- Joined
- Apr 6, 2011
- Messages
- 560
- Reaction score
- 5
2 years ago back in my clubbing/bar hopping days I met a gorgeous girl. We clicked right away, drank a lot, stayed up together and had lots of you know what. It all started as "friends with benefits", we swore we would never get emotionally attached. She was going to move to Europe and I was going to move back to the West Coast. Well then I started getting emotionally attached, I realized that I couldn't spend a single moment of the day without thinking about her, I realized that I always wanted to kiss her and be around her. In the end I begged and convinced her to stay in the US and get into a relationship with me (it took a lot of work almost 6 months). After dating her though the secrets started to come out. She was being sexually harassed by multiple guys, she was addicted to alcohol (drank 3 wine bottles a day), she had a cross addiction with benzos (something she got hooked on while she was in detox), she did a lot of drugs. I stood by her because I've never been a quitter and I truly believed and still believe I can help her.
We had some crazy ups and downs. She's physically and verbally assaulted me while shes drunk multiple times even in public but I try to keep my cool. I found out through her parents she had been to detox and rehab at least a dozen times and still continued to drink. I dropped out of school for a semester to go with her to detox and rehab. I lied to the rehab facilities that I was an alcoholic because my gf didn't want to go alone. After so much work we got out and she started drinking again 10 days later while taking massive amounts of benzos with the alcohol (yes I know this kills people but it doesn't do much to her or I hope it never will Well her parents gave up on her kicked her out of the house and I got her an apartment which I am still paying for. I'm physically and emotionally drained. She's still continuing with the drug and alcohol abuse.... the sad part is if anyone even mentions it she gets extremely defensive to the point where she gets physical. To top it all off she always wants to stay awake, she'll call me randomly at 2-3 am or show up at my house and wake me up. Even if I have stuff to do the next day she'll demand I stay awake. I fought an amphetamine addiction long ago but now I'm hooked back on it just so I can keep up with everything.
I know I know what all of you are about to say, leave her and never look back. It's easy said then done especially when I'm "co-dependent (as her mother says) but that is how I've been. I've watched many good men die in battle, I have a father who is major heart issues (went through multiple bypasses), arthritis, high blood pressure, needs cataract surgery for his right eye. My father truly believes he's dying and even though I deny it every day I know the truth deep inside. My father has told me that even if he's dying in the hospital to never come see him. He told me that if he dies, I will not be able to bring him back and he does not want me to jeopardize my education over him.
I visit SDN every day, I act silly, I say stupid things and all I'm trying to do is get my mind off reality. The fact of life is that emotionally I am beyond tormented. I have contemplated committing suicide many times. Matter of fact I put the barrel of my AR-47 rifle several times in my mouth but I never pulled the trigger because in the end I knew that even though I was freeing my mind, my soul and my existence that everything that I have done till this point will go to vain. That my selfish act would destroy my family and leave my gf homeless on the street with the same drug abuse life. What can I do though? I'm completely helpless. I can't save them, I am not a physician and still have at least half a decade to go. I remember a long time ago why I took the vow of pursuing medicine....it was because I had seen so many people lose their lives and I could do nothing but watch them and I wanted to be a physician to do something but I'm still helpless.
I need help, please give me some advice. I have tried to seek professional help but it's not helping. I have begged and cried at front of my gf to go back to detox and rehab (because I know she won't make it for even a couple more years the way she is going. I have tried to walk away from her and from life but I just can't give up.
We had some crazy ups and downs. She's physically and verbally assaulted me while shes drunk multiple times even in public but I try to keep my cool. I found out through her parents she had been to detox and rehab at least a dozen times and still continued to drink. I dropped out of school for a semester to go with her to detox and rehab. I lied to the rehab facilities that I was an alcoholic because my gf didn't want to go alone. After so much work we got out and she started drinking again 10 days later while taking massive amounts of benzos with the alcohol (yes I know this kills people but it doesn't do much to her or I hope it never will Well her parents gave up on her kicked her out of the house and I got her an apartment which I am still paying for. I'm physically and emotionally drained. She's still continuing with the drug and alcohol abuse.... the sad part is if anyone even mentions it she gets extremely defensive to the point where she gets physical. To top it all off she always wants to stay awake, she'll call me randomly at 2-3 am or show up at my house and wake me up. Even if I have stuff to do the next day she'll demand I stay awake. I fought an amphetamine addiction long ago but now I'm hooked back on it just so I can keep up with everything.
I know I know what all of you are about to say, leave her and never look back. It's easy said then done especially when I'm "co-dependent (as her mother says) but that is how I've been. I've watched many good men die in battle, I have a father who is major heart issues (went through multiple bypasses), arthritis, high blood pressure, needs cataract surgery for his right eye. My father truly believes he's dying and even though I deny it every day I know the truth deep inside. My father has told me that even if he's dying in the hospital to never come see him. He told me that if he dies, I will not be able to bring him back and he does not want me to jeopardize my education over him.
I visit SDN every day, I act silly, I say stupid things and all I'm trying to do is get my mind off reality. The fact of life is that emotionally I am beyond tormented. I have contemplated committing suicide many times. Matter of fact I put the barrel of my AR-47 rifle several times in my mouth but I never pulled the trigger because in the end I knew that even though I was freeing my mind, my soul and my existence that everything that I have done till this point will go to vain. That my selfish act would destroy my family and leave my gf homeless on the street with the same drug abuse life. What can I do though? I'm completely helpless. I can't save them, I am not a physician and still have at least half a decade to go. I remember a long time ago why I took the vow of pursuing medicine....it was because I had seen so many people lose their lives and I could do nothing but watch them and I wanted to be a physician to do something but I'm still helpless.
I need help, please give me some advice. I have tried to seek professional help but it's not helping. I have begged and cried at front of my gf to go back to detox and rehab (because I know she won't make it for even a couple more years the way she is going. I have tried to walk away from her and from life but I just can't give up.
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