diversity & challenge essay topic

[FroYoOreo]

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[mk04447]

"1. My mom was raised in a very poor family, and suffered from malnutrition until her 20s. Therefore I was raised to be very food waste conscious, which inspired me to do volunteer for an organization that cook and serve food for the underprivileged population. I later got a leadership position in that organization. Just in general I love cooking, and love serving the food I cooked to people. I make everything from scratch, and once spent two weeks doing an apprenticeship with a five-star hotel pastry chef. Since I bake sourdough every week for my family, I began donating the bread I made to a local food bank."

Sorry hate it. It's wordy and full of boring fluff that won't get read. I don't care why you started... I volunteer for an organization that cooks and serves food to underprivileged (get your tenses right) folks... there I saw... that taught me I was extremely fortunate (people hate a whiner, you're applying to medical school for goodness sake, you aren't pitiful)... I enjoyed working with the organization immensely, so I sought to participate more fully and I accepted a leadership position... in that capacity I... (screw all that pastry BS).

"2. I am very involved with animal welfare. I have spent >3000 hours volunteering for vet clinic and animal shelters, helping out with adoption and administrating meds to sick cats. I also do dog boarding and dog sitting, daycare as a side job. I have spent roughly 300 hours on it. At peak time, I had 4 dogs at my place all at once."

Geez, all above and... Animals warm my soul BS... you're applying to medical school, unless your taking them to work with wounded vets come up with something else. Just list the hours on your app.

"3. My entrepreneur experience, when I was 17/18, my mom opened a tiny boutique shop. I stepped in to help her by designing the storefront sign, and also involved in picking what to sell. In college, I owned an online fashion fabric shop (though I closed it within a year, sad)."

You don't gain entrepreneurial skills by proxy, maybe your mom should apply for med school... get it... this is about you... your chance to shine... In college I learned valuable life experience trying to create my own fashion line... I soon learned I had a lot to learn about being an entrepreneur... I shut down the site in less than a year, but I learned how precious time can be... balancing hours of this and that while I tried to maintain my stellar GPA was challenging... blab blab...

"As for the adversity essay, I was thinking writing about learning English, since it is my second language. I want to write about how I overcome the language barrier through practice and how it taught me to relate to patients who don't speak English. When a clinician I work for mentioned he had trouble communicating with one of his patient who doesn't speak English, I offered help to be his translator."

Not a bad idea... might try something clever... si habla blab blab blab... that says English isn't my first language (literally write the Arabic or whatever sentence first, it will catch them, what is this **** and they'll read it)... in my mind everything looks that way... I decided to work hard, learn English and adopt American culture early... so that I might have a chance to become an American doctor... working with Doc whatever I saw first hand how language barriers affect the doctor/patient relationship...etc.

It's hard to let go of our thoughts when we write important things like this, but you have to remember your audience and the objective. If ANY sentence doesn't further your objective it has to go, it wastes extremely valuable brain cells and you want the readers attention focused. Good luck.

 

[FroYoOreo]

e. If ANY sentence doesn't further your objective it has to go, i

Thanks for your input and being just absolutely straightforward. Sorry about the tense, it takes me a long time to proofread and I still miss things. I think your points are very legit.
My question regarding the diversity essay is what objection is the essay trying to achieve. I thought the diversity essay is just a place to talk about how unique a person is (like hobby, experience, ethnics, etc.). Does it has to be tightly tied back to healthcare? I guess I got the purpose of the essay wrong.

 

[ciestar]

Thanks for your input and being just absolutely straightforward. Sorry about the tense, it takes me a long time to proofread and I still miss things. I think your points are very legit.
My question regarding the diversity essay is what objection is the essay trying to achieve. I thought the diversity essay is just a place to talk about how unique a person is (like hobby, experience, ethnics, etc.). Does it has to be tightly tied back to healthcare? I guess I got the purpose of the essay wrong.

It absolutely does NOT have to be tied back to health care.

 

[ciestar]

OP, to further my comment, my diversity/adversity essays didn’t even touch on healthcare. That was only discussed when asked.

 

[mk04447]

It absolutely does NOT have to be tied back to health care.

I don't recall saying that. It does need to be pertinent. Maybe you're one of those lucky millennials who everything went right for, but some people actually have to be on point.

 

[Goro]

Hi everyone,

I have been brainstorming/soul searching/typing at a speed of 2 words/min for both the diversity and the challenge essay. I guess it would be better if I start to get some opinions on whether these topics are good. Please be blunt and let me know if they are not good.

Diversity:
1. My mom was raised in a very poor family, and suffered from malnutrition until her 20s. Therefore I was raised to be very food waste conscious, which inspired me to do volunteer for an organization that cook and serve food for the underprivileged population. I later got a leadership position in that organization. Just in general I love cooking, and love serving the food I cooked to people. I make everything from scratch, and once spent two weeks doing an apprenticeship with a five-star hotel pastry chef. Since I bake sourdough every week for my family, I began donating the bread I made to a local food bank.

2. I am very involved with animal welfare. I have spent >3000 hours volunteering for vet clinic and animal shelters, helping out with adoption and administrating meds to sick cats. I also do dog boarding and dog sitting, daycare as a side job. I have spent roughly 300 hours on it. At peak time, I had 4 dogs at my place all at once.

3. My entrepreneur experience, when I was 17/18, my mom opened a tiny boutique shop. I stepped in to help her by designing the storefront sign, and also involved in picking what to sell. In college, I owned an online fashion fabric shop (though I closed it within a year, sad).

Challenge:
As for the adversity essay, I was thinking writing about learning English, since it is my second language. I want to write about how I overcome the language barrier through practice and how it taught me to relate to patients who don't speak English. When a clinician I work for mentioned he had trouble communicating with one of his patient who doesn't speak English, I offered help to be his translator.

Any critic/comment is appreciated! And if you don't mind please don't reply the whole post, since I will edit it later just for privacy. Thanks!

EDIT: my favorite essay reader dear @DokterMom can you help? thanks!!

Go with number one, but leave your mom out of it. Talk about what's cool about cooking and you

 

[mk04447]

Thanks for your input and being just absolutely straightforward. Sorry about the tense, it takes me a long time to proofread and I still miss things. I think your points are very legit.
My question regarding the diversity essay is what objection is the essay trying to achieve. I thought the diversity essay is just a place to talk about how unique a person is (like hobby, experience, ethnics, etc.). Does it has to be tightly tied back to healthcare? I guess I got the purpose of the essay wrong.

You want a seat, it has to accomplish your purpose. If you are thinking a statement does anything else, I love blue slippers, green eggs and ham are cool, or my stepsister is a ballerina, it has to go regardless of what you are told by some SDNers.

 

[ciestar]

I don't recall saying that. It does need to be pertinent. Maybe you're one of those lucky millennials who everything went right for, but some people actually have to be on point.

I never said you did. OP asked a question and I answered it.

Do not make assumptions. Nothing went right for me.

 

[mk04447]

Go with number one, but leave your mom out of it. Talk about what's cool about cooking and you

Wink.

 

[mk04447]

I never said you did. OP asked a question and I answered it.

Do not make assumptions. Nothing went right for me.

I'm glad and I apologize then. Bad advice posted here is rampant and frankly it offends me. I found SDN the same way everyone else does and the truth makes more dreams come true than any politically correct BS.

 

[ciestar]

I'm glad and I apologize then. Bad advice posted here is rampant and frankly it offends me. I found SDN the same way everyone else does and the truth makes more dreams come true than any politically correct BS.

You made a good point. Fluff should be avoided in essays, especially your PS and secondaries. Get to the point and make sure it illustrates it like you intended it. Tangents and weird anecdotes that feel almost forced don’t work at all.

I actually just took the time to look at some of the essays I wrote. I feel like it was all relevant to what I was trying to say and they wouldn’t have worked otherwise.

Yes, bad advice here does indeed run rampant and most often it seems to come from people who really don’t seem to get how the world works outside of their bubble.

 

[mk04447]

You made a good point. Fluff should be avoided in essays, especially your PS and secondaries. Get to the point and make sure it illustrates it like you intended it. Tangents and weird anecdotes that feel almost forced don’t work at all.

I actually just took the time to look at some of the essays I wrote. I feel like it was all relevant to what I was trying to say and they wouldn’t have worked otherwise.

Yes, bad advice here does indeed run rampant and most often it seems to come from people who really don’t seem to get how the world works outside of their bubble.

Mostly it's a millennial thing, sorry couldn't resist.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Mostly it's a millennial thing, sorry couldn't resist.

No it’s not.

 

[LizzyM]

Diversity:
1. My mom was raised in a very poor family, and suffered from malnutrition until her 20s. Therefore I was raised to be very food waste conscious, which inspired me to do volunteer for an organization that cook and serve food for the underprivileged population. I later got a leadership position in that organization. Just in general I love cooking, and love serving the food I cooked to people. I make everything from scratch, and once spent two weeks doing an apprenticeship with a five-star hotel pastry chef. Since I bake sourdough every week for my family, I began donating the bread I made to a local food bank.

I rather like this one and I don't mind having the motivation tied back to mom. I think that the context of one's volunteerism makes it more interesting. It also taps something deep about where this passion for food and cooking come from.

I'd go with

My mom suffered from malnutrition due to poverty until her 20s. Therefore I was raised to be very food waste conscious. This inspired me to volunteer for an organization that cooks and serves food for the hungry and to take a leadership position in the organization. I make everything from scratch and enjoy building my cooking skills. That led me to apprenticed for two weeks with a five-star hotel pastry chef. I also get great satisfaction from sharing what I make with others. Some of the sourdough bread I bake each week is enjoyed by my family and the rest goes to a food bank. My mother's experience of hunger in childhood motivates me to see that no one goes hungry.

 

[FroYoOreo]

I rather like this one and I don't mind having the motivation tied back to mom. I think that the context of one's volunteerism makes it more interesting. It also taps something deep about where this passion for food and cooking come from.

I'd go with

My mom suffered from malnutrition due to poverty until her 20s. Therefore I was raised to be very food waste conscious. This inspired me to volunteer for an organization that cooks and serves food for the hungry and to take a leadership position in the organization. I make everything from scratch and enjoy building my cooking skills. That led me to apprenticed for two weeks with a five-star hotel pastry chef. I also get great satisfaction from sharing what I make with others. Some of the sourdough bread I bake each week is enjoyed by my family and the rest goes to a food bank. My mother's experience of hunger in childhood motivates me to see that no one goes hungry.

Thank you LizzyM! Your revision has made it much more logical and the flow is so much better now.