At what age to have children?

[deleted158872]

At what age did/do you (plan to) have children?

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[jwan14]

Having one two months after dental school starts. Oh yeah

 

[tooth knockn]

I got one and another coming up, I just need like 3-4 more kids to have a nice portfolio, ummm i mean family

 

[Incis0r]

Mid 30s?

 

[Dipdoc]

Probably around 31/32. I want my career to be pretty stable before I make that kind of commitment.

 

[Bifenthrin]

I'll be 27 when I graduate, 28 when I finish residency, want to build my career a bit before I take the plunge. So I'm guessing early 30s. You know, assuming I ever find someone to procreate with.

 

[Incis0r]

. You know, assuming I ever find someone to procreate with.

^ LOL. Love the word choice. Have you ever seen the Big Bang Theory? You remind me of Sheldon.

 

[Bifenthrin]

^ LOL. Love the word choice. Have you ever seen the Big Bang Theory? You remind me of Sheldon.

I'm pretty much a less socially awkward version of Sheldon. So thank you.

 

[jeffk805dent]

I'm pretty much a less socially awkward version of Sheldon. So thank you.

I'm sure I can take that title away from you and I'm currently in a long-time relationship

Edit: my post somewhat unfairly verbal jabs my GF (dont stab me Carol, I love you). Basically be yourself and slightly adjust some personalities to match the person you like to be with.

 

[krdeuce]

27-28? I don't wanna be an old parent like a lot of dentists seem to be

 

[Bifenthrin]

To clear it up... the issue in finding someone to procreate with lies in me being super picky and not liking anyone, not in lack of potential prospects.

 

[Incis0r]

To clear it up... the issue in finding someone to procreate with lies in me being super picky and not liking anyone, not in lack of potential prospects.

Of course, of course.

 

[deleted158872]

To clear it up... the issue in finding someone to procreate with lies in me being super picky and not liking anyone, not in lack of potential prospects.

same here.

 

[tooth knockn]

The reality is this:
You will never be ready, even if you think you are ready. . . . the best time to have a child is now . . . . why wait? You wait long enough you will become an old parent, a family with like 5 consecutive aged children due to the rush of having kids, or wait too long, and never have kids . . . .

Kids are beautiful, first time parents will learn a great deal of psychology and the importance of being responsible, and the importance of being a humane person: you treat your kid bad, your kid will learn to treat you bad.

So at what age?

Now . . the toughest part of having a child is the first 3 years, if you have family to support you, then don't worry, what a blessing .. .

 

[Bifenthrin]

Yes, now is a great time, right smack dab in the middle of dental school.

The best age to have a child is when you are settled enough in your career to be able to take the time off for maternity leave and when you will have the time to devote to raising your child, and when you have the means to support said child financially. Which means after dental school.

 

[tooth knockn]

Yes, now is a great time, right smack dab in the middle of dental school.

The best age to have a child is when you are settled enough in your career to be able to take the time off for maternity leave and when you will have the time to devote to raising your child, and when you have the means to support said child financially. Which means after dental school.

There will be many women as have the past, where women have kids while in dental school

 

[Saddleshoes]

I have said this many times to many people...
If I had it all to do over again, I would have gotten marred sooner and had kids sooner. (I would have had more kids too! My wife feels differently on that issue.)

 

[yappy]

The reality is this:
You will never be ready, even if you think you are ready. . . . the best time to have a child is now . . . . why wait? You wait long enough you will become an old parent, a family with like 5 consecutive aged children due to the rush of having kids, or wait too long, and never have kids . . . .

Kids are beautiful, first time parents will learn a great deal of psychology and the importance of being responsible, and the importance of being a humane person: you treat your kid bad, your kid will learn to treat you bad.

So at what age?

Now . . the toughest part of having a child is the first 3 years, if you have family to support you, then don't worry, what a blessing .. .

What concerns me is that there are numerous studies that show people with kids are less happy, their marriage satisfaction drops, infidelity increases (especially during first few years of their childs life), and too many parents seem to fall into a trap where their life becomes kids and/or 21-century-american-parent-culture. This sort of stuff freaks me out.

While I have nothing against children, or any person at any particular life stage, maybe having kids is not the most prudent thing to do today. Many of the things you listed like responsibility, being humane, etc. are not exclusive to child rearing and I've seen many parents who are poor examples of those traits. Indeed, I've observed people become even more insular /selfish when they have children, or lack empathy for broader humanity, because their focus narrows to their specific child. This is all without considering the economic/ethical, both personal and global, issues that should enter the mind of any well adjusted person.

This stuff has been keeping me up at night because at one time I was one of these gung ho family types. Now I just don't know.

EDIT: Just FYI I'm male.

 

[Hannah Banana]

There will be many women as have the past, where women have kids while in dental school

I assumed that you are a male?

 

[Bifenthrin]

There will be many women as have the past, where women have kids while in dental school

I'm like 90% sure you're a dude, so please get back to me when you grow a uterus. Becoming a father while in dental school and becoming a mother while in dental school are two completely different things.

 

[tooth knockn]

I said what I wanted to say....

I cannot grow a uterus, doc

For women it is more difficult


But my point was if you have family who can help, then it is not much of a problem.


Fact

.

 

[Bifenthrin]

Yeah. Except having to deal with school while pregnant and hormonal, because dental school wasn't enough stress. And having to take time off school to give birth. And then not being able to stay home with your baby for more than a day or two. And family can't always help... most families I know, everyone is working and isn't going to just quit their job to take care of a baby full time.

Like I said, until you grow a uterus and then are faced with the prospect of pregnancy, giving birth, and motherhood while in dental school... you can't talk about how much of a problem it is.

 

[jwan14]

If I were to take the easy route my wife and I would wait until school is over and loans are paid to have kids. But we feel we are ready to now and that's what we are going to do. Family life has brought me lots of joy growing up and that's what we want for our family...plus I wanna not be in my mid to late 50s when my kids are grown up and starting to move out. Just my opinion

 

[jwan14]

It's definitely gonna be hard but most great things are worth sacrificing for.

 

[toothdriller2k17]

agree with whoever said you're never ready. being financially stable absolutely helps, but that's only part of the puzzle

i know plenty of people who have had kids in dental schools ranging from mid 20s to 30s. it all depends on the type of person+support system

 

[futdent21]

Don't forget puppies!

 

[BrazilianRider]

Yeah. Except having to deal with school while pregnant and hormonal, because dental school wasn't enough stress. And having to take time off school to give birth. And then not being able to stay home with your baby for more than a day or two. And family can't always help... most families I know, everyone is working and isn't going to just quit their job to take care of a baby full time.

Like I said, until you grow a uterus and then are faced with the prospect of pregnancy, giving birth, and motherhood while in dental school... you can't talk about how much of a problem it is.

He can still have an opinion on the issue... I mean yes, you take it for what it is but it's still valid nonetheless.

And also, I've met multiple women who have had children during dental school (and I'm not even in dental school yet). Even during my interviews I met a girl who was really happy she was going to have a kid in a few months. Just because you don't want to do it doesn't mean others don't. Your opinion (no matter how logical it may seem) isn't necessarily the "best" one.

That being said, yeah, I'd rather have kids 1-2 years out of dental school.

 

[arlmay]

Started dental school with a 1 year old. I'm still alive and kickin, but it definitely makes things more interesting. I don't think there's any magic number to have kids, it's about where you're life is at and what you want for your future.

 

[rev_rend]

What concerns me is that there are numerous studies that show people with kids are less happy, their marriage satisfaction drops, infidelity increases (especially during first few years of their childs life), and too many parents seem to fall into a trap where their life becomes kids and/or 21-century-american-parent-culture. This sort of stuff freaks me out.

Like you kind of touched on, the only way to get around this is to not have kids.

The truth is, having kids is like being a hopeless drug addict.

Maybe this will help illustrate. I spent this weekend miserable. I've been sick for weeks and falling behind in classes. I had to spend all day Saturday and Sunday catching up to prepare for exams. It was beautiful out. I wanted nothing more than to get out to do stuff with my kids. When I finally came down each evening, the house was a mess, which only made me more stressed. Then the kids wouldn't stop bugging me for stuff. Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon. I'm still overwhelmed. But when I got home, my youngest kids, 1 and 2 years old, were sitting outside with my wife waiting for their older sister's school bus. When, they each ran up with smiles, my son giving me a huge hug and my daughter giving me a kiss. When the older showed up a few minutes later, she ran up, excited to see me home.

And you know what? For a while at least, all my troubles could go to hell.

I will chase that dragon over and over and over again. When I'm miserable about school, I know that the payoff on the other end is a lot more of that sweet, sweet high of spending time with my kids and introducing them to the world than I'd get if I wasn't going through all this effort.

Sure, I've lost a lot of predictability and stability in my life. I might be a deluded fool, but it's totally worth it.

 

[Hannah Banana]

Like you kind of touched on, the only way to get around this is to not have kids.

The truth is, having kids is like being a hopeless drug addict.

Maybe this will help illustrate. I spent this weekend miserable. I've been sick for weeks and falling behind in classes. I had to spend all day Saturday and Sunday catching up to prepare for exams. It was beautiful out. I wanted nothing more than to get out to do stuff with my kids. When I finally came down each evening, the house was a mess, which only made me more stressed. Then the kids wouldn't stop bugging me for stuff. Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon. I'm still overwhelmed. But when I got home, my youngest kids, 1 and 2 years old, were sitting outside with my wife waiting for their older sister's school bus. When, they each ran up with smiles, my son giving me a huge hug and my daughter giving me a kiss. When the older showed up a few minutes later, she ran up, excited to see me home.

And you know what? For a while at least, all my troubles could go to hell.

I will chase that dragon over and over and over again. When I'm miserable about school, I know that the payoff on the other end is a lot more of that sweet, sweet high of spending time with my kids and introducing them to the world than I'd get if I wasn't going through all this effort.

Sure, I've lost a lot of predictability and stability in my life. I might be a deluded fool, but it's totally worth it.

That is so sweet! Keep it going OP. Sounds like your wife is very strong, too. Treat her well

 

[rev_rend]

The reality is this:
You will never be ready, even if you think you are ready. . . . the best time to have a child is now . . . . why wait? You wait long enough you will become an old parent, a family with like 5 consecutive aged children due to the rush of having kids, or wait too long, and never have kids . . . .

I agree that nobody is ever ready. But it pretty much seems that nobody realizes that until they do have kids.

FWIW, if I didn't already have kids, I don't know that I would during dental school. But my brother and I were both born while my dad was in dental school. He and my mom had a good support system involving other dental students/friends with small kids. I'm sure that helped a lot. He does say that having kids in school was great though because we always got his mind off the stress of school.

 

[rev_rend]

That is so sweet! Keep it going OP. Sounds like your wife is very strong, too. Treat her well

Oh, I will. Not only is she a great partner, she's awesome at keeping financials in order and running smoothly. My dad has had to do all that on his own on weekends or between patients. Since our kids will all be in school by the time I'm in practice, she's planning on taking care of all that for me and keeping the business side of things running efficiently.

 

[Greyangel6]

I think adding more responsibilities to my life during dental school is asking for more stress. More stress for me = me looking more like a haggard bum than I already am => no good.

 

[Incis0r]

I think adding more responsibilities to my life during dental school is asking for more stress. More stress for me = me looking more like a haggard bum than I already am => no good.

Start developing white hair/baldness before you even begin the career

 

[tooth knockn]

At what age did/do you (plan to) have children?

Hey OP

where is your response ?

 

[Greyangel6]

Also I think there are already plenty of children in this world. I'd probably adopt, save my wife the 9 months of discomfort and we can still have a family. Otherwise, endless wine and vacations with no kids is still a good option.

 

[rev_rend]

For what it's worth, almost all of my friends who were dead set against ever having children are now constantly posting pictures of their babies on Facebook.

Greyangel6, I have always strongly believed that while there are plenty of children in the world, there's a staggering deficit of my children in the world.

 

[jmh018]

Just had my first two weeks ago. I'm 24 and my wife is 23. I'm finishing up my second year of dental school in June. I wouldn't be surprised if we had another before I graduate in two years.

We are five hours from family but everything is going smoothly.

 

[yappy]

For what it's worth, almost all of my friends who were dead set against ever having children are now constantly posting pictures of their babies on Facebook.

Greyangel6, I have always strongly believed that while there are plenty of children in the world, there's a staggering deficit of my children in the world.

People are people, right? There are two dimensions that I've noticed people tend to show bias; the first is the degree to which people share DNA with another person and the second is momentary similarities in life stage.

Why not work towards developing an appreciation for people no matter their relation or age in life? Save for premature death each of us will be young, middle aged, and old; and, proximity along a shared biological tree seems rather arbitrary.

 

[rev_rend]

People are people, right? There are two dimensions that I've noticed people tend to show bias; the first is the degree to which people share DNA with another person and the second is momentary similarities in life stage.

Why not work towards developing an appreciation for people no matter their relation or age in life? Save for premature death each of us will be young, middle aged, and old; and, proximity along a shared biological tree seems rather arbitrary.

Yes. Lighten up.

That said, I do appreciate my children and close relations more than I do most people. There's a lot more to account for that than shared DNA.

 

[DentalLonghorn2014]

^ LOL. Love the word choice. Have you ever seen the Big Bang Theory? You remind me of Sheldon.

I just finished the latest episode. Love that show!

 

[ToothbrushBuddy]

I plan on having one during fourth year probably. I will be the breadwinner and my hubby wants to be a stay-at-home Dad. I think the right time depends mostly on who your partner is and your situation and help that extended family can offer. It's all a personal choice, including whether to have kids at all. Not having kids when all my friends and family are though feels very isolating to not be a part of the exclusive "Mommy Club."

 

[Sweet_Tooth]

Last year of dental school sounds good to me. If timed correctly the child would be born after graduation from school, after you have your degree you can take your time in setting up a practice or doing whatever it is you want to do, there is no rush, you will have your whole life to practice dentistry so you can take a few months off after graduation. The longer you wait to have children, the more the chances of complications at birth and disease increase. And idk about you guys but I definitely do not want to be an old parent Actually I'd like to have kids even sooner than that but I don't think it would be realistic to have children in d-school considering the lifestyle of a dental student so this is my compromise in a way haha

 

[Incis0r]

Last year of dental school sounds good to me. If timed correctly the child would be born after graduation from school, after you have your degree you can take your time in setting up a practice or doing whatever it is you want to do, there is no rush, you will have your whole life to practice dentistry so you can take a few months off after graduation. The longer you wait to have children, the more the chances of complications at birth and disease increase. And idk about you guys but I definitely do not want to be an old parent Actually I'd like to have kids even sooner than that but I don't think it would be realistic to have children in d-school considering the lifestyle of a dental student so this is my compromise in a way haha

You totally could have children and have your SO bear the brunt of raising them years 1-4...most kids don't even remember their early early childhood so it's not like the kids will hold it against you.

 

[Cold Front]

When I was in D school, all my classmates (including me) said that they would get married within 5 years out of school and start a family. Today, about half got married and have no children (except couple of them).

It's not the 60's or 70's anymore, where average age of first marriage was early 20's, today is about 30. Times has changed, debt has gone up, careers require more education and training, children cost more, divorce rates are 50%, more risk being a single parent, more pets in married couple homes, people live more in cities than rural areas. etc. So the statistics paint a different picture than what we all think married life with kids life would be like, so be sure to approach it with caution.

Brought to you by a (happily) married man with no pets and children.

 

[rev_rend]

So the statistics paint a different picture than what we all think married life with kids life would be like, so be sure to approach it with caution.

As a happily married man with three kids, I agree that it's not a decision to be taken lightly. That said, make the decision knowing your own personal circumstances. Statistics don't mean very much for individuals or couples.

The only really helpful thing I can think of about my own experience regarding whether or not to have kids is to think about the timing. If I could do it all over, the one thing I'd absolutely change about my life is that I would have had kids earlier.

 

[Cold Front]

Statistics don't mean very much for individuals or couples.

I think Statistics matter from realistic point of view on modern day marriage. A lot will come down to; if you are religious, cultural values, principles, your financial status, where you live in the country, your community, or even your age and more. These are all big factors that influence one to get married or not. Statistics can't be ignored if you are looking at any of those factors, because the big data is a reference on where you stand against society.

Get married responsibly.

 

[Daneosaurus]

My first was born when I was 19, the second (and last) at 22.

 

[Digitalangel]

When I was in D school, all my classmates (including me) said that they would get married within 5 years out of school and start a family. Today, about half got married and have no children (except couple of them).

It's not the 60's or 70's anymore, where average age of first marriage was early 20's, today is about 30. Times has changed, debt has gone up, careers require more education and training, children cost more, divorce rates are 50%, more risk being a single parent, more pets in married couple homes, people live more in cities than rural areas. etc. So the statistics paint a different picture than what we all think married life with kids life would be like, so be sure to approach it with caution.

Brought to you by a (happily) married man with no pets and children.

how can you not have pets????

 

[Incis0r]

how can you not have pets????

He's not human.