DAE have a spouse/SO pursuing a graduate degree?

[duswdav]

my fiance(getting married in july) is going to begin work on her phd this fall as i begin med school. we plan on living together but the two schools we'll be attending are about 1.5 hrs apart. does anyone else have any experience or advice they'd like to share? we are both serious about our professional goals and thus neither of us is likely to budge anytime soon. i guess i just want some input or someone to pat me on the back and say "it's gonna be ok, bro"

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[Black Adder]

my fiance(getting married in july) is going to begin work on her phd this fall as i begin med school. we plan on living together but the two schools we'll be attending are about 1.5 hrs apart. does anyone else have any experience or advice they'd like to share? we are both serious about our professional goals and thus neither of us is likely to budge anytime soon. i guess i just want some input or someone to pat me on the back and say "it's gonna be ok, bro"

If you somehow manage to find a place exactly half way between the 2 schools you'll have a 45 min commute... I know a handful of people in my class with that. It's doable..... but sucks.

 

[duswdav]

yah, i'm not totally looking forward to driving 45min to school, but the only other option is to live separately, which i don't really want to consider.

 

[hawkeye pierce]

One thing to consider is are you gonna be attending daily class? If not, it may be a nice thing to move a little bit toward your SO's school.

 

[TexasPhysician]

Ideally: MSI and MSII rent a place closer to SO school. You won't attend all classes, being late isn't as big of a problem, and you won't work long hours. You can study wherever.

MSIII and MSIV rent near your school. During my surgery and ob/gyn rotations, I had to be at the hospital before 5am daily. Starting the drive at 4am would be HORRIBLE, especially when you may not get off until noon the NEXT day. I would not trust myself to drive 1 hour post-call. Serious health risk there.

2 years near each school is a good compromise anyway right?

 

[duswdav]

Ideally: MSI and MSII rent a place closer to SO school. You won't attend all classes, being late isn't as big of a problem, and you won't work long hours. You can study wherever.

MSIII and MSIV rent near your school. During my surgery and ob/gyn rotations, I had to be at the hospital before 5am daily. Starting the drive at 4am would be HORRIBLE, especially when you may not get off until noon the NEXT day. I would not trust myself to drive 1 hour post-call. Serious health risk there.

2 years near each school is a good compromise anyway right?

Thats an excellent point, and i'm glad you brought that to my attention. we were leaning towards buying a house but now i'm pretty sure we'll have to rent.

 

[DartosDO]

my fiance(getting married in july) is going to begin work on her phd this fall as i begin med school. we plan on living together but the two schools we'll be attending are about 1.5 hrs apart. does anyone else have any experience or advice they'd like to share? we are both serious about our professional goals and thus neither of us is likely to budge anytime soon. i guess i just want some input or someone to pat me on the back and say "it's gonna be ok, bro"

In terms of completing it - can totally be done. My wife completed a masters (2 yrs of work) and we had 1 kiddo, and she was hooded at 8 months preggo! Can be done - you just have to give her time, and she needs to give you yours. Won't be peachy all of the time, but no better time than now!
Good luck

 

[Daedra22]

The benefit of both of you being career-oriented is that, hopefully, you will both be very understanding of the time constraints you're facing. Med school is hard on any relationship, but if you both go in with an understanding that you might not be able to hang out together all the time, it can work. My husband and I set up a date night on Fridays which we adhere to religiously, and I think it's helped us both a lot. It's nice to know that no matter how bad the week is, we will always spare a few hours on Fridays to do something just for us. I'm not sure if you were looking for that sort of advice here, but I thought I'd share it.

As far as the commute times, everyone else has had good input. If you can safely skip a class, then do so. Listen to lecture recordings while you drive, or use the time to center yourself for the day. A long drive can still be productive.

 

[duswdav]

The benefit of both of you being career-oriented is that, hopefully, you will both be very understanding of the time constraints you're facing. Med school is hard on any relationship, but if you both go in with an understanding that you might not be able to hang out together all the time, it can work. My husband and I set up a date night on Fridays which we adhere to religiously, and I think it's helped us both a lot. It's nice to know that no matter how bad the week is, we will always spare a few hours on Fridays to do something just for us. I'm not sure if you were looking for that sort of advice here, but I thought I'd share it.

As far as the commute times, everyone else has had good input. If you can safely skip a class, then do so. Listen to lecture recordings while you drive, or use the time to center yourself for the day. A long drive can still be productive.

this. i like to hear this.

 

[DuxburyPembroke]

I'm doing it - the driving sucks, but every other part of it is great!

 

[xtina0]

I did a 50-70 minute drive to my school depending on traffic... it really wasnt that bad. The first month maybe was a little tough just getting used to everything and the heavy class load, but you get used to the drive and everything else. Keep in mind that you may not have to go in everyday- towards the end of the year i was going in 2-3 times a week. My bf has to drive 60 minutes in the opposite direction and I actually saw him a lot more than I thought I would. Just manage your time well and you will have no problem.