Debating on Medical School

[BrittHoch1]

Hello everyone,
I'm 29 years old, mother of 3 (ages 3-9), and married. For quite sometime, I have wanted to pursue medical school. I thought I would come on the non-traditional forum since there might be some of you in the same position, or that have been in the past. Reading what I have read, it seems as if there may be years where you miss out on everything. To be honest, I'm ok with being away from my kids at times, but I'm not sure if I just want to miss out almost everything that they are doing for years. If I'm calculating right in my head right now, I believe I will be 43 when my youngest graduates high school. An option is always to wait until my kids are gone, but that seems like a bad time to start medical school and going in tremendous amount of debt. I guess I'm looking for some advice. Will there be times when my kids will feel like I'm never there for them? From what I understand, OBGYN rotations and clinicals can be quite intense, and rightfully so, but what I'm worried about is my kids feeling like I'm never there for them for an extended period of time. I don't know if anyone has any advice, can talk about their own experiences, or if anyone has been in the same boat. It would be nice to get a little perspective from others who are either going through something similar or who have already been through it. Thanks!

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[CyrilFiggis]

While this doesn't really help that much, here are some other things to consider. Will you and your family be OK to move if you don't get into a local med school? Will you be ready to move 4 years later if you match in another city? If you're going to be applying the next few years, that means moving when your eldest is about to start HS, that means moving possibly when the middle child is in HS.

I have classmates with multiple kids and they make it work, but it's difficult and I only see them when we have mandatory events. You're going to be stressed and it really comes down to your ability to balance everything.

 

[Dr.Jekyll75]

If you have a supportive husband who is willing to pick up the slack on days that you are missing and are unable to help out then do it. I have a classmate who has four kids all between the ages of five and 13. She goes home to study on the weekends and takes one day out of the week to see her family . It's doable. The question is do you have support from your husband or significant other? Also to take into consideration will you have to move to attend medical school. I say apply .


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[wxman393]

If you have a supportive husband who is willing to pick up the slack on days that you are missing and are unable to help out then do it. I have a classmate who has four kids all between the ages of five and 13. She goes home to study on the weekends and takes one day out of the week to see her family . It's doable. The question is do you have support from your husband or significant other? Also to take into consideration will you have to move to attend medical school. I say apply .


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A supportive spouse is perhaps the biggest factor in this decision. My spouse and I have kids, and nearly a dozen people in my class have multiple kids, some with more than four. Having that support structure now, and throughout this long journey, can make or break you. I commuted 2 hours on the weekends during the first year of medical school to see my family. It's definitely doable but be ready to make changes as the kids get older or miss class if there is an emergency/other significant event.

I was upfront during my med school interviews about the importance of my family and the school's attendance policies during the first two years.

Being willing and able to move is a significant factor. Don't assume that you can just work it out if, or when, you need to move. Spousal employment can be a significant hindrance, especially if they are in a specialized career field. I would have a course of action for each school you apply to, and what you will do come 3rd/4th year rotations (and subsequently residency).


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[CyrilFiggis]

A supportive spouse is perhaps the biggest factor in this decision. My spouse and I have kids, and nearly a dozen people in my class have multiple kids, some with more than four. Having that support structure now, and throughout this long journey, can make or break you. I commuted 2 hours on the weekends during the first year of medical school to see my family. It's definitely doable but be ready to make changes as the kids get older or miss class if there is an emergency/other significant event.

I was upfront during my med school interviews about the importance of my family and the school's attendance policies during the first two years.

Being willing and able to move is a significant factor. Don't assume that you can just work it out if, or when, you need to move. Spousal employment can be a significant hindrance, especially if they are in a specialized career field. I would have a course of action for each school you apply to, and what you will do come 3rd/4th year rotations (and subsequently residency).

Can I just ask whether or not you were HPSP since it says Army on your profile? I only ask because having a supportive spouse is great, but if you have the ability to earn a salary and support your supportive spouse, it can make a world of difference. It can ease the financial burden and also decrease the work pressure of the SO to balance maintaining the income and home front.

 

[esob]

I will be 44 when I matriculate; one of the reasons I had to wait so long is a domicile restriction order that prevented me from moving my kids outside of the tri-county area, but they will be graduated by that time so it won't matter. I can't speak to the debt since I'm financially independent but even if I wasn't I would still be doing this at this age. The point is, if you decide to wait, you shouldn't give up. Find something productive to do in the meantime. I quit school when the order got slapped on me in 2010 but built a successful business in the meantime so it ultimately was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

 

[wxman393]

Can I just ask whether or not you were HPSP since it says Army on your profile? I only ask because having a supportive spouse is great, but if you have the ability to earn a salary and support your supportive spouse, it can make a world of difference. It can ease the financial burden and also decrease the work pressure of the SO to balance maintaining the income and home front.

I went the Guard route as I did not want to lose rank/time in grade (I came from AD prior to medical school). I completely agree that having an SO that is employed is a huge help in terms of finance/sanity. My spouse is full-time and I still work part-time while in school to help out, especially for our kids' tuition.

 

[BrittHoch1]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. My husband is very supportive of whatever decision I make. What I do worry about it is that he is an engineer, and I'm not too sure how easy it would be to just pick up and move. How bad are the clinical rotations as far as hours go? And I know that if a significant even or emergency happens, that you would miss class but what happens when you are in the middle of your rotations? Or residency? I would imagine it wouldn't be as easy to miss that. I'm thinking about doing family medicine residency, which I hear isn't too bad. Does anyone have any input on that, as well?

 

[Dr.Jekyll75]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. My husband is very supportive of whatever decision I make. What I do worry about it is that he is an engineer, and I'm not too sure how easy it would be to just pick up and move. How bad are the clinical rotations as far as hours go? And I know that if a significant even or emergency happens, that you would miss class but what happens when you are in the middle of your rotations? Or residency? I would imagine it wouldn't be as easy to miss that. I'm thinking about doing family medicine residency, which I hear isn't too bad. Does anyone have any input on that, as well?

Everything is subjective to your institution. There are some clinical rotations that just blow time wise but distance depends. At my school we do all our core rotation in a base hospital and then 4th year we spread out. I picked the hospital cloesest to my house so i didnt have to move and save money for a few more years. Depending on the school you could put in a request to be placed at a certain hospital. As for skipping class, that depends on institution. Some require attendance, some dont. I would focus on first getting all your stuff ready to apply and then looking into which ones will fit your needs.

 

[Goro]

I've had students who were single moms, or moms living apart with kids while dad was either an hour away or a continent away. I've had students who were new moms, and those who were moms of teenagers. I've also had students who gave birth while being students...more than once too!

Some of my all time best students have been in their 30s and 40s. I graduated a superstar last year at 50.

But there is no ideal time to go to med school, except when you're 100% ready for it.

Hello everyone,
I'm 29 years old, mother of 3 (ages 3-9), and married. For quite sometime, I have wanted to pursue medical school. I thought I would come on the non-traditional forum since there might be some of you in the same position, or that have been in the past. Reading what I have read, it seems as if there may be years where you miss out on everything. To be honest, I'm ok with being away from my kids at times, but I'm not sure if I just want to miss out almost everything that they are doing for years. If I'm calculating right in my head right now, I believe I will be 43 when my youngest graduates high school. An option is always to wait until my kids are gone, but that seems like a bad time to start medical school and going in tremendous amount of debt. I guess I'm looking for some advice. Will there be times when my kids will feel like I'm never there for them? From what I understand, OBGYN rotations and clinicals can be quite intense, and rightfully so, but what I'm worried about is my kids feeling like I'm never there for them for an extended period of time. I don't know if anyone has any advice, can talk about their own experiences, or if anyone has been in the same boat. It would be nice to get a little perspective from others who are either going through something similar or who have already been through it. Thanks!

 

[at6]

PGY-3 and mother of two (12yo and 1yo) here. It can be done for sure and if you are sure about what you want - I say go for it! I would first say, do not worry too much about the advice/opinions of people who do not have children, they frankly can't answer your question beyond pure speculation, not matter how well intended they may be. Second, you do not absolutely need the support for your husband, but it would sure be nice! What you do with your future, within reason, your husband should be supportive of. Expect that and do not settle for less. OK, now that we've gotten that out of the way... I can add that yes logistics with childcare can be tricky (for all working parents, not just doctor moms) and I used to worry about details months to years ahead of time - but it's not necessary. It can all be figured out. The same goes for relocation. There are tons of options and I've seen too many different arrangements to list here, but the point is, do not worry about this until it's time to. None of these issues are life-long problems nor are they difficult enough to have any serious weight in your decision of what to do with the rest of your life.
There are literally tens of thousands of physician moms from all different backgrounds all over the world ready to lend support and advice - and we have a well organized network to do just that. I know my fellow physician moms would all agree being mothers makes us better doctors and being doctors makes us better mothers! We'd love to have you join us!

Good luck and I hope you are happy with whatever decision you make.