Coordinating med school w/ career of bf/gf

[monkeydo]

My boyfriend and I have decided to move in together after graduation. The problem is that he will be looking for a permanent job and I'm going to med school, but don't know when I'll find out where I have been accepted. Soo... he has no idea where to apply for a job...

Anyone else in the same boat? Any suggestions?

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[weathertalk]

Tell him to get a job at a company with offices in numerous major cities. That way there'll at least be a possibility that he can transfer if you don't end up in the same city initially. Chicago and NY both have a lot of med schools and job opportunities.

 

[MissyMD]

I am in exactly the same position as you. We've both narrowed down our options in terms of school and employment to Baltimore or NYC. Luckily, there are many firms that have offices in both NYC and D.C. that he will be able to interview at. I should be hearing in about two weeks or so from Hopkins, which may permanently eliminate Baltimore. We actually worked together in deciding which cities I would apply to before I began this process. I would also suggest prioritizing your options for med schools along with his options for employment. Lastly, as weathertalk suggested, I think it would be a good idea for your boyfriend to research firms that have multiple locations in the U.S. I sympathize with you! However, it's also great to have someone who loves and support you traveling with you to med school next year. Good luck!

 

[Doc Martins]

This is definitely a stressful situation to be in. I'm getting married in June and still don't know where I'm going to end up going to school. I didn't restrict where I applied to where my fiance can potentially work, because I felt that I had to apply broadly, which meant that I applied to most of the schools in the Northeast. Of course I hope that things work out in our favor so that we can live together, but this will only happen if I go to school in the NY metropolitan area or in Boston. If I were to get into and attend Pitt, we would be living apart.. so I have a lot of things to consider in the near future.

My advice - you and your boyfriend should narrow down your med school list to a few (3,4,5, whatever) cities, and when he is interviewing at companies, he should ask what the possibilities are of transferring to any of the cities you two decided upon.

 

[sprinkibrio]

I'm in a similar/slightly worse situation. My boyfriend who I already live with has an established job. He's 33 and not in the position to change it. He has a big territory of places he can work and still hold his job, but his family and 5 houses all live in the city where we currently are. So far I haven't been accepted to the schools here or anywhere in his territory. Just my home state. DILEMMA! So, yes, I can relate. What to do...?

 

[sprinkibrio]

This is definitely a stressful situation to be in. I'm getting married in June and still don't know where I'm going to end up going to school. I didn't restrict where I applied to where my fiance can potentially work, because I felt that I had to apply broadly, which meant that I applied to most of the schools in the Northeast. Of course I hope that things work out in our favor so that we can live together, but this will only happen if I go to school in the NY metropolitan area or in Boston. If I were to get into and attend Pitt, we would be living apart.. so I have a lot of things to consider in the near future.

My advice - you and your boyfriend should narrow down your med school list to a few (3,4,5, whatever) cities, and when he is interviewing at companies, he should ask what the possibilities are of transferring to any of the cities you two decided upon.

I really respect that you're getting married before all of the chaos. Some part of me wants that for me and my bf, but I don't know if I could be apart from him, yet married to him at the same time. It would definately make me feel secure in our relationship because I "don't believe in divorce" but at the same time it might make me more worried about the possible ramifications.

 

[Doc Martins]

I really respect that you're getting married before all of the chaos. Some part of me wants that for me and my bf, but I don't know if I could be apart from him, yet married to him at the same time. It would definately make me feel secure in our relationship because I "don't believe in divorce" but at the same time it might make me more worried about the possible ramifications.

Trust me, I don't know how I'm going to possibly handle being a newlywed and living apart... but I will do it for med school, and he respects that, which is very important. We've done the long distance thing for 15 months, and handled it very well. I know 4 years is definitely a different story, but we've been together 6 years with a LOT of difficult situations that we've overcome, so I don't think there's much that we can't handle.

My opinion is that you shouldn't consider marriage yet (before med school) if you don't feel that your relationship was already heading in that direction anyway. If your relationship is strong enough you will probably already have that sense of security if it turns out that you have to live apart for a period of time, although I know first-hand how tough it is. Hope everything works in your favor.

 

[sud]

My fiance and I are also getting married in June. He is job searching as I apply to med school. He works at universities, which is great because there is a chance that he might actually work and live where I go to med school since the University will provide him with free housing. However, if we don't end up at the same place, there is no opportunity for him to transfer and we will be apart for a looonnnnggg time. This is not good! I just hope I pull through and get one of the schools where I am now so he doesn't have to search at all! I understand the stress.... i feel awful dragging him through this whole mess.

 

[Mperor]

break up now and save yourself the trouble. Seriously, any relationship that isn't marriage or engagement as you go off to med school schould be ended.

 

[bombay]

I am in the same boat. My husband and I will more likely be apart due to med school. Both my acceptances are OOS. I know it is going to be hard but it is something we have talked about since we started dating. He has his goals to accomplish as far as school and work, and I have mine. I think if you both know that you want to be together, things will work out. I say, just apply to as many places and go to wherever you get accepted. As my husband and I say, 'you'll meet back in the middle and it'll be a better future.' But hey, I'll let you know how the distance thing works out after I begin school next year

 

[yyd]

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[Doc Martins]

To those contemplating living separately while married: I had this experience while in graduate school and it is the one that I regret the most. My husband and I were married for four years and lived apart for a good portion of that time, since my school was too far away for either of us to commute. We still saw each other every weekend, and occasionally in the middle of the week, which was okay for a while. However, there comes a certain time point when you are just no longer happy with the arrangement: it is heartbreaking to go separate ways each time the weekend ends, and phone calls are not enough. It feels like you are missing out on many things (some as simple as having breakfast together or taking walks at night) that are a part of being with the person you love every day. Granted, by the time I came to that realization and started to think about ways to finally live together, my husband already had an affair and we ended up getting separated. My lesson from this is that I will never, EVER, have a long-distance relationship, much less a marriage again. Also, my parents said that the long distance may not work because some married men need to come home to their family every day just to keep their heads straight (which may or may not be true, I don't know).

While I do not want to discourage anyone from considering a long-distance relationship in med school, my own experience with the long-distance marriage has been a painful one (irregardless of the affair, because I thought we were fine as a couple and quite happy), so I wanted to share that.

Thanks for your input. I do appreciate hearing others' opinions/experiences on this subject. I do hope that we do not have to live apart b/c I already know how difficult it is. Can I ask how long you two were together before you married ?

 

[yyd]

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[Sarikate]

I couldn't imagine having to live apart from my fiance for school...that would be very difficult. I commend those of you who can manage that successfully. My fiance will be getting a master's of education, so I only applied to schools where it would be feasible for him to accomplish that while I attend med school. We made the decision together (we were lucky enough to have some choices) and are both very excited about the prospect of moving to Arizona for both of our educations. It worked out really well. We are definitely lucky ducks.

That being said, he'll be applying for jobs because the idea of both of us taking out mucho dinero in loans is a bit freaky; plus, he has the option of going to an evening program after the work day is over. It's going to be extremely intense, but we've talked about it extensively. I think that is the key in making any relationship in med school work: taking time to hash everything out. Don't be afraid to communicate about the scary, unknown things!