Depression during clinical years

[JiniInBottle]

I feel so depressed during my MS3. This is my last rotation. It feels like a drag. I don't have a problem when I'm working but waking up int he morning is so difficult. I had a recent break up with 2yr serious relationship that I wasn't prepared for. I'm living alone in the city as a medical student fending myself. I had to move around the city 3-4x because of varying issues...that took a toll on me. However, the biggest struggle is I'm not happy anymore. I wonder why I'm here and doing this if I'm not happy. Of course, I enjoy it when I'm learning at rotation.
Before this rotation, it was obgyn, which was okay but before then during the brutal winter of north, I had surgery. I was totally depressed. However, now it's not because of work and surgery. My attending gives me assignments and work as if I'm his resident because he doesn't have a resident. However, I need to study for CK and I have barely anytime for that. Plus, when I come home I'm super exhausted, I don't focus and study for CK or do any research that the attending asked me to look up.
I've been getting plenty of parking tickets in this stupid city...that amounts to 50, 75...etc per ticket and has accumulated to over $600-700 worth. I would gladly pay every month for a stupid parking space but there is none here! My sister recently got married, and then had an abusive relationship. We were living together and we were both going through a lot... Then, she decided to amend things and go back and I was unhappy with her decision...but that I've let go of and moved on....
And to top it off, I see my ex everyday at the hospital and I can't take it anymore.
I can't afford to be depressed because I need to focus on CK that's coming in Aug. I don't have the leisure to do so. I pretend to be happy but it's not helping. I can't pretend anymore.
Last friday, I went out with a guy, it was fun. But I knew I wasn't interested in him nor did I trust him. Nor did I want to do anything except just hang out...and roam around the city. I just saw the person as a friend.
What do I do?
I know this is a forum for only medical career prep, but this is affecting my career now and I wanted to know if anyone had any similar situation? If so, what did you do?

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[tini2509]

Hi Jin, i can consult you and talk about these issues, if it makes u feel better. I am a ms4, done in 2 months
skype: tini0925
live, love , be

 

[pd1112]

Post in allopathic

 

[lymphocyte]

I feel so depressed during my MS3. This is my last rotation. It feels like a drag. I don't have a problem when I'm working but waking up int he morning is so difficult. I had a recent break up with 2yr serious relationship that I wasn't prepared for. I'm living alone in the city as a medical student fending myself. I had to move around the city 3-4x because of varying issues...that took a toll on me. However, the biggest struggle is I'm not happy anymore. I wonder why I'm here and doing this if I'm not happy. Of course, I enjoy it when I'm learning at rotation.
Before this rotation, it was obgyn, which was okay but before then during the brutal winter of north, I had surgery. I was totally depressed. However, now it's not because of work and surgery. My attending gives me assignments and work as if I'm his resident because he doesn't have a resident. However, I need to study for CK and I have barely anytime for that. Plus, when I come home I'm super exhausted, I don't focus and study for CK or do any research that the attending asked me to look up.
I've been getting plenty of parking tickets in this stupid city...that amounts to 50, 75...etc per ticket and has accumulated to over $600-700 worth. I would gladly pay every month for a stupid parking space but there is none here! My sister recently got married, and then had an abusive relationship. We were living together and we were both going through a lot... Then, she decided to amend things and go back and I was unhappy with her decision...but that I've let go of and moved on....
And to top it off, I see my ex everyday at the hospital and I can't take it anymore.
I can't afford to be depressed because I need to focus on CK that's coming in Aug. I don't have the leisure to do so. I pretend to be happy but it's not helping. I can't pretend anymore.
Last friday, I went out with a guy, it was fun. But I knew I wasn't interested in him nor did I trust him. Nor did I want to do anything except just hang out...and roam around the city. I just saw the person as a friend.
What do I do?
I know this is a forum for only medical career prep, but this is affecting my career now and I wanted to know if anyone had any similar situation? If so, what did you do?

My heart goes out to you.

You're in tough spot with lots going on--the breakup, the moves, the utter exhaustion. I'm so sorry. MS3 is hard, and me and lots of my friends had varying degrees of burnout. Some even developed depression. Burnout is common, but it's not normal. There are lot's of effective strategies to proactively manage it. But if you aren't proactive, things can come apart.

It also sounds like you're stuck in a vicious cycle of exhaustion and misery. You're exhausted, so you can't find time for yourself, so you feel even more exhausted, so you feel like you can't do research or study, so you feel miserable, so you feel even more exhausted, so even things like finding parking feels like a ****ing nightmare, and then you have to see your ex at the hospital. Ugh.

What worked for me was reconnecting with things that give me joy in life: talking to my family, playing with my cat, lifting weights, going for a walk, baking cookies, having dinner with friends--silly things, but they make me happy. Sometimes a pretty 20 minute walk can save you from feeling like utter crap for the rest of the day. Also basic things, like drinking enough water, springing an extra $5 for a healthy-looking salad, etc.

It's always worth checking in with a psychologist or psychiatrist (private, not affiliated with your school) to talk you through things. Post in the Allopathic forum for more support. I'm seriously wishing you all the best. MS3 is almost done. So close. Good luck!

Edit: Sorry, I didn't see the date. I hope things are going well!

 

[Phloston]

I just want to make a point that the SDN platform is not a suitable place for medical advice and one should consult a healthcare professional in-person for such input.

 

[Bacchus]

SDN is not a place for medical advice. Please consult a family doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist.