asking for letter of recommendation question

[SeroSanguinous100]

I am in an undergraduate health program and want to go to graduate school for psych. Sorry for being deliberately vague. Anyway, there is only one psych person at my school and I actually had an argument with this person (really stressed and overworked, poor judgement on my part) and had to talk to the dean with this teacher. The teacher was really nice at this time and said if I was having troubles and stress I could speak with them about it. Anyway, I want to go to graduate school for a psych career and am considering approaching this person for a letter. I am doing a lot better in my school now so I think the teacher will see it was an isolated incident. I thought it would be good to show I can get along with everyone by getting a letter from the same teacher I had a little problem with.
Do you think this is possible or advisable? Or should I forget it and focus on developing relationships with others in time to apply?

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[Euxox]

I am in an undergraduate health program and want to go to graduate school for psych. Sorry for being deliberately vague. Anyway, there is only one psych person at my school and I actually had an argument with this person (really stressed and overworked, poor judgement on my part) and had to talk to the dean with this teacher. The teacher was really nice at this time and said if I was having troubles and stress I could speak with them about it. Anyway, I want to go to graduate school for a psych career and am considering approaching this person for a letter. I am doing a lot better in my school now so I think the teacher will see it was an isolated incident. I thought it would be good to show I can get along with everyone by getting a letter from the same teacher I had a little problem with.
Do you think this is possible or advisable? Or should I forget it and focus on developing relationships with others in time to apply?

It's hard for us to judge the current status of the relationship between you and your teacher, but if you have even the slightest inkling that a mention of this argument might make its way into this teacher's letter of recommendation, absolutely do not ask for one. A single negative statement in an otherwise positive letter can sink your application.

See page 130 of this This Power Point for examples. Both of those letters only contain two or three negative words, and yet Loyola SoM apparently thinks that this is egregious enough to lump them together with the letter that was written in Italian. Also see page 127 for a letter from the premed committee where they mention that the applicant has gotten into arguments with administrative staff multiple times.

 

[SeroSanguinous100]

I guess I have to stay positive. I think if the person thinks they can't write a positive letter (not mentioning my outburst/argument) they would flat out say no? I still dislike this person for notifying the dean of what happened, although I did have a pretty alarming outburst where I accused the teacher of some pretty serious things (though I was partially kidding). The teacher was nice to me the next time they saw me and I did apologize and take complete responsibility when I met with them and the dean. I do hate this person for getting me in trouble over nothing. Teacher is lucky I did not continue with my allegations since he/she would be fired had I. Sorry still pretty pissed about the idea of not being able to secure a letter of recommendation because this --- --- turned me into the dean for calling them on their --- ---.

 

[rachel993]

This is a kind of sticky situation. . . I had kind of a similar issue. I had to ask my medical spanish teacher to meet with me because I thought my grade in her class was unfair. we didnt even argue, I actually started crying because I didn't want the meeting to put a bad taste in her mouth about me. She kept reassuring me that it wouldn't (and she actually agreed with me about the grade and gave me an A) but even with it ending up positive I STILL chose to avoid asking her for an LOR. even though she was perfect because Im a premed focused on global health. because you can't be 100% sure of what they feel about you after these kinds of encounters, and also you usually can't see what they write in a letter. your situation seems a little messier than mine was so personally i'd be inclined to say don't ask.

From what I have heard/know, AdComs are very good at picking up even slight hints of distaste in letters, and they're trusting that the writer knows you well. If you personally choose a writer that ends up conveying distaste, they'll question why you had no one better to ask.

On the other hand, if you think you can trust that the writer will see that incident as isolated, or even be able to put a positive light on it, that could help you. but you'll have to use your own judgment on that one.

Also, i'm not trying to be rude, but how is there only one psych person? I think its important you get someone from that area if youre going into that area, but do you really have no other history with another psych teacher, or is it just that you prefer asking this particular one ?

 

[SeroSanguinous100]

Another instructor in psych, but this person is a total flake (cancelled class almost half of the semester). The other professor is not an official professor also (teaches part time does not have an office)…. I guess I could ask both and see what happens?

 

[Euxox]

I guess I have to stay positive. I think if the person thinks they can't write a positive letter (not mentioning my outburst/argument) they would flat out say no?

Usually, but not always. The professors who wrote those letters in the power point obviously said yes, but the LoRs ended up being bad.

I did apologize and take complete responsibility when I met with them and the dean.

If you're still blaming the teacher for reporting you to the dean and if you're still trying to play this down by saying that you were "partially kidding," you haven't taken complete responsibility.

this --- --- turned me into the dean for calling them on their --- ---.

Even if their --- --- was bad enough to be a fireable offense (which I doubt, because the teacher didn't seem afraid of getting the dean involved), getting into a heated argument is not the way to address the issue. The correct thing would have been to ask the chair of the department or the dean to meet with you privately so that you could discuss your concerns with them in a calm and professional manner.

My advice: Own up to your mistakes, learn how to manage your emotions so that you don't get drawn into outbursts of anger, and try to build relationships with other faculty members for future letters of recommendation.

 

[rachel993]

Yeah, you could ask them, but make sure you at least have somewhat of a relationship with them that they can draw from. in regard to the one being a flake, as long as he is a professor at the school, adcoms can't really tell if he's a flake. just make sure his writing skills arent flaky too.

also I just read your other comment. definitely dont even think about asking that person if you're still THAT bitter. again not trying to be mean but seriously that will be sensed from a mile away. and you cant expect someone to rave about your character if your feelings toward them are still that strained.