dating a medical school classmate?

[voxveritatisetlucis]

On a scale of 1-10 how bad of an idea is this?

Pros
-similar schedule
-don’t need to constantly text and or go out like would with nonmed student
-potential for double physician income down the line
-generally better personality/other attributes than people meet on apps or social events

Cons
-awkward if it ends badly
-bad schedules
-stress

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[h23]

see how it works out for you bro lol. everyone's experience will probably be different

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

i feel it’s a bad idea tbh

 

[aldol16]

Don't **** where you eat bro.

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

Exactly my thoughts. We’ve been spending a lot of time running, hiking, hanging out on weekends etc but probably not worth it tbh

Was just wondering if it’s a big no go or more of a gray zone

 

[LunaOri]

I think every medical school class has a lot of people who date each other and a few couples who meet and end up marrying. It’s not a bad idea to date a classmate—just be a good guy, treat her well, so if things don’t work out it isn’t super awkward.

 

[ChordaEpiphany]

I think every medical school class has a lot of people who date each other and a few couples who meet and end up marrying. It’s not a bad idea to date a classmate—just be a good guy, treat her well, so if things don’t work out it isn’t super awkward.

Just keep in mind you are only one half of the equation. I know a guy who dated a girl who basically unwound during 3rd year and became really abusive. He's a pretty reasonable dude, but there was no avoiding the awkwardness of that break up, which was really the least of his worries.

 

[Dantes]

I've had classmates get married and many break up. It's awkward for a little bit but life moves on. Shoot your shot.

 

[CanIBeAnonymous]

If you like the person and want to go out with them, and they're amenable, just do it. The worst-case scenario is you break up, presumably you're both mature enough to work through that.

More upside than downside IMO.

 

[Goro]

On a scale of 1-10 how bad of an idea is this?

Pros
-similar schedule
-don’t need to constantly text and or go out like would with nonmed student
-potential for double physician income down the line
-generally better personality/other attributes than people meet on apps or social events

Cons
-awkward if it ends badly
-bad schedules
-stress

It's not a bad idea, IMHO.

I'd say at least 2-4 of my students get engaged or married to each other during or right after med school.

Your last two cons can apply to any working couple, anywhere.

 

[Dr Meow]

At my school, people are dating and getting married all over the place. Pretty surprising seeing how there's literally no time at all.
But they all seem to work out. I haven't seen anyone drop out or fail yet because of a messed up relationship.

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

I've had classmates get married and many break up. It's awkward for a little bit but life moves on. Shoot your shot.

It's not a bad idea, IMHO.

I'd say at least 2-4 of my students get engaged or married to each other during or right after med school.

Your last two cons can apply to any working couple, anywhere.

If you like the person and want to go out with them, and they're amenable, just do it. The worst-case scenario is you break up, presumably you're both mature enough to work through that.

More upside than downside IMO.

Just keep in mind you are only one half of the equation. I know a guy who dated a girl who basically unwound during 3rd year and became really abusive. He's a pretty reasonable dude, but there was no avoiding the awkwardness of that break up, which was really the least of his worries.

I think every medical school class has a lot of people who date each other and a few couples who meet and end up marrying. It’s not a bad idea to date a classmate—just be a good guy, treat her well, so if things don’t work out it isn’t super awkward.

Fortis fortūna adiuvat

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

At my school, people are dating and getting married all over the place. Pretty surprising seeing how there's literally no time at all.
But they all seem to work out. I haven't seen anyone drop out or fail yet because of a messed up relationship.

Tbh, this is partly why I was thinking it might be a good idea. Don’t have much time to even respond consistently to matches on apps and what not let alone go out often. Plus, I have found these apps aren’t really good for finding longer term relationships

 

[Dr Meow]

Tbh, this is partly why I was thinking it might be a good idea. Don’t have much time to even respond consistently to matches on apps and what not let alone go out often. Plus, I have found these apps aren’t really good for finding longer term relationships

Yeah and after microbio, I'm even more afraid of people fluids. Best one and done rather than sampling around

 

[deleted1139416]

Same as two coworkers dating: some end up beautiful and married, some neutral, some disasters

 

[Oso]

Happens all the time. Tons of people meet in med school and then couples match

 

[Goro]

Fortis fortūna adiuvat

If you go in You're sure to win – Yours will be the charming maidie: Be your law The ancient saw, "Faint heart never won fair lady!" All. Never, never, never, "Faint heart never won fair lady!" Every journey has an end – When at the worst affairs will mend – Dark the dawn when day is nigh – Hustle your horse and don't say die!

Lord Tolloller.

He who shies At such a prize Is not worth a maravedi, Be so kind To bear in mind – "Faint heart never won fair lady!"

All.

Never, never, never, "Faint heart never won fair lady!" While the sun shines make your hay – Where a will is, there's a way – Beard the lion in his lair – None but the brave deserve the fair!

Lord Chancellor. I'll take heart And make a start – Though I fear the prospect's shady – Much I'd spend To gain my end – "Faint heart never won fair lady!" All. Never, never, never, "Faint heart never won fair lady!" Nothing venture, nothing win – Blood is thick, but water's thin – In for a penny, in for a pound – It's Love that makes the world go round! Nothing venture, nothing win – Blood is thick, but water's thin – In for a penny, in for a pound – It's Love that makes the world go round!

 

[Schwifty]

There are at least 3 couples in my class, including my self, that started dating first year and are now engaged lol. I say go for it

 

[DO2015CA]

I wouldn’t date around casually in my med school class but if you found someone and you both wanted to be serious then I’d say go for it.

 

[EthylMethylMan]

This happened pretty routinely in my class. We had quite a few couples matching together by the end. Dating a co-resident, on the other hand, is playing with fire.

 

[Osminog]

On a scale of 1-10 how bad of an idea is this?

7/10

 

[PapaGuava]

On a scale of 1-10 how bad of an idea is this?

Pros
-similar schedule
-don’t need to constantly text and or go out like would with nonmed student
-potential for double physician income down the line
-generally better personality/other attributes than people meet on apps or social events

Cons
-awkward if it ends badly
-bad schedules
-stress

s/p dating a girl for most of the first 2 years of didactic work. It was nice for the most part and it does go well with your schedule because you both understand the time constraints. We were still lab partners and a few other things when we broke things off, so it made it awkward for the first few days but we both were stronger friends than anything so it ended well.

Point is - It is perfectly fine to date a medical school classmate if you are genuinely interested.

 

[RunsOnCaffeine]

My class paired up like crazy and about 50% of the relationships worked out during med school. Since matching for residency, there have been a couple divorces already, but some have endured and babies are on the way. I think the fact that you are with someone all the time and going through the same things makes some people think they are closer to the person even if they really don't have much in common. Do what you want, just be smart about it

 

[GoSpursGo]

Any relationship that ends pretty much ends badly, so just because someone is in your class doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a go. On your scale I would say a 3/10. If you’re both reasonable mature people at worst you can remain professional if things end badly, and at best maybe you wind up together

 

[Billiam95]

Shoot your shot

 

[FutureInternist]

On a scale of 1-10 how bad of an idea is this?

Pros
-similar schedule
-don’t need to constantly text and or go out like would with nonmed student
-potential for double physician income down the line
-generally better personality/other attributes than people meet on apps or social events

Cons
-awkward if it ends badly
-bad schedules
-stress

Awkward WHEN it ends badly

Many fish in the sea…

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

Awkward WHEN it ends badly

Many fish in the sea…

This kind of depends where you are tbh. If I was in nyc, Chicago, SF, LA I would probably avoid.

Honestly, will probably just play it by ear and see how things go.

 

[DrBoopSnoot]

I was already in a relationship before I started grad school, but all of my friends were in relationships with other classmates. Most of them are still together and those that separated just moved on. I don’t really see how it would be different than dating a classmate in undergrad.

 

[LunaOri]

I was already in a relationship before I started grad school, but all of my friends were in relationships with other classmates. Most of them are still together and those that separated just moved on. I don’t really see how it would be different than dating a classmate in undergrad.

Awesome username, DrBoopSnoot!

 

[scutgod]

SDN: Student Dating Network

 

[scutgod]

Dating in Med school?

Also see this older thread^

 

[CanIBeAnonymous]

Any relationship that ends pretty much ends badly,

This is very people-dependent. I will say the past will judge your future. If most of your relationships in the past ended badly, future ones probably will too.

I've had lots of relationships come and go, and the vast majority ended fine. Even friends to close friends with some of them.

 

[GoSpursGo]

This is very people-dependent. I will say the past will judge your future. If most of your relationships in the past ended badly, future ones probably will too.

I've had lots of relationships come and go, and the vast majority ended fine. Even friends to close friends with some of them.

I mean, there is a spectrum of “bad”. But the immediate aftermath is pretty universally crappy. It’s kind of beside the point, because my ultimate advice is that you shouldn’t avoid a relationship just because it might end badly—it’s a risk with pretty much any relationship

 

[Angus Avagadro]

One caveat. I was a 4th yr and my wife a 1st yr when we married. If we dated as 1st yrs, I would have flunked out. My wife would go to class to socialize and get As on exams. I had to grind to get As and Bs. She would have wanted to hang out and I would need to study. Make sure to run your own race

 

[CyrilFiggis]

On a scale of 1-10 how bad of an idea is this?

Pros
-similar schedule
-don’t need to constantly text and or go out like would with nonmed student
-potential for double physician income down the line
-generally better personality/other attributes than people meet on apps or social events

Cons
-awkward if it ends badly
-bad schedules
-stress

The couples match wouldn’t exist if med students didn’t date each other.

 

[Tee Cell]

Been there done that. It was a bad idea.

 

[VerynCE]

I did it. Went through med school together, matched together, and it all fell apart intern year. Honestly though, was super nice to have a study partner and someone to work through med school with. We had an amicable split and now we're both happily with someone else.

I'd just say make sure you're in it for the long haul and you're going to make an effort. If you want something short term/hook ups, there are apps for that.

 

[ralph_wiggum]

Supposing you date a classmate and stay together (married or not), what is waiting down the line for the couple when it comes time for residencies and after? How difficult is it to be near one another in residency? Does it often require one to choose a residency other than his/her/their first choice?

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

Idk but I do know that having 2 doctor household begins to approach vacation house in Aspen pr the Hamptons level income

 

[kukuma]

My fiancé and I met during first year of medical school. He was a bit apprehensive about dating a classmate, while I felt that we had a really strong connection and wanted to see it through. Med school does tend to intensify relationships with the time spent studying together/going through similar stressors. That being said, having many classmates is very different to being in a small residency program where you are directly working with one another in a patient care setting.

We were unable to couples match given that we were going into subspecialties with different match systems (SF Match vs. ERAS), so basically I matched first and he adjusted his match list accordingly. That set up allowed us to pursue our interests while still trying to be together. We were lucky enough to match in the same region.

Now, three years out of medical school into surgical residencies, we have built a solid relationship (after many exercises in communication - like any relationship). We are looking forward to a life of being able to ball out together while being in fields that we love. Now knowing a lot of people in medicine who are single, it can be hard to meet people, especially given the earning potential affecting the perception of people that you date. If it's a good fit, you might as well give it a shot.

 

[Psych2014]

I would say medical school or any similarly highly stressful duration of time is an easy time to make a mistake in judgement driven by high emotional needs or lack of emotional needs being met, you could make a mistake going into it or going out of it. Then again every relationship takes a lot of work to stay together beyond the excitement phase. I would move very very slowly, and if it's a once or twice in a lifetime compatibility, go for it, but go slow.

 

[Robthebob]

I ended up meeting my S.O. just prior to starting med school. Didnt go into school looking for love, but rather went in looking to study medicine.

Now, we are happily married as of this year.

Everyone is different. I know some that came in together are now separated. Just take it to heart and see if things work out. There is also Couples Match and other programs that can help too with keeping together during residency.

 

[KoKoOnaJo]

Let coco eat bro!

 

[molossus]

Fortis fortūna adiuvat

it is interesting you use this expression
dating is about numbers

you need to take stock in yourself to see how you fare in the SMV sense(sexual market value)
and
what is your end goal with the dating stuff: free sex, someone to go to events with , get married and start a family?


what is your ethnicity?(yeah it matters, chicks still love white guys, ESPECIALLY if they are doctors)
are you easy on the eyes ? are you tall? do you have a nice body? do you have all your hair? do you have nice teeth? do you have any medical problems?
also, women now are looking for a partner: someone who helps with domestic chores, raising kids. being a meal ticket wont work anymore.
are you able to ask women out cold and get them to go out with you?(ie are you approaching women who are matched?)

dating does not get easier , and if you have looked into the wonderful world of OLD, you know first hand how awful it is, the older one gets , the dating pool shrinks . sure you can be a 42 year old doctor on tinder trying to smash 20 somethings who will be impressed by the degree and if thats what you want , do it. however the most ppl tend to stick with those closer to their equals: similar age, looks, education, etc. water sinks to its level.

so if you want to drop this situation and focus on studying , so be it. if you think you can handle the stress of the school and a relationship , as well as have a potential for a good companion, that is ok as well. personally, if i found a potential SO in med school who i was attracted school, i would have pursued it because dating as an attending is a painful chore that I wish would be over with already.

 

[Shunsui]

We’ve been spending a lot of time running, hiking, hanging out on weekends

if hanging out on weekends doesn't include hooking up, hate to break it to you but she probably sees you as a friend material

if you are hooking up, she will eventually question a serious v casual relationship. Never bring up the idea of a relationship if you're a male.


edit: This is just my personal experience. Not saying it's absolute. But you should really listen to people in your demographic. Not middle-aged/older people who are married with children.

It's a different market now. They didn't grow up with online dating and social media.

 

[TisTheSeason25]

Go with your gut feeling! Personally, I wouldn't mind having a love life while in medical school lol. I also don't mind being single either.

 

[DO2015CA]

Been there done that. It was a bad idea.

Been there done that. Best decision of my life, ~10 years later

 

[RangerBob]

Carpe diem! Life is too short. If you find love and think there's a possibility they're the one, go after it. Throw all caution to the wind.

You have to take some risk for the greatest reward life has to offer. I'm not trying to be cheesy or anything--marrying the right person has far more effect on your happiness than any specialty/job choice you could make. And you can't find them if you don't try!

 

[painballer27]

Do it. If it works out well then you could eventually have a dual physician household, and be quite wealthy.

 

[lockian]

On a scale of 1-10 how bad of an idea is this?

Pros
-similar schedule
-don’t need to constantly text and or go out like would with nonmed student
-potential for double physician income down the line
-generally better personality/other attributes than people meet on apps or social events

Cons
-awkward if it ends badly
-bad schedules
-stress

“Awkward if it ends badly?” You are, presumably an adult with a college education if your early to mid 20s. This is not high school. Date whoever you want and if it ends, suck it up, be professional, and be an adult.