Got a call last night from the ER. Nonagenerian with an INR of 7 and mastoiditis that has eroded into the posterior fossa and the cerebellum. The ER stated that they realized that this is "usually" the type of case that would require a neurosurgeon, but the patient has refused all interventional care. So, they tried to call the county hospital to transfer her, and the neurosurgery service stated that there really wasn't a point if she didn't want any intervention. Which makes sense. So they called me. To which I said "Ok. What can I do here?" To which they said "Well, we're admitting her to the hospitalist service, and they would like you to consult."
To which I said "Ok. What can I do there?"
"Well, you could suggest some antibiotics?"
"It's an otogenic encephalitis. I would defer to ID. Are they going to call ID?"
"Yeah, they have. But, you know, maybe you could make some other suggestions?"
"Ok. Well, she doesn't want any surgery. She understands that if she does nothing she will die. She understands that antibiotics may or may not work. Her INR is 7?"
"Yes."
"Ok. Yeah, sure. I'll see her tomorrow, I guess."
I mean.....I suppose I'll walk in to her room, scratch my chin a bit, nod and say "mmmm-hmmm....", walk to the other side of the bed and repeat that, and then walk out and write a note that says "Yep."
This is like the ER opening up a package that contains a pack of dynamite with a ticking clock attached, and then calling me for a consult because I know a thing or two about clocks. And I say "yeah, but that's a bomb. I don't know anything about bombs." and they say "yeah, but there's a clock attached, so we'd like you to be here when the bomb goes off."