Bad Poker Hand

[RAMD]

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advice would be nice and appreciated. 🙂

Here is the hand I have been given since I started my first semester in medical school. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not.

I moved to a new location where I didn't know anybody. I was really excited about this and felt ready. I went to undergraduate 45 minutes from where I grew up. I have made some really good friends here. I love the school and the people, but I wish it were somewhere else.

When I left for school, my parents were having trouble in their marriage. It has since come out that my mom was/is still having an affiair with my sisters godfather, a man who, with his family, has been a close family friend since before I was born. My parents have since separated and I believe that it is only time until divorse papers are filed. When I figured out that my mom was seeing this man (yes, I figured it out on my own) and confronted her about it, conversation with her halted. We have since begun to talk again but only via email. I don't think the conversations are getting anywhere. On top of that, I am sick of talking with my father because he is very bitter and angry about the whole situation.

The man who I was seeing in not in the same time zone as I am and the distance is too much for him. He is great and I feel like I am giving up a wonderful opportunity because I am in school, doing something I have wanted to do for a very long time and something I worked very hard to accomplish. I am smart enough to realize even if we were in the same location thigs may not work out, but I feel like I will never know.

In school, I am passing but I am not doing anywhere near as well as I wanted to do nor am I doing as well as I know I am able to do. I have been working really hard.

Singly, I could deal with these things just fine, but when they are all put together, I am finding that I am misreable, stressed out, and I think that I may be getting depressed. I have been seeing a therapist since I got to school.

I don't know what to do and I hate feeling so isolated. New friends can only do so much.

Please help.

 

[Bones2008]

I recommend continuing with your therapist and perhaps seeking treatment by a psychiatrist, as well. As with poker, life is more about how you play each hand you get rather than the quality of each hand itself. Best wishes.

 

[Quentin Quinn]

Take it from someone whose family soap opera makes yours look tame by comparison: it is best to concentrate on your own affairs as much as possible, and do what is best for you. I know it is difficult to "let go" of your parents, but injecting yourself into their marital affairs is about as productive (and painful) as beating your head against a brick wall. I know that you feel it is your mom's fault that the marriage is falling apart (and it sounds like this is probably true), but nothing good can come from taking sides. Even though they may not necessarily act like it, your parents are adults and need to sort this matter out on their own. If they ask for your advice or opinion, feel free to contribute it, but otherwise I would stay away from the infidelity topic as much as possible.

Sorry if that is kind of blunt, but hopefully it is helpful.

 

[Bull's eye]

Go all in and hope you outdraw. You have a lot going for you and just need to get started with better times. Remember, you can't control everything that happens and that means rolling with the punches. I hope many good things happen for you.

 

[RAMD]

Thanks, guys, for the advice and support.

going all in sounds like a good idea. I was thinking of folding. I don't like this hand, can I have another please? Or maybe keeping four, because I wouldn't change being in medical school, no matter how stressful it gets or impossible it feels.

 

[Man In The Box]

That sucks! I'd warn you to be careful who you date as scum tend to prey on women during vulnerable times in their lives. A lot of girls turn into the neighborhood hoe the minute their family breaks up and it's really sad to see someone taken advantage of like that. That's my two cents, hope it didn't offend you b/c I didn't mean it that way. I've just seen it lots of times, thats all.

 

[heech]

Wow, definitely a tough situation, and many would find it hard to struggle through the days with all this hanging over their heads. I really applaud you for reaching out for help, instead of just chewing up your insides with self-recriminations. You're going in the right direction.

I can only tell you what works for me, when I get down from my own emotional burdens (and doesn't everyone have some?). I say: focus on the future. Pretend that the date is 1/1/2006, 1/1/2007, 1/1/2010, and finally 1/1/2015. Visualize what your life will be like on thsoe days. Say that your parents do divorce... will life go on? Eventually, yes. Your relationship with your parents may improve or it may not.. but will live go on? Yes, it will.

In the ten years between 1/1/2015, there are a few things I feel confident in guaranteeing you:

- you will have met *someone* along the way even better than the boyfriend you just left behind; now, make it work.

- you will have stopped thinking about your parents' troubles every day of the week;

- you, your father, and your mother will become far less angry and emotional with each passing day;

- you will face even greater burdens that make today's troubles a distant memory.

That's life. Keep your eyes on the future, grit your teeth, and get through the next week, month, or year... you'll reach the end of the tunnel, sooner or later.

 

[Nebmuse]

Do something besides study before you go to bed that will take your mind off of things. Music, art, or anything you enjoy that allows you to concentrate on you and nothing else. It can be a great stress reliever.