Boyfriend doesn't want me to go to med school

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desklamp

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So I've wanted to be a doctor my entire life (yes right out of the uterus) minus a phase when I was 8 where I wanted to be a marine biologist so i could "pet the whales". no but seriously, i've wanted to be a physician for a long while.

I'm non-trad though i was pre-med in college. Currently 27, will be 29 when I finish my current professional school (long story why I ended up here and not in med school originally but I assure you it's a good reason) so i have a couple years to mull it over.

I've wanted to try applying to med school for a long time, and this continuous exposure to patients and free clinics and my mom becoming ill and seeing a professor have a hemorrhagic stroke has just made me realize that if I don't do this now I might regret it forever.

The thing is my boyfriend (currently long distance though he says he wants to move to where I am currently going to school next year if he gets into the MS program here) is not supportive. I can understand why he isn't supportive. He is younger than me, and has told me he does not want to be the sole provider in the house or be the "only one taking care of the kids and being stressed out because you are stressed out". He does not want to be scrambling during the initial stages of his career trying to follow me around the country due to the uncertainty where you end up in terms of med school, residency, then job...
Basically the kind of life he wants is the 9-5, relaxed, nearly stress-free, going on vacations, cooking dinner together, domestic-y relationship and he does not want to bear the brunt of the responsibilities even if it's temporary. Which I totally get.

He also says that he thinks I would enjoy a more 9-5 job better and being a doctor will make me unhappy. i think that is coming from the times where i get stressed out over exams.

Thoughts? Are all relationships doomed in med school? If I go, will my boyfriend/fiance/whatever be like some kind of housewife slaving at home, changing diapers, and bringing home the bacon while I camp out at the library and wrack up student loans?

I don't know how to make him understand that I do not really like my current career path and being a physician is just kind of really important to me. I could tolerate being a pharmacist I guess, but... I don't feel the same passion towards it and i continuously feel useless when it comes to things like...you know...anything that does not involve PKPD or insurance. If I let the relationship go and pursue my career goals am I going to end up 40 years old and living in a house full of cats on account of not being able to meet anyone as an old resident? I understand that life is about balancing the family life you want and the career you want but I am frustrated right now because I want both but I can't have both.

He says he's never had a career he's really really really wanted.
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desklamp said:
The thing is my boyfriend (currently long distance though he says he wants to move to where I am currently going to school next year if he gets into the MS program here) is not supportive. I can understand why he isn't supportive. He is younger than me, and has told me he does not want to be the sole provider in the house or be the "only one taking care of the kids and being stressed out because you are stressed out". He does not want to be scrambling during the initial stages of his career trying to follow me around the country due to the uncertainty where you end up in terms of med school, residency, then job...
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Sounds pretty selfish. Dump boyfriend, apply to med school. Or keep boyfriend and resent him for keeping you back for however long you guys are together.
 
tkim said:
Sounds pretty selfish. Dump boyfriend, apply to med school. Or keep boyfriend and resent him for keeping you back for however long you guys are together.
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i didn't want to believe it but you may be right. when i texted him saying that when i talk to my resident/med student friends about patients and symptoms and diagnoses, or when i am able to help someone with their medical problems I am the most happy (profession-wise) his response was "k. ttyl going to gym". :(
 
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desklamp said:
i didn't want to believe it but you may be right. when i texted him saying that when i talk to my resident/med student friends about patients and symptoms and diagnoses, or when i am able to help someone with their medical problems I am the most happy (profession-wise) his response was "k. ttyl going to gym". :(
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Listen, this is your boyfriend. In most circles, this is in-between f*ck-buddy and fiance. So unless he upgrades his status, or you are convinced he's The One, and you want to have babies with him, drop him, pursue your own dreams. He's holding you back for his mere convenience. Again, doesn't sound like a serious, viable, life-partner.
 
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100% agree with the posts above me! It takes a strong woman to realize her potential as a physician, and every strong woman needs a strong man, not a boy who won't make sacrifices.

Consider this: he is asking you to sacrifice your life's dream, and your potential career, for him. What is HE sacrificing for YOU? If the answer is "not much," you should ask yourself why, and if that's something you're willing to accept.
 
I have to agree with the above posts. This guy really does not seem to want to make any sacrifices for you. Plenty of folks have kids, get married, etc. during med school and residency. By the way, what is he going to do if he does not get into the MS program close to you? Also, in terms of sacrificing during your school; it would be totally worth it for your happiness and the comfortable life you would have afterward.

Plus, it is not like you are ancient! You are 27, and assuming you start school at 29, you would only be 33 when you are going into residency. There will be plenty of time for you to have children after med school, not that you could not do so during.

As far as ending up alone, I doubt you have anything to worry about. You are clearly a strong, motivated, and intelligent young woman. In medical school and residency you are going to meet lots of motivated positive people from various fields and walks of life. Why waste your time with this person who is clearly holding you back and not willing to help you reach your goals? I am sure you would help and encourage him to strive for his dreams. I have no doubt that you would meet someone else.

Shut it down! Deal breaker.
 
Your relationship would not last through med school. Your boyfriend sounds like an ******* and if he's like this, when everything is dandy, one can only wonder what he would be like when you are sleep deprived, juggling 8-9 classes, haven't had sex in a month because you are too busy and he has to do majority if not all of the household chores depending on how much extracurriculars and patient outreach stuff you will involve yourself while in school.

I involved myself a lot, so I had time to do ****. You sound like you are the type to do everything too - patient outreaches, homeless clinics, blah blah, so you'll most likely be living and breathing school. Under these circumstances, you need the most supporting loving mate and he does not sound like he is it. Otherwise most likely you two will break up, which is what I seen, or get divorced if you get married, which is what I too have seen plenty examples of.
 
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I am not just saying this because you were an ******* to me in the other thread btw, I genuinely feel empathy for you and letting you know what I honestly think. I am a third year student by this point and made it through three years of this hell/ seen quite a few within my own class relationships break up and they were on entirely different plane and a lot more comitted/ a lot less wishey washey than yours. Professional school is a one of a kind experience, it's physically and emotionally hard to go through it when you are healthy and happy, if you are fighting emotional demons in a semi comitted relationship, it's something else.

Plus, we both know, if you don't pursue your passions, you'll regret it forever. Decide what your priorities are - mine were school at all costs and not just any school but my school. I don't know if I made the right decision, but if I hadn't made it, I certainly would have spent a lifetime wondering.
 
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Its a balance you and your SO can develop, not us. But roughly, the basic point to me is that; life drives us to make a priority list and number one slot belongs to one thing, not two together. The second one comes always somewhat later with slightly a lower priority and even the most ***** human feels this. I think your boyfriend is feeling that your priority belongs to medicine. He is in danger and trying to turn his face aside from the reality. That "TTYL going to gym" is reflecting both a runaway and anger, to me.

From a distance, you sound like you lean on your first love, medicine :) If thats the case, without feeling of guilt, you may need to pursue it. I would be honest in my self in such a lifetime important decision.

With a wider scope, to me, yes, life is an opportunity to realize ourselves, but not to focus on our own selves. Thats what we dont care nowadays.. so much that we disregard even the rights of our own kids. To me I have every kind of right to be with someone, to make sex, but not to bare a new human to this world, as long as I wont undertake the mother role and pass it to others around or pay for partial-mothers.

By the way, as technology and standards improve, the life quality is improving as well. So after residency too you will have a lot of chances to be with someone. But the point is that, if you cant sacrifice today, as long as you dont change, you wont sacrificy tomorrow too. This means ricochet relationships, as it is the fate of today's developed world=more self centered humans.
 
cheburashka said:
I am not just saying this because you were an ******* to me in the other thread btw, I genuinely feel empathy for you and letting you know what I honestly think. I am a third year student by this point and made it through three years of this hell/ seen quite a few within my own class relationships break up and they were on entirely different plane and a lot more comitted/ a lot less wishey washey than yours. Professional school is a one of a kind experience, it's physically and emotionally hard to go through it when you are healthy and happy, if you are fighting emotional demons in a semi comitted relationship, it's something else.

Plus, we both know, if you don't pursue your passions, you'll regret it forever. Decide what your priorities are - mine were school at all costs and not just any school but my school. I don't know if I made the right decision, but if I hadn't made it, I certainly would have spent a lifetime wondering.
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hahaha. i appreciate the advice. also i was trying specifically not to be a jackass (inc. joke about how when i try not to be a jag i'm still a jag) but to show my frustrations towards pharmacists antagonizing physicians, master's students, etc (and vice versa). ideally i want us all to be best buddies. i assume you mean the thread about methotrexate? but yes please don't take it personally. i may have been hanging out with my surgeon friend a bit too much lately ;) (jkjk surgeons are nice).

and thank you, i do agree with what you have said here. (and everyone else).
 
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Dump him. You know he is not right for what you want out of life. Hell, I can tell it in your posts.

As far as going to med school, I can perhaps speak most directly in terms of comparing it and pharm school since I have been in both.

I have always wanted me to be a physician too and had to stop for health reasons. I thought I could never be happy as a pharmacist because I cant get the patient contact I wanted. Well, once you get in there, being a physician is not all that great and neither are the patients. I was told from many physicians I was an idiot for wanting to go back.

I fell into a situation now where I work as a hospital Rph where I dont have to deal with the BS of patients and still use my brain with dosing meds, making sure docs dont write Rxs wrong, and other fun stuff. I also work PT on my week off doing consulting work. And, I still get to have a life.

Just saying being a pharmacist isnt that bad.......life may have saved me from myself.

Grass is not always greener.......and you may get what you asked for. I would look more into pharmacy. There are tons of different areas.
 
J DUB said:
Dump him. You know he is not right for what you want out of life. Hell, I can tell it in your posts.

As far as going to med school, I can perhaps speak most directly in terms of comparing it and pharm school since I have been in both.

I have always wanted me to be a physician too and had to stop for health reasons. I thought I could never be happy as a pharmacist because I cant get the patient contact I wanted. Well, once you get in there, being a physician is not all that great and neither are the patients. I was told from many physicians I was an idiot for wanting to go back.

I fell into a situation now where I work as a hospital Rph where I dont have to deal with the BS of patients and still use my brain with dosing meds, making sure docs dont write Rxs wrong, and other fun stuff. I also work PT on my week off doing consulting work. And, I still get to have a life.

Just saying being a pharmacist isnt that bad.......life may have saved me from myself.

Grass is not always greener.......and you may get what you asked for. I would look more into pharmacy. There are tons of different areas.
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It's great to hear that the PharmD life is still pretty good. I know medicine is pretty insane-- the schedule, the studying, the boards.

What was it specifically that you didn't like about being a physician or med school when comparing it to pharmacy other than the hectic schedule? though I hear that some specialties for physicians actually have decent ones? Are the patients really rude or ungrateful?

I keep hearing positive things about patients from my med student friend (though there were some crazy stories in there at the VA).

Thanks :)
 
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desklamp said:
It's great to hear that the PharmD life is still pretty good. I know medicine is pretty insane-- the schedule, the studying, the boards.

What was it specifically that you didn't like about being a physician or med school when comparing it to pharmacy other than the hectic schedule? though I hear that some specialties for physicians actually have decent ones? Are the patients really rude or ungrateful?

I keep hearing positive things about patients from my med student friend (though there were some crazy stories in there at the VA).

Thanks :)
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The pharm D life in terms of schooling, not work, is not any easier than med school. Maybe if you
compare New Guinea university to Harvard perhaps, but any top level program is going to be just as
intense. The studying and the boards are all there, with the exception that we don't have to take step exams by state, they are school specific. I say this all the time and it pissses off a lot of people, but I actually see pharmacy students studying a lot more at my school than medicine and this is due to nature of curricula, - you take your clinical classes earlier, vs we are still forced to take your basic
sciences but at grad level - (advanced organic, advanced physical chem ( not to be confused with gen chem)).

Plus, lots of classes are ihtegrated between pharmacy, medicine, physicaltherapy - so if you are
taking the same class a med student and sitting in the same classroom, you can't exactly say they have it harder. Even when you are not taking same classes, you are taught by the SAME MD faculty from the school of medicine, so it's not like they are getting some outrageous leaders in the field lecturers, while you are taught by no name strangers.

Also, pharmacy is harassed a lot more for volunteer/ ec stuff, medicine are left alone, they do their own thing - maybe get involved in one project or TA a class, we are bullied to be involved in 4-5 activities and community outreach projects outside of school, which is like a full time
job of its own.

I had several students bitch to me at what insanely hard classes they are taking and how much harder med school is, when they found themselves in the same classroom as me, bitching
about the same classes, it was certainly a revelation. You are not going to like this answer, but then again you have nothing in your personal experience to compare it too, while I have been taking classes with med students for 3+ years.
 
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By the way, I am not saying nor would I ever say - before you jump all over my throat - that pschool is harder than med school - what I am saying is I don't know where people get this idea that pharm school is easy and remedial crap compared to med school. If it was all this fun and dandy and easy, then you wouldn't see people with multiple science bachelors and masters degrees in my class struggling to get through and on antidepressants because they are so miserable in school. It's a doctorate program for god's sake, how easy can it be ? :confused:
 
desklamp said:
It's great to hear that the PharmD life is still pretty good. I know medicine is pretty insane-- the schedule, the studying, the boards.

What was it specifically that you didn't like about being a physician or med school when comparing it to pharmacy other than the hectic schedule? though I hear that some specialties for physicians actually have decent ones? Are the patients really rude or ungrateful?

I keep hearing positive things about patients from my med student friend (though there were some crazy stories in there at the VA).

Thanks :)
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The stress, patient problems, paperwork, it is your life, insurance runs your decisions along with the fear of being sued, etc.....

For everyone I know that likes it I can name about 2 or 3 that wish they did pharm, dent, or something else.
 
desklamp said:
It's great to hear that the PharmD life is still pretty good. I know medicine is pretty insane-- the schedule, the studying, the boards.

What was it specifically that you didn't like about being a physician or med school when comparing it to pharmacy other than the hectic schedule? though I hear that some specialties for physicians actually have decent ones? Are the patients really rude or ungrateful?

I keep hearing positive things about patients from my med student friend (though there were some crazy stories in there at the VA).
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Some thoughts:

* You need to have a supportive partner. Med school/residency is a long haul, and if he's not on board, it's going to be a very difficult one.

* Yes, there are some very decent lifestyle specialties. Derm, PM&R, Rad Onc, Pathology - all of these have decent lifestyles both during residency AND as attendings. That being said, Derm and Rad Onc are very difficult to get into, and require a stellar record as a medical student...which requires a lot of hard work. (PM&R and Pathology are easier to get into.)

Psych, Family Med, outpatient Internal Med, Pain Medicine, Sleep Medicine - all have decent lifestyles as attendings. The residency can be hit-or-miss.

* While I agree that it sounds like your boyfriend is being selfish, you DO have to make sure that he doesn't have a point. When he tells you that he thinks you'd like a "9-5" job better, is it just because he's being selfish, or because he can see you more objectively than you can? Maybe you're an enormous b!tch during moments of stress, but you don't realize just how difficult you are. Maybe you don't realize just how poorly you handle the stress of exams, and he's genuinely concerned that you'll go off the deep end during med school. I don't know if that's true, but it's something to think about.

* You need to figure out for yourself WHAT it is about medicine that attracts you. There are other ways of taking care of patients that may not be so long or so taxing - becoming a nurse or a PA or a pharmacist, for instance.

I will say...in all honesty, I can't see myself doing anything else. While yes, there are days that I hate being a physician, even at the end of those days, I don't know what else I would do. I do really love taking care of patients. I love the diagnostic and procedural part of it. I love listening to a patient's story and figure out what's wrong with them. I know a lot of people on SDN talk about how outdated physical exam is, but I still get a huge kick out of it. I still find it amazing to put a stethoscope on someone's chest and diagnose them with atrial fibrillation, or a murmur, or an arrhythmia, just by LISTENING to them. Or just by laying hands on someone's belly, you can feel for the presence of fluid, or a tumor, or figure out which way the baby is lying.

You also have to ask yourself if you're willing to take final responsibility for a patient's outcome. PAs do a lot of the stuff that I talked about, but they still are overseen by a physician. Pharmacists help monitor part of a patient's care, but they aren't responsible for making the right diagnosis and treatment plan, so if something bad happens, it doesn't fall on them. If you're willing to take on that full responsibility for a patient's care, then I'd keep pursuing medical school. But if you're not, then maybe it's time to consider other fields.
 
cheburashka said:
By the way, I am not saying nor would I ever say - before you jump all over my throat - that pschool is harder than med school - what I am saying is I don't know where people get this idea that pharm school is easy and remedial crap compared to med school. If it was all this fun and dandy and easy, then you wouldn't see people with multiple science bachelors and masters degrees in my class struggling to get through and on antidepressants because they are so miserable in school. It's a doctorate program for god's sake, how easy can it be ? :confused:
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nod.. in Turkey both pharm and med schools have very similar criteria and they are as tough as each other. Once upon a time it was a very tidy, sweet-lady job to have a pharmacy and work on your own there. Today both technically and sectorally they are drown in a high circulating technical knowledge and traffic.
 
Agree with the above posts. It sounds like your bf is holding you back. Dumb him and pursue your dream. You need a partner who is SUPPORTIVE especially in this line of work.
 
I respect all of you guys, please dont take my words personal, but to dump a human shouldnt be that easy.

Not to back one in his/her personal goals doesnt make another human easy to be treated that way. Actually to live a relationship which ends with dumping someone, would get my self-respect hurt in myself. I am living experiences too, many times with people that dont deserve me, ok, but if I get myself down with such an attitude which gives me kinda temporary masturbative satisfaction, later there wont be something in my hands from me.. these kind of things crumble our hearts and fine quality in long term.

Besides, his effort to create a future in her location and, from his perspective,to expect a mutual sacrifice is valuable. His despair and anger is a normal human reaction and understandable. Even if things dont go further, to have a "dumping side" approach gets her down.

While he doesnt want to back her, notice that she doesnt want to back him as well.
 
cheburashka said:
By the way, I am not saying nor would I ever say - before you jump all over my throat - that pschool is harder than med school - what I am saying is I don't know where people get this idea that pharm school is easy and remedial crap compared to med school. If it was all this fun and dandy and easy, then you wouldn't see people with multiple science bachelors and masters degrees in my class struggling to get through and on antidepressants because they are so miserable in school. It's a doctorate program for god's sake, how easy can it be ? :confused:
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Well, it's not remedial. I mean my school is kind of ehh but I know it varies from school to school. But I think the difference between pharm and med is not so much the content, but the rate at which the content is being put out. What do you think?

I guess I mean, as a med student you have to deal with USMLE in which your actual score matters, a lot, as well as how many honors you get. I mean GPA is important in pharm school too, but not so much if your goal is retail and not a residency, which is pretty much required to practice medicine. then, all of your didactic courses are essentially compressed into 2 years of schooling rather than 3 which can make a huge difference. I guess I am saying that, if you approach a difficult pharmacy program like a med student (must get honors! must score super high on boards!), then I am sure the difficulty levels are somewhat comparable. I was under the impression that we just had to pass the NAPLEX/law exams though and it wasn't a deciding factor in residencies since we take it after residency interviews. mayhaps I am wrong.

Rotations...are a whole different animal. My roommate went on her ortho rotation and I basically never saw her and would sometimes get texts at 2 am saying that she had to stay overnight at the hospital because the surgery was taking a long time and could i feed her cat. I love her cat so it was all good :D. My MD PhD friend said when he went on clinical rotations, all the med students looked haggard and bordering on death, and then in walked the pharmacy rotation student all fresh faced and telling them how she had just finished working out.

Again, I'm sure this varies with the program.

Additionally you'd have to look at the amount of difficult classes med students are taking at once vs. pharm. Like I don't think pharm students take anatomy lab (which is hugely time consuming with the dissecting cadavers and lab practical) unless UCSF pharm has a different curriculum? It looks like you guys take anatomy but is that with the med students and dissections and whatnot?

It does sounds kind of insanely difficult from what I have read and if people are on antidepressants and struggling. Much respect to you for getting through it while staying sane. Of course when I compare med school and pharmacy school I mean it as applied only to my experience (e.g if i say "pharm school is so much easier than med school", that would only be my pharmacy school compared to my med school, and would be the entire 4 year experience, not just the classes)

Out of curiosity how many classes do you guys take with the med students (and which ones?)

And thanks everyone for the responses (especially those currently in practice giving their insights on the profession). It's encouraging hearing both PharmDs and MDs who really love their jobs.
 
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bidiboom said:
I respect all of you guys, please dont take my words personal, but to dump a human shouldnt be that easy.

Not to back one in his/her personal goals doesnt make another human easy to be treated that way. Actually to live a relationship which ends with dumping someone, would get my self-respect hurt in myself. I am living experiences too, many times with people that dont deserve me, ok, but if I get myself down with such an attitude which gives me kinda temporary masturbative satisfaction, later there wont be something in my hands from me.. these kind of things crumble our hearts and fine quality in long term.

Besides, his effort to create a future in her location and, from his perspective,to expect a mutual sacrifice is valuable. His despair and anger is a normal human reaction and understandable. Even if things dont go further, to have a "dumping side" approach gets her down.

While he doesnt want to back her, notice that she doesnt want to back him as well.
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err I specifically said, I understand where he is coming from. I don't know if that was addressed at me or not.

As far as supporting HIS career, I never made a reference to my thoughts on that in my post so I don't know where you would have drawn the conclusion that I don't support him.

But then again I'm not sure I entirely understand what your post is saying lol.
 
smq123 said:
Some thoughts:

* You need to have a supportive partner. Med school/residency is a long haul, and if he's not on board, it's going to be a very difficult one.

* Yes, there are some very decent lifestyle specialties. Derm, PM&R, Rad Onc, Pathology - all of these have decent lifestyles both during residency AND as attendings. That being said, Derm and Rad Onc are very difficult to get into, and require a stellar record as a medical student...which requires a lot of hard work. (PM&R and Pathology are easier to get into.)

Psych, Family Med, outpatient Internal Med, Pain Medicine, Sleep Medicine - all have decent lifestyles as attendings. The residency can be hit-or-miss.

* While I agree that it sounds like your boyfriend is being selfish, you DO have to make sure that he doesn't have a point. When he tells you that he thinks you'd like a "9-5" job better, is it just because he's being selfish, or because he can see you more objectively than you can? Maybe you're an enormous b!tch during moments of stress, but you don't realize just how difficult you are. Maybe you don't realize just how poorly you handle the stress of exams, and he's genuinely concerned that you'll go off the deep end during med school. I don't know if that's true, but it's something to think about.

* You need to figure out for yourself WHAT it is about medicine that attracts you. There are other ways of taking care of patients that may not be so long or so taxing - becoming a nurse or a PA or a pharmacist, for instance.

I will say...in all honesty, I can't see myself doing anything else. While yes, there are days that I hate being a physician, even at the end of those days, I don't know what else I would do. I do really love taking care of patients. I love the diagnostic and procedural part of it. I love listening to a patient's story and figure out what's wrong with them. I know a lot of people on SDN talk about how outdated physical exam is, but I still get a huge kick out of it. I still find it amazing to put a stethoscope on someone's chest and diagnose them with atrial fibrillation, or a murmur, or an arrhythmia, just by LISTENING to them. Or just by laying hands on someone's belly, you can feel for the presence of fluid, or a tumor, or figure out which way the baby is lying.

You also have to ask yourself if you're willing to take final responsibility for a patient's outcome. PAs do a lot of the stuff that I talked about, but they still are overseen by a physician. Pharmacists help monitor part of a patient's care, but they aren't responsible for making the right diagnosis and treatment plan, so if something bad happens, it doesn't fall on them. If you're willing to take on that full responsibility for a patient's care, then I'd keep pursuing medical school. But if you're not, then maybe it's time to consider other fields.
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Haha I don't think he's entirely wrong in saying i would enjoy the 9-5 life. I know that he does observe me in stressful situations and I do get snappy (aware enough of myself to know not to cross the bitchy line though :)). That being said, I feel that anyone would enjoy the 9-5 life so it's not that relevant. What's more important is whether the love of medicine outweighs the love of having a "normal life".

Your last paragraph is exactly why I want to pursue medicine-- having full responsibility over a patient-- having the knowledge and skills to diagnose

If I drew a diagram for why I am choosing medicine over pharmacy it would look something like this.

In the center is that feeling that, as a pharmacist, what I do and what I know is not enough for the patient. It is only one piece of the picture. I watched someone have a stroke in class. After we called the EMTs and saw him/her to the hospital I just felt this utter sense of helplessness. If I was a pharmacist, what could I do to help a patient who was that sick other than take a look at his medications and make sure they are optimal and don't complicate anything? I can't even do that if we don't know what's wrong with him, and I can't choose his regimen-- only make suggestions and hope it sticks. I'm not delusional in thinking being a doctor means you can save someone having a stroke (it's more the time frame they are treated, location, degree of insult, type of stroke, etc as we all know), but it is a step (probably the only step) in the right direction. As a pharmacist can I write an order for TPA? Or do surgical procedures? I don't know that there is anything beyond a doctor that gives you that responsibility and free reign over a patient's care. As far as being a nurse or a PA, that still does not give you the same level of independence as far as I am aware.

I've felt this way nearly my entire life (CLICHE ALERT. though really, i don't know that I would have paid the 45k a year to attend Hopkins if i hadn't felt that way towards medicine in high school). It isn't anything new or a complete change of heart. I only suppressed it when I thought I had to give up my medical school aspirations in undergrad. Most of my current job satisfaction as a pharmacy intern comes primarily when listening to patients present their symptoms and diagnoses. I like listening to their concerns, answering questions within my field (dosing, side effects yada yada) and either referring them to a physician or finding OTCs to alleviate the discomfort. But it's not enough. And that thought nags like an itch every time I work at the hospital, volunteer at free clinics or one of my family members has a health crisis. And it won't go away either. Like herpes.

.....

Surrounding that reason are the more general rationale like good salary (hey, everyone needs to be able to support a family), satisfaction from helping the sick, enjoyment of patient interaction, intellectual drive, love of diagnostics/science, ego (just kidding).

I don't know why I just wrote out part of my personal statement on the forum, but I guess I want my fellow SDN colleagues to know my reasoning because i just know my posts about switching from pharm to med have people immediately shaking their heads solemnly and thinking "oh another deluded fool who's ego is too big for pharmacy and thinks they can cut it as a physician. what an iiiidiot."

hey, if you all think my reasoning is stupid/misguided at least I will find out now and not when I am presenting my case to the adcom/interviewer ;).

Oh just for the record. I know what jerks patients can be, and that it isn't always pure joy and gratification that they display to you when you "cure" them. My anesthesiology resident friend was just telling me a story about a man in the ER who would not stop disdainfully spitting on everyone. He is not a fan of most patients and was actually disillusioned about medicine for most of med school and intern year. Now he loves it (that may be why he chose anesthesiology so..you know..patients are out cold for most of the process. KIDDING. kind of.) Gratitude from the patient is not the only glory in medicine, i imagine there is also that feeling you get when you've solved a difficult problem.

Please, please let me know if any of this is misguided. I am the first person who would want to know if my reasons for pursuing medical school are not applicable. Might save my poor boyfriend and i 8 years of potential misery.
 
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desklamp said:
err I specifically said, I understand where he is coming from. I don't know if that was addressed at me or not.

As far as supporting HIS career, I never made a reference to my thoughts on that in my post so I don't know where you would have drawn the conclusion that I don't support him.

But then again I'm not sure I entirely understand what your post is saying lol.
Click to expand...

No, no its not specifically about your post :) but I saw in general a strong tone against him. Actually they both want to be backed and why shall I position myself on one side? My words are coming from this approach.

And its very very much normal if you have a difficulty in understanding my words, since I am not a native speaker and I myself have a problem with expressing myself :( It may also because of my approach that sounds pretty weird for many, I dont know..
 
:thumbup:
smq123 said:
Some thoughts:

* While I agree that it sounds like your boyfriend is being selfish, you DO have to make sure that he doesn't have a point. When he tells you that he thinks you'd like a "9-5" job better, is it just because he's being selfish, or because he can see you more objectively than you can? Maybe you're an enormous b!tch during moments of stress, but you don't realize just how difficult you are. Maybe you don't realize just how poorly you handle the stress of exams, and he's genuinely concerned that you'll go off the deep end during med school. I don't know if that's true, but it's something to think about.
Click to expand...
 
bidiboom said:
No, no its not specifically about your post :) but I saw in general a strong tone against him. Actually they both want to be backed and why shall I position myself on one side? My words are coming from this approach.

And its very very much normal if you have a difficulty in understanding my words, since I am not a native speaker and I myself have a problem with expressing myself :( It may also because of my approach that sounds pretty weird for many, I dont know..
Click to expand...

oh yes, of course :). always good to know both sides of the story.
 
Ok here goes:
My EX-husband didn't support me going to med school either. He didn't support anything I did. Your boyfriend (I hope he's an ex by now) isn't going to support anything you do that is better than what he does. He's insecure, and you being a doctor will make him more insecure. Drop him like a a dead body and run. You'll find someone else, and you will be happy. My ex held me back for 8 years, and that was WAY too long. I am finally going to start med school at 35 almost 36.... Get to it girl!
 
desklamp said:
So I've wanted to be a doctor my entire life.

The thing is my boyfriend (currently long distance though he says he wants to move to where I am currently going to school next year if he gets into the MS program here) is not supportive.

Thoughts? Are all relationships doomed in med school? If I go, will my boyfriend/fiance/whatever be like some kind of housewife slaving at home, changing diapers, and bringing home the bacon while I camp out at the library and wrack up student loans?

I don't know how to make him understand that I do not really like my current career path and being a physician is just kind of really important to me. I could tolerate being a pharmacist I guess, but... I don't feel the same passion towards it

I understand that life is about balancing the family life you want and the career you want but I am frustrated right now because I want both but I can't have both.
Click to expand...

You can have both (medical career and family). It's just a temporary process being medical student and being a trainee. If you want family life then go with family friendly specialties such as family medicine, dermatology, ophthalmology, anaesthetics, radiology, etc.

Problem comes whether you and him can work something out to tough out the coming 10 years of study & training. If he's very important to you, then communication will be the key and establish mutual understanding. Relationship is give and take.

At the end of the day you need to go with your passion. Your passion is part of what defines you. No point continuing with the relationship unhappy (not doing medicine). So definitely go for medicine with or without him. If he's prepared to travel this journey with you then he needs to know what's involved. Medicine is a demanding path and not infrequently partner suffers with the doctor. He needs to be prepared. If not, then let the poor soul go. It's your battle and you can't force loved ones to fight with you if they don't want to. Funny sometimes doctors are the sickest people around: sick due to long hours and broken relationships.

Good luck :D Medicine is heaps of fun.
 
Been there, done that. Married the unsupportive boyfriend. Went to PA school instead of med school. Always wondered "could I have been a doctor?" The longer I was a practicing PA, the more convinced I was that I wanted to be a physician. Resentment grew with the unsupportive husband. Eventually we divorced (no kids though), he married an overeducated SAHM, had the 2.5 kids, has his happy 9-5 life. I remarried later to someone who supports me entirely (although he would like the 9-5 life and vacations) and I am in medical school 14 years later.
Just gotta tell you: your boyfriend is not worth giving up a lifelong dream. There WILL BE someone who supports you and understands you. It really is much easier for you to let this one go since you don't live together, don't have kids, don't have joint debt and stuff yet.
And FWIW, I will be 40 when I graduate med school. So what? I can pass for 10 yr younger and I will be 40 anyway.
Be well and happy!!
Good luck.
Lisa
 
When my husband decided to go into med school (after already completing a master's in engineering), I supported him totally. If he loves you, he'll want YOU to be happy. I'd look for another guy who would be happy to have a hard working woman by his side.
 
If you were to not go to medical school, you would resent him for essentially "not allowing" you to pursue your dreams.

If you were to go to medical school and stay in this relationship, he would resent you for "not allowing" him to live the life that he wants to live.

Neither scenario ends well.
 
desklamp said:
So I've wanted to be a doctor my entire life (yes right out of the uterus) minus a phase when I was 8 where I wanted to be a marine biologist so i could "pet the whales". no but seriously, i've wanted to be a physician for a long while.

I'm non-trad though i was pre-med in college. Currently 27, will be 29 when I finish my current professional school (long story why I ended up here and not in med school originally but I assure you it's a good reason) so i have a couple years to mull it over.

I've wanted to try applying to med school for a long time, and this continuous exposure to patients and free clinics and my mom becoming ill and seeing a professor have a hemorrhagic stroke has just made me realize that if I don't do this now I might regret it forever.

The thing is my boyfriend (currently long distance though he says he wants to move to where I am currently going to school next year if he gets into the MS program here) is not supportive. I can understand why he isn't supportive. He is younger than me, and has told me he does not want to be the sole provider in the house or be the "only one taking care of the kids and being stressed out because you are stressed out". He does not want to be scrambling during the initial stages of his career trying to follow me around the country due to the uncertainty where you end up in terms of med school, residency, then job...
Basically the kind of life he wants is the 9-5, relaxed, nearly stress-free, going on vacations, cooking dinner together, domestic-y relationship and he does not want to bear the brunt of the responsibilities even if it's temporary. Which I totally get.

He also says that he thinks I would enjoy a more 9-5 job better and being a doctor will make me unhappy. i think that is coming from the times where i get stressed out over exams.

Thoughts? Are all relationships doomed in med school? If I go, will my boyfriend/fiance/whatever be like some kind of housewife slaving at home, changing diapers, and bringing home the bacon while I camp out at the library and wrack up student loans?

I don't know how to make him understand that I do not really like my current career path and being a physician is just kind of really important to me. I could tolerate being a pharmacist I guess, but... I don't feel the same passion towards it and i continuously feel useless when it comes to things like...you know...anything that does not involve PKPD or insurance. If I let the relationship go and pursue my career goals am I going to end up 40 years old and living in a house full of cats on account of not being able to meet anyone as an old resident? I understand that life is about balancing the family life you want and the career you want but I am frustrated right now because I want both but I can't have both.

He says he's never had a career he's really really really wanted.
Click to expand...

well you have to get in first. Then, go from there.
 
Being that this 7 month old thread was revived, I'm curious what did OP decide?
 
Why would you stay with someone who wouldn't support you? That's nuts.
 
Now, you're just not playing fair. Why delete my posts if no one can see them?
 
You realize by doing this that now I am absolutely going to have to come back as a new user.
 
You think you'd treat someone who was a member for almost a decade better than this.
 
Well, if you guys won't play fair, neither will I. It's on!
 
I don't see the harm in allowing me to read SPF & The Wolf's Den if I no one can see my posts. Then I wouldn't need to keep making new accounts and you wouldn't have to keep banning them.
 
Of course, that's entirely too reasonable.
 
This sounds like one of those "If you have to ask..." situations.
 
I don't know, I kind of understand where the boyfriend is coming from. It doesn't make him an a-hole just because he and his gf want different things out of life. That said, if there is a huge mismatch it's time to decide who keeps the dog.
 
arfc6 said:
I don't know, I kind of understand where the boyfriend is coming from. It doesn't make him an a-hole just because he and his gf want different things out of life. That said, if there is a huge mismatch it's time to decide who keeps the dog.
Click to expand...

The problem was not them wanting different things per se. The problem was he was actively trying to dissuade her for semi-selfish reasons.
 
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