Disappointed/unhappy with med school?

[lilycat]

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one... just curious if anyone else felt like that.

Specifically, I've been disappointed with my classmates. I'm not sure if their mentality is endemic to med school as a whole (ie, a continuation of the premed mindset) or just my particular class. Specifically, people seem very gossipy, very nosy (ie, always want to be in everyone else's business), etc. Even if it is under the auspices of "concern" I feel like it is sort of fake -- people aren't really concerned about you, they just want to find out gossip, size up their classmates, etc.

Anyways, since I wasn't a "true" premed in undergrad (I was a liberal arts major), and I didn't really have any premed friends, I'm sort of wondering if this is "typical" behavior for med students

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[Vader]

Hey lilycat,

I've felt the same exact way at times. I think the gossip part is definitely endemic to med students in general, at least from my experience. When you get a ton of bright individuals with type-A personalities in the same room, there is bound to be some drama, conflict, strife, and juicy morsels to spread around. It probably is an extension of the premed mindset, but probably less malicious than one might think. Med schools try to screen out for the really malignant ones. However, there are always a few gunners in every class that slip through.

If I sense that someone is being nosy or will spread gossip the second I turn my back, I usually try to moderate my responses to their questions or just change the subject. The main thing is to just not let things bother you as much. After all, these will be your colleagues in the world of medicine. Even if someone catches wind of something about you, one thing that you can do is to make a joke and laugh it off. Self-deprecation goes a long way toward making yourself seem more approachable, human, etc.

 

[Fah-Q]

Either people tried to warn you and you ignored them or you were never informed...Baylor sucks. I'm sure you get a great education there and the name is recognized nationally as being a strong school, but the people there are malignant and its just not worth it to have to deal with those kind of people on a daily basis. I always advise applicants that student/faculty attitudes and the overall atmosphere of the school should be a major deciding factor in the decision on where to attend med school. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You can always try to transfer but this is very difficult. I hate to say it, but you may have made a "four year mistake." Don't give up yet though, first-years tend to mature over the year and things might get better. Good luck.

 

[lilycat]

Originally posted by Fah-Q:
•Either people tried to warn you and you ignored them or you were never informed...Baylor sucks. I'm sure you get a great education there and the name is recognized nationally as being a strong school, but the people there are malignant and its just not worth it to have to deal with those kind of people on a daily basis. I always advise applicants that student/faculty attitudes and the overall atmosphere of the school should be a major deciding factor in the decision on where to attend med school. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You can always try to transfer but this is very difficult. I hate to say it, but you may have made a "four year mistake." Don't give up yet though, first-years tend to mature over the year and things might get better. Good luck.•••

The only people who told me that the students at Baylor were "malignant" were people who didn't go there. Everyone I talked to, inlcuding current students who weren't that thrilled with the school because of location or whatever, never cited problems with their classmates, which sort of makes me wonder if I just got stuck with a crappy class.

Also, I'm really not convinced that this is a Baylor-only problem, but maybe just the Type A med student personality, which I just don't "click" with. For instance, a friend at a UT med school put out an email to his class looking for a roommate for 6 months while his current roommate (another med student) was out of the area. No one responded to the email, but people did ask him what the deal was with his roommate. I get the feeling that it's sort of the rubbernecking for a car wreck syndrome.

Even a good friend of mine at Yale (perhaps universally agreed-upon as one of the most "laid-back" med schools) has complained about similar issues.

I guess I just needed to vent about not feeling comfortable with this med school environment. It just doesn't feel like me.

 

[mr_sparkle]

Lilycat,

To copy a phrase, "I feel your pain". I'm a 3rd year MD/PhD who hates my classmates. I'm originally from the West Coast and attributed my uneasiness to East Coast culture-shock. It's not. At first, I thought these Ivy League kids are snippy and uptight. The cliques formed early. I discussed this with friends at other med schools (Harvard, UCLA, UCSD, USC etc). It dawned on me that, despite year-to-year variation, most places are like this. There is a range of 20-40% in a class which is pure pre-med evil. They don't understand that being a jerk is not a pre-requisite for AOA.

Lilycat- a lot of my friends made similar comments to yours. Their opinions changed a little as they began working in their clerkships. For the most part, you have to ignore what you can.
It's funny, because most of the MD/PhD's at my school expressed the same thoughts in private. Med students suck.

I have the luxury of writing off the whole lot of them. =)

 

[different strokes]

"When you get a ton of bright individuals with type-A personalities in the same room, there is bound to be some drama, conflict, strife, and juicy morsels to spread around." Vader

I don't think this is true at all. I was in a mathematics masters program and the phd students were all extremely bright. But, they didn't have the time or energy to spread gossip. They were even gunners in undergrad and more so in their doctorate program.

In my med school class, some are bright and some aren't. But, here noone cares about anyone's business.

Type A people exist in all programs: Iv'e seen it as a grad student in math and psychology programs while working for a psych dept.

A person may not be interested in medicine. But, often times one is just as motivated or maybe more in other areas of study. Iv'e seen it.

med student

 

[deleted4401]

Lilycat,

I'm sorry you feel that way ... maybe you should have chose Tulane, like we talked about way back when

I feel your pain, though, I'm sorry to hear you aren't liking it. I am liking it, but I do notice what you are talking about - a specific group of people who talk a lot of junk, and a specific group of people who are 'malignancies' and don't make life pleasurable here - and the two groups overlap plenty.

I don't know what to say except to stay out of it. Stay out of the loop. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, so just ignore the melodrama and deal with the few people who are cool. Do your service projects with them, and study with them. And Houston is the 4th biggest city in America, so try to socialize with other groups - law students, bankers, cowboys, whatever they have in Houston. Even though I love my class, one of my best weekends here was when my friends from undergrad came - we talked about things other than medicine, we drank like animals, and we just had a great time in New Orleans (acted like a bunch of tourists, hehe).

Just keep your head up, study more than a few miles from your house - go to the Barnes and Nobles in the nearest suburb, and you won't have to deal with people from school (I need that every once in a while).

These people are going to be our colleagues and some of them scare me a lot. But a few of them are good hearted, intelligent, fun people. Try to bump into them once in a while.

I hope things get better for you...

And I bet Joe P. still has a soft spot for you, so a seat may be available, hehe!!

Simul

 

[Starflyr]

Lily, if it makes you feel any better, I feel relatively the same way about UTMB. I think that part(most?) of it is that I have almost nothing in common with most of the class aside from the fact that we're all students there. Most of them are single, spend their free time clubbing, drinking, working out and going out and are generally what I used to refer to in high school as "airheads". Im not saying they're dumb or mean or anything, cause they arent. But the topics of conversation they choose are just...gossipy by their very nature. In fact, Im sure they see me as a very hard to get to know, disinterested person because I dont go in for much of that (nobody can avoid gossip completely). Maybe try to find people with similar interests and/or temperment to hang with. I found a great group of people who arent single, dont go clubbing or drink a lot, who have similar interests, and who talk about things like the Afghanistani thing from the perspectives of the tribes in afghanistan (instead of that cool/hideous pink sweater/thong/skirt/PJs that Jane Doe bought or how many tequila shots they downed before passing out at last night's party). I have no idea if this could actually help, and its probably just me venting in guise of giving advice *g*. I swear Im not a bad person, but like you, Lily, I just dont really "click" with most of my class.

Star

 

[jmejia1]

I'm only applying this year but in past years I 've been in classes with students who had recently gained admission. Working in groups with these people, I was uterally disgusted with thier attitudes. Getting into medical inflates the ego exponentially. Because of their arrogance and indifference I didn't want to be in groups with them let alone have them treat one of my family members. The one thing these cats had in common were high gpas and mcat scores, and loads of research. i don't care what anyone says, the majority of schools are stat-driven many times not taking into consideration empathetic qualities.

 

[BeckyG]

Hey Lilycat,

Sorry to hear that the atmosphere and students are not what you wanted. I have noticed what Vader said also, but I truly ignore any one who I do not get along with. Our class size is 141, so there are plenty of people you'll like and some you won't. I think that's just part of life - the main thing is to learn how to work with people who you do not get along with. This will come up in medicine (as it comes up in all aspects of the working world and life) throughout your career, so the sooner you can get "used to" it, the better for you. Granted, this is not desirable, but it's an unfortunate reality.

My advice would be to make some solid friendships with the people you do like, ignore the musings of the ones you don't like, and work on effective strategies so that you can work with these people in the future. I don't think you need to develop a thick skin or anything like that, but just learn how to make your own environment and happiness amongst others' chaotic or intrusive actions. In the end, what others think and do should have little to no bearing on your happiness and directions in life. Take care,

Becky

 

[lilycat]

Thanks everyone for posting -- it definitely cheered me up. Sometimes I get so frustrated with hearing people do the typical, "Ohmigosh, my classmates are all so amazing and everything here at "X" med school is amazing and we are all basically one happy, amazing bunch. The amazing bug just hasn't bit me at school so far. The reaffirmation that it's normal to not be enraptured with your classmates 24 hours a day is definitely helpful.

I think part of what's making me sensitive to all this right now is the timing of some of this pseudo-concern and associated gossip -- grades from our last test just came out, and a lot of people are definitely having some academic difficulty right now. People seem all too concerned on trying to find out how everyone else did, and who may be leaving school, than just being chill with their own performance.

I know no profession is perfect, but some of this experience has definitely left me wondering if medicine has more than its fair share of jerks, and if so, how much do I really want to be colleagues with these types of people.

Anyways, you guys inspired me, and many of you made me laugh (thank you Space Monkey), so I appreciate it. It's kind of funny -- I feel like I'm going through "sophomore slump" (anyone else remember that phenomenon from college??), and I'm not even through the first semester!!

Simul, check your private messages.

 

[an MD someday]

 

[drusso]

Do you think that there is a difference between the students and student culture at MD vs DO schools? I think it would be an interesting study to compare and contrast the mentality of students who matriculate at each kind of school. For some reason, UNTHSC-TCOM has a reputation for being very friendly and cohesive. I remember when I was on rotations and talked with students from Baylor or SouthWestern they didn't have very warm things to say about their class-mates. I wonder if this is a result of something specific in the medical school culture or reflect pre-existing differences in the applicant pool.

 

[ckent]

In my opinion,you can't really judge a medical school by talking to anyone in a previous class. First of all, you are probably going to be talking to someone who works for adcom who has been instructed to be upbeat about the school (like the people that have lunch with applicants, they are taught to be upbeat about the school). Second of all, even if you are not talking to someone working for adcom, you are only talking to a few people, and everyone has a different view of their school. There will always be some depressed people in every class, and there will always be some very gleeful people in every class, no matter how "great" or how "depressing" the medical school environment is. And finally, I don't think that any medical school consistently picks people of one type of personality. Among those people with higher GPAs and MCATs, there are jerks and there are really nice people, I think that it's just pretty random how well your class will "mesh" together. I suppose that some schools may unintentionally foster a more competetive atmosphere then others, but I think that regardless of where you go, there is going to be a lot of comadreship because most med students do believe in helping people and are nice people, as well as there is going to be some "gunners" because in truth, regardless of whether your school is pass/fail or graded, you will be compared with your classmates.

 

[e2k]

Interesting thread,

I too have felt the inbred med student evil.

Fortunatley, not many gunners in my school. Sackler is considered a last chance resort by many (it was one of my first choices), and so the med school arrogance is somewhat diminished here. The gunners got accepted to other schools, so we have mostly nice people here.

That being said, I've been victim to gossip and rumors and people nosing into my business.

I also think part of it is the situation: people who would be very easy to deal with in a more professional or less intimate association become annoying as hell when you have to deal with them every day.

You can get away from them in the first two years, but in clerkships you're stuck with them. I just finished a rotation with the most obnoxious loud-mouthed neurotic woman possible. I really liked her before the rotation, but since having to see each other every day, I can't stand the sight of her.

It's easy to say that you're stuck with a bunch of jerks, but don't judge people too harshly when they're under stress.

I just try to stay away from folks that I don't like, and not make enemies. Sometimes people I don't get along with at first later become friends.

And I know that I too can be an arrogant jerk, so it keeps me humble.

ERIC

 

[ckent]

Originally posted by e2k:
•

It's easy to say that you're stuck with a bunch of jerks, but don't judge people too harshly when they're under stress.

I just try to stay away from folks that I don't like, and not make enemies. Sometimes people I don't get along with at first later become friends.

And I know that I too can be an arrogant jerk, so it keeps me humble.

ERIC•••

Yes, I forgot to mention that oftentimes people in med school, particularly the first two years, are under a great deal of stress and some people don't react very well to stress. The best way to deal with these people is to recognize that they are stressed out and not take it personally and avoid them (I know that can be difficult with a small class).

Something else I forgot to mention is to not discount the effect that academic stress is having on yourself. People rarely are able to recognize that they are not being themselves and taking their stress out on others. I had one friend last year who would pick fights with her boyfriend everytime an exam was coming up, as if to blame her stress on her relationship rather then academics. Right after the tests, her relationship would miraculously fix itself and the things that her boyfriend was doing before the tests did not seem like such a big deal to her. She did this repeatedly without recognizing it, she still does it, and her boyfriend almost broke up with her for it.

 

[different strokes]

Originally posted by e2k:
•Interesting thread,

I too have felt the inbred med student evil.

Fortunatley, not many gunners in my school. Sackler is considered a last chance resort by many (it was one of my first choices), and so the med school arrogance is somewhat diminished here. The gunners got accepted to other schools, so we have mostly nice people here.

That being said, I've been victim to gossip and rumors and people nosing into my business.

I also think part of it is the situation: people who would be very easy to deal with in a more professional or less intimate association become annoying as hell when you have to deal with them every day.

You can get away from them in the first two years, but in clerkships you're stuck with them. I just finished a rotation with the most obnoxious loud-mouthed neurotic woman possible. I really liked her before the rotation, but since having to see each other every day, I can't stand the sight of her.

It's easy to say that you're stuck with a bunch of jerks, but don't judge people too harshly when they're under stress.

I just try to stay away from folks that I don't like, and not make enemies. Sometimes people I don't get along with at first later become friends.

And I know that I too can be an arrogant jerk, so it keeps me humble.

ERIC•••

Out of curiosity, what did this woman do? She sounds very very annoying. I would be afraid to show off when I reach clerkship. I could get my head chopped off.

 

[kris]

Hi Lilycat!

Do you think any of it might have to do with age? The 'kiddos' in my class tend to be much more nosy/gossipy, etc. I've been watching them, and it's almost like their wierd sorority-type (stereotype) way of banding together. I think some of them will grow out of it.

There's a large enough portion of my class that's not like that, so I've found a nice group of older friends.

I also think you're right that classes have personalities. For example, our current third year class is characterized as very relaxed and social, while the second year class is really cutthroat.

As a previous poster said, and I'm sure you knew this, stress does strange things to people. It just brings out the worst of their personality traits.

Overall, I think I lucked out with a pretty good class--but then again, I still don't know half of them!

Take it easy Lily; I wish you the best and I'm really sorry to hear your first year is so exhausting. Just remember, "this too shall pass."

We're here for ya!
--kris

 

[puffy1]

It has to be understood that the people you are going to school with are under an inordinate amount of stress, the kind of stress they've never experienced in a school setting before. And these stresses differ from person to person...some stress-out due to concern about not passing, others due to sub-level performances (of their own expectations). It's hard to really get to know people when they are constantly under the gun...

Maybe they are nosey because they are trying to get away, if for a little while, from the world they are currently in...an escape from the pterygopalatine fossa if you will.

My advice is to keep an open mind and to get out with some of the folks you go to school with in a non-school setting...no studying, no books, nothing but real life. There were a couple of guys who I thought were the biggest gunners in the world, and I really didn't want anything to do with them. But after our head-and-neck block, I got the opportunity to play some golf with them, and they turned out to be normal folks who liked to goof around. Now, I'm not best buddies with them, nor will I ever will be, but that was never the point. I understand them a little better now, and I think they probably understand me a little better now.

 

[simpleton]

I have yet to meet a girl who doesn't love to gossip' and for the record I do get out quite a bit!
There must be an x-link recessive "Gossip" gene

 

[praying4MD]

Originally posted by simpleton:
•I have yet to meet a girl who doesn't love to gossip'••• Don't get out much, do you?

 

[Dont Shoot Me, I'm Hindu]

Gunners generally dont gossip. THey are busy enough w/ studies.

Med students are not really "Type-A". They are ususally really dorky, and insecure. The gossiping stems from the fact that most med students are socially pathetic, and live out their adventures vicariously through you and me.

Fah-Q...R U seriously a counsellor? I think not. You are WAYYYY too opinionated about Baylor. "4 year mistake"...are you kidding me? Lily doesnt need to hear that.

Lily. ANy med school class has the cool, and the tools...the trick is, separating them. I would suggest not even hanging out with your classmates much. Make outside friends.

Medicine is a beautiful subject, even though the class may not be.

 

[Vader]

Originally posted by simpleton:
•I have yet to meet a girl who doesn't love to gossip' and for the record I do get out quite a bit!
There must be an x-link recessive "Gossip" gene •••

Well, I guess the x-linked recessive phenotype would need a sex-specific expression pattern, else males would be affected more frequently than females. An X-linked dominant pattern is more likely. Sorry to be a stickler for technicality in genetics...

 

[melancholy]

Lilycat-I know it probably applies to quite a few med schools in the country and not entire classes, but certain people in each class.. but my brother went to Baylor and he said he particularly thought that the attitude there was less-than-friendly. That being said, I know you will get through things just fine. Being able to vent and listen to others with similar sentiments is definitely therapeutic.. so I think you're handling it the right way. As someone else pointed out earlier, I try to stay away from too much gossip about anything related to school/classmates/grades/classes. Also, I have some friends who are awesome, but they are absolute "radiators of stress" and I stay away from them due to their nature of complaining and stressing aloud. It can become contagious and I figure.. I don't need that extra stress. I will be happy hanging out with them when they're not as stressed.

 

[Katie]

Although I generally like Tufts and the people here, I can't say that I have absolutely no issues with people here. I chose to live in the dorm and am moving out next semester because of the atmosphere. Although the people in there mean well, they insist on talking about how other people did on exams in the hallway and are very competitive. One person even told me that he didn't agree with the "P=M.D." philosophy, which is crazy when you need a 95 to get Honors in Mole Bio (I am damn happy with my 92.4 thank you very much!). The dorm people are also very cliquish and will not talk to anyone else outside the dorm, which is not cool.

Another group of people that irritate me at times are my fellow MPH students. the vast majority of them are married, engaged, or in serious (mostly crappy long-distance) relationships, and insist on babbling incessantly about their own significant others with each other whenever we have a class break. Call me jealous if you will (there's some truth to that), but it's as if these people have NO life or interests outside their significant others (when I had an SO on various occasions I did NOT act like these people). They barely speak to the single people (another girl and I) and act like we should kiss their @$$es because we are currently not seeing anyone. Anyway, I have found a solution to this, I just walk away when they get into their nasty arrogant mode and go check my e-mail or get something to eat. Bottom line is, I think, the solution is very easy, just avoid as much as possible the people that bug the crap out of you with their immaturity or pompousness and hang out with the cooler people.

p.s.: I fully subscribe to the attitude that it doesn't matter where you went to undergrad or what your MCAT score was or what your relationship status is; we are all med students now and all have the capabilities to be fine physicians. I think this is something a number of my classmates and more than a few people on here need to learn before they start bragging and turning their noses up at their fellow colleagues.

 

[lilycat]

I just wanted to say a big Thank you! to everyone out there -- you guys have been great, and it so helpful to know that a)I'm not the only one with these sentiments at time, and b)that there is so much support out there. I really appreciate it.

As for ignoring the gunners/gossips in my class -- to a large extent I do, but it's sort of tough when people I never talk to and don't hang out with come up to me with pseudo-concern to see how I'm doing (rather than going to classes, I've been watching them over the internet mostly the last week and a half). I don't think I'm being overly harsh here because these are also the same people who are generating all sorts of wild gossip, so I hardly think it's my well-being that they are interested in. However, I am kind of curious as to what kind of answer they are expecting:

a) "I stopped coming to class because I can no longer contain my homicidal urges when I'm in the lecture hall with the rest of you."
b) "I stopped coming to class because I'm having a child out of wedlock and the morning sickness is really making those 8am lectures kind of tough."
c) "Yes -- I'm excessively stupid and cannot pass a class to save my life. To save myself any future embarrassment, the administration has asked me to leave, and I will now unburden all of my private anxieties to you.

Additionally, I do have a group of people I generally like to hang out with, and I thought they were fairly laid-back. However, after we started going through exams and quizzes, I was shocked to hear most of them comparing test scores, perecentile rankings within the class, even MCAT scores!!

There are a few other people that may have "potential" but they don't come to class too often, and I hardly blame them.

Basically, I've decided that if I am to make this work and preserve my sanity, I need to sort of regard my school as a job, and find my mental health and social release completely outside of class and classmates. What worked and made me happy in college clearly isn't going to apply to med school.

Anyways, thanks again for all of your replies, suggestions, advice, and especially encouragement -- I really appreciate it.

 

[lilycat]

Originally posted by simpleton:
•I have yet to meet a girl who doesn't love to gossip' and for the record I do get out quite a bit!
There must be an x-link recessive "Gossip" gene •••

By the way, some of the worst perpetrators of gossip and speculation in my class are guys! There is one who is worse than any girl I've ever met. Worse than actually ANY PERSON, male or female, that I've ever met.

 

[Katie]

OK, I'm back on here again trying to avoid studying for the Mole. Bio final tomorrow (the fact that I need about a 47% to pass, and that's assuming they jack the pass rate up to 70, doesn't really motivate me to study that much ) Anyway, I LOVE your answers to the gossipy classmates lilycat, although it probably won't shut them up because many people have absolutely no sense of humor. They probably wouldn't get that you were joking.. Fortunately I haven't been pestered about why I don't go to Biochem lectures yet because the general class consensus is that the lecturers suck so bad. I have a few raunchy comebacks that you could throw at them that might not be postable; will let you know if I think of some more tame ones..

 

[Cobragirl]

Katie,
Go easy on us "married" folks! Someday you'll understand that once you're married, your spouse (and in this case, medical school) IS your life. Apparently, it gets worse when people start having kids. You see, we older, married couples can't go out to the "meat market" bars and hang out anymore (well, we CAN, but it's not great for STAYING married). We're not going on exciting / horrific blind dates anymore. Many of us have car notes, house notes, responsibilities, that preclude us from having that free-for-all lifestyle that we enjoyed in our early 20's...so basically, we have nothing better to talk about. I doubt it seriously (although I may be wrong), that your classmates are trying to make you feel bad about NOT having a spouse/SO. Matter of fact, you'd probably find that many of them might be jealous of your single status (especially if they are in "crappy long-distance relationships"!) The fact is that between medical school and being married, they probably HAVE no other life right now to talk about...I know I don't!

 

[kris]

I hope I didn't start this 'girl/gossip' thing by my sorority stereotype comment. I just meant to bring a stereotype to mind, and I certainly include the guys who, as lilycat states, are just as gossipy. And not that I have anything against sorority gals. I've met some pretty nice ones(me averting flaming disaster here) .

Ummm. Right, being married. Actually I rarely talk about my husband, and folks are usually surprised to find out he lives away from here. Maybe the reason I don't talk about it is because the LDR thing just isn't bothering me much--yet. So Katie, I think you're doing the right thing--if it's a conversation you don't care for; leave.

I go out with my classmates, and we have a big November birthday outing planned! I love to dance, so it's my playtime. I don't forsee it ruining my marriage simply because I'm not looking at other guys. So meatmarket, here I come! They can look, but they can't touch! So Cobra, I say go out and have a good time. There's no guilt in that! And good luck on your upcoming exams!

--kris

 

[kris]

By the way, Katie, on a more serious note, you realize there are sort of phases of life people go through, and this group is in that married phase, as Cobra mentioned. They share common issues, problems, joys, etc., and it creates a common bond. This IS what's important in their lives, so it's natural that they'd talk about it.

Are you sure it's arrogance? Maybe it's just their common ground. I doubt they're talking about it just to piss other people off or for the prime purpose of being exclusive.

--kris

 

[Freeeedom!]

Listen, when I was in my first year I hated it. Lots of cliques, lots of attitude, lots of loneliness too. I pushed on till my second year. My second year was better than the first year my friends more established, but still a deep desire to get away...so still pushed on because I could see the light of 3rd year.
3rd year came around and it was difficult, but it was fun at the same time. I pushed on. I pushed on through labor and delivery, gyn, surgery, ortho etc...Then it was my 4th year. I made up my schedule, I chose where to interview...and soon it will all be over (only to start again as an intern). But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Push on.

 

[Cobragirl]

Kris, actually you and I are in similar situations. My hubby is far away too...as in floating around on a Navy ship for the next 6 months. Since I'm one of only 5 people in my class that are married, I really don't talk about him much either...unless someone asks me directly. I was just pointing out (as you just did) that married people are just in a different stage in their lives. I didn't mean to imply that we NEVER go out...just that a married guy/gal spending every other night in a club is pretty uncommon..unless they're cheating/want to, or have a VERY understanding spouse. The unmarried crowd is still "looking", therefor they usually have a lot more going on socially (and have more to gossip about) than we do. In addition, many of my younger classmates really don't have any responsibilities yet (read:BILLS) because their parents/whoever are still taking care of most everything (I AM NOT implying this is the case for all the young people...just a lot of them!)so they can "afford" to go out more often (they aren't paying for cover charges & drinks for TWO).

In any case, like you stated, the married folks that Katie is encountering are probably just "clickish" because they 1.have something in common 2. don't really feel like part of the "single" crowd anymore (don't have anything in common!)

And like Kris said, if you don't like the conversation, just find one you do! Personally, being married but with NO KIDS puts me in a wierd spot. I'm NOT single, but I'm NOT a mom, and so I tend to fall into this weird hole with no one else (ALL of my other married classmates have kids..and so do most of my married friends). My "parental" friends have a tendency to talk about diapers, labor, pre-school, potty-training, etc...things I have absolutely no interest in. So, I just politely remove myself from the conversation...

 

[Katie]

hmmm, I somewhat misrepresented the people in my MPH class; the people who are married or engaged actually talk less about their SO's than the people who are in "less serious" relationships. I find that the married people are actually more mature and are able to converse on a variety of topics (i.e. ppl with good heads on their shoulders like cobragirl and kris ). The person who annoys me the most is this guy who has a gf who is a hot shot TV executive in California and everyone in our class always asks him about her and seems to think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread for being able to handle a long-distance relationship so nobly. They are not married or engaged and she seems to have no intention of moving here. I have dealt with a long distance relationship before (it ended for other reasons) and no one kissed my butt over it like they do with this guy. It's as if the people in MPH class are saying, "Well, you don't have an SO, we're not talking to you." I think this is extremely unfair of them; just because I am not a "non-trad" and am currently single doesn't mean I'm incapable of having a serious conversation or that I feel the need to party and gossip and drink myself into a stupor constantly (though I have been known to do all of these things on rare occasion ) It also doesn't mean that we have NOTHING in common. Oh, I can't imagine that anyone would envy my single status and frusturations with relationships with men, though I suppose stranger things have happened.

Hope you all are doing well in your classes, take care!

 

[Katie]

oh I just want to add that I agree with you guys on why the married folk bond together; it is a nice common bond and I understand why people would be drawn to each other. It is the 22 and 25 year olds who put up a big perfectionist front ("everything is perfect and wonderful with my gf in California even though she's not here") that get to me. Guess what, no relationship or friendship is perfect or ideal. I just feel like some of these people need to get a clue.

 

[ckent]

Originally posted by Katie:
•hmmm, I somewhat misrepresented the people in my MPH class; the people who are married or engaged actually talk less about their SO's than the people who are in "less serious" relationships. I find that the married people are actually more mature and are able to converse on a variety of topics (i.e. ppl with good heads on their shoulders like cobragirl and kris ). The person who annoys me the most is this guy who has a gf who is a hot shot TV executive in California and everyone in our class always asks him about her and seems to think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread for being able to handle a long-distance relationship so nobly. They are not married or engaged and she seems to have no intention of moving here. I have dealt with a long distance relationship before (it ended for other reasons) and no one kissed my butt over it like they do with this guy. It's as if the people in MPH class are saying, "Well, you don't have an SO, we're not talking to you." I think this is extremely unfair of them; just because I am not a "non-trad" and am currently single doesn't mean I'm incapable of having a serious conversation or that I feel the need to party and gossip and drink myself into a stupor constantly (though I have been known to do all of these things on rare occasion ) It also doesn't mean that we have NOTHING in common. Oh, I can't imagine that anyone would envy my single status and frusturations with relationships with men, though I suppose stranger things have happened.

Hope you all are doing well in your classes, take care!•••

You might want to re-read what you wrote, I'm sure that your situation is more complicated then that. If you don't believe that it is, you might be misinterpreting your situation based on what I read. When I read your description, it sounds like your MPH class is acting like a group of elementary school kids crowding and kissing up to the "cool" kid of the week who has a neat toy (an LD relationship with an exec) and it sounds like you believe that people are excluding you because you do not have a relationship.

 

[elle]

I'm not starting med school until next year, so please excuse my intrusion. That aside...

Katie,
I'm sorry you're not having the best experience so far. Are there any clubs your school offers that you'd be interested in (working with high school kids, mentoring, anything you'd enjoy) where people would be busy doing something and not just gossiping?

Since you're in a big city, are there things you can do outside of med school, like working with area volunteer organizations or joining a book club? Are there a few other folks who aren't feeling too pleased with the environment with whom you could arrange a weekly dinner or lunch?

I admit to being no expert at all on the subject; and after reading this thread, a bit fearful that I'll be posting these same questions in a year. But as a fellow terp, I wanted to wish you good luck with all this!

 

[lilycat]

Originally posted by Katie:
•Anyway, I LOVE your answers to the gossipy classmates lilycat, although it probably won't shut them up because many people have absolutely no sense of humor. They probably wouldn't get that you were joking.. Fortunately I haven't been pestered about why I don't go to Biochem lectures yet because the general class consensus is that the lecturers suck so bad. I have a few raunchy comebacks that you could throw at them that might not be postable; will let you know if I think of some more tame ones.. •••

Oh come on, post the raunchy ones -- it'll make it more fun. You're right -- they don't have enough of a sense of humor, but I do -- I don't mind entertaining myself at their expense.

 

[nezlab99]

space monkey - pay hommage to Office Space and Fight Club

 

[Yet Another MS-I]

Hi everyone ... I know I am late in posting on the topic of classmates in first year, but ...

I was really disappointed at the level of immaturity that my classmates display -- and it has nothing to do with age!! And what is it with all the gossip. You would think people have better things to do than spread rumors - most of which are not even true.

To Lilycat: I attended premed courses with a fellow that was accepted to Baylor and I believe is in your class - what a freaking psycho!! So do not feel that it is you ... I am keeping a list of names that I would not send family, friends, or any patient to ...

Hang in there!!

 

[mvalento]

all i know is...

my classmates are some of the coolest people i have ever met. my friends from ND can never be replaced, but the 1st year class here at NYU is amazing. so many cool, non-competitve, fun loving people. even though i detest anatomy, i am having an awesome time.

bud

 

[snow100]

mvalento-

it makes me want to throw up that u r having such a good time at nyu. i wish i would have applied there? instead i went to an extremely competetive school and ended up withdrawing a few weeks ago......yuck. im SO jealous that u like ur school, but happy for u too.

snow

 

[caffeinegirl]

I know I'm late in joining in to this thread, but I find this absolutely refreshing. It's been such a long time since I've posted here (last post was MAY!)and now it's thanks to the great internet connection I've finally gotten!

Anyway....I thought I was all alone when I was feeling what lilycat expressed. I'm not going to lie, the first couple of months here were just terrible. What was I disappointed in?
*the immaturity of many of the students....how they were trying to be something they're not
*the cut-throatness of some of them
*how my laid-back attitude was sometimes made me feel like a black sheep

My philosophy is very different from almost everybody here....study to learn what YOU want to learn, and if that gets you a 70 to pass, so be it. Also, study to pass, and don't get stressed if you don't have to. P=MD baby!!! (probably why I'm up at 3am watching tv instead of studying for my physio final tomorrow)

I sometimes think I shouldn't have come to a top 10 school, where many still have the mentality of "beat the mean" and "nothing below honors". Also, where many students are doing medicine for hte money and prestige. It sickens me.

But how do I manage it? I have a close small group of friends who are fellow students and who share my views (the only people I think!). And, I don't go to class much
(pretty much for Reason #1 that lilycat gave!!!)

AND I have a life out of med school....volunteering and taking art/dance classes. It keeps me sane

Anyway, thanks for reading....this is the typical late night rant

caffeinatedly yours
caffeinegirl

 

[lilycat]

Caffeinegirl!!

Good to hear from you. It's nice to "see" some familiar faces from the application process popping up again.

Sounds like you and I are going through nearly identical situations. One thing I was curious about -- I remember you were in the position last year of making a very enviable decision between your East coast school and a certain school on the West -- any regrets? Sometimes I think I made a monumental mistake with my decision, but I try to console myself with the belief that the things I don't like about med school are sort of constant to all med schools. Oh well.

 

[jkchou]

I was begining to think I was alone but thankfully I found out what other people felt about their classmates. I think everyone who is applying should REALLY take what the students say about their classmates during the interview day with a huge grain of salt.

There are a few nice people in my class but I don't socialize with too many of them because of the arrogance, immaturity, and pretenciousness of a lot of my classmates. Even though my school is not known for being "cutthroat," I have come across a few suspected back-stabers who I will never trust (yes, they are smarter at disguising what they do but keep your guard up when they approach you or when they give you an advice from the goodnees of their heart for no reason,...don't trust their intention). There has also been a surprisingly large number of them who are pursuing certain specialties simply because of the money, the lifestyle, and the prestige (seems like they forget the purpose of medicine the instant they got the acceptance letter). They look down on those who are interested in internal med, peds, and FP because those specialties are "Primary Care" specialties. Did they really write/talk about their intense motivation to work less than 40 hours per week, make $250,000, and drive a BMW convertible when they were applying, I think not. Maybe I had a too idealized vision of my classmates before I came. But I find medical school to be one of the most stifling experience in my life.

There, I feel much better now that I finished venting. Maybe some other med students are having better experiences. At least when I was in college, I had a choice of making friends outside of my pre-med program. But now, I am stuck with the same people for four years and I can't wait to finish school so I can be as far away as I can be and hopefully never see some of my classmates ever again.

 

[lilycat]

Originally posted by jkchou:
•But I find medical school to be one of the most stifling experience in my life.
•••

That's it!!!!!!!!!!

Those are the exact words I had been looking for to describe med school. Thank you.

 

[TechMan]

You people keep saying how immature your classmates are. Could you elaborate on this? What is it that makes them immature?

 

[elle]

Hi folks,

I have a question for you guys. Is there any advice you have (regarding getting an honest idea of student happiness at a school) for those of us looking at schools this year? Like any questions to ask current students or any way to get an idea of how competitive the students tend to be. Anything you wish you'd done differently?

I realize the question doesn't exactly go with the thread (sorry ) but I'll be in your shoes next year, so I'm pretty interested in the subject.

best of luck to everyone --

 

[deleted4401]

Elle,

Succinctly: everyone lies about their school or makes it sound better than it is.

I don't think I've heard of too many places where students will tell interviewees anything other than: "It's great here, we love it, it's not competitive." I'd like to think here at Tulane we're more sincere, but I'm not sure sometimes. Everyone wants to justify why they picked a certain place, and it's easy to do when an interviewee asks you what you think about a place. I think an important way to see if people do like it is to see how often they are with other classmates.

Some questions you can ask that may help you out:

How often do you hang out with classmates? Do you study with classmates a lot? Is there a lot of resource/note sharing over the email list? Is there a grading curve or is it straight scale? Is their lots of community service activities? Is their active participation in student-run clubs and which clubs are popular? How much interaction is their between students and faculty outside of school (at our school, the chaplain, deans, and profs have been know to party with us)?

Some things to do: stay with a student host to get a feel of 'a day in the life'. Check out the student lounge/cafeteria and see how kids interact. If there's something going on (bar night, halloween party, etc.), try to get one of the students to bring you along (they will love to).

Good luck,

Simul

 

[SocialistMD]

Personally, I think the level of student involvement with the interview process should be an indicator of how happy the students are. The more you are exposed, the easier it is for you to read through their bs and see how truly happy they are. I interviewed at a couple of schools where I never really even saw students, and at others where I couldn't escape them (my current school is one of the latter). I know that when I talk to interviewees, I am completely honest. I tell it how it is and tell applicants that if that sounds appealing to them then they should come here and if not they should look elsewhere.