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[dr_kateb]

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[Phile98]

You can't have everyone like you. As you have done already, don't think much about it. Volunteering is...volunteering, you're just there to help. It's not your job, it's just some help.

 

[Phile98]

There will be plenty of other chances to get letters. Just do all that you can to keep your job. Even if you can’t you can always volunteer elsewhere.

 

[MyOdyssey]

Last week as a volunteer I had an incident with a patient’s mom that said I was rude. She didn’t really give a reason she just said something along the lines of “not getting my vibe” and told me to go away. This is the first time a patient or relative had a problem with me (I have 130+ hours here), however, this is within 3 weeks of an incident where a ED nurse thought I was being disrespectful (which I didn’t mean to be and already talked to the volunteer director). The volunteer director heard about this more recent issue and wants to meet up again and thinks I’m struggling as a volunteer.

So has anyone else been called out for not being nice enough or providing good customer service to patients? I didn’t really think much of it at the time and the next patient I helped get imaged liked me enough to ask me what to do with her stress fracture.

These patients are doing you an unintentional favor.

Figure out what you can change to avoid this perception so you don’t come across this way in the future.

 

[TheBiologist]

obviously never worked a retail job

rule in life: you CAN'T please everyone

 

[Tenk]

You are doing something wrong. Volunteers rarely if ever get complaints from both patients and nurses. No idea what this could be but highly suspicious. Red flag for sure.

 

[narla_hotep]

can you describe what you were doing/ what was happening before you got called rude? maybe it was something small that accidentally came across the wrong way

 

[kamakazi5]

I approached her and her kid and told them I was going to lead them to X-ray, then I walked her and her kid down to X-ray. After the techs were done I was supposed to lead them out and I asked if they were ready and that’s when she told me I was rude. Maybe I walked too fast? Idk.



This is sarcasm right? However the nurse I “disrespected” actually thought that it was a big red flag.

I don't think so. It's pretty suspicious honestly. It may not be something you realize but it sounds like you may need to do some deep reflecting on it. Rotations are all about how you come off and if you rub people the wrong way you're going to have a tough time.

 

[RocuROMANium]

If you spend enough time at a hospital in any position your'e going to get chewed out by patients and/or their families. It's part of the deal in working in a highly stressful environment. So a family member saying your'e rude is NOT a red flag for me, however, a nurse saying you are being disrespectful IS a red flag. I have never heard of a nurse being irritated with a volunteer. They know your'e a volunteer and don't expect much from you. IMO, it sounds like you probably don't have good social skills and are unintentionally coming off as being rude. If this is true, just try to be more self aware.

But hey, maybe I'm wrong and you just had a string of bad luck. Either way, life will move on. Good luck to you in the future.

 

[Tenk]

I approached her and her kid and told them I was going to lead them to X-ray, then I walked her and her kid down to X-ray. After the techs were done I was supposed to lead them out and I asked if they were ready and that’s when she told me I was rude. Maybe I walked too fast? Idk.



This is sarcasm right? However the nurse I “disrespected” actually thought that it was a big red flag.

No. I am being truthful.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Sure... except I act how I did around every single patient and this is the first one that’s had a problem with me.

It’s the first time someone complained. That’s not the same thing.

 

[MyOdyssey]

What happened with the nurse was that he saw me transporting patients with the bed low and told me I should raise it so it might be more comfortable. I don’t remember what my exact reaction was but I think I just nodded said something like “yeah sure.” That was the red flag that he saw.

"Yeah sure" is all you said to the nurse after he gave you that advice?

Did you say "thank you"?

Your description could give others the impression that you were being abrupt or sarcastic.

Did you try to rectify by transporting patients at the bed height suggested by the nurse?

 

[aldol16]

It sounds like there's something deeper here. It may be the way you say things or perceived attitude when saying them. It's definitely something to do some introspection on if two people have told you this in a short time span.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Fair enough. I’m not sure she complained either. I think the reason anyone knows anyway is because I told the Xray techs about it.



I didn’t think it was very important, just like a friendly suggestion like it might make it just a bit easier for me. And I don’t remember what I said. I maybe whispered a “thanks” but I’m not sure.

There’s something about your demeanor or your interactions with people that are rubbing them the wrong way. If it was just one person, then it could easily be them. Multiple people from both patient and staff side, now it’s probably you. And the fact that you don’t seem to be able to even comprehend the possibility that it could be you is even more of a red flag.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

So... 1 person it’s his/her problem. 2 people it’s my problem? 2 is where you draw the line?

I can comprehend it, but I don’t think it’s me.

Given your posts here, it's probably you. But you do you.

 

[CherryRedDracul]

Given your posts here, it's probably you. But you do you.

OP, just realize we're not trying to gang up on you here.

We're trying to give you feedback on what may possibly have happened. Based on your responses, you may be coming across as aloof.

A lot of people do have a disconnect between how they think they act and how they're perceived by others. I see it all the time.

 

[deleted887473]

If it bothers you this much, just politely ask some faculty/nurses around you how you come off when you get a chance. The people who are actually around you can give you much better feedback than a bunch of random internet strangers.

 

[deleted887473]

Oh it doesn't bother me much in and of itself. What bothers me more than I like is this might make the volunteer director think I'm a big dbag (which I don't think I am) and maybe I could lose to opportunity to volunteer here.

Still, try to ask for feedback... what is done is done. In order to give the volunteer director a better impression of yourself you gotta appear humble.

 

[RNtoMD87]

I've been a nurse for 3 years and only had a serious problem with 1 patient that had serious psych issues. I've had minor complaints from others but I've never been dismissed (except that one patient, who when I got as a patient again a month later said "I remember you! You're my favorite nurse!!" and she acted like she loved me).
Insane. Crazy woman.

But if you're patient with your patients, and listen, not speaking over them, while being respectful of their wishes, I don't feel like you should get many complaints.

There will always be some though. Like said above, you can't please everyone. Some people don't understand that their cup of ice isn't really that important in the grand scheme of things. They don't know you just ran to a code on another floor and that someone's life was on the line.

Doctorcocter- I sense a little attitude in your posts. I agree with someone above who said the patient complaining isn't a red flag, but yes the nurse possibly so.

Just introspect and think hard about how others may be perceiving you, not what your intentions are- they cannot see that. If nothing else, find that nurse that complained, and tell him that's not what your intention was, and ask why he felt that way. You'll get your answer, and then you can decide if it was justifiable.

Many nurses I work with are perceived as being rude, and they aren't, but their choice of wording can be taken that way. I know them well, but for people that don't, they don't have a history to base them from.

Just be humble, open minded, and respectful. I'm sure you can still get that letter of recommendation. Confronting people who have issues in a friendly sincere way USUALLY goes a long way.

I say usually because as a new ICU nurse, I struggled with giving a detailed shift report, and nurses were talking about me behind my back. My preceptor told me, so the next day after report, I very friendily said "Hey, by the way I know I'm new. How was my report? Do you have any advice for me?" and the young nurse turned red and mumbled, "no... what do you mean" before she hurried away.

Some people like talking behind your back but don't have anything constructive to say. Disregard these people. They're weak and just like drama.

 

[el799]

"Yeah sure" is all you said to the nurse after he gave you that advice?

Did you say "thank you"?

Your description could give others the impression that you were being abrupt or sarcastic.

Did you try to rectify by transporting patients at the bed height suggested by the nurse?

It may be something with your tone, it also may be coincidences. In my experiences, nurses are either fantastic and really nice, or despise the volunteers for trying so hard for med school (I literally heard one nurse say this to another about me). Whoever said to go ask people what they think of you is right... do that

 

[JeSuisUnDoc]

This is a professional setting. The nurse isn’t your buddy to say yeah sure when she’s helping you with a patient. Smile and say thank you. That’s how it is, you need to show enthusiasm when you talk to others so they don’t think you’re being rude.

I do know people who are not trying to but their tone is awful, watch for that.

Edit: this comes from a person who has a pounding heart during social interactions. The things that always work are smiling and saying polite things like excuse me, good morning and thank you.


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[MyOdyssey]

It wasn’t with a patient, and it’s a he. He just kinda stopped me in what I was doing which was either cleaning a room or getting from A to B (I don’t remember, it was 8 in the morning). He just came beside me and said “you know how you’re pushing that bed.” I thought it sounded pretty casual but okay.

In a professional setting, when someone above you in the hierarchy "suggests" something, they're telling you something. E.g. "You might want to.." "It'd be a good idea ...." "I've always done things ...."

This is especially true in the south where people make it a point to be civil to your face.

Important life lesson ....

 

[MyOdyssey]

And no one thinks this is really petty?

In a professional setting, you have to put on your game face and play the game the way it has to be played.

 

[Sagebrush]

And no one thinks this is really petty?

Tiny little details that may seem completely insignificant to someone with little to no experience in a field may not be as unimportant as they seem once you've gained more appreciation for why things are done in that very specific manner.

 

[DrElliotReid]

And no one thinks this is really petty?

How is this petty? Would you rather be ordered to do something or rather have someone casually recommend it? A recommendation from someone with more experience than you should be interpreted as "you should probably do it that way next time". Honestly, from reading your responses on this thread, I feel like there's some social disconnect and issues with receiving criticism here that you need to figure out. It's hard to really say, but every time someone tries to give you constructive feedback, you appear to accept it but then state reasons why you still feel like you didn't do anything wrong.

 

[RNtoMD87]

How is this petty? Would you rather be ordered to do something or rather have someone casually recommend it? A recommendation from someone with more experience than you should be interpreted as "you should probably do it that way next time". Honestly, from reading your responses on this thread, I feel like there's some social disconnect and issues with receiving criticism here that you need to figure out. It's hard to really say, but every time someone tries to give you constructive feedback, you appear to accept it but then state reasons why you still feel like you didn't do anything wrong.

I agree. There needs to be no “but” unless you have a reason to disagree, ie a journal article stating that it is not the best way to do something, and in this case, you want to bring it up one on one and after the situation is resolved.

And don’t think the attitude thing will end once you get into med school. Your attitude definitely matters. Med students and residents who approach nurses with an inquisitive but polite minded attitude get MUCH further than those who come with a “I know it all” attitude. And very few attendings seem to have that attitude. I think it comes with having a humbling experience or two. Sure helped me, that’s for sure.

 

[studpremed]

As long as you weren't trying to be rude you're good. A general rule I always follow and a good doctor once told me is that patients and their family member do not want to be here. Its okay for them to be rude to you because they're stress and need a little empathy but it is never okay for you to be rude back. Always be kind.

 

[atomi]

Even as an attending you will always have an occasional patient who doesn’t like you or complains that you were unprofessional even though you did everything right. This is ok and nobody will fault you for it because it happens to everybody. The problem is if EVERY patient says things like this. Then you get in trouble and become “that resident.”

 

[dpmd]

What happened with the nurse was that he saw me transporting patients with the bed low and told me I should raise it so it might be more comfortable. I don’t remember what my exact reaction was but I think I just nodded said something like “yeah sure.” That was the red flag that he saw.

Was it a "yeah, sure" followed by you continuing to do it the wrong way (so basically you dismissing the advice)? Because that actually is a huge red flag.

 

[dpmd]

No. I wasn’t near a transport bed or a patient at the time.

Did you heed their advice the next time?

 

[FreeRadicals]

Have you tried smiling and saying thank you? Your posts in general sound unfriendly/arrogant, can't imagine you in person....

 

[FreeRadicals]

Yeah, but he already told the volunteer director about it, nor was he there the next time I was there before I switched departments.



I’m different on the internet than in person.

You seem to be finding an excuse to everyones potential explanation. The only person that can properly address this issue is YOURSELF.

 

[RNtoMD87]

It was the height of a hospital bed that was maybe too low for my height. I like to keep them low for a lower center of gravity. I have had heavier patients lean on the rails and when I raised the bed and started pushing it would sometimes feel like it might tip over. It don’t know if it actually would, but it did feel unstable.

He was trying to save your back, years of doing that and you’ll do real damage to your back. Always use proper body mechanics.

 

[JeSuisUnDoc]

It wasn’t with a patient, and it’s a he. He just kinda stopped me in what I was doing which was either cleaning a room or getting from A to B (I don’t remember, it was 8 in the morning). He just came beside me and said “you know how you’re pushing that bed.” I thought it sounded pretty casual but okay.

Semantics. It doesn’t matter who and in front of whom. What matters is that person made an observation that helps and you should say thank you, it’s just polite. But, in this case, it’s more than just being polite, it’s a workplace that is team based and nurses are in higher position than you, so you should be double nice.


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[RNtoMD87]

He told me that. Something like “a nurse with a bad back is an unemployed nurse.” I thought he was joking or exaggerating.

As a disabled veteran who DID use proper body mechanics both in the military and as a nurse for the most part, he’s not joking.


Funny story- as a new nurse, I was assessing wound vac drainage on a BKA of a Vietnam vet. We’re taking about disability etc, and how our bodies don’t work like they used to, and at that one instant my left knee decided to give out, and I fell on my ass (happens rarely, but has happened more than a few times before). He just points and laughs and says “YEP! JUST LIKE THAT!”

I love working with my brothers.

 

[Goro]

He told me that. Something like “a nurse with a bad back is an unemployed nurse.” I thought he was joking or exaggerating.

My late sister-in-law was a nurse. Your guy was 100% spot on.

 

[Goro]

Terminated from volunteer position. Fantastic...

This fiasco might save you from 2-4 years of med school debt.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I don't think this is going to stop me.

Your personality probably will if they get a hint of this in interviews.

 

[Aylaa]

I’m different on the internet than in person.

Whenever I see somebody say this online I always think that they are masking their true personality that they display online with a facade in reality to get what they want

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I think I'm pretty good with interviews. But what exactly is it with my personality on here? I'd like to know.

Your inability to comprehend that you might be at least partly at fault. Your dismissal of anything that isn’t validation for your position. Your combative replies. Your lack of humility. Etc.

 

[LizzyM]

It was the height of a hospital bed that was maybe too low for my height. I like to keep them low for a lower center of gravity. I have had heavier patients lean on the rails and when I raised the bed and started pushing it would sometimes feel like it might tip over. It don’t know if it actually would, but it did feel unstable.

OMG! Did anyone else get a "House of God" flashback as they read this? I was thinking of the orthopedic height vs neurosurgical height of the beds related to what I recall as being Rule #1: GOMERS go to ground.

 

[RNtoMD87]

I think I'm pretty good with interviews. But what exactly is it with my personality on here? I'd like to know.

Your attitude on here wreaks of entitlement.

 

[solitarius]

Where? I don't think I said anywhere I deserved anything or was owed anything?

Have you ever had a ****ty paying job? Learning principles of customer service will help in just about any career.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I can admit it's my fault... when I know it's my fault. There's a lot of subjectivity here.
I didn't dismiss them. I was providing context to some of the replies. The first few replies reinforced what I already thought so yeah when I came back I thought I was right. It did take a while for me to think that I might have not been as friendly as I thought.
I don't think my replies are combative. I don't think I was hostile at all.
Lack of humility? I know as a volunteer I'm the lowest of the low. I don't see how I was arrogant in any of this?

I’m not talking about your behavior at the hospital. I’ve never seen you there so I can’t comment. I meant your posts in this thread.

 

[RNtoMD87]

Nope. This was my first actual work/volunteer gig as an adult.

I can tell you exactly why that nurse acted the way he did. He pretty much thought you were saying “F*^% you”

When I was in the Army, we would have new privates that forgot their military bearing. When a new private would say “sure sarnt”

We would all yell out “HE JUST SAID FU SARRRNT! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT SAARRRNT”

And the sergeant would smoke the hell out of him (make him do push-ups for an hour or so)

Why? The word “sure” comes off as overly dismissive


We also had another saying.

“Perception. It’s a motherf*^er”

 

[RNtoMD87]

Huh? I've always interpreted "sure" means "yes I'll do it."

That’s our point, you interpret it that way, but maybe other people don’t. Very rarely do I hear “sure” and think “ah he took in everything I just said”.

No I think he’s saying “I’m sure I know what I’m doing but I’m going to throw you a quick “sure” to get you to shut up”

Try dropping sure from your vocabulary for awhile and see what happens.

 

[RocuROMANium]

Wow, I just read a comment by you in another thread where you wished for the mother that told you to go away to, "go get pancreatic cancer." If that's not eye opening enough to how you come across to us than nothing will get through to you.

 

[DrElliotReid]

Huh? I've always interpreted "sure" means "yes I'll do it."

When you say "sure" in response to advice it sounds like you're doing the person who gave you that advice a favor by listening to them.

Nurse: "I think it'd be better if you adjusted the height of that bed"
You: "yeah, sure" vs "Oh ok, thanks!" Two completely different tones/connotations. One shows gratitude for the advice/suggestion, one sounds dismissive or ungrateful.

You may not have been necessarily hostile on this thread, I agree, but your inability to self-reflect nor try and see things from someone else's perspective is the red flag here. Not to mention just general professionalism. Your behavior is juvenile, something I would see from a teenager, and not something I would expect from an adult.

 

[RocuROMANium]

Did you not see the emoji? It was meant as a joke. I have no hard feelings toward her at all.

I'm sure you did mean it as a joke (although, c'mon man that's too far) but think about how you come across to us saying those kinds of things. You come off as VERY immature.

 

[sunshinefl]

Patients that have been labeled as “difficult” are my absolute favorite. It’s very satisfying to be so empathetic, patient, and engaging with them. Sometimes that changes everything and they soften, sometimes they don’t. But I never give them any less either way.