin culture, there are TONS of places to dance salsa...take a couple of lessons and you will be amazed at the quality and sheer number of great girls you can find in these places. They're a gold mine. Be optimistic and charismatic, and confident. Confidence is #1...if you aren't that confident in yourself, fake it at first, and then eventually you will slowly become confident - that's the #1 tool under your belt, regardless of whether you are a "hunk" or an average looking guy. Confidence is the main part of your game.

You can't sit and wait for the handful of pretty girls you may or may not have in your med school class. Since no one else said it, i'll be the edgy one and take the risk - most of the girls in your class will not be that pretty. take 80 or so girls and put them on a curve - that's more or less what you'll get. There will be lots of girls in the average range, a few (no more than 10) really pretty ones, and several that well, you know what i mean...i'll be nice. I'm a pretty picky guy with fairly strict standards when it comes to relationships and I don't settle. How many of those 10 will already be taken when you start? What about the other single guys in the class? There's bound to be a few of them at least who are better built than you or have more game - they will probably pursue the top girls too. THEN what do you do? Don't do that to yourself.
 

DoctorDreamer

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For some reason, in miami every girl i see driving a beetle seems to be pretty damn cute. I don't get it, it's almost guaranteed. And if she happens to be vegan, i don't care as long as she doesn't even THINK of turning me away from my juicy porterhouse steak (well done) :D

I propose an analogy, and you tell me what you think. You are invited to a party that starts at 8pm and ends at midnight. There will be food and beverages at said party. You choose to arrive at 10:20pm, on an empty stomach. What do you THINK is going to happen? You are going to get leftovers my friend...you are going to have to eat whatever is left out in the open on the tables, the food no one wanted or didn't like, yet lots of partygoers poked at it, prodded at it and maybe even took a taste and threw it back. And it's all cold. If you're ok with leftovers in life, then don't read the rest of my post. That's what you are setting yourself up for. You're going to date and then maybe eventually marry a woman who (in most cases, there are exceptions) didn't meet the threshold for most guys out there. Sure there will be a few great girls here and there who are newly single after being in unhappy relationships with terrible guys, but do you really want to deal with the baggage? The early bird catches the worm. Great girls who make a wonderful catch are a finite resource, especially in today's uber-liberal society.

I agree with everything L2D said (as always, the man oozes wisdom from his pores) haha. If you are a girl, especially a really pretty one, you can kind of afford to sit back and chill a bit. You have a greater chance of being approached by guys and being courted even if you are pretty inactive yourself. Girls have it easier...you can be at the gym, school, bar/club, bookstore, mall, heck even the supermarket buying some milk (in your "ugliest" pair of sweats and an old worn shirt, with no makeup) and you have a pretty decent chance of being approached, talked to, smiled at, etc. by guys as long as you look friendly and approachable enough. Maybe not so if you have on an angry face and look antisocial. But seriously, what i'm getting at here is that women can get away with taking a more passive road and still succeed. If a woman actually puts effort into it and actively starts going out to places that are fun and where lots of single guys abound she is multiplying her chances x10.

Guys don't have it so easy. Unless you happen to be Adonis reincarnated or completely loaded and displaying your wealth as a status symbol everywhere you go, women don't just flock to you. In the latter case you are attracting the WRONG type of woman, similarly to when you wait to become a doctor...since lots of women there will simply see you as a cash source for their expensive tastes. A guy who "sits and waits" and hopes to bump into his next gf randomly while following his daily routine is really setting himself up to fail, and will be alone and prospectless most of the time. You have to actively go out there look. Be aggressive and don't settle. Out of all the girls i've ever dated, only ONE of them pursued me. I chased and conquered all of the others. Had I been passive, I would have been pretty lonely all these years.

Don't get so caught up in your books that you are completely trapped by school. There are OTHER places to date besides your med school class in the future. At the very least get out there and study at barnes and noble or a quiet corner at starbucks instead of your school's lonely and musty library...these places are filled with cute girls. When your friends invite you out for a little fun, unless you have a major final the next morning, take them on the offer. Go fun places. Try something new - take dance lessons. Here in miami, of course because of the influence of latin culture, there are TONS of places to dance salsa...take a couple of lessons and you will be amazed at the quality and sheer number of great girls you can find in these places. They're a gold mine. Be optimistic and charismatic, and confident. Confidence is #1...if you aren't that confident in yourself, fake it at first, and then eventually you will slowly become confident - that's the #1 tool under your belt, regardless of whether you are a "hunk" or an average looking guy. Confidence is the main part of your game.

You can't sit and wait for the handful of pretty girls you may or may not have in your med school class. Since no one else said it, i'll be the edgy one and take the risk - most of the girls in your class will not be that pretty. take 80 or so girls and put them on a curve - that's more or less what you'll get. There will be lots of girls in the average range, a few (no more than 10) really pretty ones, and several that well, you know what i mean...i'll be nice. I'm a pretty picky guy with fairly strict standards when it comes to relationships and I don't settle. How many of those 10 will already be taken when you start? What about the other single guys in the class? There's bound to be a few of them at least who are better built than you or have more game - they will probably pursue the top girls too. THEN what do you do? Don't do that to yourself.

I agree with most of this post, but as always, there are exceptions (I like to think I am one. ;))

My question is, for those of you starting school in the fall and waiting to date, when you start school, are you going to date? OR are you going to put it off till you start to get the grasp of med school, get a part time job for extra cash, finish anatomy so you don't stink all the time, get to know the city so you don't look like a fool... Are you going to pursue that cute girl in class, or are you going to worry about med school rumors and complications?

Life is happening now, and while I understand and for the most part agree with the idea of not starting a relationship right before moving, make sure you're not just stalling to find yourself stalling for a different reason in August... That is, unless you don't want to be in a relationship... Then, please, stall all you want...
 

SBBunny

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I propose an analogy, and you tell me what you think. You are invited to a party that starts at 8pm and ends at midnight. There will be food and beverages at said party. You choose to arrive at 10:20pm, on an empty stomach. What do you THINK is going to happen? You are going to get leftovers my friend...you are going to have to eat whatever is left out in the open on the tables, the food no one wanted or didn't like, yet lots of partygoers poked at it, prodded at it and maybe even took a taste and threw it back. And it's all cold. If you're ok with leftovers in life, then don't read the rest of my post. That's what you are setting yourself up for. You're going to date and then maybe eventually marry a woman who (in most cases, there are exceptions) didn't meet the threshold for most guys out there. Sure there will be a few great girls here and there who are newly single after being in unhappy relationships with terrible guys, but do you really want to deal with the baggage? The early bird catches the worm. Great girls who make a wonderful catch are a finite resource, especially in today's uber-liberal society.

I'd like to think that men and women can't be ranked and that there aren't people who are specifically "great catches." Everyone has lots of great attributes and lots of flaws. Dating shouldn't be like buying a car. You're getting to know a PERSON, not just a nice set of organs to spawn your future progeny. As long as you're honest about yourself, friendly, and social, you can find someone who you will really enjoy being with. If you don't think that you can sustain a relationship right now, that's OKAY. If meeting someone is important to you, you can find time to date in medical school or beyond (sure it may not be supremely easy, but people still do it). Nobody's running out of time and nobody is going to be "leftover."

Of course, that's what I'd like to think. Maybe I'm a typical "stale leftover." My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I was his "silver medal" because the girl he really liked was dating a loser from her home town. He was, at one point, trying to convince me to give up medicine and go for a Master's in Chemistry so that I could support him in his career. He talked about marriage and having kids kind-of-a lot. Yet, he treated me like dirt. I dumped him because I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than have to put up with that manipulative, mean guy. Here's my take home message: Think of all the people get spurned by their "safety schools." Dour old bags (so, I'm 22 and already "over the hill"???) like me are the same way. We'll find people who genuinely like us and aren't going to compare us to an old party platter.

-SB Bunny (the "S" is for single, the "B" is for bitter).

(no, that's not at all what I originally intended the SB to stand for when I created my account)
 

Law2Doc

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I'd like to think that men and women can't be ranked and that there aren't people who are specifically "great catches." Everyone has lots of great attributes and lots of flaws. Dating shouldn't be like buying a car. You're getting to know a PERSON, not just a nice set of organs to spawn your future progeny. As long as you're honest about yourself, friendly, and social, you can find someone who you will really enjoy being with. If you don't think that you can sustain a relationship right now, that's OKAY. If meeting someone is important to you, you can find time to date in medical school or beyond (sure it may not be supremely easy, but people still do it). Nobody's running out of time and nobody is going to be "leftover."

Of course, that's what I'd like to think. Maybe I'm a typical "stale leftover." My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I was his "silver medal" because the girl he really liked was dating a loser from her home town. He was, at one point, trying to convince me to give up medicine and go for a Master's in Chemistry so that I could support him in his career. He talked about marriage and having kids kind-of-a lot. Yet, he treated me like dirt. I dumped him because I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than have to put up with that manipulative, mean guy. Here's my take home message: Think of all the people get spurned by their "safety schools." Dour old bags (so, I'm 22 and already "over the hill"???) like me are the same way. We'll find people who genuinely like us and aren't going to compare us to an old party platter.

-SB Bunny (the "S" is for single, the "B" is for bitter).

(no, that's not at all what I originally intended the SB to stand for when I created my account)

Good relationships are built on the foundation of failed ones. Every bad experience helps you know what to look for and look out for the next time around. If you don't have some of these experiences in college, you are likely to still be due for some later on, when you don't really have the time for the drama. So your story is a strong argument for not waiting. Get out there and get burned once or twice. It will streamline the process later.
 

EkLiLiaN

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Good relationships are built on the foundation of failed ones. Every bad experience helps you know what to look for and look out for the next time around. If you don't have some of these experiences in college, you are likely to still be due for some later on, when you don't really have the time for the drama. So your story is a strong argument for not waiting. Get out there and get burned once or twice. It will streamline the process later.

I do agree on some level...but sometimes, you don't need a failed relationships to end up having a relationship that worked so well due to your experiences. You can work things out even in that one relationship that you have.
 

Hurricane95

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To SBBunny: you need a guy who is FAR better than that...you're 22 (super young) and in your prime. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Get out there and meet someone who respects you, treats you as HIS gold medal and will make you happy.

I have a feeling your ex-bf will be the leftover NO woman is going to want to put up with. Be glad you dumped his sorry a$$ and are able to move on. :)
 

Handy388

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my friends are getting married, I am just going to medical school, tragic.

oh, and SBbunny? Your first couple relationships will always tend to mess you up.
 
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