crush on my 3rd year resident

[medchick]

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tomorrow is my last day on my rotation and i am obsessed with my 3rd year resident--

one minor point i am engaged and so is he..

i do feel there is a mutual interest though.

i want to tell him tomorrow?

what do you think?

 

[DrMom]

um. don't.

 

[tool]

Ummm...how about oral.....that's not cheating.

Is this the stupidest thread ever??? Don't get married because it's not going to last lol.

 

[sacrament]

tomorrow is my last day on my rotation and i am obsessed with my 3rd year resident--

one minor point i am engaged and so is he..

i do feel there is a mutual interest though.

i want to tell him tomorrow?

what do you think?

Please, please do because this absolutely reeks of disaster and I want to see your frantic post in three weeks when it turns out that the resident is actually a transgender chick and now you're hooked on smack.

 

[medchick]

tool

point taken

but um

sometimes you meet someone that totally floors you

and you wonder

if he just might be the person you are meant to be with.

i am currently questioning my own engagement so i do have issues..

but theres something about him
'
i can't walk away from this..

call me a ****ed up hopeless romantic

its true

 

[MD'05]

Don't say anything. I have seen so many residents scam med school girls for head or puddycat. Once he get's a little, he will be on his way.

 

[MeowMix]

sometimes you meet someone that totally floors you

and you wonder

if he just might be the person you are meant to be with.

yeah, I have had that feeling about 50 times in the past 20 years, while I was in one long-term relationship or another, and every time it was plain unadulterated lust or boredom disguised as logic and reason...a month or a year later I would look at the guy and think, what the hell was I thinking?

but I know you don't believe that, so go ahead, mess up your engagement and your professional life too.

 

[cmb81]

Please, please do because this absolutely reeks of disaster and I want to see your frantic post in three weeks when it turns out that the resident is actually a transgender chick and now you're hooked on smack.

 

[premedmijo]

Ummm...how about oral.....that's not cheating

 

[VentdependenT]

tomorrow is my last day on my rotation and i am obsessed with my 3rd year resident--

one minor point i am engaged and so is he..

i do feel there is a mutual interest though.

i want to tell him tomorrow?

what do you think?

Get out of the hospital stat. You need to mingle with normal non medical people again. You have stockholm syndrome.

 

[ParisHilton]

0+ posts?..."medchick"... 🙄

 

[tom_jones]

tomorrow is my last day on my rotation and i am obsessed with my 3rd year resident--

one minor point i am engaged and so is he..

i do feel there is a mutual interest though.

i want to tell him tomorrow?

what do you think?

Take him and his girl to a swingers club

 

[Samoa]

Lets not forget that he is also engaged. He may also be happily engaged.

That's a good point. However, in that case it's his commitment, and his responsibility to maintain it. She can make that easier or more difficult, but in the end, half the responsibility for what happens between them is still his.

 

[Fro]

tomorrow is my last day on my rotation and i am obsessed with my 3rd year resident--

one minor point i am engaged and so is he..

i do feel there is a mutual interest though.

i want to tell him tomorrow?

what do you think?

I bet he won't be interested cuz I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you have a penis

 

[medchick]

ok

i walked away without doing anything about it..


it was tragic..


he said "goodluck with everything.....you take care of yourself now. don't let the bastards get you down".

i looked at him and said "goodluck with everything too....take it easy"

and we just stood there looked at each other for a full one minute.

waiting

for something..

and i walked away..

feeling like i was being torn in too.

today i just miss seeing his cute face in rounds and the smell of his cologne
and the times our eyes would meet, the harmless brush of the arm or touch on the back..


this sounds like a friggin soap opera..



if its meant to be maybe we'll meet again right?

 

[Blade28]

if its meant to be maybe we'll meet again right?

I think that's the best way to think about it.

 

[PTP]

Don't say anything. I have seen so many residents scam med school girls for head or puddycat. Once he get's a little, he will be on his way.

Damn, really that happens??

 

[MD'05]

if its meant to be maybe we'll meet again right?

Smart woman!

Believe me, the next time you meet he will respect you much more. And if both of you are single at that time, he will have much more trust in you.

Guys don't want girls for serious relationships if they can not trust them.

 

[MD'05]

Damn, really that happens??

Have you not started your rotations yet? If so, keep a close eye on the interactions between certain individuals. You'll see 😀

 

[nradsoit3]

geesh... I feel really bad for your poor fiance. If your having feelings for another guy, I would seriously question whether you should be marrying your fiance? This guy is vowing to spend the rest of his life with you and you are having the hots for someone else??? I mean if I was your fiance, I would rather know this now then later.

 

[toofache32]

... I want to see your frantic post in three weeks when it turns out that the resident is actually a transgender chick and now you're hooked on smack.

3rd year tuition.....$11,000

New stethoscope....$115

Finding out you dumped your fiance for a guy who is really a chick....PRICELESS

 

[rightcoaster]

ok

i walked away without doing anything about it..


it was tragic..


he said "goodluck with everything.....you take care of yourself now. don't let the bastards get you down".

i looked at him and said "goodluck with everything too....take it easy"

and we just stood there looked at each other for a full one minute.

waiting

for something..

and i walked away..

feeling like i was being torn in too.


Time heals...
If it was meant to be, I think that the other commitments in your life and in his will change. It is a difficult time to make a lot of big changes with all of the sleep deprivation and studying. You were right not to say or do anything because you were in a setting that required professional boundaries. The world of medicine isn't so large that you won't run into each other again....

 

[MoosePilot]

ok

i walked away without doing anything about it..


it was tragic..


he said "goodluck with everything.....you take care of yourself now. don't let the bastards get you down".

i looked at him and said "goodluck with everything too....take it easy"

and we just stood there looked at each other for a full one minute.

waiting

for something..

and i walked away..

feeling like i was being torn in too.

today i just miss seeing his cute face in rounds and the smell of his cologne
and the times our eyes would meet, the harmless brush of the arm or touch on the back..


this sounds like a friggin soap opera..



if its meant to be maybe we'll meet again right?

Here's a clue, because you may need one...

If this is your idea of tragedy, please, please hide in a dark corner and avoid life. That's an "owie". Someday you'll get your emotional arm cut off and wonder why this seemed tragic.

 

[medchick]

Here's a clue, because you may need one...

If this is your idea of tragedy, please, please hide in a dark corner and avoid life. That's an "owie". Someday you'll get your emotional arm cut off and wonder why this seemed tragic.

just the **** up moosepilot


your life is probably so boring you feel the need to be bitter and spew negativity.



i have had my emotional arm pulled off many times and i have been through more dark times and personal tragedies than i care to talk about here..


but that doesn't stop me from still feeling.


its you unfeeling emotionally numb jack asses that bring the entire field of medicine down to the gutters


i really hope you are not a doctor because patients do not need another cynical jaded insensitive doctor.

👎

 

[MD'05]

Cut the guy some slack. He just lost his wife.

 

[VienneseWaltz]

Here's a clue, because you may need one...

If this is your idea of tragedy, please, please hide in a dark corner and avoid life. That's an "owie".

 

[bustbones26]

man there are so many thigns wron gwith this post, i don't know where to begin. First off to MedChick, if you'd dump your fiance in a second flat for this resident, then that is a red flag. Please terminate the relationship with your fiance, I get the feeling that you would have if this so called resident gave you the ooportunity to do so. If things are really that bad between you and your finace, then get rid of him now.

As far as walking away. Good idea. If things are meant to be, then yes, they will be meant to be. But sometimes, just waiting is part of the battle.

 

[MDrugger]

love isn't something that "just happens"

I find the idea of "one true love" depressing
Who went in decided that we only get one shot
what if they were hit by a bus--are you screwed for eternity?

love is something that people build together
There will always be attractive, amazing, interesting people
That will come into and out of our lives

But love is about more--Its having all that, and then building a life together
its making commitments and comprimises
And at the end of it all realizing you are right where you want to be

 

[medchick]

love isn't something that "just happens"

I find the idea of "one true love" depressing
Who went in decided that we only get one shot
what if they were hit by a bus--are you screwed for eternity?

love is something that people build together
There will always be attractive, amazing, interesting people
That will come into and out of our lives

But love is about more--Its having all that, and then building a life together
its making commitments and comprimises
And at the end of it all realizing you are right where you want to be

thanks for the insight. i agree with you, but sometimes you realize the person you aRE with is not the same person you fell in love with.. sometimes it takes some one else to show you what exactly is missing in your relationship. some people are just more "right" for you than others...you click...there is more chemistry and you didn't realize what you were missing until they stormed into your life and you just wish that circumstances were different because deeo down you know that you two are kindred spirits---it takes two tro recognize that connection...and that doesn't happen all the time...its actually kind of rare.


its horrible but i didn't realize what i was missing or what was lacking withmy own relationship tillnow---even if it doesn't work out with this guy i am definitely thinking of ending the engagement...rather be single than feel i am not with my soul mate...i need to hold on to that hope..

 

[toofache32]

Man this is like a soap opera. The question is...who's baby are you carrying?

More seriously, I'm glad you're giving your engagement a second thought. I guess then you could pursue this other guy. That's much better than being engaged to one guy while some other guy is knocking the back out of it.

 

[CoffeeCrazy]

thanks for the insight. i agree with you, but sometimes you realize the person you aRE with is not the same person you fell in love with.. sometimes it takes some one else to show you what exactly is missing in your relationship. some people are just more "right" for you than others...you click...there is more chemistry and you didn't realize what you were missing until they stormed into your life and you just wish that circumstances were different because deeo down you know that you two are kindred spirits---it takes two tro recognize that connection...and that doesn't happen all the time...its actually kind of rare.

its horrible but i didn't realize what i was missing or what was lacking withmy own relationship tillnow---even if it doesn't work out with this guy i am definitely thinking of ending the engagement...rather be single than feel i am not with my soul mate...i need to hold on to that hope..

I do believe there are some people you just click with... you feel like you know him so well and are so comfortable with him, but you've just met. It's this totally bizzare feeling of being close and trusting - and stranger yet, he feels it too. Kindred spirits. Soul mates. Whatever.

I met someone 6 years ago... we were introduced and talked for 5 minutes, at most. Then he went back to NY and we would talk/e-mail every week and then not talk for months. And still the next time I saw him or talked to him it felt like it always did, like we knew each other for years. He was a safety net for when my current relationship wasn't working out. Once I ruined a relationship for him. Sometimes we wondered if we were meant to be together but distance made it impossible and in reality we'd only spent 4-5 days together over 3 years.

And then I woke up and realized that it was never going to happen because relationships require work and time and aren't just formed instantaneously. It's still a strange connection and I too think it's very rare. But I've cut off all contact with this guy because my wondering if he could really be my soulmate was interfering with my relationships. And really, I was insecure and wanted to know - or felt I knew - that there was someone better out there. But there will always be someone "better" out there.

I'm now with someone else... I've met my soulmate already and this isn't him. But he loves me, I love him, we have a wonderful trust, and we want the same things out of life. This is the foundation of a true relationship.

Not to say people don't marry their soulmates. But both people need to be available and willing to begin a relationship. And it won't be perfect, it will still take work and trust and sacrifice.

If you decide your fiancee is not the one for you then break it off. Not for someone else, but for YOURSELF. Give yourself some time to decide what you want. And hope you didn't make a huge mistake because you were blinded by insecurity and looking for a reason to get out of a great relationship.

 

[NYCDesi]

Cut the guy some slack. He just lost his wife.

HOLY CRAP!! Are you serious??

Geez moose, what happened?? Oh wait, sorry, is that too personal?

 

[NYCDesi]

medchick, I say do it. If he really makes your 'heart flutter' (crap! I have started to use soap lingo!), you owe yourself to see what could come out of it.

Besides, if you feel this way about him, ask yourself if you still love your fiance. 'Cuz its not fair to either of you.

Not to mention, you'll always ask ursefl 'what if?'

 

[LobsterMoon]

Go for it! I s uggest asking him to coffee or s omewhere you can talk (take the initiative and make the first move; trust me, the guy will be flattered! believe it or not, lots of men love strong women who go for what they want). This will be a low- pressure meeting-- it's not like you guys are going to commit to marriage right there right now. Just talk to each other and see where each of you stand in terms of relationships and as you explore these feelings you can both decide whether you want to take things in a new direction or to go your separate ways.

Like others have said, when you feel that genuine connection with someone, that sense of spark that lets you know that the two of you share a timeless bond, that maybe you were destined to be in each other's arms, sometimes a person can realize that this happens once in a blue moon and that if you don't take this chance now, it'll be gone forever. believe me, as you get older, you begin to realize that this mutual connection is a rare thing...

It's funny how a lot of people try to deny those feeling by saying, "oh a relationship would never work..i'm too old, we live too far away, we're of different races, yada yada" and yet how wonderful would it be if people could just trust themselves and be open to new adventures, and let both parties make a bilateral decision as to whether a relationship would work, instead of one party just unilaterally shutting the door on the beginnings of a new relationship?

Bottom line: regret is one of those things you'll think about on your death bed. better to find out now and move on with your life.

 

[pikachu]

Like others have said, when you feel that genuine connection with someone, that sense of spark that lets you know that the two of you share a timeless bond, that maybe you were destined to be in each other's arms, sometimes a person can realize that this happens once in a blue moon and that if you don't take this chance now, it'll be gone forever. believe me, as you get older, you begin to realize that this mutual connection is a rare thing...

Please - "A timeless bond?" "Destined to be in each other's arms?" After what, a month? There may be an instant spark that makes you infatuated but there is no such thing as love at first sight.

Haven't y'all noticed that when you're mad at your boyfriend (or girlfriend) how good other guys (or girls) look? And then when you make up, it's one of those big What-Was-I-Thinking moments?

 

[CoffeeCrazy]

Just talk to each other and see where each of you stand in terms of relationships

Being engaged is cool because it gets its own term... fiancee. 🙂

And speaking for myself, there's no regrets here. 👍 I've been much happier once I decided to let myself control my own fate, rather than some "one great love" mumbo-jumbo. If you have regrets, then you need to re-evaluate your decision making processes and figure out what your problem is, 'cause you're obviously not making good decisions in life.

 

[Samoa]

Please - "A timeless bond?" "Destined to be in each other's arms?" After what, a month? There may be an instant spark that makes you infatuated but there is no such thing as love at first sight.

Haven't y'all noticed that when you're mad at your boyfriend (or girlfriend) how good other guys (or girls) look? And then when you make up, it's one of those big What-Was-I-Thinking moments?

Pikachu, there's a huge difference between looking around because you're mad, and the kind of connection LobsterMoon is describing. I don't want to hijack, but that post kind of hit a nerve with me, largely because I've had the door slammed on me like that in the past, and I know the guy who did it came to regret it. But by the time he did, I had seen enough of his behavior to know that I would be happier without him, even if I never found anyone else. But I really do think there's someone better for me out there, even though it took me a really long time to figure that out. Now I feel like I dodged a bullet. It's true, though, that the older you get, the more you realize how rare a connection like that is. And I also know that just because you have that spark with someone doesn't mean things are automatically going to work out.

Regardless, Medchick, I think your course of action is clear. Resolve your feelings about your engagement, take whatever action is appropriate there, and then if that leaves you free to do so, ask this guy out. The earlier coffee suggestion is probably a good one. But anything low-key would work just as well.

And you never know, he might actually be going through the same thing, and waiting until he's free to ask you out. So you may not even have to do the asking, which would certainly be the best case scenario.

 

[medtechv79]

MEDCHICK-Maybe u got engaged too early? U need to sow yer oats a bit? 🙂
I guess u never know what u had till its gone. It could seriosuly just be lust with this resident...do u really know him? The grass does always look greener on the other side. If so, sounds like yer not ready to be married but thats just my opinion. You should date around a little. As for the fiance I'm sure he will be pissed/mad/disappointed....but unfortunately its yer life...but I hope u don't regret it later on and realize what a mistake u made and gave up a wonderful guy just cause u were attracted to someone else. But yeah if something is meant to be even if u break up with yer fiance u could end up back with him!
Man, matters of the heart are so complex aren't they?

 

[kc361]

Hi Medchick,

I can definitely understand the phenomenon of "clicking" with someone - that's how I met my husband. We met in a library, we went out for coffee, and within a week, I knew he was the one. It was just this deep-seated knowledge, through and through, that we were meant to be together. We've been together for five years now and married for 1 & 1/2.

If this kind of experience is what you feel with this resident, then I can *definitely* understand why you'd want to pursue a relationship with him. My one caution would be to make sure that you're not mistaking a need to escape from a relationship that's not working for a head-over-heels romance with your soulmate.

I'd recommend, first of all, re-evaluating your relationship with your fiance, and if you break off the engagement, then taking some time to re-evaluate YOURSELF, your feelings and your priorities, before you pursue any kind of relationship with the resident. I say this because as he's engaged, you'll be running the risk of being hurt, or of damaging his relationship with his fiancee - either a pretty high price to pay, especially if your feelings actually stem out of a need for change rather than genuine compatibilty with and compassion for him.

Best wishes to you, whatever the outcome....

 

[LobsterMoon]

Please - "A timeless bond?" "Destined to be in each other's arms?" After what, a month? There may be an instant spark that makes you infatuated but there is no such thing as love at first sight.

Sure, strong connections can happen right away. People throughout the ages have experienced love at first sight; it's pretty dogmatic of you to say that "there is no such thing as love at first sight."

But, like I said, such strong, instataneous connections are rare, very rare indeed. That's why if the original poster feels an unusual connection beyond what she ordinarily experiences, she should explore that and see if it is real. Such strong connections forged with trust, passion, and excitement don't come along very often. For some people, they never experience that...

And, the length of time you know a person does NOT determine the strength of a connection. How many of us have been in relationships where we waited, waited, and waited for feelings that moved us beyond only the "friends" vibe?

Yes, she's engaged, and I respect that, but what comes along first isn't necessarily what is the best (divorce rate hovers at an astounding 50% in the US), and better to find that out now than 10 years later with divorce in hand.

Life is short; sometimes you have to listen to your heart instead of your mind.

 

[Trichobezoar]

uhhh, I think it's best to not get all diaphoretic about the residents you work with. Best to sweat someone else, at least someone in a different dept.

PS: maybe you don't really want to marry your fiance...?

tomorrow is my last day on my rotation and i am obsessed with my 3rd year resident--

one minor point i am engaged and so is he..

i do feel there is a mutual interest though.

i want to tell him tomorrow?

what do you think?

 

[mshheaddoc]

thanks for the insight. i agree with you, but sometimes you realize the person you aRE with is not the same person you fell in love with.. sometimes it takes some one else to show you what exactly is missing in your relationship. some people are just more "right" for you than others...you click...there is more chemistry and you didn't realize what you were missing until they stormed into your life and you just wish that circumstances were different because deeo down you know that you two are kindred spirits---it takes two tro recognize that connection...and that doesn't happen all the time...its actually kind of rare.


its horrible but i didn't realize what i was missing or what was lacking withmy own relationship tillnow---even if it doesn't work out with this guy i am definitely thinking of ending the engagement...rather be single than feel i am not with my soul mate...i need to hold on to that hope..

I can related to some extent with my ex of 5 years. I had to let him go and figure out what I wanted out of life. We were great friends, but that was our relationship. I still love him and always will, but it wasn't the right type of love. Just got confirmation today that he has a new girlfriend. Its hard.

But I'm a positive person. If its meant to be it will happen, just keep your options open, but you need to confront the issue with your fiancee though. I feel the same way ... I'd rather be single then with someone unhappy.

 

[medchick]

thanks to those who replied..



i guess there are die hard romantics underneath the scrubs..


my fiance..i should probably stop calling him that...he's not my soul mate for sure...but he is the sweetest guy i have ever met in my entire life and treats me like a princess which sometimes i feel i don't deserve---but do you marry someone just because they treat you well and worship the ground you walk on or because he's actually your soul mate.

with the resident.

its hard to describe.

i believe in fate..i noticed him from the first day of the rotation but i wasn't placed on his team till the last two weeks doing in patient peds... what are the chances of that?

i actually bumped into him and his fiance in a park last weekend and he looked like he had been hit by a ton of bricks when he saw me..

i tried to shove the feelings down..but i think we both kind of regressed into high school behavior-- stolen glances, standing close to the person and leaning over..making up excuses to talk to them..


maybe it was just a crush---but i still can't stop thinking about him..

we live close enough that i feel if its meant to be we'll bump into each other.

i don't have his number and i think paging him now would be the equivalent of stalking him..


all i know is the minute i saw him i had a feeling--was pulled towards him..

never had this pull to anyone before..

😍

atleast this made the entire rotation more entertaining--thanks for telling me your love stories--they were all very poignant and touching.

 

[dirtydawg]

Just curious...How old are you?

 

[stomper627]

thanks to those who replied..



i guess there are die hard romantics underneath the scrubs..


my fiance..i should probably stop calling him that...he's not my soul mate for sure...but he is the sweetest guy i have ever met in my entire life and treats me like a princess which sometimes i feel i don't deserve---but do you marry someone just because they treat you well and worship the ground you walk on or because he's actually your soul mate.

with the resident.

its hard to describe.

i believe in fate..i noticed him from the first day of the rotation but i wasn't placed on his team till the last two weeks doing in patient peds... what are the chances of that?

i actually bumped into him and his fiance in a park last weekend and he looked like he had been hit by a ton of bricks when he saw me..

i tried to shove the feelings down..but i think we both kind of regressed into high school behavior-- stolen glances, standing close to the person and leaning over..making up excuses to talk to them..


maybe it was just a crush---but i still can't stop thinking about him..

we live close enough that i feel if its meant to be we'll bump into each other.

i don't have his number and i think paging him now would be the equivalent of stalking him..


all i know is the minute i saw him i had a feeling--was pulled towards him..

never had this pull to anyone before..

😍

atleast this made the entire rotation more entertaining--thanks for telling me your love stories--they were all very poignant and touching.

Man....I wish I would have met you a few years ago....back in the day. You would have been such an easy score. This "high school feeling". Do you not realize that we prey upon the insecure woman who believes in this crap? A woman like you....it was so easy throwing out a couple of lines about how you make me feel, etc.
You really need to wake up....get rid of your fiance, you dont deserve him, and hes an idiot for treating you so well, when you dont even want to be with him....or only because he "treats you like a princess". You are trash....and should be treated as such.
Now that I think about it....you and your fiance are perfect for each other....both insecure, both immature, and both not ready to realize what marriage is about.
stomper

 

[tom_jones]

thanks to those who replied..



i guess there are die hard romantics underneath the scrubs..


my fiance..i should probably stop calling him that...he's not my soul mate for sure...but he is the sweetest guy i have ever met in my entire life and treats me like a princess which sometimes i feel i don't deserve---but do you marry someone just because they treat you well and worship the ground you walk on or because he's actually your soul mate.

with the resident.

its hard to describe.

i believe in fate..i noticed him from the first day of the rotation but i wasn't placed on his team till the last two weeks doing in patient peds... what are the chances of that?

i actually bumped into him and his fiance in a park last weekend and he looked like he had been hit by a ton of bricks when he saw me..

i tried to shove the feelings down..but i think we both kind of regressed into high school behavior-- stolen glances, standing close to the person and leaning over..making up excuses to talk to them..


maybe it was just a crush---but i still can't stop thinking about him..

we live close enough that i feel if its meant to be we'll bump into each other.

i don't have his number and i think paging him now would be the equivalent of stalking him..


all i know is the minute i saw him i had a feeling--was pulled towards him..

never had this pull to anyone before..

😍

atleast this made the entire rotation more entertaining--thanks for telling me your love stories--they were all very poignant and touching.

Do him. And then do his wife

 

[Fermata]

I really think that you ought to reconsider.

 

[Dr. Gasmo]

hey guy's its been a while since i've been on but it seems like she could use some good advise. Babe here's what you do, tell him how you feel if he feel's the same fine an dandy hey even see if your finace's might be into eachother it'll make the whole break up thing easier, if he don't feel the same screw it and go with your original man it's a win win situation

 

[raekelly]

hey guy's its been a while since i've been on but it seems like she could use some good advise. Babe here's what you do, tell him how you feel if he feel's the same fine an dandy hey even see if your finace's might be into eachother it'll make the whole break up thing easier, if he don't feel the same screw it and go with your original man it's a win win situation

To string someone along with the "in case I can't have him, then I'll settle for you thinking" is simply wrong and not in the best interest of either party.

 

[Blade28]

Life is short; sometimes you have to listen to your heart instead of your mind.

I agree 100% with this sentiment. Couldn't have phrased it any better. 👍