Can someone proofread a small paragraph of my personal statement?

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SSSMDt

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I was wondering if anyone is willing to read over only one small paragraph of my personal statement. I propose some insights made while working in Primary Care and was hoping to make sure that everything I say is true and that the notions I bring to the table are appropriate insights to make in a personal statement. I would hope to PM you for this advice.

Feel free to shoot me down if this isn't the appropriate forum to ask this. It's just that the physician I work for has very strong opinions and I try to be as unbiased as possible at this point.

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