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Desperately Trying to Cut the Cord!

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by Topspin82, Feb 22, 2007.

  1. Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    :mad: Ok, so I know that there's a thread out there on parents coming along for the interview and I agree that going alone shows independence and maturity. I have an interview in Philly and as I'm about to book my hotel reservation, my parents are all like, "Why only one hotel room? We're going too!" I got mad and said that I'm going alone because I don't need them and having to worry about them and having them directing my very move will be a huge distraction. They still wouldn't listen. Any suggestions? I'm on the verge of just keeping mum about everything and leaving the day before with a "ciao!" and bolt. :mad:

    Edit: I love my parents to death. Problem is that they love me to death as well.
     
  2. Dr.Biassi

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    MAn you sure are mum and dad's baby. I better go without them. I will definetely keep everything from them and peace out the day before!!!!!
     
  3. 45408

    45408 aw buddy
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    Don't tell them when or where. Just go. If you don't want them to go, then they definitely shouldn't.
     
  4. Tatowedges

    Tatowedges clap your hands say yeah
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    When I interviewed in Boston, I actually invited my parents to come along. I interviewed on a Thursday. My parents arrived on Friday. We left together on Sunday. It was like me treating them to a short two day tour. The key to keeping things under control was being alone on the day of the interview itself. Maybe try what I did, if your parents insist on coming, tell them to come the day after.
     
  5. Nickelpennykid

    Nickelpennykid New Member
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    Tell them to grow the hell up.
     
  6. Anjlprincezz

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    Sometimes it's really hard for parents to let go, and be left out of such an important phase of your life.. Just try your best to explain to them that it's not about them, but u'll be more relaxed and less pressured if they're not with you... tell them that u'll be more than happy to bring them to a second look weekend or b4 orientation when u move but right now it's easier to be on your own... hopefully they realize ur all grown up and can handle the situation.. but if it doesn't work, just bolt and make ammends later, they'll get over it eventually... gL to you, i know what its like to have overprotective parents..
     
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  7. OP
    OP
    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    Funny thing, I'm the oldest of three kids and I've been INVISIBLE since 1984.

    Until now.

    And yea, I still live at home but that's because it saves $$$ and there's free food.

    I just called my dad, asking him WHY OH WHY MUST YOU PESTER ME ABOUT THIS!

    His response: We can go to the casinos on the way back! :D

    :mad:
     
  8. squeaky

    squeaky Hopeful
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    Hmm....I'm interested to know if your parents are investing in your medical education. If they are paying a part or even all of your med school, I would think their tagging along is kinda justified. I mean, hypothetically if someone was paying for me to go somewhere I would feel an obligation to show them what they are paying for. But then again, I have never been in such a situation so I'm not sure what the protocol is.

    For your best interest I would speak up and tell them you prefer to go on your own and that you would interview better without their distraction.

    If they must tag along it is not the end of the world. Speaking from experience, as someone who have had to venture off a lot on my own, having a companion along for the journey isn't so bad. :)
     
  9. OP
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    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    They may drive me crazy, but I would never talk to my parents like that for two reasons:

    1) I respect them and they didn't raise me like that. :)
    2) They would just raise a hairbrush and I would revert back to my 5 y/o self and run like hell bc I know what's coming. :scared:
     
  10. PeripateticMD

    PeripateticMD Peripatetic
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    HEY! I like my parents. That being said, i'm a non-trad and I was out of the country until my interviews, in the country for 4 weeks (10 interviews in 3 of those weeks) and out again. So my WHOLE family went to my interviews (not all at once, but for 5 of my interviews at least one family member was there). Not because they were overbearing, but because it was the only time they could spend with me. and let me tell you, it was WONDERFUL, my dad organized all the hotels and transport, rented cars, I was always dropped of and picked up, and taken to dinner. It made me so much more relaxed, so much easier to prepare, and I incurred much less costs :).
     
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  11. OP
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    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    If anything, I'd bring my sister so she'd just check me once over before I left the room.

    As for investing, they're willing to put their life savings into my education but I would not and will not let them do that. There's loans and they're getting older, so they should start thinking about themselves once I'm in. (Knock on wood)

    Subsequent visits to the area will of course involve them, on that interview day, however, I need my personal time to focus and rock it.
     
  12. omegaxx

    omegaxx New Member
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    Sit down with them in a room with no distractions, patiently outline your reasoning, mention that their coming may jeopardize your chances, and nicely ask them to refrain from visiting at this stage. Say you can always go on a road trip in the summer and check out whatever school you decide to attend. You'd know the school better so you can show them around. It would be stress-free and much more fun that way!
    I agree though: this scenario sucks. I'm just glad my parents were too busy to even think about tagging along.
     
  13. OP
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    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    Hey, I like my parents too! But in your case, absence made the heart grow fonder...my case, not so much. Knowing my parents, I could do without the 56,234,587 questions before and after the interview. I'd much rather drive back, recollect my thoughts and share them at dinner, not two seconds after I come out of the admissions office.
     
  14. prznpremed

    prznpremed Junior Member
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    My mom came on two of my interviews and checked out the cities while I was interviewing. Afterwards we went to a nice dinner and did some shopping :)

    It's not the worst thing in the world if you enjoy your parents' company, you can make a fun trip out of it
     
  15. sirus_virus

    sirus_virus nonsense poster
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    Ask them if they are going to pay your tuition. If they say yes, hug them, kiss them, and reserve an extra room for them during your interviews, basically do anything to fasten that cord. If they say no, then tell them to back the hell off before you go loko on someone.
     
  16. Haemulon

    Haemulon Slippery When Wet
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    Ugh. That really sucks big time buddy. Definitely do not let them go, especially since there is some sort of weirdness going on where they seem to think it is perfectly reasonable to force themselves into someone's else's trip against their wishes. Even if they are offering to pay every penny of your education, its still wrong. You can get through med school without their money, so do not let that enslave you to their demands. This is your interview and your education and career. If you wanted them to go, thats one thing, by all means embrace them and willingly cash their checks. But they have no rights to force themselves into the picture, thats just rude and counterproductive.
     
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  17. sprinkibrio

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    Well, your parents obviously don't respect what you want if you asked them not to come and they decided to come anyway...

    I don't really understand this situation. If I had parents like that I would never move back in.
    edit-not that I have or will move back in...
     
  18. OP
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    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    Hey, hey, hey now...my parents are great and are my main supporters but I'm trying to get them to understand why I won't let them come. Being typical South Asian parents, they won't accept no for an answer, not at first anyways. I know they have good intentions (they always have) but they fail to see why I need to go by myself.

    If I give them an inch, they'll probably sit on the lap of my interviewer (ok, not really but you get the point). I don't know how else to explain it to them and that is why I'm at my wit's end!
     
  19. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse
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    It's not the end of the world, but it's not going to boost the impression that you leave either. There's really very little place for parents/SO/non-interviewees during the typical interview day.

    OP: Why on earth do they want to go? Do they realize that it will be the most boring day for them? If you're not looking at the school as a prospective student, the interview day is an incredible drag. They may not even be allowed to sit in on the "pre-interview" sessions when they talk about financial aid and campus housing. Furthermore, even if they were allowed to go on the campus tour, they would look incredibly goofy, because they'll be the oldest people in your tour group. (And the only people not wearing formal business attire.)

    Impress upon them that this is NOT like a college interview, where they actually try to incorporate the parents into the process.

    Where are you interviewing? If it's at Drexel, then the solution is very easy. Get a hotel in Center City. Then, you can take a taxi or train to Drexel's suburban campus, while your parents do the tourist thing.

    But, they SHOULD NOT be waiting outside your interviewer's office when you emerge from the interview! Unless your parents are clearly disabled and need you to be their primary caretaker, that's a sure way to blow an interview and have your maturity questioned.
     
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  20. OP
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    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    I have no idea why they want to go. Moral support? Kudos to them, I guess.

    And it's not like they haven't been out of NY...and I doubt Philly would keep them interested. They called Miami a "cute city."

    I personally think they're using it as an excuse to make a side trip to AC. :rolleyes:
     
  21. crowman

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    Dude I was at an interview and the girls dad came on the tour, came to the luncheon and sat outside the interviewers office for both interviews. At one point, I think he thought he was going to be invited into the interview or somthing... Its one thing to have you parents come down to shoot the breeze in a new city, but this was insane. If I asked my mom to come to an interview with me, she might laugh at me.
     
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  22. cakebaker2

    cakebaker2 New Member
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    Hey Topspin82. My experience was similar to peripateticMD's. When I had an interview in Philly, my parents and I drove there the day before and we stayed in a hotel, then my parents dropped me off and spent the day at the mall. It really helped calm my nerves because traffic was pretty bad that morning, and I would have been a nervous-wreck behind the wheel. As long as your parents don't follow you into the medical school, it should work out fine :)
     
  23. sunflwr85

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    If your parents are overbearning and would actually attempt to come to the interview with you, I can definitely see where having them along is a problem, but otherwise I don't see why people make such a big deal of it... One of my parents went to each of my far away interviews, just to keep me company and to take away any unnecessary stress from the trip. We're super close, in a friends sort of way as well as parent/child, so I suppose that makes a difference. For one of mine I flew in around lunch the day before and didn't leave til late morning the day after, and I had no car - I would have been bored out of my mind without someone to hang out with for the down time! I guess it depends on the relationship you have, but I don't think it has to have anything to do with "being a baby" or "not cutting the cord." Sometimes its just nice to have some company when traveling.
     
  24. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse
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    I think that a lot of people are having problems thinking that your parents would travel with you to the city, but not follow you into the interview.

    To be honest, I went on an interview in the same city that my parents live. I slept at their house, and they drove me to the interview day. But, as soon as I got out of the car, my dad turned right around and went back home. I took a train back to their house. I think it's important to be alone on the interview day, just because the last thing you need is more superficial encouragement ("You'll do a super job sweetheart!") or probing questions as to how you thought the interview went. ("What did he say? And what did you say? And what did he say after that? Did he give you any clues as to what he's going to say to the adcom?")
     
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  25. baylormed

    baylormed On the Search
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    Haha, my mom laugh at me too. She would probably say "Why in the world do you need me there?"

    To the OP: Since this is a situation in which you have stated that you want to go by yourself, I would respectfully tell your parents that you appreciate their offer to come along, but that you really need to do this on your own because you need to learn to be more independent soon, bla bla bla. Sometimes resignated kindness works the best. ;)
     
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  26. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse
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    Really? AC? Hmm...

    Even easier - get a hotel in center city Philly. Then, on interview day, you can go to your interview site, and then they can take a bus from Chinatown to AC. They'll be out of your hair for most of the day!
     
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  27. braluk

    braluk SDN Surgerynator
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    My roommate interviewed at an unnamed school where another student had his mom actually came along with him on the interview and sat there with him and walked around in the tours with him. No one talked to him, and he was completely and shunned by the other students. Just keep in mind that this process is a sign that most of us are growing up and our step into independence if we hadnt done so in college. You may instead opt to have your parents come along on second look weekend, or of course for orientation and white coat ceremonies, but when it comes to things like the interview, its strictly business. Make a compromise. Nothing personal.
     
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  28. KaraKiz

    KaraKiz I'm Ron Burgundy?
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    Dude, let your parents come to Philly! Its not like you have to tell anyone at the medical school that you came with your mom and dad! plus, i'll bet they pick up the hotel bill and will probably take you out to dinner or something to celebrate. your parents sound pretty nice, and staying alone in a hotel in a strange city kind of sucks. I'm not saying that staying with your parents is "like totally cool" or anything, but hey, if they are that excited about your success, let them come! At least you'll have someone to make sure you get up in the morning for your interview! Sometimes I stop being angry at the world for like 3 seconds and wish my parents were more pro-active, or you know, made some kind of effort to care or something, but hey, it takes a certain level of sanity to be supportive and nurturing. :D If your parents want to come, I say let them - it makes them happy, and it makes your life easier. :thumbup:

    I also agree that this is a way for them to show you their unconditional love and support for you, being their wonderful child, but also to get their gamble on in AC. Its really a win-win situation. =)
     
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  29. spicedmanna

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    Ah, family: the olympics of relationship.

    You can't control the actions of your parents anymore than they can control yours. It's their choice what they want to do. You've already expressed your concerns, I'm assuming. If not, please do so.

    If they insist on coming along, however, then I'd recommend setting the boundaries right away. Rather than reacting to their choices, for example, you might take on the maturity that you want them to recognize in you. That is, make it clear that if they choose to come along, you are not going to caretake them, nor are you going to necessarily follow their directives. It isn't a family vacation; you are here to attend a very important interview and your objective is to perform at your best and convince the school to accept you. You are going to do what it takes; it's all about YOU. Be clear to your parents that this is your goal and that you are not going to make any unnecessary concessions based on their presence there, but are happy to receive helpful support. Request that they give you the space necessary to perform well at the interview. They will need to occupy themselves as you do what needs to be done. :)
     
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  30. monday_best

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    Eh. Depends on the relationship you have with your parents. I find them relaxing to be around, but I'm also a bit of a non-trad so the cord has already been cut.

    Mine live in D.C., and I'm on the West Coast. When I had an interview in Philly, I elected to fly to D.C. instead, stay with them, and borrow their car to drive myself to my interview. When I got there, my dad felt bad about me driving up in the snow, so he came and my mom came to keep him company. They had a cute day sightseeing in the city, and when I was done they picked me up and took me to dinner. So convenient. I recommend them as a shuttle service for anyone in the area. PM me for rates. :p
     
  31. IceMan0824

    IceMan0824 Holy crip, he's a crapple
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    Are your parent going to be with you in Philly, or do they want to go on the interview with you?

    If it's the first, there's nothing wrong with that. If it's the latter, simply tell them that it is a little unprofessional and frowned upon.

    Now if you don't want your parents there, that's a different story, but having them, just as a moral support before you go to the interview is not childish.

    A lot of people place too much emphasize on growing away from your parents. While it is necessary to mature and become independent, isolating your parents is not necessarily one of the pre-requisite. Parents are there for guidance and support, and once you let go of that, you will find life is a lot harder than you've known. If your parents are willing to be there for you, without overstepping their boundaries, then revel in the fact that you still have someone there to assist you whenever you need it.
     
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  32. OP
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    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    First of all, I would like to thank you guys for your input! :D

    They will accompany me to Philly and wait on me hand and foot. Sweet deal.

    But they won't come anywhere near the medical school until the day is officially over, and we can do a walking tour/drive around and then drive back to NY, conveniently stopping in AC (my parents are sneaky sneaky sneaky!) where I will play blackjack and baccarat and dine on lobster.

    :love:
     
  33. Dr.Watson

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    nevermind. OP figured it out!
     
  34. braluk

    braluk SDN Surgerynator
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    Lol that sounds like a complete compromise but working in your favor 10000 times more. :thumbup: good luck with your interview
     
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  35. Falco2525

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    it might not be that bad for them to go...my mom came wiht me to New York when I interviewed there...we made a trip out of it...plus it was good to spend time wth her...just keep in mind that during med school you will be incredibly busy and your time seeing your family will decrease...also you never know what might happen to them during medical school...i try and cherish all the time i can with my family...i know it can be annoying but just think abou twhen they die and if it would be worth it to you to have not spent that time with them
     
  36. OP
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    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    I threw in the lobster as a bargaining chip.
     
  37. Anjlprincezz

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    Congrats on working it all out! I feel your pain, im a 19 y/o little indian girl and had interviews in NY (im from LA), and had a hell of a time talking my mom out of coming with me.. but YaY for you :)
     
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  38. momtwo

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    When both of our daughters interviewed at Medical Schools and Physician Assistant schools we went along for the overnight stay in the city where the schools were - they were both seniors in college at the time. By no means did we have ANYTHING to do with the interview in terms of preparation for it, or attending it! We just were able to drive around the towns with the girls the night before the interview , check out the area , have dinner, speculate a little (oh, maybe you'll be living here!). The girls went to their interviews the next day just as they would have if we weren't there. Had their car broken down or something unforeseen happened, we'd have been there to assure they got to the interview but....otherwise we knew we weren't needed at all. As a matter of fact we had to do our best to stay out of the way! It's also safer to be in a hotel and exploring a new city with another person rather than alone. It's an exciting time in the applicants life - it's nice for the parents to have a point of reference as to what they're son or daughter is aiming for too.
     
  39. Funky

    Funky This space is for sale
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    sounds like a pretty good plan. i'm glad it worked out :clap:
     
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  40. somemaybedoc

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  41. MSTPDad

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    It sounds like the OP worked out the perfect "compromise" with the parents so advice is no longer needed. But let me provide some insight into the parents' position. When my stepson decided to apply to med school it made me curious about the whole process. My background is completely non-scientific so it was all new to me. I became fascinated by the whole admissions process and immersed myself in it. My wife and I read all the "how to get into med school" type books, signed junior up for Kaplan MCAT courses, bought an MSAR and memorized all the data. We set up a matrix of admissions requirements for about 30 schools, helped him narrow his choices to 16 and then started in on bugging him to submit his AMCAS app and write all those secondary essays. Before the interviews we put together a series of mock interview questions for him and even did some role playing. Since he's gotten some acceptances I've even created a checklist of evaluation points for the "second look" weekends. Oh, and I check SDN twice a day.

    So it sounds like we have been pretty obsessed parents, huh? Correct, but there is one thing we decided early on we would never do: accompany our son to the interviews. I think this puts unnecesary pressure on the applicant, it isolates him from the other interviewees and, perhaps, may give the school the (false) impression that he is not a mature human being ready for the rigors of med school.

    This process is hard enough on the students without having parents hanging over your shoulder at interviews.
     
  42. degoo_

    2+ Year Member

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    I don't see a problem with that, I'd prefer this actually. I have some interviews close by to my home, and I want my parents to drive me there / pick me up etc. But there won't be travelling with me (to interviews farther away where I stay with a med student), or joining any of the interview day events.
    I was actually very happy with them the other day- one letter said: blah blah, and at this point parents are welcome to join the tour. My parents congratulated me on the interview and didn't try to impose themselves.
     
  43. AuntBee

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    I think most parents just want some communication about the whole application process and how it's going. When a parent has a child they lose themselves and give totally to their child, so it only seems logical that they their heart and soul is into what their children want. I think a little communication as to how everything is going (phone calls, emails) and as to some details that the parents might appreciate is important--not going along on interviews really. This goes for med school once you are in, as well as when they become grandparents. Let's face it--parents rule, and one day most everyone becomes a parent too and will feel the same way. It's a wonderful celebration for parents when children reach new milestones, and real loss when they leave home and that connection changes. So everyone, I say just keep the communication lines flowing. They are the only people in the world that love us completely no matter what--
     
  44. BeanerMD

    BeanerMD Junior Member
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    This is so funny- I think I had the same girl at one of my interviews, too. I love my parents, too, but come on...:rolleyes:
     
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  45. Tired

    Tired Fading away
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    So basically you want them involved in every aspect of your life, then get angry when they expect to be involved in every aspect of your life?

    I can't decide which sentiment your posts scream louder: "spoiled" or "virgin"
     
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  46. HumbleMD

    HumbleMD hmmmm...
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    What's with all these Lazarus threads? First I'm reading one from 2005 and now this one from February. You'd think it were the second coming with all of these resurrections...
     
  47. HumbleMD

    HumbleMD hmmmm...
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    Both.
     
  48. Haemulon

    Haemulon Slippery When Wet
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    I recently witnessed some things regarding parents coming with a student to a med school event. It was not really a big deal, but there was definietly some strangess associated with it. I am hesitant to post details because I don't want to make anyone feel bad (in case one of them is an SDNer). However, I will say this: it is better to not bring your parents to school events unless the event is specifically designed to include non-students (family, significant others, etc ...). Is it the worst thing in the world to bring them? No. No one is really going to care and its not that big of a deal. But the whole point is to mingle with other students or prospective students, gather information, and make contacts that perhaps you would be held back from while sitting with or walking around with your parents. Anyway, its just my opinion.
     
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  49. Tired

    Tired Fading away
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    C'mon, spice up this lame-a$$ thread with a good story!
     
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  50. OP
    OP
    Topspin82

    Topspin82 Shaken *and* Stirred
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    A couple of points:

    1) I didn't think that this will be brought up after all this time.

    2) Tired and HumbleMD, you both need to get over yourselves. I've noticed in the forums that you'll only deliver advice to other pre-meds with a dose of acid and pretentiousness.

    I don't know what screams louder for you both: "a**hole" or "tool"
     

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