CA female applying and married; disclose marriage?

derf

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    Hi, my good friend in class is married and her husband works in L.A. She told me that she will omit that fact within the application and personal statement. She said she's not really lying, but prefers to view it as not forthcoming with that specific detail.

    Why? She thinks that it will compromise her chances with schools outside CA in light of the fact that her husband works in L.A (he cannot leave his position). They had a mutual agreement that he would support her no matter which school she attends and he would stay in CA.

    However, I told her that she might, in turn, lose any advantages by the SoCal schools that may give her a little more consideration because of her spousal situation. But she thinks that somewhat unpredictable and shallow advantage may be outweighed by the risk of not getting into any schools outside CA.

    Any sense to my or her argument? (p.s. she has a lot of Asian friends who were married and were not accepted to the schools they applied to, but obviously there is no correlation that was proven??)
     

    Tezzie

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      I don't see why she shouldn't mention it. She can say that she is married but not say that her husband is unwilling to leave LA. She can mention that her husband doesn't want to leave LA to UCLA, Drew, UCSD, etc in her LOI.
       

      mky

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        I agree, she shouldn't hide the fact that she is married, but she doesn't need to disclose the fact that her husband isn't planning on moving. I got married during the application process and it certainly came up during interviews. I knew I wanted to stay on the west coast because of my husband's job, but I interviewed on the east coast as well. When I was asked- I redirected the conversation- saying that we have spoken about it and he has many opportunities, but that he is my number one cheerleader and fully supports me going to med school. Only one interviewer hounded me further about it. But what was important was stressing that I had support and that we were confident in our decisions.

        Besides I think the AMCAS application actually asks if you are married/single so she can't lie on that.
         
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        derf

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          mky said:
          Besides I think the AMCAS application actually asks if you are married/single so she can't lie on that.

          thanks all for the insight. I don't believe the AMCAS asks for your marital status "directly", but rather parent/gaurdian info.
           

          Fritz

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            I don't think she should worry about the fact that she is married. When asked about her husband's job she could just redirect the conversation by saying that her husband is very supportive, etc. I am saying this because I went through a similar situation, the only difference was that I was pregnant when I interviewed. ( I interviewed until two weeks before the due date). I want to point out that I got in everywhere.
            I think many of the people in ad coms are past the prejudices about people having families. After all a lot of people get married during medical school or residency. Doctors are not only doctors, but they are also people that have families. One of my interviewers actually told me that he prefers to have people in medical school who are happily married or in stable and harmonious relationships, rather than students who worry all the time about having fights with their girlfriend/boyfriend, and who are miserable. He told me that students with emotional problems tend to lose their focus in medical school.
            After having interviewed at a lot of schools I do believe that the ad coms look at the type of person you are and if you are meant to be a doctor. They really don't care if you are married or not. While your friend interviews however, I think she should emphazise that her husband is very supportive. At the same time, I think being married can be an advantage because it makes you more responsible, more mature. When you are alone, you can do whatever you want, but in a relationship you have to be more responsible.

            Good luck to your friend.

            Fritz.
             

            Kalel

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              I'm pretty sure that it's illegal for med school app's and your med school interviewer to ask about your marital status. I don't see why it would be appropriate to bring it up, so I don't see anything wrong with "with-holding" that information too. I seriously doubt if it will have any adverse impact on your app if they discover that you are married though.
               

              pathdr2b

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                I wounldn't mention it not to hide it but if it's not relevant to why she wants to become a physician, I personally don't see the need for it. I have a Fiance', a Child, and a Cat and none of them are mentioned in my personal statement. However, because my Father's passing IS relevant to why I want to become a doctor, I have mentioned that.
                 

                DrMrsHarrison

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                  i wouldn't worry about it. plenty of people in med school are married, and plenty of married med students and grad students live apart from their spouse for some or all of the time they are in school. i doubt the reason the OP's friend didn't get into school had anything to do with marital status. you can choose not to disclose your marital status in your applications, but if it comes up, i would be forthcoming about it.

                  i think the advice given here about how to deal with the conversation in interviews is smart. yes, it is technically illegal for med schools to place any value on your marital status or to ask you about it in an interview, but here in the real world, you certainly won't get very far in the admissions process by telling interviewers their questions are illegal and you don't have to answer.
                   

                  JunkintheTrunk

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                    i'm engaged, and most interviewers can't ignore the huge *bling* on my finger :) since there's so many female applicants and more than half of each class is female now, i've never been looked down upon because of it. i've even been accepted to schools that know i'm getting married this summer. i think they like it sometimes because they know you'll have the stability and comfort available when you have someone to always go home to and to keep you on your feet....that, and they know you won't be worried about dating during med school :D
                     

                    Lochmoor

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                      I think it's all about how she plays it. If she feels that being married is going to be a problem, then the interviewer will pick up on it and will feel a bit uneasy. However, if she just states being married as part of her life and there are no expected problems becuase of it she'll do fine.

                      As others said, med schools are not prejudiced toward any type of applicant, they look at the applicant as a potential physician and their commitment to a career in medicine. I had a serious illness in college, yet still mentioned it on my application and used it to my advantage. It's possible some ad coms may have had doubts about my future health, but it all worked out. This is a very similar situation, she doesnt need to be defensive and just has to show that being married will not cause any problems and can/will help her succeed.
                       

                      Amy B

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                        Schools are not allowed to ask about marital status during interviews. I don't think it would come into play unless they had kids. My husband is staying here and I am moving with the kids alone. Don't want that, but he hasn't found a job that pays enough yet. The school knows about this because it was talked about with the financial aid office. But being married hasn't affected my application in a positve way nor in a negative way.

                        It is easy to become paranoid about the smallest things during the application process. It is so subjective at times, I can see why people start to get upset about the smallest things. But I don't think that she has to reveal the fact that she is married unless they ask or unless it is on their forms. Then she would have to tell them.

                        Tell her not to worry.
                         

                        Newquagmire

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                          derf said:
                          She told me that she will omit that fact within the application and personal statement. She said she's not really lying, but prefers to view it as not forthcoming with that specific detail.

                          Why? She thinks that it will compromise her chances with schools outside CA in light of the fact that her husband works in L.A (he cannot leave his position). They had a mutual agreement that he would support her no matter which school she attends and he would stay in CA.

                          Something else she might consider is that medicine is traditionally a "man's" profession. The more traditional interviewer might ask "hard" questions about how she plans to balance starting a family/raising children with the demanding hours of a student/resident. This may or may not be an illegal interview question, but it WILL happen.
                           

                          jlee9531

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                            Amy B said:
                            Schools are not allowed to ask about marital status during interviews. I don't think it would come into play unless they had kids. My husband is staying here and I am moving with the kids alone. Don't want that, but he hasn't found a job that pays enough yet. The school knows about this because it was talked about with the financial aid office. But being married hasn't affected my application in a positve way nor in a negative way.

                            It is easy to become paranoid about the smallest things during the application process. It is so subjective at times, I can see why people start to get upset about the smallest things. But I don't think that she has to reveal the fact that she is married unless they ask or unless it is on their forms. Then she would have to tell them.

                            Tell her not to worry.

                            nice avatar amyb....

                            but once again an excellent post that the OP's friend should really take note of. with female applicants out numbering the male applicants now (and this trend should continue in the future as well) meeting women who are married or engaged will become more and more common and obviously people in med school have dealt with it and succeeded as well...so i really dont think she has anything to worry about.
                             

                            Canrenone

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                              derf said:
                              Hi, my good friend in class is married and her husband works in L.A. She told me that she will omit that fact within the application and personal statement. She said she's not really lying, but prefers to view it as not forthcoming with that specific detail.

                              Why? She thinks that it will compromise her chances with schools outside CA in light of the fact that her husband works in L.A (he cannot leave his position). They had a mutual agreement that he would support her no matter which school she attends and he would stay in CA.

                              However, I told her that she might, in turn, lose any advantages by the SoCal schools that may give her a little more consideration because of her spousal situation. But she thinks that somewhat unpredictable and shallow advantage may be outweighed by the risk of not getting into any schools outside CA.

                              Any sense to my or her argument? (p.s. she has a lot of Asian friends who were married and were not accepted to the schools they applied to, but obviously there is no correlation that was proven??)

                              I wouldn't mention it. Most of my interviewers asked me if I was married or had kids. When the men found out I was married the interview went down hill. They didn't believe that a man should follow a woman around for her job or school. At my local schools they asked (women interviewers) and they were impressed that my husband was so supportive and I didn't get waitlisted at those schools. They did a good job of slyly questioning me on whether or not to have children during med school (it was discouraged but not impossible). I am woman hear me roar. :D :p :p
                               

                              HollyJ

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                                I didn't mention that I was married in my application materials, but only because I didn't think that it was relevant. However, I did get asked in interviews, illegal or not. I never had any negative responses to it at all, although one of my interviewers (a woman) kept asking me if my husband knew what he was getting into. Like, six times. I said no. Still got in.

                                Not that this process can't be unbearably capricious, but I think that people in general worry too much about this stuff. You aren't going to be accepted or rejected based on your marital status. Giving the impression that you're hiding something, however, can be really detrimental.
                                 

                                jlee9531

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                                  HollyJ said:
                                  Not that this process can't be unbearably capricious, but I think that people in general worry too much about this stuff. You aren't going to be accepted or rejected based on your marital status. Giving the impression that you're hiding something, however, can be really detrimental.

                                  :thumbup:

                                  its all about whether they think you can succeed as a doctor. and that has nothing to do with whether you are man or a woman, married or single...
                                   

                                  English Chick

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                                    I have been both engaged and married for various medical school interviews (application cycles two years apart) and both times, I thought my marital status helped me get in. My fiance/husband and I were making an effort to stay together (geographically) and I felt like my interviewers were supportive of that goal. I know it's only anecdotal evidence, but I was admitted to every school where I discussed my husband during an interview and rejected/waitlisted from the schools where he didn't come up. I'm starting medical school in the fall at the same school where he's a PhD student, and I don't think my ties to the area/school were an insignificant factor in my admission.
                                     
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