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Clown College No Good

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by SaucyAZN, Oct 17, 2001.

  1. SaucyAZN

    SaucyAZN Member 7+ Year Member

    Jul 25, 2001
    For those of you thinking about clown college as an alternative career, think again.

    Here are some sobering stats from the entering Class of 2001 at a middle-tier clown college.

    Applied: 6,032 (CA Residents)
    4,313 (Out-of-State)
    Interviewed: 3,965 (CA Residents)
    2,581 (Out-of-state)
    Matriculated: 6 (All Out-of-state)

    Average GPA: 3.95

    Average MCAT: 13-15V

    Average Shoe Size: 15 (Men's)
    12 (Women's)
    Here's something else you probably didn't know...AMCAS has also cornered the clown college market. Whether it's med school or clown school, you can't escape the wrath of AMCAS.
    "Highlights" from the CICF Supplementary Application

    ESSAYS: You must write an essay that answers all of the following questions, and you must do so using EXACTLY 10,088 characters (including spaces).

    1) Why clown college?

    2) Why CICF?

    3) Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

    4) What's your debit card number?

    5) Are those Bugle Boy jeans?

    6) On a scale of 1-10, what's your
    dog's favorite boy band?

    7) What number am I thinking of?

    All applicants are required to have completed the following courses:

    Biochemistry: 1 year
    Chemistry: 2 years
    Calculus: 2 years
    Music: 1.5 years
    English: 1 quarter
    Psychology: 2 quarters
    Physics: 3 years
    Advanced Mime: 2.5 years

    In addition, all applicants are expected to be fluent in the following:

    -Ancient Greek
    -Filipino Sign Language

    *English is optional

    Physical Requirements: Must be able to fit
    entire body into a box no larger than
    11in x 10in x 11in

    Letters of Recommendation: 6 letters from the people below

    1) Your mother

    2) Pope John Paul II

    3) The Manager at your local Krispy

    4) The Rock

    5) The Prime Minister of Japan

    6) Any former member of the New Kids on
    The Block (not Donnie)

    The supplementary application fee is $103. We only accept pennies made of steel from 1943; otherwise, you're out of luck!

    (FYI - Pennies were made of steel back then to save copper for the war effort).

    I'm not trying to discourage any of you, but it's my obligation to present the facts before you make such a commitment. Good luck everyone!


    -The SaucyAZN Sensation
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  3. EW1779

    EW1779 Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Sep 28, 2001
    Buffalo, NY
    and they say pre meds have no free time!!

    that's hilarious
  4. nitemagi

    nitemagi Senior Member Physician Faculty 10+ Year Member

    Oct 15, 2001
    Los Angeles, CA
    F*** YOU CLOWN!!

    Most people don't get that joke. Thought it was appropriate in a clown school thread.
  5. snowballz

    snowballz Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Apr 29, 2001
    You did spell sanskrit correctly!! :)

    Very cute...made me giggle. I needed that...had an exam today that I think I knocked down, totally!!!!!! :D :D
  6. watto

    watto Sleek White Pantsuit 10+ Year Member

    Oct 19, 2000
    That's not the half of it. Clown College is nearly impossible to get in to if you're not a Liberal Farts major.
  7. jlsrn

    jlsrn Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jul 12, 2001
    Syracuse, NY
    I am on the floor laughing :p
  8. tBw

    tBw totally deluded 7+ Year Member

    Oct 6, 2001
    infront of an iMac
    A lot of people have been worried that the only option for graduates of clown school is residency in either the specialties of 'childrens parties' or 'circus entertainer'.

    However, we are pleased to announce that with the conversion to electronic format there are now plenty of opportunities for clown employment right here at AMCAS. You will start immediately with direct patient/applicant contact. Preferably the less experience you have with admissions the better! There are many sub-specialty openings, such as: Answering a telephone (3 additional years of training), being polite (4 year fellowship), finding transcripts (almost impossible to get into!).

    If your not quite incompetent enough to work for us, then don't worry. You can always work for AACOM instead.

    Good luck!
  9. nitemagi

    nitemagi Senior Member Physician Faculty 10+ Year Member

    Oct 15, 2001
    Los Angeles, CA
  10. cm7b5

    cm7b5 Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jun 20, 2001
    Washington DC
    Worst episode ever.

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