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Depressed NP Student...need some advice

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by roseglass6370, Sep 7, 2014.

  1. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    Been awhile since I posted on here, but I need some advice. Preferably from some med students, MD's, or NP's that have some experience and can shed some light.

    I was a pre-med student all throughout undergrad. I was dead set on becoming a doctor and worked my butt off. I took the MCAT, filled out AMCA's almost all the way, and then got nervous. I was engaged and staring down my future and worried that I wouldn't be able to handle med school. I knew I wanted a lot out of life (family, hobbies, etc.) and didn't know if I was ready to commit to medical school with all of that. My family was shocked because I was so set on being a doctor for so long. No one could believe that I would change my mind at the last hour. Regardless, I decided to apply to a BS-MSN program that a few of my friends went through instead. I figured being an NP would give me the best of both worlds. I had prepped so hard academically for med school that getting into the program was easy. I got accepted.

    Now, here I am in my NP program and kind of hating my life. I'm learning how to be a nurse and can't help but feel like I'm settling. I'm not sure if it is because I am still learning the basics (how to put in a freaking catheter, etc.) or if I really should have gone to medical school.

    As a side note, my husband is freaking out that I'm starting to think med school. We haven't been married a year yet and he is worried he will never see me anymore if I get into med school and that it will entirely consume my life until I'm done with residency. Not sure what to say to him.

    My concerns are this:

    1) I don't want to uproot and move out of state for med school. Thankfully, I live in Ohio where there is no shortage of med schools.

    2) I am nervous about balancing my life while in med school. I do want kids and I want some semblance of a life when all is said and done. Residency is one of the main reasons, if not the main reason, I got hesitant about applying to begin with. My husband is nervous about this too.

    3) I am 25. Is it too late to commit to this whole deal and really reap the benefits of it?

    4) I'm gonna have to retake the MCAT. I was super sick the day I took it, did horribly, and should have voided it to begin with, but was stubborn. This isn't that big of a deal.

    My stats:

    Undergrad GPA - 3.78-ish
    Undergrad Science GPA - 3.55-ish
    Grad GPA - 4.0
    MCAT - gonna retake
    Clinical experience - I have worked as a nurse's aide for 7 years, shadowed 2 docs, in nursing school now, yada yada, I've got a crap ton of it
    I volunteered places.
    I did research.
     
    #1 roseglass6370, Sep 7, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2014
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  3. username456789

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    Talk about stepping off on the wrong foot.
     
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  4. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    Ok, ok, sorry. I'm just super frustrated and in big need of advice. Didn't mean to make enemies. Wise pre-meds, feel free to chime in.
     
  5. Goro

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    It seems like you still have a LOT of issues to deal with. Strongly suggest that you seek out your school's counseling center and talk to someone.

    Concur, but sometimes one has to make sacrifices if you want something bad enough. But I think that given the # of OH schools, you should be OK with a decent MCAT score. Keep in mind UKy, U Lou, Pitt, IU, MSU, LECOM, MUCOM, aren't that far away, either.

    1) I don't want to uproot and move out of state for med school. Thankfully, I live in Ohio where there is no shortage of med schools.

    You can have a life and be a medical student. I've had students who had 1 and even two kids in med school. it's doable. I've had single moms and dads as students. But again, you will have to make some sacrifices...
    Him: "What are you doing, hon"?
    You: "Studying". Get used to that.

    2) I am nervous about balancing my life while in med school. I do want kids and I want some semblance of a life when all is said and done. Residency is one of the main reasons, if not the main reason, I got hesitant about applying to begin with. My husband is nervous about this too.

    Some of my all-time best students have been in their 30s and 40s. I just graduated one at 50.
    3) I am 25. Is it too late to commit to this whole deal and really reap the benefits of it?

    I hope you're not as stubborn now. we look down upon poor choice making, especially when it's behavior contrary to one's self-interest.
    4) I'm gonna have to retake the MCAT. I was super sick the day I took it, did horribly, and should have voided it to begin with, but was stubborn. This isn't that big of a deal.
     
  6. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    Been awhile since I posted on here, but I need some advice. Preferably from some med students, MD's, or NP's that have some experience and can shed some light.

    I was a pre-med student all throughout undergrad. I was dead set on becoming a doctor and worked my butt off. I took the MCAT, filled out AMCA's almost all the way, and then got nervous. I was engaged and staring down my future and worried that I wouldn't be able to handle med school. I knew I wanted a lot out of life (family, hobbies, etc.) and didn't know if I was ready to commit to medical school with all of that. My family was shocked because I was so set on being a doctor for so long. No one could believe that I would change my mind at the last hour. Regardless, I decided to apply to a BS-MSN program that a few of my friends went through instead. I figured being an NP would give me the best of both worlds. I had prepped so hard academically for med school that getting into the program was easy. I got accepted.

    Now, here I am in my NP program and kind of hating my life. I'm learning how to be a nurse and can't help but feel like I'm settling. I'm not sure if it is because I am still learning the basics (how to put in a freaking catheter, etc.) or if I really should have gone to medical school.

    As a side note, my husband is freaking out that I'm starting to think med school. We haven't been married a year yet and he is worried he will never see me anymore if I get into med school and that it will entirely consume my life until I'm done with residency. Not sure what to say to him.

    My concerns are this:

    1) I don't want to uproot and move out of state for med school. Thankfully, I live in Ohio where there is no shortage of med schools.

    2) I am nervous about balancing my life while in med school. I do want kids and I want some semblance of a life when all is said and done. Residency is one of the main reasons, if not the main reason, I got hesitant about applying to begin with. My husband is nervous about this too.

    3) I am 25. Is it too late to commit to this whole deal and really reap the benefits of it?

    4) I'm gonna have to retake the MCAT. I was super sick the day I took it, did horribly, and should have voided it to begin with, but was stubborn. This isn't that big of a deal.

    My stats:

    Undergrad GPA - 3.78-ish
    Undergrad Science GPA - 3.55-ish
    Grad GPA - 4.0
    MCAT - gonna retake
    Clinical experience - I have worked as a nurse's aide for 7 years, shadowed 2 docs, in nursing school now, yada yada, I've got a crap ton of it
    I volunteered places.
    I did research.
     
  7. DermViser

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    What is it about NP school that you hate? Be specific. So far you said it's bc you feel like you're "settling". That seems to be more your ego talking than actual looking at the facts. What SPECIFICALLY do you not like?
     
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  8. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    What I don't like is that I feel like I will never know everything that I want to know. One of the main reasons I originally decided that I wanted to be a doctor is because I wanted to know as much as possible about medicine. Of course, no doctor knows everything about medicine, but as much as I reasonably could. I feel like as an NP I may never be able to know everything I can. This is my main issue. Of course, I can know everything I can about nursing (which I am slowly learning is VERY different from medicine), but it feels like a less challenging feat for some reason.

    And yes, you are correct. My ego is a factor and I readily admit it. All throughout school I have always felt driven to be the best at everything. I hate that my former classmates probably think that I am in NP school only because I didn't get into med school, when in actuality I never applied. I hate seeing med students and doctors at my clinicals wondering if they think I am less intelligent because I am in nursing school. I hate that I feel that way, but it is true. I feel bitter, and I feel guilty that I feel bitter! I keep telling myself that I am "doing the right thing" because ego isn't a good enough reason to go to med school. But it isn't the only reason I have, as I mentioned.
     
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  9. IslandStyle808

    IslandStyle808 Akuma residency or bust!
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    I never really had a life partner nor a potential one at that so take my advice with a grain of salt.

    1) If you can get into a school nearby, it will definitely benefit you and your husband. And if family is near by you have a good support system going on. However, there will be those (like myself) where we have to go where the opportunity is. So be prepared for that possibility.

    2) People have had kids even during medical school and somehow miraculously did very well. I knew a first year at MU-COM who is expecting the summer of her first year. I knew someone at my state school who had her kid during MS-4. So I think it is possible to plan accordingly to have kids. I am not one to say about the difficulties of doing so.

    3) Oh dear god 25, you are 4 years younger than me. You are plenty energetic enough to handle medical school and you probably could have kids after residency.

    4) I think you are all good for the MCAT. Just make sure you are in tip-top shape to take it.


    Good luck.
     
  10. DermViser

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    Even in medical school you won't know everything. I don't know what "as much as I reasonably could" means. Will your cerebral cortex start making more neurons and gyri to expand you brain so you can learn more just bc you're in med school? You are correct in that the nursing model of learning is different than medicine.

    You'll learn soon enough, that things are not as black-and-white as you think they are with doctors being at the top of the totem pole on everything and calling all the shots. I think a lot of your angst is based on insecurity issues as you seem to be clairvoyant to read med students/doctors thoughts about you. Healthcare reform will be changing a lot of things in the future, to where a lot of medical care will not be done by physicians.

    Ego is not a good reason to pursue medical school, esp. with the 6 figure debt that accompanies it. If lifestyle is a huge issue for you, that's all the more a red flag that medical school is not the best route.
     
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  11. giantswing

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    If you are this undecided about med school dont't go. It will suck you dry and you have to love it even when you hate it. Also your husband sounds like a dick.
     
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  12. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    Why? I think my husband does have justified concerns. Med school is a big commitment, just like marriage is a big commitment. He wants a family and time with his family as much as I do. I would be more upset if he didn't raise questions about what our future would look like if one of us was in residency and working at least 12 hours a day, every day, with only one weekend off per month.
     
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  13. giantswing

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    Do you like medicine, primary care? If so stick with np. If you want to be a surgeon, you have some serious soul serching and possibly a divorce on your hands.
     
  14. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    I have zero interest in surgery. I want to work in primary care. But why do you say that?
     
  15. sobored

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    If you feel like you will never be fulfilled as an NP and will always wonder "what if," then go to med school. That is a big emotional burden to carry and could affect your happiness in life.

    As an aside, could you still finish your nursing degree, then go to med school? Might be good to have something to fall back on should you decide that medicine is not for you after all.
     
  16. tarheel1408

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    I will preface this post by saying that I absolutely mean no offense to the OP.

    This story does make me wonder, though, if all of the militant NPs pushing for independent practice started out in situations similar to this poster.
     
  17. DermViser

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    The militant NPs wanting independent practice are doing it as a power play. That's why they are also demanding equal reimbursement for their services on par with physicians under the "equal work for equal pay" banner. Also to the OP, NPs don't just do primary care. Not even close (although yes, they don't do surgery).
     
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  18. giantswing

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    I say this because nps do a lot of primary care and don't operate. Take your cush hours, shorter education, and independant practice rights and do primary care if thats what you like. How is that even a question?
     
  19. DermViser

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    Except her reasons for not being "fulfilled" are not based in reality. It's based on ego and self-esteem issues. Not the best reason to take loans the size of a house mortgage - which isn't the treatment for a "big emotional burden to carry and could affect your happiness in life."

    Seriously, stop being histrionic.
     
  20. sobored

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    We're gonna have to agree to disagree on that point. Not following through with a big life goal would certainly affect my overall happiness.
     
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  21. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    I'm not sure if you are trolling right now, but I think you may need to do a bit more research on what being an NP actually entails...and also marriage.
     
  22. DermViser

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    You reasons behind the "big life goal" are important. Esp. if at the end you see that what you wanted in the career, wasn't what you thought it was.
     
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  23. giantswing

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    Not trolling, fourth year medical student who's post call after not sleeping for 30 hours and coming home to her husband. Still love what I do and couldn't be happy outside the OR. Dont't know what nps do but I know they don't operate, have cush hours, and only two years post grad education.

    My comments still stand.
     
  24. DermViser

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    You realize that only half of NPs are in primary care right? Where do you think the rest are? They are NPs in specialty care - surgery, derm, cardiology, pediatric subspecialties, etc. Yes, they don't operate. Many physicians don't operate either. You're a medical student. How do you not know this?
     
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  25. roseglass6370

    roseglass6370 Are we there yet?
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    At least you're honest. Get some sleep.
     
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  26. DermViser

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    That explains a lot. Hope you enjoy residency.
     
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  27. giantswing

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    My point was, if you want office hours/clinic type medicine, stick with np. And no, I've actually seen very few nps in sub specialties where I have rotated at - most are PAs. Not doubting w hat you are saying tho.
     
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  28. kraskadva

    kraskadva ...
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    Well for starters, you've been around here long enough that you should know multi-thread starting on the same thing all over is generally frowned on. So stop that.
    The clinicians board will probably either ignore you or move your thread out. And the trads are not in your shoes (married, post-bacc, etc).
    However, you have gotten some good advice from @Goro in that ("this" now) thread and you should pay attention.

    To give you another non trad response to your questions though:

    1) Being in Ohio is helpful and will make it easier to stay in state, but it's still no guarantee. Be prepared to move if you decide to pursue medicine.
    2) Balance is possible. Kids are possible. It takes work and rigorous scheduling, but it's possible.
    The way you're phrasing this makes you sound really young though. Like you've never seen a career woman with kids up close, only heard about them as mythical creatures. I promise they do exist.
    3) You're (were) on the non-trad board. 25 just ain't old here. I'm 29 and applying for the first time, and I'm still on the younger end of the spectrum.
    4) yes, you have to retake a 22. Besides, it'll be expired next year.

    Now, the bigger issue:
    Now, here I am in my NP program and kind of hating my life. I'm learning how to be a nurse and can't help but feel like I'm settling. I'm not sure if it is because I am still learning the basics (how to put in a freaking catheter, etc.) or if I really should have gone to medical school.
    As a side note, my husband is freaking out that I'm starting to think med school. We haven't been married a year yet and he is worried he will never see me anymore if I get into med school and that it will entirely consume my life until I'm done with residency. Not sure what to say to him.

    Basically what I'm hearing in this is a 'grass is greener' syndrome and that you really have no idea what you're talking about or thinking of getting yourself into, since you don't know enough to assuage your husband's (reasonable) initial worries about the process.
    So, while you had a bit of shadowing experiences as an undergrad and certainly have clinical experiences now, you really should do more (shadowing, that is). I would also recommend approaching female physicians you work with and asking if they would take the time to talk to you about the process and balance, kids, etc. The ones that have gone through it would be the best to advise you on the issues you're worried about.
    But you should also take the time to reflect on 1) why you feel unsatisfied with NP and 2) do you really want to be a doctor and if so, why? Part of this will be getting more info and part will be being brutally honest with yourself. This conversation should also involve your husband as you go along, since you'll need him as your support system if you do decide to go down this road.

    Best of luck.
     
    #27 kraskadva, Sep 7, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2014
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  29. BestDoctorEver

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    You better get out quick... I made that mistake of settling for nursing, and 10 year later I am in med school. You are going to absolutely hate your life!
     
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  30. BestDoctorEver

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    Soon they might! I heard that is their next battle, having 1-2 surgical residencies so they can have privilege to do 'minor' surgeries. General surgery might not be that safe in 10+ years...
     
  31. RogueUnicorn

    RogueUnicorn rawr.
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    What kind of MS4 doesn't know what NPs do
     
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  32. DermViser

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    That highly depends on the general public willing to allow a Nurse Practitioner to do their surgery. I assure you general surgeons and surgical subspecialists have absolutely nothing to worry about.
     
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  33. DermViser

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    Exactly. I expect a premed not to know what NPs do and what fields they can enter. But apparently at her institution there are only PAs, which I find hard to believe, but I guess is possible.
     
  34. RogueUnicorn

    RogueUnicorn rawr.
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    If her institution put her through a full year of 60-80 hr/wk clinicals with this little exposure to what is an increasingly (alarmingly) large part of health care delivery, I would have to say they are doing their students a major disservice. I smell BS though, I mean, how is that possible, especially with aways?
     
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  35. nontrad1986

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    You can do med school and be married! Plenty of people in my class are engaged or married and their partners are even long distance. Me and my boyfriend will be on our second year doing lost distance. Med school is hard but it's not that hard if you work smart. I'm able to study and still make time to hang out with my boyfriend. You just have to actively learn when you're studying. Pay attention in class, really try to understand the material when you're reading it and you'll be fine. My advisor told us that becoming a doctor is a marathon, not a sprint. Once you to commit to medicine you will be forever studying and learning; you just have to know how to have a work life balance. I say you go for it!
     
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  36. BestDoctorEver

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    @RogueUnicorn No nursing schools put students thru 60+ hrs/week clinicals.. 30 hrs/wk is max IMO... Some online RN schools let you do a 1-2 weeks clinical overall...
     
  37. RogueUnicorn

    RogueUnicorn rawr.
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    wait for it...
     
  38. link2swim06

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    If you go into primary care as a NP you can learn as much as you want. In some states NPs practice independently. You will not have the equivalent training of a MD but nobody is stopping you from learning/reading as much as you can handle.
     
  39. DermViser

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    He was referring to the MS-4 soon-to-be surgeon above.
     
  40. DermViser

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    Oh, I feel much better about the future of healthcare.
     
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  41. BestDoctorEver

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    Hey! We have a shortage of personnel in healthcare now so why don't we water down everything, from physicians to CNA so we can keep up with the demands...
     
  42. EMDO2018

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    I don't mean to putdown nurses, but you sound like one of those women that is not being intellectually challenged enough by nursing. Also, you have lots of time first, second, and 4th year, If you want to have kids do it then. I don't know how to explain this but sometimes medicine "calls" you , its a calling, and doing anything else will not satisfy you.
     
  43. RogueUnicorn

    RogueUnicorn rawr.
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    are you going to change your name to EMMD2018?
     
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  44. DermViser

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    :lol:
     
  45. EMDO2018

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    I can't change my name.
     
  46. Goro

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    One of the really important things my students learn very quickly is that they can't know everything, and in fact, it's dangerous to try, because it will mean you end up knowing nothing.

     
  47. DermViser

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    Yes. Eventually you will get to a point in your medical education, where you just can't know EVERYTHING. It's literally impossible. Hence why I don't think med school is a good fit for OP esp. as it seems to be more for an ego boost/self-esteem issue. You don't take out nondischargeable student debt for that reason - unless you or your family is so affluent that it's chump change. Now if your father is Carl Icahn, Ken Langone, or Warren Buffett, then have at it.
     
  48. DermViser

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    I thought you can ask the mods to change your name?
     
  49. Mat the coolcat

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    This is so true that it's scary. I have seen absolutely brilliant people who would make better doctors than I ever would end up going no where because they could not get over the fact that they couldn't study and know every little detail. I have a close friend who ended up dropping out of college after having a 3.8 GPA with a 35 MCAT because she was so worried about being perfect. This is striking when comparing my stats, much lower, and the fact that I have 3 interviews coming up.

    Anxiety is a real problem, and sheds light on why it is so important to be in a community of people who love and support you. Sorry for getting sappy here but this is something that hits close to home.

    Second, in any job, you will reach a point where you've basically have it figured out. Many doctors have told me this and say that while yes you will always be learning as a doctor, if you really want a job where you constantly tackling new things and have true active learning in your career, be a professor.
     
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  50. QofQuimica

    QofQuimica Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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    How much longer do you have in the NP program?

    If you're close to the end (1-2 years left), finish the NP program and get a job as an NP. Being a practitioner is way different than being a student. So before you decide that NP isn't for you, you should experience what it's actually like. Give your job as an NP a fair shot (work at least for one year) before you make any major decisions like going to med school that will totally turn your life (and your husband's life) upside down, especially since it may not be necessary for you to go to med school.

    If you're still in college, or if you've finished the BS but have not started the NP part, then drop out of the program and get your RN. Again, work for at least a year and see how you feel about nursing as a career before making a decision to change to medicine.

    I will also caution you that if your husband is not 100% on board with you going to med school, and you want to stay in this marriage, then med school will likely not be possible for you. In a marriage, you don't have the luxury of only thinking about your own desires irrespective of his any more. So before you decide that medicine is what you want to do, realize that it needs to be a team decision. The two of you should come to an agreement on what is best for you as a couple before you take a single step toward changing careers.

    Hope this helps, and best of luck.
     
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  51. HinduHammer

    HinduHammer Righteous in Wrath
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    [/QUOTE]
    roseglass6370 said
    3) I am 25. Is it too late to commit to this whole deal and really reap the benefits of it?

    4) I'm gonna have to retake the MCAT. I was super sick the day I took it, did horribly, and should have voided it to begin with, but was stubborn. This isn't that big of a deal.

    My stats:

    Undergrad GPA - 3.78-ish
    Undergrad Science GPA - 3.55-ish


    Islandstyle808 said
    3) Oh dear god 25, you are 4 years younger than me. You are plenty energetic enough to handle medical school and you probably could have kids after residency.


    kraskadva said
    3) You're on the non-trad board. 25 just ain't old here. I'm 29 and applying for the first time, and I'm still on the younger end of the spectrum.
    [/QUOTE]

    Seriously lol what is UP with all these 25 year olds talking about being too old for med ?! I am also 29 and applying for the first time this cycle.

    Further, your GPA is a LOT strong than mine, like a full point higher. Thus, if Med is something you want, you can pursue it and still get a net positive NPV financially. Now, the NPV for the rest of your life may not be positive. I'm with IslandStyle, its been a few years since I've had an LTR, and the last date I went on was [holy crap remembering how long ago my last date was...] 18 months ago -- this is the beast of getting your app ready for app cycle. So, it will take a toll on your personal life.

    FWIW I agree with Q.. Most things in life are not black and white. Start nursing and see how you like it. It may just not be worth it to go for med... on the other hand, it may be the catalyst you need to pursue med with both feet in the pool. Good Luck
     

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