Conflicting futures with your gf/bf?

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kedrin

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Ive been mulling over a situation that has risen from my aspirations to become a doctor and have a wife. My gf and i have been together for a long time now and we both want to continue our education past a bachelors degree. She wants to get her masters in clinical social work while i obviously want to go to medical school. She has said she will follow me around where ever i get into medical school. I feel like i am placing a speed bump in the way of her career. I would do anything for her, including pass on medical school although i dont think it would ever come to that.

Has anyone been in a situation like this where your significant others career choice is being taken over by your choice to go to medical school?

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It's a lot easier to get into a master's program than to get into medical school. If she is willing to go with you, let her, it's her decision. Her masters will only take 2 years so she'll be done by the time you have to move somewhere for residency...people need help everywhere so it shouldn't be too hard for her to find work where ever you end up.

My bf and I are both planning on applying to med school. I don't know what we are going to do if we don't get into the same school of if one of us gets in and the other doesn't...but I do know that after 5 years I'm not ready to walk away for what ultimately amounts to a job.

Having a career and following your dreams is important, but so are the people you love. Some people would rather give up a job than a person.
 
I was in the same boat, I am attending med school in August and my ex-gf was planning on getting a Masters in social work. Well, last weekend she decided that we were too "incompatible" and decided to break off our 3 year relationship.

If there is genuine love between the two of you, you can make it work. And chances are, she can get into a masters program near your med school. However, make sure that she understands that her following you to med school does not make her your 2nd priority. It's a simple fact that med school is very difficult to get into, and most people don't have a lot of choices in terms of what school to attend.

I hope that my mistakes can help you with your future decisions.
 
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My girlfriend is finishing nursing school this semester and will be following me to medical school. Free housing for the next four years, baby!!
 
Me and me GF are in the process of finding, and applying to schools. I, Med. School. Her, Law school. We're going to try and make it work. Its tough, but if its what you want you can do it.

Here is what I did. Sat down with her accessed the situation completly. Wrote down Pros Cons everything, even a timeline. I did all this because I plan on marrying this girl, If you feel the same then attempt to make it work. It sounds and prob. is so cliche, but if it is meant to be, its meant to be.

Just let her know whats up, how you feel, and that you would like her full and complete support. If she is willing to follow you and support you physically, mentally, and to a degree finiancially then you have yourself a good woman. Hold on to her.

I think it was Jackie O who said, " Behind every great man, is a great woman."

Good luck
 
Yea... I'm now in my 3rd year(so is my girlfriend) and applying this summer and going through a similar situation. My girlfriend and I both plan to go on to further schooling (me med school and her graduate school for psychology). We live together now in philly where I go to undergrad and she commutes to rutgers. We haven't quite figured out what we're gonna do after undergrad and it's nerve-racking. She has to go to rutgers graduate school (for financial reasons) and I most likely am gonna stay in philly and go to jeff (*crosses fingers*). Hopefully we can work somethin out where we can be physically together, but if not, we'll work out something so we can see each other as much as possible. I'm sure that neither of us is going to let this separate us, but it is still frustrating. I can't really give advice, but I can reassure you that you're not alone. Good Luck!
 
I think it was Jackie O who said, " Behind every great man, is a great woman."

that old school phrase needs a makeover - "Behind every great person, is another great person." To account for women and queers, ya know.
 
I have a boyfriend who lives 300 miles away and has a great job and won't follow me around just yet. We've been apart for 3 years and probably have another 2 to go before we are in the same city. He has never stopped me from following my dream and I haven't given up mine either. I didn't chose a school I got into near him because I felt like the school that was near me in Philadelphia was a better fit for me. We both think that now is the time to work on our education and when we are ready, and if it still works out, we plan to stick it out and one of us will follow the other one. But for now, nothing is worth our future and education and we plan to focus on that now and be committed to each other as well. Our relationship takes a lot of work but we make sacrifices for each other and so far it has worked out really well.

I think it's important to really focus on your goals and not let a lot get in the way. You don't want to wake up in a few years and realise how miserable you are and I don't think it would be fair for someone else who followed you around or someone you gave up your dream for to feel like they are the cause of your unhappiness. Stick to your goal for now and achieve what you intend to, and whomever comes along the way will find a way to work with you if they want to be with you. I am not saying that you should be selfish but it sounds like you are fresh out of college or going to be soon, and now is the time to be selfish and work on who you want to be. There is a time in the future when it can be become too late. Good luck!!!
 
My boyfriend might need to work abroad in Europe after graduating for a year before getting a job in the United States. He wants me to go with him. I'm seriously considering it, and I think that I'd go (if my health permits it). I didn't get to study abroad in Europe, and I wouldn't mind experiencing life abroad before applying. I think the experience would be eye-opening and absolutely wonderful. Luckily, we both have always wanted to settle in the same American cities, so relocating afterwards wouldn't be a problem.
 
I remember a story my father told me about his boss, a cardiothracic surgeon. He told me that his boss's mentor was one of the founding members of cardiothoracic surgery as we know it today. When my dad's boss was in training, he had to live by the credo that you could not get married, or even, have a boyfriend or girlfriend. One of the people that the boss studied with was going out with the mentor's daughter. They eventually got married during his residency. When the mentor learned about this, he had the guy fired and kicked out off the program. It is not a matter of the mentor being against relationships, but his philosophy was all about putting your priority first and foremost on medicine and residency. Nothing, and he meant absolutely nothing, can come before that. Come to think of it, I buy into that philosophy. If you are in it for the long hall and in a line of work where your decisions can mean the difference between life and death, well I as a patient would be pretty damn sure that my attending is fully committed to his work and helping me get better. The moral of the story is not to get involved in serious relationships that can interfere with your ability to achieved the best possible career that you can obtain. It might be old-fashioned, but I believe in it.
 
I have a boyfriend who lives 300 miles away and has a great job and won't follow me around just yet. We've been apart for 3 years and probably have another 2 to go before we are in the same city. He has never stopped me from following my dream and I haven't given up mine either. I didn't chose a school I got into near him because I felt like the school that was near me in Philadelphia was a better fit for me. We both think that now is the time to work on our education and when we are ready, and if it still works out, we plan to stick it out and one of us will follow the other one. But for now, nothing is worth our future and education and we plan to focus on that now and be committed to each other as well. Our relationship takes a lot of work but we make sacrifices for each other and so far it has worked out really well.

I think it's important to really focus on your goals and not let a lot get in the way. You don't want to wake up in a few years and realise how miserable you are and I don't think it would be fair for someone else who followed you around or someone you gave up your dream for to feel like they are the cause of your unhappiness. Stick to your goal for now and achieve what you intend to, and whomever comes along the way will find a way to work with you if they want to be with you. I am not saying that you should be selfish but it sounds like you are fresh out of college or going to be soon, and now is the time to be selfish and work on who you want to be. There is a time in the future when it can be become too late. Good luck!!!

I totally agree with you...
 
My bf offered to find a new job at whatever city I end up at, but I told him not to, and to pursue some good career opportunities he has right now. I'm grateful he's understanding enough to put my medical career first, but for now I think it's ok for us to be apart a few years. He's a really big sweety though, he said if either of us are really miserable with the long distance arrangement, he'll just uproot and move to be with me. I'm lucky to have such a great guy in my life :)
 
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i did not expect so many people to say put your careers first and relationship second. It has always been my assumption that if someone truly loves you that they will do anything to be with them.

I do not think a life or a career should be such a one sided view. I do not think having a life beyond work neglects your patients. In most ways i see it supporting it, i do not know about most people here but i honestly can say i need some emotional backing and time to relax from work/school. I could not see my self practicing medicine without having those two sides to my life, performing a balancing act. I guess im just trying to say that i need both a great career and a relationship in order to be successful in both.

I do feel bad for my career goals overshadowing my girlfriends but i think it is a testament of what we are willing to do for each other. It does suck though, i feel like i am attaining my goals at her expense.
 
Ive been mulling over a situation that has risen from my aspirations to become a doctor and have a wife. My gf and i have been together for a long time now and we both want to continue our education past a bachelors degree. She wants to get her masters in clinical social work while i obviously want to go to medical school. She has said she will follow me around where ever i get into medical school. I feel like i am placing a speed bump in the way of her career. I would do anything for her, including pass on medical school although i dont think it would ever come to that.

Has anyone been in a situation like this where your significant others career choice is being taken over by your choice to go to medical school?

Kedrin:

I am in exactly the same situation. My girlfriend is pursuing her MSW and I'm headed for medical school. We might be in the same state for graduate school but it will not be at the same time and her program is about 1.5 years. I'll be in my first semester of medical school when she's done and she really wants to work in California. My #1 is MSU-COM.

IMO the best thing is communication, as with all aspects of any relationship. She (your girlfriend) is lucky to be with a guy that would do anything for her. If it was meant to be in the end, things will work out. I'll be going through the same thing you are in the next year or so. Good luck.
 
I think you're both a little early in your careers for this. First, I'm a little skeptical about the depth of relationships during college, since who you are will probably change dramatically over the coming few years, and they can strengthen or weaken a relationship. Second, there is nothing preventing exploring long-distance options, since you both will be very busy during the semester. Medical school is at least a four year commitment, and a lot can change during that time.
 
I know it sounds crazy, but I think the best relationship for a med student is someone who's also in a demanding major/career. Both people are fulfilled, happily busy, no one's sitting at home feeling inferior, lonely and needy.

My husband's studying Industrial Engineering (he's 22, I'm 20) and works full time. He totally gets how nuts my schedule is going to be in two months and isn't one of those whiny and clingy types at all. The only real crappy effect I feel med school will have on us is that we wanted to have a baby by the time I'm 23 and now we'll have to wait until I'm 25 or 26. It'll probably be better this way though.

Pick the kind of person who won't ride you if you don't feel talkative sometimes after a long day. Someone who falls in love with you even more for wanting to be a doctor and not resentful of the hours your work and studies take away from him/her.
 
I say do what you want to do. I know you think your going to marry your gf/bf, and you may do that.... but if your going to marry them, then you'll work it out. More than likely, you'll grow apart because of the distance and that will be that. I think EVERYONE in a serious relationship thinks they'll marry their gf/bf - but I'm guessing theres a relatively low percentage of people that do. Don't give up your dream because you THINK your going to marry him/her. If your that certain, GET MARRIED! Then you really will need to make your decision based on your spouse. As long as your dating - do what you want.
I'm not saying don't try to make it work.... try to make it work if its worth it to you - but don't give up your dream for a gf/bf - do it if you have to once your married, but not before then.
 
If you are in it for the long hall and in a line of work where your decisions can mean the difference between life and death, well I as a patient would be pretty damn sure that my attending is fully committed to his work and helping me get better. The moral of the story is not to get involved in serious relationships that can interfere with your ability to achieved the best possible career that you can obtain. It might be old-fashioned, but I believe in it.

What??? Are you for real? That is ridiculous. I would rather be human.
 
This situation is so frustrating. No quick answers and endless waiting time. My bf and I have been waiting for an acceptance from a med sch for me. He's already working 9hrs of driving away from me and said will relocate to wherever I'm going to be. It seems I won't be getting into a school near where he is. I don't know if I should let him do that because he really loves where he is working already.

Do we really want somebody to sacrifice their dreams for you? People say it's their choice. Let them decide. But there'll come a time when things get rough and the blame factor comes in.

I hope each of you guys facing the same problem right now find a solution.
 
I'll cross that bridge when I get there, because only once I'm in the situation where I've got acceptances elsewhere and there's no hope of a local acceptance will I really know all the details about the situation.

As stands, I would do a long-distance relationship until she was able to come join me. Refusing an acceptance to be with someone else destroys your ability to get an acceptance in the future.

I would, however, take a much lower ranked med school over a top 20 if the lower ranked was close to her.
 
The school I'm probably going to is a great school, but in an economically depressed area. My bf would have to get a completely new job and move to a place where he has no connections or friends (outside of me, of course!) It's a hard choice. Now, it's harder for me to get into med school than for him to get a job, but I'm not going to minimize what a big decision this is for both of us.

People say "if they love you, you'll work it out" but just remember that means both people working on it. That doesn't mean, "if they love you, they'll drop everything else meaningful in their lives for you." If they do, just understand what a gift that is.

As for relationships outside of medical school? Hell yeah, I think it's a good idea. Not just for the doctors (to keep us sane!) but for the patients, so that we are more empathetic and can remember what life is like outside the hospital!
 
As for relationships outside of medical school? Hell yeah, I think it's a good idea. Not just for the doctors (to keep us sane!) but for the patients, so that we are more empathetic and can remember what life is like outside the hospital!

no to mention keep you from going bonkers.

the day that i stop having a life outside of work is the day that i need to start re-evaluating my life. no job is THAT important.

back to the topic at hand, if you're not that serious yet, i don't think it's a problem to take the other into consideration or try to work things out such that a mutually favorable outcome could arise. however, if both of you can't get what you want, i don't think either should sacrifice just yet. unless marriage is involved, see what happens and focus on yourself first. you will have your career forever and your SO might not be around that long.

if marriage is in the cards, that's a whole different ball game and you need to work something out that both of you can agree on.
 
My boyfriend might need to work abroad in Europe after graduating for a year before getting a job in the United States. He wants me to go with him. I'm seriously considering it, and I think that I'd go (if my health permits it). I didn't get to study abroad in Europe, and I wouldn't mind experiencing life abroad before applying. I think the experience would be eye-opening and absolutely wonderful. Luckily, we both have always wanted to settle in the same American cities, so relocating afterwards wouldn't be a problem.


You should definitely go to Europe. It was the best thing I ever did. My bf and I met while I was studying abroad and he was working for the study abroad program. After I left he was there for another year and let me tell you that sucked a lot. Long distance is always hard, but long distance over 3000 miles and an ocean is even worse.
 
My girlfriend is a teacher. It is exceptionally difficult to find a job in a good, well-paying school district. As such, the schools to which I apply will be limited to those around me. Luckily, I live in an area with a large number of medical schools (tri-state area). If I don't get in somewhere, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
 
You should definitely go to Europe. It was the best thing I ever did. My bf and I met while I was studying abroad and he was working for the study abroad program. After I left he was there for another year and let me tell you that sucked a lot. Long distance is always hard, but long distance over 3000 miles and an ocean is even worse.

Not to mention $$$
 
that old school phrase needs a makeover - "Behind every great person, is another great person." To account for women and queers, ya know.

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

In any case, I am sincerely surprised by the level of commitment involved in the relationships of the people posting in this thread, especially at such an early age.
 
:laugh::laugh::laugh:

In any case, I am sincerely surprised by the level of commitment involved in the relationships of the people posting in this thread, especially at such an early age.
we're premeds, we commit to everything! what else would you expect?
anyway my gf of almost 5 years and i will be applying to professional school(me:med school, her: pharmacy) in a year and she will probably be going to the pharmacy school nearby. The nearest med school is about an hour and a half away but there are several others of higher caliber much farther away that i would go to if i got in rather than that one. I guess you could see it as a good test of the relationship. If we can make it through that then we could probably make it through anything. And if we dont make it, then im single to find a hot female med student that will let me be a stay at home dad!:banana:
 
My girlfriend will be following me around.

Or I her if she goes somewhere good for grad school.
 
Well, to put in my two cents, I'm about to leave my fiancee for the next 3 years while she attends the DVM program at CSU. We're actually planning to get married next year right after school gets out for the summer. We've been together since highschool, and something that we decided early on was that it just wasn't fair for either of us to give up our aspirations, irregardless of our how our relationship progressed.

I can't even begin to tell you how hard it is going to be to be away from her for that long. The most time I've spent away from her in the last 3 years or so is probably 2 days at the most. We're closer than any couple I've met, and are constantly commented on being such.

We'll make it work though. We do have the benefit of being 6 hours apart, and only a 1 hour flight. We personally have decided to see each other at a minimum of once a month, in addition to speaking every night. If you want to make it work, you'll make it work. Despite what some people say about putting your career in front of your relationship, that isn't what you're doing. You're providing for a future with that relationship, so that in the long run, you'll be secure financially (which in turn makes everything else tend to go easier).
 
I think you're both a little early in your careers for this. First, I'm a little skeptical about the depth of relationships during college, since who you are will probably change dramatically over the coming few years, and they can strengthen or weaken a relationship. Second, there is nothing preventing exploring long-distance options, since you both will be very busy during the semester. Medical school is at least a four year commitment, and a lot can change during that time.

I say do what you want to do. I know you think your going to marry your gf/bf, and you may do that.... but if your going to marry them, then you'll work it out. More than likely, you'll grow apart because of the distance and that will be that. I think EVERYONE in a serious relationship thinks they'll marry their gf/bf - but I'm guessing theres a relatively low percentage of people that do. Don't give up your dream because you THINK your going to marry him/her. If your that certain, GET MARRIED! Then you really will need to make your decision based on your spouse. As long as your dating - do what you want.
I'm not saying don't try to make it work.... try to make it work if its worth it to you - but don't give up your dream for a gf/bf - do it if you have to once your married, but not before then.

These are the two wisest posts on here. A relationship is their to enrich your life, not define it. If you love your partner, you love them enough to let them chase their dreams and you, yours. Sometimes, you may just have to let them go. Appreciate the time you had together, never forget what they brought to your life. Relationships aren't always meant to last forever, and when they are meant to, they will. I'm in a similar situation coming this fall when I go to an SMP. Am I going to try to do long distance? Maybe, I don't know yet. But I do know that no matter what happens, I will always be blessed with the time I spent with her and that'll always be a part of who I am. :)
 
My girlfriend and I are facing the same situation and it's not very fun to think about. I will be applying to enter med school in the year 2010 and she won't finish her B.S. until 2011. The only bright side is she wants to start teaching high school immediately after she graduates. Hopefully she will be able to land a job near a medical school I get accepted too considering that I'm applying broadly. 30 minutes from Tampa FL right now and I'm hoping for UNC =] We're going to make it work.
 
Well, to put in my two cents, I'm about to leave my fiancee for the next 3 years while she attends the DVM program at CSU. We're actually planning to get married next year right after school gets out for the summer.

Not that my opinion matters that much.... but I'd wait until after your separation to get married. Why would you start your marriage off separated? It would be better to just wait.
 
I remember a story my father told me about his boss, a cardiothracic surgeon. He told me that his boss's mentor was one of the founding members of cardiothoracic surgery as we know it today. When my dad's boss was in training, he had to live by the credo that you could not get married, or even, have a boyfriend or girlfriend. One of the people that the boss studied with was going out with the mentor's daughter. They eventually got married during his residency. When the mentor learned about this, he had the guy fired and kicked out off the program. It is not a matter of the mentor being against relationships, but his philosophy was all about putting your priority first and foremost on medicine and residency. Nothing, and he meant absolutely nothing, can come before that. Come to think of it, I buy into that philosophy. If you are in it for the long hall and in a line of work where your decisions can mean the difference between life and death, well I as a patient would be pretty damn sure that my attending is fully committed to his work and helping me get better. The moral of the story is not to get involved in serious relationships that can interfere with your ability to achieved the best possible career that you can obtain. It might be old-fashioned, but I believe in it.

Nothing says awesome like being single for 10 years straight during your prime. I swear you wont regret it.
 
Pick the kind of person who won't ride you if you don't feel talkative sometimes after a long day.

Better yet, pick the kind of person that will ride you even if you don't feel talkative.
 
I say do what you want to do. I know you think your going to marry your gf/bf, and you may do that.... but if your going to marry them, then you'll work it out. More than likely, you'll grow apart because of the distance and that will be that. I think EVERYONE in a serious relationship thinks they'll marry their gf/bf - but I'm guessing theres a relatively low percentage of people that do. Don't give up your dream because you THINK your going to marry him/her. If your that certain, GET MARRIED! Then you really will need to make your decision based on your spouse. As long as your dating - do what you want.
I'm not saying don't try to make it work.... try to make it work if its worth it to you - but don't give up your dream for a gf/bf - do it if you have to once your married, but not before then.

QFT
 
As far as the depth of college relationships go, I agree that most of them are very superficial and probably won't last. Fortunately, my girlfriend's been out of college for 2 years, and I'm a non-trad. :)
 
The school I'm probably going to is a great school, but in an economically depressed area. My bf would have to get a completely new job and move to a place where he has no connections or friends (outside of me, of course!) It's a hard choice. Now, it's harder for me to get into med school than for him to get a job, but I'm not going to minimize what a big decision this is for both of us.

People say "if they love you, you'll work it out" but just remember that means both people working on it. That doesn't mean, "if they love you, they'll drop everything else meaningful in their lives for you." If they do, just understand what a gift that is.

As for relationships outside of medical school? Hell yeah, I think it's a good idea. Not just for the doctors (to keep us sane!) but for the patients, so that we are more empathetic and can remember what life is like outside the hospital!

I'm in the same situation except I'm married. My husband HATES cities and we're probably moving to the biggest city in the US. I feel bad about it because its going to be hard on him, on me, but he is willing to do anything for me and I can't stop him. It sucks I have to uproot his entire life but its just how it worked out I guess.
 
Yeah, this is something I'm coming to terms with very quickly. My gf of two years has just been offered the most amazing deal for grad school. If she gets accepted to the MBA program at our university, (ranked in the top 10 nationally in several categories) she will have a fellowship making ~5000 dollars a semester and have her tuition paid for.

I've told her that this is an amazing opportunity and she should not give it up, not even for me. This isn't my first relationship, and having my heart broken (more like crushed to sand) has made me realistic about relationships. So I'm not very optimistic about this. I'm already starting to accept the fact that we might not end up together, but I'm ok with it.

All of the med schools I'm applying to are within 4.5 hours of the university we're both attending, but I really don't believe in long distance relationships. I think that they're not fair for either party. Anywho, she would be starting her MBA the same time I start med school, so that would be two VERY hard years. Medical students and most any grad students really don't have the time or luxury to take weekends off.

She graduates undergrad in December, and I do the following May. Hopefully we will have it figured out before she graduates. I do suspect many tearful conversations in the future though :(
 
My boyfriend of 2.5 years just graduated and moved to Peoria, IL for a job. I'm hoping that I get into university of IL COM with the peoria program so that in 2 years, I will also be in Peoria. He really loves his job and I wouldn't let him leave it if he wanted to but we agreed that if my residency leads me elsewhere (from Peoria..if i get in) he is willing to relocate. Basically, we're GOING to find a way to make it work whether I get into the Peoria campus and we're long-distance for 2 years or I get in somewhere else and we're long distance for 5 years. All I know is that we're planning on getting married as when the long distance is over (i can't imagine having a long distance marriage!).

My advice is try everything you can to pursue both goals with minimal sacrifice.

man, i really hope i get into u of i!
 
My very first post concerned this issue.

MY girlfriend is applying this cycle to vet schools, I am applying next cycle to medical schools. We are both competitive but our main problem was trying to find universities with both a vet and med school on the same campus. She just got her GRE score back and beat the average of the school we are gunning for. We are pretty excited. Now I just have to knock down the MCAT. :scared:

We both have the same understanding that if one doesn't get in, the other will support the other. Also, if one doesn't get in a place with a med/vet school, then the other will get a masters at said school or just go with the other.

We have been apart for three years already (thee hours apart, different universities) and let me tell you, long distance relationships are HARD. For one, it is mega hard to keep a social life and still feel connected to your loved one. Also, communication is KEY. LDRs that fail usually show signs very quickly of impending doom as indicated by the lack of communication. On a side note, I think being apart has helped me keep a singular focus; giving it my BEST so we might be together in professional school together.

I wish you luck. If your significant other really loves you, 1.5 years apart is no big deal. You should be studying pretty hard in medical school during that time, anyway. I wish you luck! :luck:
 
If only everything always went as planned.

My boyfriend of 4 years just started his 4th year at Columbia MD- so he's in the process of planning where to apply for residency. I am starting an MD program in Urbana-Champaign in.....uhhh.... less than a month. I'm from California and I, in no way, want him to do his residency in Illinois because I don't want to live there and do my residency there after medical school.

Four years ago, our plan was to get into medical school in the same general region....oh if only. He got in, I didn't. I tried again, didn't get in. Did MS degree at Columbia (the last 2 years with him have been amazing- so lucky to be physically in the same location after a year of being across the country). And now we are on the brink of 4 years of long distance (assuming, which will likely be the case, that I am not accepted off any one of the three waitlists I'm on right now).

I could have gone to a DO program and stayed near him (I had a couple of options), but ultimately, it was more important to me to attend the stronger program. We aren't married, but even if we were my decision would have probably been the same. It is important to me to have a career and take pride in my work- which I think will make me a better person to be with in the long run- one who is happy with the choices they made as opposed to resentful for not making the right choice.

It's stressful. I never wanted to meet "the one" before residency for precisely this reason- I didn't want to have these complicated life decisions to make. But I fell in love- and I didn't get into my top choices of medical schools. You can't plan these things. But you can work with what choices you do have.

Yay nights and weekends on cell phones. And in 3.5 years, I hope to match in a geographic region that is feasible for us in the longer term. Good luck to everyone else in this thread in similar positions. I'm kind of a romantic and I think that everyone in a relationship should live happily ever after.
 
If I had a bf, hypothetically speaking, I would go to the medical school of my choice, no matter if he wants to come along or not.
I wouldn't want him to follow me and then start blaming me for making him move or complain about the city.
He'd want to spend more time with me since we're both new in the city,
and he'll always complain that I'm studying all the time but it's not like I'll give up my study time to appease his boredom.


....maybe this is why I can't get a boyfriend.
 
That's a really rough situation, I'm sorry. For me, I'd rather have a happy home-life than a great career. I've done a long-distance relationship and probably won't again because it was terrible. In terms of who's going to follow who around, that can only be decided by the two of you talking it out. I wish I could give some better advice, but it's way too personal of a decision.
 
It is possible to achieve both of your goals, but only if you work together. I am a non-traditional student who is applying to medical school at the age of 37. I have been married for 15 years and have 2 children. I had to quit school when my son was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes 13 years ago. My husband and I have maintained a plan (which does require adjustment now and then) that ensures I will finish school with an MD. I will not be going to a top 10 medical school, even though my GPA and MCAT score justify applying to them, but to a smaller state school in Ohio that is less well known. That is okay, it's still an MD program and we can not move because my husband has established a business in our hometown. Someone has to work to pay for school :)!! You need to look for an area with several schools so both of you can pursue your degrees at different universities if necessary. When things get difficult, and they will, just remember you are building something that will end up greater than its parts. Also, not to sound like your mother, but if your bf/gf does not want to compromise and work with you , it probably wouldn't work out anyway and cut your losses now rather than trying to deal with medical school and a difficult breakup.
 
im glad to see that there are so many in this situation. i am in the process of applying to med school and my bf will be applying to chem phd programs. we choose schools and cities together, as in all the schools in NYC and Boston and then georgetown, upenn, yale together. i am not ready or willing to not be in the same city as he. thankfully chem phd programs are easier to get into than med school. we are living together next year as a trial run before grad school. i have actually moved in this summer and so far things are awesome. anyways, thats me babbling. point is, if you want to make it work, you can. i am not willing to not be with him at this moment.
 
Gf is going to be an ibanker... aah jeez :(
 
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