DO stigma in South Asian families?

[Iliketoytles]

or the female equivalent....

dob?

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[Mr Kenobi]

No need to create divides, us brown ppl need to stay unified and be above all these divisions.

 

[MedicinaeDoctor]

Yeah, but why? Make your people proud by saying you're from Hindustan(India). Let others call themselves South Asian, whatever that means.

And yes, EU is a united country. You become a European Union citizen, can work and travel freely in any "state" of this country, the same like in the United States. They even have their own money, called Euro.

LOL! k, man. just like the US. (sarcasm)

 

[Ravizzle]

Lol

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[USCTrojan11]

First let me say that I'm on academic probation. I am nowhere near competitive for DO schools right now. I understand that its going to take a few years for me to finally get myself straight with good grades in addition to a good MCAT score.

Negative stigma is the last thing that I should be concerned about. However, my chances for DO are far better than my chances at MD, bleak as it maybe. Im ethnically South Asian and all of our family friends are in MD schools. I have never really met a South Asian DO, so I'm not asking out of ignorance, but rather to gain knowledge as to what being a South Asian DO is like.

Is there any difference in the way they are looked at by their family and friends just because their a DO? Are the considered "inferior" in their own culture compared to MDs? There doesn't seem to be too many South Asian DOs out there which is why I'm asking.

That's why the majority of people go DO. That's why there is a negative stigma. I wouldn't want anything but the best performing doctor, not one who took the charity route. I am an idealist and considered DO only to realize the majority if not all of the students come to the realization 3rd year that the philosophy is BS and they'd never use it. When they practice they'd be the same as MDs. Sorry, no sensible person buys the whole holistic bull**** tenets of DO. It comes down to the individual doctor, not what degree he has. So I ended up at an MD school.

 

[rafman]

At the end of the day, both US MDs and Do's end up with jobs and become practicing doctors, when it comes time for the arranged marriages, thats all that matters lol .

 

[Cytology]

dob?

ha!

 

[GOMERE]

Then you south asians are too prideful. Go back to india for your MD degree and try coming back to the USA. LoL tons of yall be doing that. Plus i hear that there if your parents are rich they can buy your admission and even some passing grades. You would need that.

 

[rafman]

I had an aunt keep bragging to me after i told her i might go DO how her son and daughter went back to Bangladesh to get their MD, how much money their saving and that they'll come back and get an amazing residency. I told her that after 2015 that'll be impossible and showed her a few articles. That shut her up real good!

 

[Cytology]

I had an aunt keep bragging to me after i told her i might go DO how her son and daughter went back to Bangladesh to get their MD, how much money their saving and that they'll come back and get an amazing residency. I told her that after 2015 that'll be impossible and showed her a few articles. That shut her up real good!

Is the degree really MD or is it MBBS?

I'm glad I don't have controlling/status obsessed parents. Then again, my parents are extremely "westernized"(for lack of a better word).

A girl in my freshman year went to American University of Antigua after her sophomore year. She is now having trouble matching into a residency program because she doesn't have an undergraduate degree and there are some state practice laws about that....

 

[rafman]

I've heard the degree is an MBBS but during residency they convert it to an MD. But I'm not sure if this is right.

My parents are pretty "westernized" and modern compared to most South Asian parents and they had no problem with me wanting to go DO. But this sentiment is not too common and most brown parents would rather have their kids go to the Carribean and/ or South Asia thinking its a viable alternative. It might've been in the 80s and 90s, but not anymore.

 

[Cytology]

I've heard the degree is an MBBS but during residency they convert it to an MD. But I'm not sure if this is right.

My parents are pretty "westernized" and modern compared to most South Asian parents and they had no problem with me wanting to go DO. But this sentiment is not too common and most brown parents would rather have their kids go to the Carribean and/ or South Asia thinking its a viable alternative. It might've been in the 80s and 90s, but not anymore.

I can't imagine what it's like to live life constantly for OTHER people. My parents actually discouraged me from medicine. I'm 27 and hoping to make a career change and begin medical school in 2015. By discourage I mean more like " you know, you already have a nice career, are you sure you want to give that up?".

Then again I've always been one to just do whatever makes me happy and could care less about what others think. It's just easy for me. For some it's hard, but I suggest working at it....be a rebel....and as said before.... be the baddest SOB that ever lived.

All these people that are afraid of having a DO and how it will limit you.....go and be a pioneer with your DO. Be one of the first DO's to do this or that....etc

 

[Iliketoytles]

I'm glad I don't have controlling/status obsessed parents. Then again, my parents are extremely "westernized"(for lack of a better word).

Same with my parents. Culture is great and all... but south asians need to keep their stubborn traditional stigmas to themselves or in their own country. Don't bring that stuff over here.

 

[Poetic Silence]

Latin American here.

I've thought long and hard about why I'm pursuing MD as opposed to DO. For me, it's because my first choice school just happens to be an allopathic institution. This school and its affiliated hospital network is the very reason I want to become a physician. I grew up in its children's hospital and experienced every emotion of being a patient entails inside its walls.

As I became older, my doctors there became mentors to me. The ones that knew me well were excited for me, encouraging and took time from their hectic schedules to talk to me about medical school, residency and what being a doctor means to them. Soon afterwards I met a professor of head and neck surgery at that very institution. Meeting with him changed my life. I felt empowered. I had enough professionals who believed in me enough that I finally began to believe in myself.

If that school was an osteopathic school, it would not change a thing for me.

 

[Yonko Shanks]

 

[physcigirl27]

I've heard the degree is an MBBS but during residency they convert it to an MD. But I'm not sure if this is right.

My parents are pretty "westernized" and modern compared to most South Asian parents and they had no problem with me wanting to go DO. But this sentiment is not too common and most brown parents would rather have their kids go to the Carribean and/ or South Asia thinking its a viable alternative. It might've been in the 80s and 90s, but not anymore.

yep. I had a billion aunties/uncles ask me if I was going DO because I didn't get into the caribbean schools.

My parents still have their moments of complete annoyingness and backwards mentality but I ignore it.

It's just the south asian way. People are never happy and everything is a competition. Even IF you got into an MD med school, chances are there'll be some aunty whose precious precious son went to Harvard/Stanford and she will proceed to rub that in your face for all eternity. I've stopped caring, especially since 1/2 the people criticizing are actually housewives or own liquor stores.

 

[Iliketoytles]

yep. I had a billion aunties/uncles ask me if I was going DO because I didn't get into the caribbean schools.

My parents still have their moments of complete annoyingness and backwards mentality but I ignore it.

It's just the south asian way. People are never happy and everything is a competition. Even IF you got into an MD med school, chances are there'll be some aunty whose precious precious son went to Harvard/Stanford and she will proceed to rub that in your face for all eternity. I've stopped caring, especially since 1/2 the people criticizing are actually housewives or own liquor stores.

I hear you... it's ridiculous isn't it? It's always a competition, not among sons/daughters, but among their parents (mainly the women, because they only know how to gossip and create drama). One of my aunts always brags about how her son goes to Harvard Law. Even when it's not brought up, she brings it up. I met the guy before... and he has the personality of a dead squirrel. He has no hobbies, no interests except what he's been told to be interested in, and no creativity or ability to conceptualize anything outside of his degree/religion. I sort of want to tell his mom that... but I avoid the aunties/uncles as much as possible. They actually want to compare me to these molded, closed minded sheep? Please...

Sorry, I'm ranting.

 

[Cytology]

I hear you... it's ridiculous isn't it? It's always a competition, not among sons/daughters, but among their parents (mainly the women, because they only know how to gossip and create drama). One of my aunts always brags about how her son goes to Harvard Law. Even when it's not brought up, she brings it up. I met the guy before... and he has the personality of a dead squirrel. He has no hobbies, no interests except what he's been told to be interested in, and no creativity or ability to conceptualize anything outside of his degree/religion. I sort of want to tell his mom that... but I avoid the aunties/uncles as much as possible. They actually want to compare me to these molded, closed minded sheep? Please...

Sorry, I'm ranting.

He must be good with the ladies...

 

[Poetic Silence]

An interesting satire piece about Chinese culture here. I thought the posters might enjoy it's comparison to western culture.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19026_5-reasons-parenting-one-place-we-shouldnt-imitate-china.html

 

[Miss Terious]

HAHAHA
Favorite thread on SDN by far

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[Cytology]

I hear you... it's ridiculous isn't it? It's always a competition, not among sons/daughters, but among their parents (mainly the women, because they only know how to gossip and create drama). One of my aunts always brags about how her son goes to Harvard Law. Even when it's not brought up, she brings it up. I met the guy before... and he has the personality of a dead squirrel. He has no hobbies, no interests except what he's been told to be interested in, and no creativity or ability to conceptualize anything outside of his degree/religion. I sort of want to tell his mom that... but I avoid the aunties/uncles as much as possible. They actually want to compare me to these molded, closed minded sheep? Please...

Sorry, I'm ranting.

And if you decide to enter a speciality like pathology people might say "why not surgery, they deal with patients directly, they are responsible for everything, they are the center of medicine...."

Not true. It's team work. Clinicians of all sorts (surgeons, oncologists, etc) sometimes can't do anything until diagnoses (specimen/xrays, etc) are confirmed by pathologists/radiologists.

Point being, someone is always going to imply that you aren't all that. Try not to take it personally because sometimes it's not their fault. Not everyone knows everything about all career fields. For still don't understand all the different nursing degrees/certificates/whatever (RN, MSN, BSN, CRNP, blah blah). And sometimes they're like your aunt. Like someone posted earlier....some are just housewives and/or own liquor stores....not that there is anything wrong with those things...

 

[tide11189]

When people judge you or make you feel inferior, they are just trying to make themselves feel better. Don't let other people try to bring you down and be the best darn DO out there.


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[physcigirl27]

And if you decide to enter a speciality like pathology people might say "why not surgery, they deal with patients directly, they are responsible for everything, they are the center of medicine...."

Not true. It's team work. Clinicians of all sorts (surgeons, oncologists, etc) sometimes can't do anything until diagnoses (specimen/xrays, etc) are confirmed by pathologists/radiologists.

Point being, someone is always going to imply that you aren't all that. Try not to take it personally because sometimes it's not their fault. Not everyone knows everything about all career fields. For still don't understand all the different nursing degrees/certificates/whatever (RN, MSN, BSN, CRNP, blah blah). And sometimes they're like your aunt. Like someone posted earlier....some are just housewives and/or own liquor stores....not that there is anything wrong with those things...

I totally agree, those aren't bad things but you have to take people-- that don't have any real exposure to the health care field--'s commentary with a grain of salt. It's stupid if I give them advice about law school / business school because I don't know anything.

Point is. Haters gonna hate.

 

[Yonko Shanks]

I totally agree, those aren't bad things but you have to take people-- that don't have any real exposure to the health care field--'s commentary with a grain of salt. It's stupid if I give them advice about law school / business school because I don't know anything.

Point is. Haters gonna hate.

 

[Tribeca]

I'm not South Asian, but belong to a culture with similar attitudes/sentiments. Being married and having my own family has allowed me to isolate myself from my extended family, geographically and otherwise. All I care about is my own family (husband, kid) and no longer have to live by other people's standards. My mom is starting to get comfortable with the idea of me going DO (she's a retired IMG/allopathic physician - ha!), but is still hinting at, "you never know, you might get into 'med school' (MD schools)." Ugh. I constantly have to remind her that DO schools ARE med schools. Now she's read up on DO's and have a few DO providers care for her, she plans to go into full "defense mode" and explain to everybody what a DO is, etc. I restrained her from doing that. I told her that as for the rest of the family, I already resolved myself to giving them as least info as possible: I'm going to medical school in X city, and later on, I'm a physician/doctor/X specialist in X hospital/clinic. No need to explain anything else. Less questions, less drama that way.

 

[The kitchen sink]

My father is an MD, and he actually encouraged me to go to a 7 year accelerated Osteopathic medical program at a college near home. At his hopsital, he works side by side with many DOs and he told me it was a great option for me since I wanted to pursue medicine.

I am a 3rd year student, and in retrospect (to this point), it is the best decision I ever made. I didn't have to do all this crazy research, take a year off bs...

My parents are brown and they pretty much supported me the entire way. But I am from NY and there is a pretty good amount of DOs out here so maybe, we don't feel the heat like some of you other guys.

 

[costales]

There are people in every family who can't even repeat a gossip correctly, let alone offer career advice. Ask them to help you pay back your loan when you can't get a job with a Caribbean MD.

 

[aspDO]

My father is an MD, and he actually encouraged me to go to a 7 year accelerated Osteopathic medical program at a college near home. At his hopsital, he works side by side with many DOs and he told me it was a great option for me since I wanted to pursue medicine.

I am a 3rd year student, and in retrospect (to this point), it is the best decision I ever made. I didn't have to do all this crazy research, take a year off bs...

My parents are brown and they pretty much supported me the entire way. But I am from NY and there is a pretty good amount of DOs out here so maybe, we don't feel the heat like some of you other guys.

I wanna live in NYC, too. I've a huge family tree back in there. So, how about the job opportunities for DO physicians in NYC in general? How possible you'll have to leave the city to secure a job?

 

[MedicinaeDoctor]

I wanna live in NYC, too. I've a huge family tree back in there. So, how about the job opportunities for DO physicians in NYC in general? How possible you'll have to leave the city to secure a job?

lies. no trees in nyc. except that one tree in brooklyn. sorrrry! just had to.

i'm from manhattan. plenty of DOs in nooks in crannies all over. very few in the "prestigious" places, but def scattered throughout local clinics and hospitals.

 

[aspDO]

lies. no trees in nyc. except that one tree in brooklyn. sorrrry! just had to.

i'm from manhattan. plenty of DOs in nooks in crannies all over. very few in the "prestigious" places, but def scattered throughout local clinics and hospitals.

You have some serious problems. Honestly.. go seek professional help.

 

[advair250]

I really feel bad for you guys that have to explain everything to your families in such a roundabout way...it's kind of sad actually. My parents had similar thoughts and notions, but then at the end of the day, it's your life, not theirs. The fact that you care about what your distant relatives say is beyond me. Do what you want to do, and be successful. Stop wasting your time explaining yourself to people who likely have no place offering you career and life advice, based on the indian drama's they watch on t.v.

But then again, I can see how they are entitled to their opinion if they are paying for it. Also why i'm glad that i'll be financing my education myself

 

[MedicinaeDoctor]

You have some serious problems. Honestly.. go seek professional help.

will do. in the mean time, please refer to my avatar for any further clarification.

 

[aspDO]

will do. in the mean time, please refer to my avatar for any further clarification.

... be quick, you're losing it.

 

[AlongWay]

Wow, thanks for the responses (mostly)!

It's just the south asian way. People are never happy and everything is a competition. Even IF you got into an MD med school, chances are there'll be some aunty whose precious precious son went to Harvard/Stanford and she will proceed to rub that in your face for all eternity. I've stopped caring, especially since 1/2 the people criticizing are actually housewives or own liquor stores.

This is so true. For all their judgements and snide comments about DOs, chances are that they will end up going to a hospital when they get sick. Chances are that the attending physician could very well be a DO.......makes me wanna beat them with a cricket bat.

Its good to know that there is a South Asian presence in the DO arena. My parents are the typical brown type even after immigrating to the US over 20 years ago. They are obsessed with prestige and "brand names" since most of our family friends go to Ivy leagues and top 20 MD schools. I just thought this was the norm for brown pre-med students.

1) This may sound like a really stupid question as well, but do your families pressure you in terms of age and your careers? What I mean is that I'm currently 21, and will have to be in school for another 2 years at least to recover this GPA (made some really stupid decisions). I may only be able to enter med school when I'm 25-26. I don't think of it as that big of a deal considering all 30+ 40+ people who quit their careers to enter med school. Do families frown upon such a late age to start med school? (Because according to my family apparently its terrible that I won't be able to "settle" down for such a long time.....)

2) The only thing that I'm concerned about is that Im interested in Oncology and was wondering how much harder that would be as a DO?

Ultimately your all right, haters gonna hate. It seems to be much more prevalent in South Asian culture, but sadly nothing can be done about that. I got way bigger problems to worry about right now than stigma anyway.

 

[angldrps]

Yes, you may recieve criticism for not "settling down" earlier, then you will probably get criticized for not being in the top 5% of your class, then for not getting score x on your boards, and then for not matching into a more competitive specialty. But honestly, as a 20 something adult, you should be able to not let this affect you as much and just do whats best for you. In 10 years from now if you have accomplished the task of becoming a DO, then chances are your parents are VERY likely to be proud of you and will most likely forget about this stigma. I highly doubt that when you are working as a successful physician in the future and making big $$, your parents are going to come to you and say "too bad you are only a DO and not an MD". I know its easier said then done, but the sooner you can move pass all this, the better.

As for me personally, I am very blessed to have very understanding parents. Some idiot at my dad's work gave my dad all the wrong information about DOs. My dad came home and asked me "Why the hell do you want to be a homeopathic doctor by going to an osteo. school." This was followed up with a detailed conversation on me clearing up all misconceptions and telling him that DO= MD + OMM (not exactly like that but you get the idea). After that, my parents have lend me their full support.

 

[Mbeas]

I really feel bad for you guys that have to explain everything to your families in such a roundabout way...it's kind of sad actually. My parents had similar thoughts and notions, but then at the end of the day, it's your life, not theirs. The fact that you care about what your distant relatives say is beyond me. Do what you want to do, and be successful. Stop wasting your time explaining yourself to people who likely have no place offering you career and life advice, based on the indian drama's they watch on t.v.

This is exactly the way I feel. Granted, I'm a fly white guy so there is obviously a "cultural" difference that I don't have to deal with. Plus, my parents give me autonomy with my decisions and they don't need me to live a life for them. I feel like people will say "well, you aren't blah blah blah ethnicity, so you don't understand". But, at the end of the day, it's your life. Last week, I read In Stitches by Dr. Youn which was a good book, but the thing that pissed me off was that he was basically forced into a career by his father. I love my parents just as much (if not more) than anyone else, but I'll be damned if my imagination, motivation, etc. is compromised because my parents want me to be something I'm not. It seems like simple logic to me.

 

[JeetKuneDo]

yep. I had a billion aunties/uncles ask me if I was going DO because I didn't get into the caribbean schools.

My parents still have their moments of complete annoyingness and backwards mentality but I ignore it.

It's just the south asian way. People are never happy and everything is a competition. Even IF you got into an MD med school, chances are there'll be some aunty whose precious precious son went to Harvard/Stanford and she will proceed to rub that in your face for all eternity. I've stopped caring, especially since 1/2 the people criticizing are actually housewives or own liquor stores.

Bolded is so true. We all have that aunt.

My family's been pretty chill about it though for the most part. Aside from a select few old school Aunts and Uncles, everyone's been pretty supportive of me. A few of my cousins went to brand name med schools and were extremely encouraging. My parents did question what a DO was at first, mainly because it was an unfamiliar degree. After learning what the degree is, they're perfectly fine with it.

 

[Cytology]

Yes, you may recieve criticism for not "settling down" earlier, then you will probably get criticized for not being in the top 5% of your class, then for not getting score x on your boards, and then for not matching into a more competitive specialty. But honestly, as a 20 something adult, you should be able to not let this affect you as much and just do whats best for you. In 10 years from now if you have accomplished the task of becoming a DO, then chances are your parents are VERY likely to be proud of you and will most likely forget about this stigma. I highly doubt that when you are working as a successful physician in the future and making big $$, your parents are going to come to you and say "too bad you are only a DO and not an MD". I know its easier said then done, but the sooner you can move pass all this, the better.

As for me personally, I am very blessed to have very understanding parents. Some idiot at my dad's work gave my dad all the wrong information about DOs. My dad came home and asked me "Why the hell do you want to be a homeopathic doctor by going to an osteo. school." This was followed up with a detailed conversation on me clearing up all misconceptions and telling him that DO= MD + OMM (not exactly like that but you get the idea). After that, my parents have lend me their full support.

I'm south(east) asian and brown but as I stated earlier, my parents and extended family aren't anything like some mentioned here.

Anyhow, about settling down....

Sometimes it seems like the whole "settling down" thing is just illusion. I'm 27 and have been working in my current profession for a few years. I don't think people ever fully settle. First I got my first apartment, first set of furniture, a little more "classy" wardrobe than I had when I was in college, etc. I still didn't feel settled down. What about cuff-linked dress shirts? What about better opera seats (I'm a classical music fan)? What about a better apartment? Oh lets use rewards to fly first class now! etc etc blah blah


Life keeps going and probably the most settled we will ever be is dead. When we (hopefully) finish medical school we won't be settled. What's next? Residency, fellowship, board exams, paying off loans, supporting family (if we have one), sending kids to college, etc. All the while we'll have homes, cares, vacations, blah blah blah.

For some of us that are non-traditional and already have careers, one potential positive is that before medical school we might be able to save considerable cash enabling us to defray the cost of medical education and possibly even live a relatively "high life" in medical school
-if and whenever time permits.

I'm going to miss the money that comes from a full time job once I hopefully get to medical school.

Point is: life probably never settles.

 

[MedicinaeDoctor]

Point is: life probably never settles.

ahh, very true. thanks, cytology!

 

[angldrps]

I'm south(east) asian and brown but as I stated earlier, my parents and extended family aren't anything like some mentioned here.

Anyhow, about settling down....

Sometimes it seems like the whole "settling down" thing is just illusion. I'm 27 and have been working in my current profession for a few years. I don't think people ever fully settle. First I got my first apartment, first set of furniture, a little more "classy" wardrobe than I had when I was in college, etc. I still didn't feel settled down. What about cuff-linked dress shirts? What about better opera seats (I'm a classical music fan)? What about a better apartment? Oh lets use rewards to fly first class now! etc etc blah blah


Life keeps going and probably the most settled we will ever be is dead. When we (hopefully) finish medical school we won't be settled. What's next? Residency, fellowship, board exams, paying off loans, supporting family (if we have one), sending kids to college, etc. All the while we'll have homes, cares, vacations, blah blah blah.

For some of us that are non-traditional and already have careers, one potential positive is that before medical school we might be able to save considerable cash enabling us to defray the cost of medical education and possibly even live a relatively "high life" in medical school
-if and whenever time permits.

I'm going to miss the money that comes from a full time job once I hopefully get to medical school.

Point is: life probably never settles.

You are right, As individuals we may never feel settled down, but the stereotypical south asian parents know exactly what they mean by " settling down". To them settling down means their child has a degree (they prefer an MD), is married with kids, and earning big $$. This pressure to settle down is 10x worse for daughters then it is for sons.

 

[Cytology]

You are right, As individuals we may never feel settled down, but the stereotypical south asian parents know exactly what they mean by " settling down". To them settling down means their child has a degree (they prefer an MD), is married with kids, and earning big $$. This pressure to settle down is 10x worse for daughters then it is for sons.

I worked as a technician in a Target pharmacy once. The pharmacist was a mid 30's Vietnamese woman. She really wanted to go to medical school. She was rejected once and considered reapplication, but her parents basically "forced" her (her words, not mine) to apply to pharmacy school.

The pressure to settle down was so great that she ended up doing regular retail pharmacy when she was interested in additional training for hospital pharmacy.
Very sad. She told me if she could go back she would have tried harder to do what she wanted, etc. I wouldn't be surprised that if she had been male, the pressure to "settle" down would have been less.

But remember, not all of us come from situations like this.

 

[physcigirl27]

Wow, thanks for the responses (mostly)!



This is so true. For all their judgements and snide comments about DOs, chances are that they will end up going to a hospital when they get sick. Chances are that the attending physician could very well be a DO.......makes me wanna beat them with a cricket bat.

Its good to know that there is a South Asian presence in the DO arena. My parents are the typical brown type even after immigrating to the US over 20 years ago. They are obsessed with prestige and "brand names" since most of our family friends go to Ivy leagues and top 20 MD schools. I just thought this was the norm for brown pre-med students.

1) This may sound like a really stupid question as well, but do your families pressure you in terms of age and your careers? What I mean is that I'm currently 21, and will have to be in school for another 2 years at least to recover this GPA (made some really stupid decisions). I may only be able to enter med school when I'm 25-26. I don't think of it as that big of a deal considering all 30+ 40+ people who quit their careers to enter med school. Do families frown upon such a late age to start med school? (Because according to my family apparently its terrible that I won't be able to "settle" down for such a long time.....)

2) The only thing that I'm concerned about is that Im interested in Oncology and was wondering how much harder that would be as a DO?

Ultimately your all right, haters gonna hate. It seems to be much more prevalent in South Asian culture, but sadly nothing can be done about that. I got way bigger problems to worry about right now than stigma anyway.

As for #2 I don't know
But #1: Are you a girl or a boy?
I'm (obviously) a female and yes, the pressure is there. Just 2 weeks ago, my dad had a discussion with me about possibly NOT doing medicine because "OMG you're going to be in your early 30's by the time you finish residency...if you get in within the next 1-2 cycles". I think if you convince yourself of what's important it's easier to kind of blow off people who make comments and pressure you.

For most recent immigrants from Pak/India, life is very linear. You're born, you go to school, you finish school and find a job, you get married, and you have kids. School ALWAYS precedes marriage and kids, they can never overlap. In fact, I was talking to someone seriously last year and he was making a big deal out of it too. Which led to my parents making a big deal out of my schooling. I talked with him and my parents and told them that I didn't understand why I had to have EVERY aspect of my life figured out by the time I met someone I wanted to be with forever. You take things as they come and if you don't "settle down" till later because you didn't meet the right person, then so be it. If that happens while you're in med school, then...what are you gonna do about it? Ultimately the guy was a psycho and things ended, but it freaked my parents out enough to stop making a fuss about "settling down". The same holds true for my other friends. Their parents spazzed for a while but when they saw that "settling down" is different than what they experienced when they were our age, they back down.

It's gets harder when your friends are all getting married and you're constantly hounded by aunties but you really just have to be persistent. I've gotten calls from aunties who tried to convince my mom (didn't even really know me, just had seen me at a wedding or something) that I should drop med school dreams because "my son's a doctor so she doesn't need to be one" (yes, true story). Just don't give in. If this is what you want to do, then stay strong.

It really does suck. My parents have made tremendous progress in the last year or so but I know how it is. If you need help/advice/have questions, feel free to PM me.

 

[Cytology]

As for #2 I don't know
But #1: Are you a girl or a boy?
I'm (obviously) a female and yes, the pressure is there. Just 2 weeks ago, my dad had a discussion with me about possibly NOT doing medicine because "OMG you're going to be in your early 30's by the time you finish residency...if you get in within the next 1-2 cycles". I think if you convince yourself of what's important it's easier to kind of blow off people who make comments and pressure you.

For most recent immigrants from Pak/India, life is very linear. You're born, you go to school, you finish school and find a job, you get married, and you have kids. School ALWAYS precedes marriage and kids, they can never overlap. In fact, I was talking to someone seriously last year and he was making a big deal out of it too. Which led to my parents making a big deal out of my schooling. I talked with him and my parents and told them that I didn't understand why I had to have EVERY aspect of my life figured out by the time I met someone I wanted to be with forever. You take things as they come and if you don't "settle down" till later because you didn't meet the right person, then so be it. If that happens while you're in med school, then...what are you gonna do about it? Ultimately the guy was a psycho and things ended, but it freaked my parents out enough to stop making a fuss about "settling down". The same holds true for my other friends. Their parents spazzed for a while but when they saw that "settling down" is different than what they experienced when they were our age, they back down.

It's gets harder when your friends are all getting married and you're constantly hounded by aunties but you really just have to be persistent. I've gotten calls from aunties who tried to convince my mom (didn't even really know me, just had seen me at a wedding or something) that I should drop med school dreams because "my son's a doctor so she doesn't need to be one" (yes, true story). Just don't give in. If this is what you want to do, then stay strong.

It really does suck. My parents have made tremendous progress in the last year or so but I know how it is. If you need help/advice/have questions, feel free to PM me.

Think about it. Linear is boring. Also, some men admire women with goals other than being a trophy wife or something similar .

 

[angldrps]

As for #2 I don't know
But #1: Are you a girl or a boy?
I'm (obviously) a female and yes, the pressure is there. Just 2 weeks ago, my dad had a discussion with me about possibly NOT doing medicine because "OMG you're going to be in your early 30's by the time you finish residency...if you get in within the next 1-2 cycles". I think if you convince yourself of what's important it's easier to kind of blow off people who make comments and pressure you.

For most recent immigrants from Pak/India, life is very linear. You're born, you go to school, you finish school and find a job, you get married, and you have kids. School ALWAYS precedes marriage and kids, they can never overlap. In fact, I was talking to someone seriously last year and he was making a big deal out of it too. Which led to my parents making a big deal out of my schooling. I talked with him and my parents and told them that I didn't understand why I had to have EVERY aspect of my life figured out by the time I met someone I wanted to be with forever. You take things as they come and if you don't "settle down" till later because you didn't meet the right person, then so be it. If that happens while you're in med school, then...what are you gonna do about it? Ultimately the guy was a psycho and things ended, but it freaked my parents out enough to stop making a fuss about "settling down". The same holds true for my other friends. Their parents spazzed for a while but when they saw that "settling down" is different than what they experienced when they were our age, they back down.

It's gets harder when your friends are all getting married and you're constantly hounded by aunties but you really just have to be persistent. I've gotten calls from aunties who tried to convince my mom (didn't even really know me, just had seen me at a wedding or something) that I should drop med school dreams because "my son's a doctor so she doesn't need to be one" (yes, true story). Just don't give in. If this is what you want to do, then stay strong.

It really does suck. My parents have made tremendous progress in the last year or so but I know how it is. If you need help/advice/have questions, feel free to PM me.

This is really, really sad. Unfortunately, stories like these are VERY common! My parents dont discuss marriage with me and seem to be cool with everything as long as I fulfill my dram to become a physician one day. But, I know once I am in my mid-late 20s, they will start to bug me about it. I know if I was a boy, they would be completely OK with me not getting married until my 30s, but sadly, for a girl to not be married in her 20s is considered the worst thing to ever happen on this panet.ughh... the whole thing is really messed up. Hopefully, when we become parents, we can stop this crazy cycle.

 

[physcigirl27]

Think about it. Linear is boring. Also, some men admire women with goals other than being a trophy wife or something similar .

haha unfortunately, most of the men I've encountered have been all talk. It has a LOT to do with the community you're in though, to be fair. Unfortunately, even though my family has been here for close to 40 years, most of the people that make up the desi community where I live are "new money", businessman type where their sons take over daddy's business. So the goals are different.

This is really, really sad. Unfortunately, stories like these are VERY common! My parents dont discuss marriage with me and seem to be cool with everything as long as I fulfill my dram to become a physician one day. But, I know once I am in my mid-late 20s, they will start to bug me about it. I know if I was a boy, they would be completely OK with me not getting married until my 30s, but sadly, for a girl to not be married in her 20s is considered the worst thing to ever happen on this panet.ughh... the whole thing is really messed up. Hopefully, when we become parents, we can stop this crazy cycle.

My parents are starting to be more supportive. There was a lot of pressure when my close group of friends got married but they snapped out of it. Sadly, it took a close call with a psychotic family to FINALLY open their eyes.

Like I said above, it depends a lot on your community. My friends from home are early to mid 20's but all married with little to no career goals. My college friends are anwhere from 23-27 and are doing their thing. It's refreshing and, after attending a few weddings with bride's that were 26-27+ (because they were go-getters and pursuing their careers/dreams/goals), my parents have relaxed.

Seriously: stand your ground. I can't say that enough. My friends and I have been told to stop NUMEROUS times ("you're going to get ugly if you marry so late", "no one wants to marry a girl that wants to be a doctor because you'll be a sucky wife"), but the key is ignoring it. If people (including your parents) know you're not going to back down, they'll stop annoying you about marriage, going MD, not going to med school, and whatever else desi parents freak out about.

 

[psychgirrrl]

haha unfortunately, most of the men I've encountered have been all talk. It has a LOT to do with the community you're in though, to be fair. Unfortunately, even though my family has been here for close to 40 years, most of the people that make up the desi community where I live are "new money", businessman type where their sons take over daddy's business. So the goals are different.



My parents are starting to be more supportive. There was a lot of pressure when my close group of friends got married but they snapped out of it. Sadly, it took a close call with a psychotic family to FINALLY open their eyes.

Like I said above, it depends a lot on your community. My friends from home are early to mid 20's but all married with little to no career goals. My college friends are anwhere from 23-27 and are doing their thing. It's refreshing and, after attending a few weddings with bride's that were 26-27+ (because they were go-getters and pursuing their careers/dreams/goals), my parents have relaxed.

Seriously: stand your ground. I can't say that enough. My friends and I have been told to stop NUMEROUS times ("you're going to get ugly if you marry so late", "no one wants to marry a girl that wants to be a doctor because you'll be a sucky wife"), but the key is ignoring it. If people (including your parents) know you're not going to back down, they'll stop annoying you about marriage, going MD, not going to med school, and whatever else desi parents freak out about.

I give you mad props for being this amazing. You go girl.

 

[Cytology]

haha unfortunately, most of the men I've encountered have been all talk. It has a LOT to do with the community you're in though, to be fair. Unfortunately, even though my family has been here for close to 40 years, most of the people that make up the desi community where I live are "new money", businessman type where their sons take over daddy's business. So the goals are different.



My parents are starting to be more supportive. There was a lot of pressure when my close group of friends got married but they snapped out of it. Sadly, it took a close call with a psychotic family to FINALLY open their eyes.

Like I said above, it depends a lot on your community. My friends from home are early to mid 20's but all married with little to no career goals. My college friends are anwhere from 23-27 and are doing their thing. It's refreshing and, after attending a few weddings with bride's that were 26-27+ (because they were go-getters and pursuing their careers/dreams/goals), my parents have relaxed.

Seriously: stand your ground. I can't say that enough. My friends and I have been told to stop NUMEROUS times ("you're going to get ugly if you marry so late", "no one wants to marry a girl that wants to be a doctor because you'll be a sucky wife"), but the key is ignoring it. If people (including your parents) know you're not going to back down, they'll stop annoying you about marriage, going MD, not going to med school, and whatever else desi parents freak out about.

You are more interesting than those boring girls that have little goals in life outside from hurrying towards marriage and family Some guys like that determination/self confidence, etc Do what you want! You are awesome.

(from a guy)

 

[Yonko Shanks]

haha unfortunately, most of the men I've encountered have been all talk. It has a LOT to do with the community you're in though, to be fair. Unfortunately, even though my family has been here for close to 40 years, most of the people that make up the desi community where I live are "new money", businessman type where their sons take over daddy's business. So the goals are different.



My parents are starting to be more supportive. There was a lot of pressure when my close group of friends got married but they snapped out of it. Sadly, it took a close call with a psychotic family to FINALLY open their eyes.

Like I said above, it depends a lot on your community. My friends from home are early to mid 20's but all married with little to no career goals. My college friends are anwhere from 23-27 and are doing their thing. It's refreshing and, after attending a few weddings with bride's that were 26-27+ (because they were go-getters and pursuing their careers/dreams/goals), my parents have relaxed.

Seriously: stand your ground. I can't say that enough. My friends and I have been told to stop NUMEROUS times ("you're going to get ugly if you marry so late", "no one wants to marry a girl that wants to be a doctor because you'll be a sucky wife"), but the key is ignoring it. If people (including your parents) know you're not going to back down, they'll stop annoying you about marriage, going MD, not going to med school, and whatever else desi parents freak out about.

 

[Optimus Lime]

First let me say that I'm on academic probation. I am nowhere near competitive for DO schools right now. I understand that its going to take a few years for me to finally get myself straight with good grades in addition to a good MCAT score.

Negative stigma is the last thing that I should be concerned about. However, my chances for DO are far better than my chances at MD, bleak as it maybe. Im ethnically South Asian and all of our family friends are in MD schools. I have never really met a South Asian DO, so I'm not asking out of ignorance, but rather to gain knowledge as to what being a South Asian DO is like.

Is there any difference in the way they are looked at by their family and friends just because their a DO? Are the considered "inferior" in their own culture compared to MDs? There doesn't seem to be too many South Asian DOs out there which is why I'm asking.

Why does it matter how your family views you in that regard? (Serious question, I'm Asian too and my family's opinion of me has not impacted my career decision significantly)

 

[Optimus Lime]

haha unfortunately, most of the men I've encountered have been all talk. It has a LOT to do with the community you're in though, to be fair. Unfortunately, even though my family has been here for close to 40 years, most of the people that make up the desi community where I live are "new money", businessman type where their sons take over daddy's business. So the goals are different.



My parents are starting to be more supportive. There was a lot of pressure when my close group of friends got married but they snapped out of it. Sadly, it took a close call with a psychotic family to FINALLY open their eyes.

Like I said above, it depends a lot on your community. My friends from home are early to mid 20's but all married with little to no career goals. My college friends are anwhere from 23-27 and are doing their thing. It's refreshing and, after attending a few weddings with bride's that were 26-27+ (because they were go-getters and pursuing their careers/dreams/goals), my parents have relaxed.

Seriously: stand your ground. I can't say that enough. My friends and I have been told to stop NUMEROUS times ("you're going to get ugly if you marry so late", "no one wants to marry a girl that wants to be a doctor because you'll be a sucky wife"), but the key is ignoring it. If people (including your parents) know you're not going to back down, they'll stop annoying you about marriage, going MD, not going to med school, and whatever else desi parents freak out about.

Yes!!!!