best/funniest insult uttered by college professor...

[DOquestions]

I had a neonatologist for a professor (he was retired).

I had him for embryology, pathology, biochemistry, and immunology. I liked him the best out of all of the professors I had in college. I still keep in touch with him.

On day, in immunology class, he said, "when a couple of you become FP's you will see this often."

It sounds like it was nothing, but several pre-meds in my class (10/13 in the class) wanted to go to medical school to become an oncologist, a radiologist, etc, etc. Not a single one of them is in medical school yet (graduated last year). So the professor knew what he was talking about.

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[Myuu]

this thread is making me rethink how i should deal with professors.
has anyone let a professor get to them, and get overwhelmed (leave the room) or something?

Nah, it doesn't benefit you at all. A) You can't focus concentrate for the rest of the class period and or B) not present at all, thus missing valuable, testable material. Then C) you begin to hate going to class, so D) you become less inclined to go and miss even more material, so when you go into the exam, you E) are not in a positive emotional state and thus F)...???.

 

[Handinhand]

If a professor tries to demean me it just makes me work harder. I think it's much better to get that "I'll show that *******" attitude compared acting defeated.

My Gen Chem II professor was just garbage; every day in class he would try and demean the entire class, but all that did was make me spend a few more hours in the library. Then after I got 100% on his test I went back and asked him if this was just a mach-test or if that was really all he could come up with.

Vindication as a motive for success, try it sometime!

 

[DOquestions]

this thread is making me rethink how i should deal with professors.
has anyone let a professor get to them, and get overwhelmed (leave the room) or something?

Let a professor get to me? Oh yes! A few times. Did I leave the room? No! I just gave the professor an awful review, lol.

 

[DOquestions]

Right before finals for my last semester in college my professor asked me, "so, any final exams left to ruin your last semester in college?" lol. I knew he meant good, but it came off the wrong way (he isn't the best with his social skills). So I told him the two finals I had left and I got an A in both of them, lol.

 

[engineeredout]

I was away at a chemical engineering conference, and after presenting we went out to a restaurant with one of my engineering professors and a few other students. The professor is 40ish, divorced, and I happened to be sitting next to him. He kept pointing out all the hot chicks that walked by "Oh man thats a fox right there". He also kept hitting on the waittress (who was actually pretty hot).


He was giving girl advice to one of the more awkward kids who was with us, telling him that he needs to get some practice talking to girls. He points out this one waitress who was rather unattractive, ugly tattoos, chubby etc...

"Hey kenny, you know how when you take a test you do the problems on scrap paper first? You see her over there? Thats scrap paper".



I almost lost it.

 

[Crazyday]

I was away at a chemical engineering conference, and after presenting we went out to a restaurant with one of my engineering professors and a few other students. The professor is 40ish, divorced, and I happened to be sitting next to him. He kept pointing out all the hot chicks that walked by "Oh man thats a fox right there". He also kept hitting on the waittress (who was actually pretty hot).


He was giving girl advice to one of the more awkward kids who was with us, telling him that he needs to get some practice talking to girls. He points out this one waitress who was rather unattractive, ugly tattoos, chubby etc...

"Hey kenny, you know how when you take a test you do the problems on scrap paper first? You see her over there? Thats scrap paper".



I almost lost it.

Oh wow haha.

 

[ParthVader]

I took a writing course last semester and the topic was water in American literature.. Needless to say we were discussing a book and I was playing command and conquer on my laptop... So she see's me playing command and conquer on my PC..

Professor: What do you have there?
Me: uhhhh umm Command and Conquer..
Professor: See class, Parth is using a water based tatic... Water is pretty damn important!

 

[DOquestions]

I took a writing course last semester and the topic was water in American literature.. Needless to say we were discussing a book and I was playing command and conquer on my laptop... So she see's me playing command and conquer on my PC..

Professor: What do you have there?
Me: uhhhh umm Command and Conquer..
Professor: See class, Parth is using a water based tatic... Water is pretty damn important!

I don't get it?

 

[RoyBasch]

He was giving girl advice to one of the more awkward kids who was with us, telling him that he needs to get some practice talking to girls. He points out this one waitress who was rather unattractive, ugly tattoos, chubby etc...

"Hey kenny, you know how when you take a test you do the problems on scrap paper first? You see her over there? Thats scrap paper".

I think we have a winner.
-Roy

 

[dematt30]

I've got a really good one, well it seemed it at the time. My freshman biology professor was an old mean guy, great professor but when he saw something he didn't like he pointed it out. He loved when people asked questions and when no one asked he started choosing random people. One day probably my 4th or 5th week into the semester a quiet girl, never said 2 words and was extremely polite came up to the professor at the end of class, I was sitting in front so I heard the whole conversation. The professor had both his eyebrows slanted in, and gave a disgusted look to the girl. The girl politely goes "Dr. Blah Blah do you mind signing my drop slip please" The professor surprisingly grins...The first and ONLY GRIN I SAW ALL YEAR, he looks at her then goes "Thats the best question you have asked all year NOW GET OUT OF HERE" screaming at the girl and rips up his slip of the drop form. The girl was about 1-2 seconds away from sobbing. Meanwhile I was laughing hysterically but I felt horrible for the girl.

 

[ar2388]

Physics professor to premeds:

"Just because you like basketball doesn't mean you get to play in the NBA."

i have to say that the doggie in your avatar is absolutely fantastic!

If a professor tries to demean me it just makes me work harder. I think it's much better to get that "I'll show that *******" attitude compared acting defeated.

My Gen Chem II professor was just garbage; every day in class he would try and demean the entire class, but all that did was make me spend a few more hours in the library. Then after I got 100% on his test I went back and asked him if this was just a mach-test or if that was really all he could come up with.

Vindication as a motive for success, try it sometime!

haha what was his response?

 

[Dissected]

He was giving girl advice to one of the more awkward kids who was with us, telling him that he needs to get some practice talking to girls. He points out this one waitress who was rather unattractive, ugly tattoos, chubby etc...

"Hey kenny, you know how when you take a test you do the problems on scrap paper first? You see her over there? Thats scrap paper".

classic.

 

[Myuu]

So, it was World AIDS Day and we were having a special lecture on, you guessed it, AIDS. Transmission of AIDS. Epidemiology of AIDS. Damnedcleversunofabology of AIDS. We get to the slide of the lecture on my professor says while giving that pained, exasperated we-all-know-this-answer look "OK, what's the best way to not get AIDS?" This is of course followed by a sheepish silence on our parts. A minute or so goes by and someone finally gets up the guts and says...

"...Abstinence?"

which is immediately followed by:

"No! MASTURBATION!!!"


😱😱😱😱

 

[mike1618]

I had an old physics professor talking about center of gravity. He picked the hottest girl in the class to come up. He told her to bend over against the wall and try not to fall over. After that, he put her in front of the class and told her to bend over (now with ass facing the class). When she didn't fall over, he asked the class if her center of gravity was changing. One guy yelled from the audience "No, but as a matter of fact my center of gravity is changing as we speak"...

Same type of thing happened in ORGO talking about Carbon attacking. He was discussing "back-side attack" and a student raised his hand to say "I also favor the back-side attack".

Lame, but funny.

 

[Magic256]

this thread is making me rethink how i should deal with professors.
has anyone let a professor get to them, and get overwhelmed (leave the room) or something?

I got into a fight with my O Chem prof. I had never gotten anything but an A on any test he had ever given, and then on the third test of the second semester I got a 70%. The whole class failed. He told us we were *****s who had gotten "too comfortable" with our grades and was "teaching us something valuable". We got into an argument in front of the entire class which ended with him throwing his peice of chalk onto the floor and it breaking into pieces and going everywhere...followed closely by him walking out of the classroom. So while I have never gotten so overwhelmed that I left the room, I have caused a prof to. It ended up being fine. He and I are actually still friends. And I still got an A second semester.

 

[Dr. Geoff]

A few of us were walking to one of the classrooms at the other side of the campus in the blistering cold/snow.... My English prof pulled along the side of the road, rolled down his window, looked at us, and yelled.... "Suckers!", and took off down the road. When we got to class, he later explained that he originally pulled over to offer us a ride, but couldn't pass up that great opportunity. Hahaha , he was a funny guy and a great teacher, he wrote a LOR for me! 🙂

 

[WannaBePreMed]

I had an old physics professor talking about center of gravity. He picked the hottest girl in the class to come up. He told her to bend over against the wall and try not to fall over. After that, he put her in front of the class and told her to bend over (now with ass facing the class). When she didn't fall over, he asked the class if her center of gravity was changing. One guy yelled from the audience "No, but as a matter of fact my center of gravity is changing as we speak"...

Same type of thing happened in ORGO talking about Carbon attacking. He was discussing "back-side attack" and a student raised his hand to say "I also favor the back-side attack".

Lame, but funny.

god damn, i want to go to your school

 

[0Complications]

He was giving girl advice to one of the more awkward kids who was with us, telling him that he needs to get some practice talking to girls. He points out this one waitress who was rather unattractive, ugly tattoos, chubby etc...

"Hey kenny, you know how when you take a test you do the problems on scrap paper first? You see her over there? Thats scrap paper".



I almost lost it.

That is priceless!

 

[0Complications]

Ok, this one was a different Orgo prof. This one asked a question and nobody was volunteering to answer, so finally he started to get a little pissed (which is odd, because this prof usually asks rhetorical questions and doesn't want anyone to answer them), but finally a girl sitting in front of me raises her hand to answer the question and he throws his arm into the air and says, "Great! You guys are going to let the blonde answer the question...!"

I just about died.

 

[Rooni]

this thread is making me rethink how i should deal with professors.
has anyone let a professor get to them, and get overwhelmed (leave the room) or something?

Yup...just once. I had a professor flat out call me an idiot in front of the entire class once, and then repeat the insult when I tried to explain myself. I walked out. In that situation, it really was the best thing to do, because I was right and I knew it, and if I'd stayed I just would have ended up yelling at him. (He actually ended up apologizing later and admitting he had been wrong...in private.)

I think the funniest insult I've ever heard was from my Bach Arias professor (I was a music major in undergrad) who, when a student sang something badly and then apologized for it, exclaimed, "Don't apologize to me! Apologize to music!"

 

[Hyperstudyosis]

My ochem professor:

"There are no stupid questions; only stupid people that ask them."

And when someone asks a stupid question,

"I'll see you in the summer."

 

[Hyperstudyosis]

Oh, I have another one. I wanted to take anatomy and physiology 2 before first semester because only 2nd semester was offered in the spring. I went to the class and asked the prof to let me register. I hadn't even taken introductory biology so she was really negative about it. Finally, she decided to let me and when I thanked her, she said to me, "Oh, DON'T thank me yet." She thought I was going to fail the class. Ends up, I got over 100% on all of her exams and she and I became very good friends. I'm at a different school now, but she and I talk on the phone every week and we hang out when I'm in town.

 

[GoldShadow]

Gold and silver right here 👍

I was away at a chemical engineering conference, and after presenting we went out to a restaurant with one of my engineering professors and a few other students. The professor is 40ish, divorced, and I happened to be sitting next to him. He kept pointing out all the hot chicks that walked by "Oh man thats a fox right there". He also kept hitting on the waittress (who was actually pretty hot).


He was giving girl advice to one of the more awkward kids who was with us, telling him that he needs to get some practice talking to girls. He points out this one waitress who was rather unattractive, ugly tattoos, chubby etc...

"Hey kenny, you know how when you take a test you do the problems on scrap paper first? You see her over there? Thats scrap paper".



I almost lost it.

I had an old physics professor talking about center of gravity. He picked the hottest girl in the class to come up. He told her to bend over against the wall and try not to fall over. After that, he put her in front of the class and told her to bend over (now with ass facing the class). When she didn't fall over, he asked the class if her center of gravity was changing. One guy yelled from the audience "No, but as a matter of fact my center of gravity is changing as we speak"...

 

[KeyzerSoze]

I had an old physics professor talking about center of gravity. He picked the hottest girl in the class to come up. He told her to bend over against the wall and try not to fall over. After that, he put her in front of the class and told her to bend over (now with ass facing the class). When she didn't fall over, he asked the class if her center of gravity was changing. One guy yelled from the audience "No, but as a matter of fact my center of gravity is changing as we speak"...

How did her sexual harassment lawsuit work out?

 

[Corvus Riley]

How did her sexual harassment lawsuit work out?

"guy from audience"

 

[cajunchrisbu]

I don't have one for a college professor, but one for high school. I was arguing with my economics teacher about something and he was losing, and then he says "ching chang chong chong chong." I was so shocked, I stopped talking. Probably should've sued his ass.

sounds like a dialect issue?? was it a problem with inflection?