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I was enrolled as a M1 at a Medical school starting 8/26/03, I took a leave of absence 9/15/03 because i got into severe depression and had uncontrolable anxiety symptoms. I dont think the anxiety and depression is from medical school alone, i had the depression and anxiety before for the past few years mildly but was able to restrain it enough to function. The anxiety and depression took a toll on me before in life; like made me have severe Indecisiveness ( I can never make up my mind on the simplist things, got to the point where i had to tear up receipts after buying clothes so i wont change my mind and return them) sometimes i will get sad out of no where and have muscle aches and lose my appetite, withdrawl from friends, stop answering phones, etc... but with this going on i was able to function without anyone around me knowing i had anxiety or depression because i was a super outgoing guy and was very socialable. I know for a fact that if i didnt have depression and anxiety in undergrad i would of been able to focus better and would of had an extremely higher GPA and MCAT scores, but the anxiety and depression caused me to have symptoms of A-ADD, i cant ever sleep at night b4 3-4am because i am always thinking and worrying about stuff that normal people prob. worry about for a few minutes and forget. (There is alot more symptoms i experienced but too much to list, if your interested and/or want to know more to give me advice you can pm me)
Anyhow In the summer before medical school, I was feeling a bit less depressed and thought i can handle medical school and put my depression and anxiety in control enough to function, unfortunately with the medical school stress, the great loads of focus needed and my anxiety and depression and lack of concentration from the depression and anxiety, i just got into a huge anxiety attack that took over me for the 2nd two weeks of med school. I mean i will sit in the library open and book and stare at the same page for hours, thats if i wasnt already feeling tired and sluggish always from my depression.
I for some reason never saw a pychiatrist even though i knew i may need medication because first i was in denial, 2nd i used to think pychiatrists are for the weak and its a mind game, 3rd i didnt want my health insurance and my future malpractice insurance to be screwed over cause see a pychiatrist for depression/anxiety raises your insurance, 4th i was a poor college student and didnt think i can afford the treatment, 5th i didnt want my brain tampered with because i thought all these pychiatrists are going to do is play trial and error with medications and what if they screw my head up more. Here is the delimma, i was on leave to start back in January, so i thought a break can help me get back on track, instead i been way more depressed and had more anxiety and i still didnt see a pyschiatrist due to the reasons above. I so want to be a physician and so love medicine but i am starting to think that my condition is so severe that i shouldnt risk more loans and debt and cosigners when i dont even have control over my own mind, i want to start next semester again but i dont think its feasible because of my progressing symtoms, i may defer until next year if they let me. I am planning on seeing a pyschiatrist hopefully soon cause even if he messed me up with medication i dont think my brain can ruin my life more then it did already, eventhough i have to see how i am going to afford the treatments( i dont have insurance anymore since i only had student insurance and that cut off with my leave of absence and i dont have insurance from my parents --too old)
Anyhow any feedback, advice, words of wisdom, related stories u like to share and how u handed it, please let me know. you can pm me if you want too.
I appreciate all the advice and thanks for the help.
PS
This is my first post ever on SDN, although i been a fan of reading it and all the great info provided by it.
Mike
Anyhow In the summer before medical school, I was feeling a bit less depressed and thought i can handle medical school and put my depression and anxiety in control enough to function, unfortunately with the medical school stress, the great loads of focus needed and my anxiety and depression and lack of concentration from the depression and anxiety, i just got into a huge anxiety attack that took over me for the 2nd two weeks of med school. I mean i will sit in the library open and book and stare at the same page for hours, thats if i wasnt already feeling tired and sluggish always from my depression.
I for some reason never saw a pychiatrist even though i knew i may need medication because first i was in denial, 2nd i used to think pychiatrists are for the weak and its a mind game, 3rd i didnt want my health insurance and my future malpractice insurance to be screwed over cause see a pychiatrist for depression/anxiety raises your insurance, 4th i was a poor college student and didnt think i can afford the treatment, 5th i didnt want my brain tampered with because i thought all these pychiatrists are going to do is play trial and error with medications and what if they screw my head up more. Here is the delimma, i was on leave to start back in January, so i thought a break can help me get back on track, instead i been way more depressed and had more anxiety and i still didnt see a pyschiatrist due to the reasons above. I so want to be a physician and so love medicine but i am starting to think that my condition is so severe that i shouldnt risk more loans and debt and cosigners when i dont even have control over my own mind, i want to start next semester again but i dont think its feasible because of my progressing symtoms, i may defer until next year if they let me. I am planning on seeing a pyschiatrist hopefully soon cause even if he messed me up with medication i dont think my brain can ruin my life more then it did already, eventhough i have to see how i am going to afford the treatments( i dont have insurance anymore since i only had student insurance and that cut off with my leave of absence and i dont have insurance from my parents --too old)
Anyhow any feedback, advice, words of wisdom, related stories u like to share and how u handed it, please let me know. you can pm me if you want too.
I appreciate all the advice and thanks for the help.
PS
This is my first post ever on SDN, although i been a fan of reading it and all the great info provided by it.
Mike