BF Broke up with me because I applied to med school....

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nenya

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Hi everyone, I applied this cycle to medical schools and to my surprise my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me (he has known for 6 years med school was my dream). According to him, he doesn't think he will be able to handle me going to medical school... We currently live together, and apparently my MCAT studying has made him realize that he won't be happy while I am studying all the time. I keep telling myself that this is for the best, but I just don't know how to process this and not let it affect all the work there is still to be done for the secondaries :(

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Hi everyone, I applied this cycle to medical schools and to my surprise my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me (he has known for 6 years med school was my dream). According to him, he doesn't think he will be able to handle me going to medical school... We currently live together, and apparently my MCAT studying has made him realize that he won't be happy while I am studying all the time. I keep telling myself that this is for the best, but I just don't know how to process this and not let it affect all the work there is still to be done for the secondaries :(

You need to sit down and have a serious discussion with him about if you want to take things to the "next level" and not quit on you. If he's doing this now, chances are he would leave you in high school. If I could offer advice, which is hypocritical since I won't be, is to be single for your duration of medical school. You want to work on yourself and have a stable career before trying to jump into a serious relationship. I know that 6 year boyfriend is a long time, but if he's not the one.. he's not.
 
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No offense, but his excuse sounds like a shady cop out. Find a resident or an attending to start banging while shadowing, like on Greys Anatomy, then get a glowing LOR
 
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So not worth it! On to the next one
 
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Thanks guys, it's just not easy after all this time. I am puzzled about what he expected to happen? I've always had the intention of applying so I don't understand where this is coming from
 
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Don't worry i'm single so you'll be alright.

In all seriousness though my gf of 5 years broke up with me and it did quite a number on me. Don't let the same happen to you. Good luck
 
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Hi everyone, I applied this cycle to medical schools and to my surprise my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me (he has known for 6 years med school was my dream). According to him, he doesn't think he will be able to handle me going to medical school... We currently live together, and apparently my MCAT studying has made him realize that he won't be happy while I am studying all the time. I keep telling myself that this is for the best, but I just don't know how to process this and not let it affect all the work there is still to be done for the secondaries :(


Don't let other people prevent you from being yourself and realizing your goals, it's good that he broke up with you now because going through a breakup in medical school would have been way worse, as would being with somebody who would either try to get you to change your lifestyle or try and force something that didn't work for him. There are plenty of guys out there, just find it in yourself to move and do what's necessary. Relationships can be very draining and a lot of pressure, even if they're rewarding, and what you want, so it may even be better to give that stuff a bit of a break to focus on you and achieving stability in your life.
 
Hey there, OP.

I'm sorry you're having to endure this. You must realize, however, that what you're attempting to accomplish in the next 5 years will require an excessive amount of dedication. Anyone who's interests and goals do not directly correlate with your own isn't worth the sacrifice of your time. Don't forget that you're a beautiful, intelligent woman with a bright future; you'll be fine.

Also, I oddly enjoy reading these SDN-Twitter mashup threads.
 
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Six years is a lot. If my GF did that to me, I'd probably try to see if there was anything we could do to work it out...like me keeping weekends free for her etc.

Sorry for your condition OP. I feel for ya.
 
Good riddance...you'll find a new man

Exactly. Better to sustain short-term losses rather than screwing up in the long run.

Don't worry i'm single so you'll be alright.

In all seriousness though my gf of 5 years broke up with me and it did quite a number on me. Don't let the same happen to you. Good luck

Ouch. Dumping Batman for Robin (cue @TheRobin ;)) always stings. My condolences.
 
Also, you've been tied down for quite a while, go hit the scene and bring home a rebound during MCAT breaks
 
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Understandably it must be tough, 6 years is a long time. But if that is the reason he broke up with you, it is for the better. Imagine when you need support in the future when you study/work, will he be there?

Either way right now you should seek out your friends and family for support and take it easy for a little while.
 
I think the boyfriend has a legitimate gripe... He realized how much (how little, really) time he'd get to spend with his significant other and decided that wasn't best for him. That sounds like a mature decision to be honest, I don't get why everyone is crapping on that. Sounds like it's for the best. Being a SO for a med student/practicing physician has gotta be difficult...
(I am not the boyfriend)
 
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Lesson I learned..

Don't let anyone ever make you so vulnerable to the point they can control your emotions.
 
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Thanks guys, it's just not easy after all this time. I am puzzled about what he expected to happen? I've always had the intention of applying so I don't understand where this is coming from

I'm sorry this happened to you. :(

I suspect he's been waiting for a reason to break up with you, and used this as an opportunity. I know it's hard to just forget about someone, but good riddance.

Keep your head up! Good luck to you.
 
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After 6 years, were you two even engaged? If not it sounds like he didn't want things to get anymore serious and saw an excuse to end things and went for it. Nbd, you're better off without the distraction anyway.
 
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ya seriously where is all this judgment coming from??

OP, I feel for you too - hang in there, everything works out in the end!
 
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I've been thinking the same thing. He was just waiting for a reason for the break up... We weren't engaged and I don't think it was going to happen any time soon! I know I'm better off but I'm kind of afraid of being alone to be honest...
 
Unfortunately, medical school has adopted a culture of putting your studies before your relationships. Not sure if this makes you feel any better, but you're certainly not alone in losing a long-term relationship due to medical school. I can think of 5-10 classmates of mine off the top of my head who went through similar scenarios.

The bright side is around MS4/early residency (aka wedding season), folks start to realize the value in a healthy and supportive relationship, even if it may come at the expense of that prestigious fellowship or whatever. Doesn't help you now, and I'm sorry for that, but at least it gets better.
 
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This path is going to be filled with a lot of ups and downs, this is one of them. Take some time to yourself to get your mind right for the journey ahead.

As everyone else has said, if he doesn't support you...he isn't for you!
 
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Sorry to hear about that. I can't imagine how tough it is for something like that to happen after six years. Things will work out. Good luck this cycle!

Wow you're emotional.. don't go into oncology..

Do you derive some sort of satisfaction from making unhelpful and downright asinine comments like this? "Don't go into oncology" I would hope you didn't go into ANY sort of profession with that kind of behavior toward people when they have personal problems.
 
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F him then...what a controlling selfish SOB. Listen carefully, there's a Jack for every Jill in this world. He wasn't the one. So take a deep breath, have a good cry, and then get busy. While you're at it, send my school an app.

Hi everyone, I applied this cycle to medical schools and to my surprise my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me (he has known for 6 years med school was my dream). According to him, he doesn't think he will be able to handle me going to medical school... We currently live together, and apparently my MCAT studying has made him realize that he won't be happy while I am studying all the time. I keep telling myself that this is for the best, but I just don't know how to process this and not let it affect all the work there is still to be done for the secondaries :(
 
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F him then...what a controlling selfish SOB. Listen carefully, there's a Jack for every Jill in this world. He wasn't the one. So take a deep breath, have a good cry, and then get busy. While you're at it, send my school an app.
Well your going to have to tell her what school that is ;)
 
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isn't that what falling in love is all about?

No, Love is a drug. We human beings tend to think love is something that is so precious and filled with butterfly's. I'm here to say that couldn't be further from the truth.
F him then...what a controlling selfish SOB. Listen carefully, there's a Jack for every Jill in this world. He wasn't the one. So take a deep breath, have a good cry, and then get busy. While you're at it, send my school an app.

This is such an immature thing to say. You're acting like he cheated on her. He broke up with her. Having the mindset of, "F him he's an SOB" is so elementary. How about she thank him for the times they had together and then move on without any bad blood?
 
I see you have learned nothing about relationships, along with everything else you've encountered.


This is such an immature thing to say. You're acting like he cheated on her. He broke up with her. Having the mindset of, "F him he's an SOB" is so elementary. How about she thank him for the times they had together and then move on without any bad blood?[/QUOTE]
 
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I see you have learned nothing about relationships, along with everything else you've encountered.


This is such an immature thing to say. You're acting like he cheated on her. He broke up with her. Having the mindset of, "F him he's an SOB" is so elementary. How about she thank him for the times they had together and then move on without any bad blood?
[/QUOTE]

I will admit that I probably don't know nearly as much about relationships as you do. You're much older and wiser than me so I 'll defer this argument in your favor. However one thing I do know is that keeping resentment towards an ex partner is only going to eat you alive rather than motivate you to move on. You seem very snarky.
 
Hi everyone, I applied this cycle to medical schools and to my surprise my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me (he has known for 6 years med school was my dream). According to him, he doesn't think he will be able to handle me going to medical school... We currently live together, and apparently my MCAT studying has made him realize that he won't be happy while I am studying all the time. I keep telling myself that this is for the best, but I just don't know how to process this and not let it affect all the work there is still to be done for the secondaries :(


I know it is going to be really hard to say goodbye (especially if this is a definite thing), but he does not seem supportive of your decisions and desired career path. He has had six years to come to terms with the fact that you are pursuing medicine and it seems odd that he finally figured out that it would not work. You could try to work this out, but since he is already doubting the relationship now, think about what could happen in the midst of medical school!

I applied this past cycle with my boyfriend of several years and it ultimately didn't work out so we are going our separate ways. Another SDN-er had a similar experience. She said that it will take 2-3 weeks to start feeling normal again (I am barely two weeks out...). It is okay to let the emotions out when needed since it is extremely frustrating.

If medicine has been your long-term career goal, then stick with it! This is your dream and nobody should force your hand in giving that dream up. Do not let him have that power over you. You have a few weeks to come to terms with the end of the relationship. Use that time to mourn the end of your relationship and then conquer those secondaries! You will find that a lot of schools have secondary essays with overlapping themes so it will not be too bad.

If you want to message me to talk, you are completely welcome to do so :) You can do this!
 
OP, I'm sorry you have to deal with this during an already stressful time. I know it's hard to see right now, but you totally dodged a bullet here. You WILL find someone who thinks what you are doing is amazing and actually wants to help you succeed. For now, remember that you were awesome long before he was around, and you'll continue being awesome without him. Lean on your friends and family for app cycle support, remember why you are doing this, and go kick some ass!
 
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Thanks guys, it's just not easy after all this time. I am puzzled about what he expected to happen? I've always had the intention of applying so I don't understand where this is coming from

What he expected to happen? He expected that either you'd crater and fail or that you'd forgo your dreams to support him and his dreams. Dismissive and demeaning. You deserve (and will get) better.

Tell him not to let the door slam on him on the way out --
 
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Don't worry i'm single so you'll be alright.

In all seriousness though my gf of 5 years broke up with me and it did quite a number on me. Don't let the same happen to you. Good luck

You should have lifted more.
 
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Maybe he was hoping you'd change your mind.

Maybe he had no idea what he was in for.

Maybe his goals for his own life changed and he realized that they were no longer compatible with yours.

Whatever. At least he told you now, before you got into the thick of school. Try to part as friends and move on. Someday, you will look back on this and be grateful to him for freeing you up to find the person who will really cherish you and support you as an equal partner. You are about to enter a setting where you will be surrounded by attractive, intelligent, motivated potential mates who come with great references and strong career prospects. Spend a little time enjoying your freedom and then take your pick.
 
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This is such an immature thing to say. You're acting like he cheated on her. He broke up with her. Having the mindset of, "F him he's an SOB" is so elementary. How about she thank him for the times they had together and then move on without any bad blood?
I'm with the Bman on this one. Make it clean. Move on


You seem very snarky.

Goro is a beautiful paradox. He won't stand for elitism but condescends to we little people every other post
 
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Above all, take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Most people don't do this enough. If that means cutting certain people out of your life (in this case, this has been done for you), not making sacrifices for certain people, or just giving yourself a break about things, then do that. Don't let things like this chip away at your self esteem.

Breaking up after 6 years has got to suck, but take it as a chance to dedicate more time to yourself and start things afresh.
 
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She said that it will take 2-3 weeks to start feeling normal again

2-3 weeks?! and here i am, 1 year out of college, still getting over the girl i broke up with sophomore year. maybe i'm doing it wrong :/

lol
 
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No, Love is a drug. We human beings tend to think love is something that is so precious and filled with butterfly's. I'm here to say that couldn't be further from the truth.

im gonna cover my ears and go blah blah blah cause i believe in love
 
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2-3 weeks?! and here i am, 1 year out of college, still getting over the girl i broke up with sophomore year. maybe i'm doing it wrong :/

lol

It's different for men, we have different hormones and tend to take things for granted more. Women will weap and let it all out in the beginning. They'll begin to get over it much quicker than men. Men will act like nothing even happened the first week or so but once the realization hits it can drag on for years (like myself)
 
F him then...what a controlling selfish SOB. Listen carefully, there's a Jack for every Jill in this world. He wasn't the one. So take a deep breath, have a good cry, and then get busy. While you're at it, send my school an app.

Let her have her grieving process. A bit reactive and insensitive to OP considering it's difficult to move on from 6-year relationships to a new Jack, and prep./med. school isn't exactly conducive to finding new partners. I suggest OP has a good long talk with her bf and leaves or stays on pleasant terms. Discuss the ins and outs of your busy schedule, and if he's not willing to put up with it; hey irreconcilable differences happen and it's not the end of the world. You'll find someone OP, better to find out you weren't complementary now than later in the middle of med. school.
 
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It's different for men, we have different hormones and tend to take things for granted more. Women will weap and let it all out in the beginning. They'll begin to get over it much quicker than men. Men will act like nothing even happened the first week or so but once the realization hits it can drag on for years (like myself)
I dated a girl for about three years and then after breaking up we still saw each other at work for 4 years. Talk about not being able to let the past go. @TheBatman it's a Slow process. OP drop this dude, stay busy and you'll survive . Just don't let your mind wonder. At orientation our dean said 70% of incoming relationships end in med school.
 
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It's different for men, we have different hormones and tend to take things for granted more. Women will weap and let it all out in the beginning. They'll begin to get over it much quicker than men. Men will act like nothing even happened the first week or so but once the realization hits it can drag on for years (like myself)
Meh. I still feel bad about the girl whose heart I broke in high school

People process things in different ways I don't necessarily think it's a gendered thing. I've seen plenty of dudes mope around the few weeks after the end of a relationship and I've seen girls hold on to it for years.
 
Meh. I still feel bad about the girl whose heart I broke in high school

People process things in different ways I don't necessarily think it's a gendered thing. I've seen plenty of dudes mope around the few weeks after the end of a relationship and I've seen girls hold on to it for years.
The Batman is just too deeply sensitive and mature
 
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Meh. I still feel bad about the girl whose heart I broke in high school

Now she'll never look at another Fez without wistfully daydreaming about her unrequited love and what could've been. Poor little thing.
 
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