SickOfLaw

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Sorry - I don't feel comfortable posting personal info here anymore.
 

crazydiamond

Non-trad with 2 kids
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May 29, 2007
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Albuquerque, NM
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Pre-Medical
I don't have any experience with children that old, but I did want to say congrats for taking the leap! From what I've heard from others, having older children is actually a plus. They are much more self-sufficient and have friends and such to occupy them. They don't need mommy and daddy quite so much, at least not in a time-intensive manner. Of course they'll still need you to help them navigate through the teen years, but it's not the same as having a toddler, ya know?

My kids are much younger, but your question is one I still wonder about. I have a 3 year old and a newborn (one week old today!). . .so the older one will be in kindergarten by the time I start school. So they'll be elementary-aged throughout my schooling and residency. Not the same thing, but I thought I'd throw that out there anyway ;)
 

ShyRem

I need more coffee.
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Jun 17, 2004
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My children are currently 12 and 9 and I'm an MSII. My kids still need me - especially to keep them on the straight and narrow, help with homework, work their way through puberty/dating/dances/bras/first wet dream/social angst/fighting with each other/etc and generally grow up. Having children in med school makes some things tough: I don't do study groups very often. I don't do the "extra" stuff like working in free clinics, conferences, etc. I have a whole lot less time to study than my fellow child-free students, and I get a lot less sleep. I'm still a Mom taxi for track, little league baseball, music lessons, etc.

BUT. I eat a lot better because I'm making dinner from scratch for the family almost every night. I have a life. I have a place that is NOT med school. My husband and children are a wonderful break from med school and they remind me daily why I'm going through this hell they call med school. They're my soft place to land.

Living. My husband works, but he had to take a 50% pay cut (and it was the best paying job in his field where we moved to). His hours are horrible, and there are lots of days we only see each other for literally 5 minutes a day. We don't even get to sleep in the same bed at the same time - he works graveyards. It sucks. But we realize it's temporary. The kids are.. well, kids. Some days they're great. Some days I think I'd give them to the nearest passing band of gypsies.

Finances. We were pretty good at living within our means before, but it is a bit tighter now. We shop at the farm a lot (beef right from the farmer, etc.). We have a chest freezer for food, so we can get things cheaper and store them (and it's room for the beef). I knit and sew, and fix clothing when it tears. We fix the house ourselves so no repairman bills. We buy winter coats the year before when the 70% off sales hit and buy them a size or two bigger than the kids are now. And vacation: What's a vacation? BTW: I'll be about $280K in debt when I'm all done. OUCH. BIIIIGGGG OUCH.

The guilt factor. Ok, this one is pretty darn big. I sent my husband's career back to ZERO. And I mean ZERO... no vacation. The worst hours. The worst pay he's ever had. EVER. I ripped my kids away from the only home they ever knew, their friends, their schools, their extra-curriculars. We aren't saving for retirement anymore. We aren't saving for kids' college anymore. Ok, we aren't saving ANYTHING anymore.

BUT: they're very proud of Mom. Living somewhere else is an adventure, and it gives them a breadth of experience living in very different parts of the country. There's lots of historical stuff all around the country, and we're doing our best to see a lot of it where we're at now. As for the kids' college funds. Well, I borrowed money for my college and worked for the rest. They can too. And if I'm working and have a nice chunk of my own student loans paid off when they're in college, I can help out.

Has it been worth it? So far. My husband/best friend/cheerleader/etc. is the BEST. Supportive. Takes up the slack that I've dropped. Lets me vent my stress (which is pretty frequent given the stress of med school, the guilt, the stress of finances, family, etc.). And he writes me notes that I find on my car at school or clinicals or in my bag, my email, written on my desktop, etc. telling me how proud he is of what I'm doing. (That man is SO going to retire early when I'm done! Hopefully I can support him in the lifestyle he would like to become accustomed to - he deserves it.)

But having said all that above, there are plenty of med students who had "stable supportive" marriages/families who are getting (or already got) divorced through this process. Its hard unless you have someone who is extremely understanding of the time commitment medical school is. Undergraduate looks like a vacation in comparison. But I also think it depends on how you learn, what kind of school you go to, etc.

Ok. I've rambled enough. Next parent?
 

PunkmedGirl

Freshman Member
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Nov 23, 2007
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My children are currently 12 and 9 and I'm an MSII. My kids still need me - especially to keep them on the straight and narrow, help with homework, work their way through puberty/dating/dances/bras/first wet dream/social angst/fighting with each other/etc and generally grow up. Having children in med school makes some things tough: I don't do study groups very often. I don't do the "extra" stuff like working in free clinics, conferences, etc. I have a whole lot less time to study than my fellow child-free students, and I get a lot less sleep. I'm still a Mom taxi for track, little league baseball, music lessons, etc.

BUT. I eat a lot better because I'm making dinner from scratch for the family almost every night. I have a life. I have a place that is NOT med school. My husband and children are a wonderful break from med school and they remind me daily why I'm going through this hell they call med school. They're my soft place to land.

Living. My husband works, but he had to take a 50% pay cut (and it was the best paying job in his field where we moved to). His hours are horrible, and there are lots of days we only see each other for literally 5 minutes a day. We don't even get to sleep in the same bed at the same time - he works graveyards. It sucks. But we realize it's temporary. The kids are.. well, kids. Some days they're great. Some days I think I'd give them to the nearest passing band of gypsies.

Finances. We were pretty good at living within our means before, but it is a bit tighter now. We shop at the farm a lot (beef right from the farmer, etc.). We have a chest freezer for food, so we can get things cheaper and store them (and it's room for the beef). I knit and sew, and fix clothing when it tears. We fix the house ourselves so no repairman bills. We buy winter coats the year before when the 70% off sales hit and buy them a size or two bigger than the kids are now. And vacation: What's a vacation? BTW: I'll be about $280K in debt when I'm all done. OUCH. BIIIIGGGG OUCH.

The guilt factor. Ok, this one is pretty darn big. I sent my husband's career back to ZERO. And I mean ZERO... no vacation. The worst hours. The worst pay he's ever had. EVER. I ripped my kids away from the only home they ever knew, their friends, their schools, their extra-curriculars. We aren't saving for retirement anymore. We aren't saving for kids' college anymore. Ok, we aren't saving ANYTHING anymore.

BUT: they're very proud of Mom. Living somewhere else is an adventure, and it gives them a breadth of experience living in very different parts of the country. There's lots of historical stuff all around the country, and we're doing our best to see a lot of it where we're at now. As for the kids' college funds. Well, I borrowed money for my college and worked for the rest. They can too. And if I'm working and have a nice chunk of my own student loans paid off when they're in college, I can help out.

Has it been worth it? So far. My husband/best friend/cheerleader/etc. is the BEST. Supportive. Takes up the slack that I've dropped. Lets me vent my stress (which is pretty frequent given the stress of med school, the guilt, the stress of finances, family, etc.). And he writes me notes that I find on my car at school or clinicals or in my bag, my email, written on my desktop, etc. telling me how proud he is of what I'm doing. (That man is SO going to retire early when I'm done! Hopefully I can support him in the lifestyle he would like to become accustomed to - he deserves it.)

But having said all that above, there are plenty of med students who had "stable supportive" marriages/families who are getting (or already got) divorced through this process. Its hard unless you have someone who is extremely understanding of the time commitment medical school is. Undergraduate looks like a vacation in comparison. But I also think it depends on how you learn, what kind of school you go to, etc.

Ok. I've rambled enough. Next parent?

Everytime you post I cry;). I am only a premed right now but I can only guess that it will get a little harder from this point on. Well I am a single mom and with no particular help from her dad. My family helps a lot and I do mean alot. I do not know anyone can do it without at least some sort of support but then again with the right drive I'm sure it can be done. My daughter is 8 now and will be 10 when I enter medical school (God-willing). I know for a fact that I will have the hardest time primarily because I am a single mom. But its all in my hands on how the outcome will be, either I wollow (country term) in self-pity or I get into medical and bust my booty in successing with becoming a physican. Oh and of course dangle my success in the faces of those who said it can't be done.:rolleyes: Basically, if its in your heart to be a doctor then do that without any validation from anyone. And the friends and family that are not with you on your decision, was never really with you at all on any of your decisions in life. Hope this helps. Good Luck and WELCOME TO the JUNGLE:D ( I love that song as corny as it is LOL)
 
OP
SickOfLaw

SickOfLaw

Membership Revoked
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Same reason as above
 

ShyRem

I need more coffee.
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Jun 17, 2004
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sickoflaw, let me tell you right now: if your family isn't 100% - and I mean ONE HUNDRED PERCENT - on board with you for this ride, it isn't worth it. Unless you don't want to keep them.

I was a double major: math and chemistry. I took 21 credit semesters EVERY SEMESTER and a full load in the summers. It looks like a total snooze-fest in comparison to the workload now. Not that the work is hard now: there's just so much of it.

If your family isn't 100% with you, you have some major soul-searching ahead of you. This is not a journey for the faint-of-heart.
 

PunkmedGirl

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I strongly believe family is there through thick and thin no matter what. Of course there are compromises and sacrifices that both sides must make. But if your sole purpose is to make your other half happy and try to meet every need that they may half and then at the same time your other half is doing the same for you then of course it can work. ShyRem that is what I get from your life story. Your husband is sacrificing for you to fulfill your desire to become a doctor. This is why I think you have the picture perfect marriage. Now this is how I see it but of course this isn't how it always ends up being.
Family is very important to anyone, but sometimes when all is against you, you just need to step out on some faith.
 
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SickOfLaw

SickOfLaw

Membership Revoked
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Don't feel comfortable posting personal info here.
 

Martin Prince

10+ Year Member
Mar 4, 2008
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One point I wanted to mention is your comment that there are two local med schools so uprooting hopefully wouldn't be an issue. Hopefully you are aware how difficult it can be to get into ANY school, let alone one you have targeted.

You should be aware that the process could mean moving just about anywhere in the country. This is in no way a suggestion not to pursue whatever road you see fit. It very well may be a risk worth taking. I wouldn't want to see you go through all this work and then find a hurdle you aren't willing to jump.

I would consider myself a successful postbac student and am happy with my scores/application. My wife is still getting used to the fact that I was rejected from my state school, and we are probably moving from a beautiful west coast city to rural appalachia in july. We're excited and I'm lucky for her support, but the application process for most people is short on good news. I suppose all I'm suggesting is that after all the hard work in taking your classes and MCAT, you likely won't be choosing the school. They tend to choose you.
 
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SickOfLaw

SickOfLaw

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Same reason as above.
 

cali-ob

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Dear sick of law,

I had my first child during the summer between my second and third year of undergrad, and I walked the graduation stage pregnant with my second. When i started med school in 2003, I was the only female in my class who was married (in a class of 150) and the only person with children. My children were 3 and 1 when I started. A lot different than what you're talking about, but my son was still breastfeeding....that was hard.
Luckily, I found a great school with family friendly hours. We had classes from 8-12 with little to no after class commitments. This required a HUGE move from the sunny shores of Cali to the awfulness that is the midwest. However, my husband and I married while I was in undergrad and he knew that I was intent on medical school. I told him then that while I wanted badly to stay in Cali, that I was willing to go wherever I had to to make my dream a reality. He knew that included 4 years of medical school, and 4 years of residency, ANYWERE. But he knew this getting in.
Your wife has a right to feel less than excited about her husband becoming a student again, and possibly uprooting the family. It's a big commitment. It's natural for her to want to hang on to the financial security you are now providing. That doesn't mean you don't deserve to live your dreams and be happy. She loves you, she wants you to be happy, she's just scared. But you can't make life decisions out of fear. You do have to have faith. I would advise to definitely take some courses, shadow some physicians, and talk some more around here. This is a big journey, and you want to be sure, or as sure as you can be, before taking your family down this road with you.

That said, I think school as a parent is a lot harder then being single because as the previous posters mentioned, you can't always make it to study groups, you can't hang out with the group and just go get drunk after an exam like so many of my classmates did. People expect you at home.
I felt stressed at times during school, but it was never due to school itself...ok one time when I nearly failed neuroanatomy, but that sh** was hard! My stress came from money being tight, real tight as a student with a family of four. The midwest didn't exactly have the best job market for my husband..
My school was fantastic! They really help you to succeed, and honestly, med school was challenging, but so much fun and not that hard because the topics were interesting and relevant. And again, I think my school was a great school for a person with a family. We get a lot of non trad types there.

Good luck:luck:
 

3Anchors

Asst Professor of Biology
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Mar 10, 2008
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I'm in the same boat (if I get in). I am NOT willing to uproot my family, and it will either have to be the local D.O. school or not at all. I have a great job now (asst professor of biology), but financially leaves a LOT to be desired. I have 3 children - 10, 8, 3mos with lots of little league, guitar, etc. I'm just wondering how I'll still manage to be "mom" if I get in... and if they'll still be okay. I know my older two kids will appreciate the process, but I worry about the baby.
 

3Anchors

Asst Professor of Biology
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Cali-OB - what an inspirational story. There's hope!!! :)
 

cali-ob

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back where I belong!
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thanks!
There is definitely hope! Apply widely and really check out the schools. Getting in is the worst/toughest part. If you're lucky enough to have a choice of schools then just try to find the one that seems the most supportive where the students are diverse and seem to have a life. Then you'll be fine. If you only get into one school then just be happy you got in and make it the best that you can. It's totally doable. The real world is much harder than medical school. You can do it for sure
 

Martin Prince

10+ Year Member
Mar 4, 2008
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PHP:
 Glad to hear you've got the spouse on your side.  I think that's a huge bonus.  I take it you're off to the Virginia Tech DO school?[/quote]


No Virginia Tech for me. We're leaving seattle (and a business we've work hard to put together for 3 years) for Quillen COM (ETSU). That is unless some of those WashU people will make room for the waitlisters.

There's definitely hope and there's no reason you can't get into your local institutions. I agree that you should take a chem class here and there and get your feet wet. Just keep acquiring as much information as you can about applying and the profession.

Good luck.
 

bjolly

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I'm a 4th year with a 13 yo daughter. Med school as a mom has been tough but we have all made it through. She has gotten used to the words "sorry, mommy has to study." Once when she was sick, I was up all night with her, the night before an exam. Another time I came home dead tired after an exam, with no sleep, and played with her because I hadn't had time lately and I promised her. I did well with my grades, but there were definitely a few grades that would have been higher if I wasn't trying to be a mom and a student at the same time. It's not easy to balance the two, but I did my best. The hardest thing for her is that she hates when I am on call and have to stay overnight at the hospital.

My biggest concern in your case is that your wife is not on board. This isn't a solo undertaking - it will require team effort from you, your wife and your kids to make it work. If your wife isn't on board, you may end up in an unstable or deteriorating marriage - just try focusing on your med school work with that going on. Also, if she is resentful of your decision, your kids will pick up on that and resent it too.

good luck - I hope you and your wife can work something out to allow you to pursue this.
 

elderjack21

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I'm a 4th year with a 13 yo daughter. Med school as a mom has been tough but we have all made it through. She has gotten used to the words "sorry, mommy has to study." Once when she was sick, I was up all night with her, the night before an exam. Another time I came home dead tired after an exam, with no sleep, and played with her because I hadn't had time lately and I promised her. I did well with my grades, but there were definitely a few grades that would have been higher if I wasn't trying to be a mom and a student at the same time. It's not easy to balance the two, but I did my best. The hardest thing for her is that she hates when I am on call and have to stay overnight at the hospital.

My biggest concern in your case is that your wife is not on board. This isn't a solo undertaking - it will require team effort from you, your wife and your kids to make it work. If your wife isn't on board, you may end up in an unstable or deteriorating marriage - just try focusing on your med school work with that going on. Also, if she is resentful of your decision, your kids will pick up on that and resent it too.

good luck - I hope you and your wife can work something out to allow you to pursue this.

All of these posts on here are very inspiring...thanks!

As far as a spouse not being on board. My wife wasn't really for or against the idea of going to medical school at first. She kind of sat back and watched as I took some basic science classes and researched out all the posibilities. She became very involved once she realized that my desire to go to medical school wasn't some sort of passing fantasy on my part. We chose which schools I would apply to, how we would pay for it, home shopping etc, it has been actually fun in a stressful sort of way. As time went on, we decided that it was something that we wanted to go for. Fully understanding all of the sacrifice that would be required from both of us to make it happen. The decision has to be one that both of you are comfortable with.
 

asmo0507

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May 1, 2008
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san diego
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[I am a single mom and with no particular help from her dad. My family helps a lot and I do mean alot. I do not know anyone can do it without at least some sort of support but then again with the right drive I'm sure it can be done.




thanks guys your makin me feel better. i have a 11mo old and 3yo. im always alone due to hubby deploying (dont get me wrong he supports me and helps w/the kids when he can even w/a 60hr work wk BUT) i live in california while my family is in portland and my inlaws r in jersey. becuz i get paid pennies from the military im late on all bills. im only in my 1st semester since i got outta the navy so u can tell im no where near the end.
note; GI BILL is a JOKE!