Dating and Surgery Residency

[504196]

MS3 here considering going into surgery. Just wondering if there are any stories about people entering surgery residency single and having enough time to date and eventually get married? I'm just curious as I'm really interested in surgery but also want to have a life and family and am currently single. It seems to me that a good amount of surgery residents have a significant other or are already married by the time they start residency.

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[ACSurgeon]

MS3 here considering going into surgery. Just wondering if there are any stories about people entering surgery residency single and having enough time to date and eventually get married? I'm just curious as I'm really interested in surgery but also want to have a life and family and am currently single. It seems to me that a good amount of surgery residents have a significant other or are already married by the time they start residency.

Yes. It's possible.

We even had a few get a divorce and have time to find someone new and get married during residency.

Many people find other residents (anesthesia, medicine, or surgery). Others might find a PA or nurse or other hospital workers. Some even manage to find people outside of work.

 

[Tenk]

Marry an EM resident, work in the same hospital as attendings and have them work nights when you take call so they can call you at 6 AM instead of 2 AM with a routine gallbladder or appy. Congrats, you just won surgery!

 

[Smurfette]

I would say most of my fellow residents started off single and ended up married +/- kids. Across multiple classes, a few were in relationships when they started but I'd say most people met and married their ultimate spouse during residency. My graduating class of 7 started off as 1 married, 1 in an on and off relationship, and 5 singles but ended up as 1 single, 1 divorced, 5 married. The class behind me only had two in a relationship when they started, and all of them were married by the end except one. Most did not marry other doctors.

 

[mimelim]

MS3 here considering going into surgery. Just wondering if there are any stories about people entering surgery residency single and having enough time to date and eventually get married? I'm just curious as I'm really interested in surgery but also want to have a life and family and am currently single. It seems to me that a good amount of surgery residents have a significant other or are already married by the time they start residency.

If you want to date while in surgical residency, you will be able to. It seems like a good number of surgical residents come in married/with significant others because a good number of people that age are in relationships.

 

[Donald Juan]

Definitely possible, but like doing anything else during residency (especially a busy residency) you have to make the effort to have time for it.

 

[SpecializedSurgeon]

of course it's possible. Even before the 80 hour workweek (or it's enforcement, depending on the program) it was possible.
You'll see just about every type of relationship out there, too -- married, dating, on again/off again stuff, long-distance, etc. -- a lot of it is personal motivation and maybe more to do with the relationship itself rather than residency.

 

[failedatlife]

I would imagine dating in residency is possible if you are a 6'2+ TALL male who is at least moderately good looking. Any woman you come in contact with will be attracted to you, including fellow residents, attendings, and nurses.

On the other hand, if you are 5'8-5'9 best of luck getting left swiped on Bumble and Tinder. Maybe you will get a number or two if you approach premed girls who are wasted.

Dating a good looking female these days is extremely hard to moderately impossible. Best off to get a puppy to keep you company and enjoy your life in the hospital. You will be a much happier person.

 

[DBV]

I would imagine dating in residency is possible if you are a 6'2+ TALL male who is at least moderately good looking. Any woman you come in contact with will be attracted to you, including fellow residents, attendings, and nurses.

On the other hand, if you are 5'8-5'9 best of luck getting left swiped on Bumble and Tinder. Maybe you will get a number or two if you approach premed girls who are wasted.

Dating a good looking female these days is extremely hard to moderately impossible. Best off to get a puppy to keep you company and enjoy your life in the hospital. You will be a much happier person.

You'd be happy leaving a puppy home alone for 14+ hours per day and sleeping another 6 hours

 

[TypeADissection]

Short answer: yes. Longer answer: yes. You will work long hours and be doing a lot of extra work and reading when not at work, but it's all doable.

 

[member1000765]

Definitely doable to start a relationship during residency, and actually preferable in my opinion. Surgical residency is hard, regardless of which surgical specialty you choose, and at least in my experience it made my training years much more enjoyable. If the relationship is healthy, it will offer you a good social support system to help sustain you outside the hospital even if things inside the hospital are driving you to the brink of madness. On the other hand, if it's not healthy, then you won't mind spending all of your time at the hospital and away from your significant other nearly as much!

 

[droliver]

Much easier for guys to date during residency then girls. There's traditionally a lot of "mingling" between residents and nurses CRNA, PT, RT, etc... as you tend to be around each other a lot frequently after hours. As most of those positions are women, it's a lot easier to find prospects as a male resident. Most of the girls who dated, usually met people through church IIRC.

Most of the male residents who started our program single, ended up married with kids by the time we finished. None of the girls did, and most of the married females before residency got divorced unfortunately. It was a really tough situation for the girls back then as we literally spent half of our residency doing Q2 in house trauma call at at level 1 trauma center. Even my chief year was 6 months of q2 in house.

It's much more relationship friendly now with the work hour rules, but it's still takes some work to date being physically and emotionally exhausted.

 

[muskie2016]

My now husband and I met his intern year and most of his class met their future spouses during PGY2-PGY3. It is definitely possible. We even met out of work - I don't have anything to do with healthcare.

 

[Treebeard]

I know a guy who has alienated a number of his friends because he will never stop talking about how many dates he gets since starting a gen surg residency.

 

[Treebeard]

Why, are the friends jealous?

Na he's actually super obnoxious....like constantly bringing up how many tinder matches he's had recently when no one asked

 

[ACSurgeon]

Na he's actually super obnoxious....like constantly bringing up how many tinder matches he's had recently when no one asked

 

[Osteoth]

Much easier for guys to date during residency then girls. There's traditionally a lot of "mingling" between residents and nurses CRNA, PT, RT, etc... as you tend to be around each other a lot frequently after hours. As most of those positions are women, it's a lot easier to find prospects as a male resident. Most of the girls who dated, usually met people through church IIRC.

Most of the male residents who started our program single, ended up married with kids by the time we finished. None of the girls did, and most of the married females before residency got divorced unfortunately. It was a really tough situation for the girls back then as we literally spent half of our residency doing Q2 in house trauma call at at level 1 trauma center. Even my chief year was 6 months of q2 in house.

It's much more relationship friendly now with the work hour rules, but it's still takes some work to date being physically and emotionally exhausted.

Jesus whats with all the women getting divorced?

My now husband and I met his intern year and most of his class met their future spouses during PGY2-PGY3. It is definitely possible. We even met out of work - I don't have anything to do with healthcare.

Wait so what are you doing on here? lol

 

[droliver]

Jesus whats with all the women getting divorced?
lol

It makes sense in context. They’re thrust into extroidinary disruptive work-life schedules without the support network of friends or family. Medical school is relatively a more “normal” lifestyle. When you go from that to surgery hours and stress, it causes a lot of marriages to break up.

 

[Osteoth]

It makes sense in context. They’re thrust into extroidinary disruptive work-life schedules without the support network of friends or family. Medical school is relatively a more “normal” lifestyle. When you go from that to surgery hours and stress, it causes a lot of marriages to break up.

Thats tough.

Also, at the risk of making some SJWs angry...

It's long been much more acceptable for men to work long hours and be relatively absentee on the home front than it is for women.

Many men have issues with their career and needs taking a backseat to their spouse's.

So women, in particular, have difficulties in demanding residency when they come in with a pre-existing and non-medical spouse

Something I've noticed recently on the wards is the preference given to female students. It feels like they're babied significantly more than the men. Is this something you've noticed in residency and beyond or am I just reacting to a small sample size?

 

[IRAD4LIFE]

Much easier for guys to date during residency then girls. There's traditionally a lot of "mingling" between residents and nurses CRNA, PT, RT, etc... as you tend to be around each other a lot frequently after hours. As most of those positions are women, it's a lot easier to find prospects as a male resident. Most of the girls who dated, usually met people through church IIRC.

Most of the male residents who started our program single, ended up married with kids by the time we finished. None of the girls did, and most of the married females before residency got divorced unfortunately. It was a really tough situation for the girls back then as we literally spent half of our residency doing Q2 in house trauma call at at level 1 trauma center. Even my chief year was 6 months of q2 in house.

It's much more relationship friendly now with the work hour rules, but it's still takes some work to date being physically and emotionally exhausted.

So I will begin Med. School at 32 years old & residency at 36 - you talk as if the nurses, CRNA's, PA's etc. are all single!!! I can't believe that unless they are 22-26 years old (and still can't believe they would be single, never married) ... point is, 36 year old resident having a shot at a 22-26 year old nurse, CRNA, PA, or fellow resident? uhhh.

 

[thegreengreatdragon]

So I will begin Med. School at 32 years old & residency at 36 - you talk as if the nurses, CRNA's, PA's etc. are all single!!! I can't believe that unless they are 22-26 years old (and still can't believe they would be single, never married) ... point is, 36 year old resident having a shot at a 22-26 year old nurse, CRNA, PA, or fellow resident? uhhh.

I couldn't tell if you were a troll or not when I read that thread you started, but the necrobump tells me all I need to know.

 

[IRAD4LIFE]

I couldn't tell if you were a troll or not when I read that thread you started, but the necrobump tells me all I need to know.

No - not trolling haha. Idk why it seemed I was trolling??? 29 year old, single, going to Med. School at 32, wanna have a fam. one day, how will I meet a girl whose never been married before (religious reasons) - I feel they must be young if they are single and legit. Why would a 27-32 year old smart, head together, beautiful girl be single?? yea ... nah - jus #Facts

 

[raiderette]

No - not trolling haha. Idk why it seemed I was trolling??? 29 year old, single, going to Med. School at 32, wanna have a fam. one day, how will I meet a girl whose never been married before (religious reasons) - I feel they must be young if they are single and legit. Why would a 27-32 year old smart, head together, beautiful girl be single?? yea ... nah - jus #Facts

Is there a reason you can't be in a relationship now? I met my partner while in med school and we will be getting married after Match next year. Life doesn't need to be on hold.

 

[IRAD4LIFE]

Is there a reason you can't be in a relationship now? I met my partner while in med school and we will be getting married after Match next year. Life doesn't need to be on hold.

Yea great point on not putting life on hold - Only single girls I know (at college) are 18-19 years old. 29 can't do that. 20-23 are all taken mostly and I'm at a 15,000 person college .... 4:1 ratio girl to guy, so you would think good odds .... nope. And I'm not too picky either, I mean, yeah - I'd like them to be fit, take care of themselves physically (eat healthy etc) and share the same faith, Christian. But outside of that .... if we get along its a GO !! Now honestly - I'd rather wait till Medical School b/c no girl wants to date a pre-med, then he goes 1,000 miles away for 4 years and she is still in college or something where she can't move. Maybe a 32 year old guy will meet a girl in med. school and get married as you will be .... but how a 32 year old med student will find a single girl in med school ... idk. Unless a 24 year old is willing to date a 32 year old. Idk how old your "future wife" and "you" are (age difference) but I bet she was 24 ish when y'all met in med school. There aren't single 28 year olds haha, that are legit ... well there are but its hard to find and they won't be on online dating sites I don[t belive ... .

 

[ciestar]

Yea great point on not putting life on hold - Only single girls I know (at college) are 18-19 years old. 29 can't do that. 20-23 are all taken mostly and I'm at a 15,000 person college .... 4:1 ratio girl to guy, so you would think good odds .... nope. And I'm not too picky either, I mean, yeah - I'd like them to be fit, take care of themselves physically (eat healthy etc) and share the same faith, Christian. But outside of that .... if we get along its a GO !! Now honestly - I'd rather wait till Medical School b/c no girl wants to date a pre-med, then he goes 1,000 miles away for 4 years and she is still in college or something where she can't move. Maybe a 32 year old guy will meet a girl in med. school and get married as you will be .... but how a 32 year old med student will find a single girl in med school ... idk. Unless a 24 year old is willing to date a 32 year old. Idk how old your "future wife" and "you" are (age difference) but I bet she was 24 ish when y'all met in med school. There aren't single 28 year olds haha, that are legit ... well there are but its hard to find and they won't be on online dating sites I don[t belive ... .

Im 28 and have single friends, so let go of that assumption.

You’re probably limiting yourself. Im not religious at all, but that is usually something people don’t really bend for, so your best bets are people in your religious communities. Divorce is a deal breaker? I can think of a bunch bigger problem for deeply religious people when it comes to dating.

A lot of people seem to be meeting people through apps. It is the thing to do these days for 20-somethings.

What I will say.. SDN isn’t the best place to figure this out.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Don't bump old threads to ask questions you have asked in other threads.