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does anyone know of any indian females in residency looking for arranged marriage?

desidesi

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Guys I know this is kind of strange, but I have a friend whose son is starting his first year of fellowship in GI who is looking for an arranged marriage. He's within driving distance of Chicago. She told me that any caste (?) system is ok. I think her son is around my age 28-29 and they are looking for a bride that is already in residency and around 28-29 or younger. Please let me know if you know of anyone! I have no idea how arranged marriages work by the way.
 
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Kaustikos

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Does anyone else note the paradox of the OP using desidesi as their name and then saying they don't know how arranged marriages work?


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desidesi

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I did some online research because I thought asking my friend will be awkward because of the age and social status difference, essentially they were my former boss. I learned that desidesi is some sort of online indian dating site? Anyhow I am looking cause my former boss was talking to another doc about candidates and it seemed like it was a really important that she found someone for her son. I'm born from a difference country where arranged marriages aren't as common anymore so I'm not really sure how it's supposed to go, as in do the parents get together? Do they essentially stare at potential suiters profiles like a application process? It's interesting that's for sure. My former boss was nice to me.
 
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RIPCombo

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This was actually the original purpose of SDN when it first started. It's been ruined by all this talk of admissions and what not over the years
 
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desidesi

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hey, thanks for the backup! yeah when my mom was younger she helped her best friend find his spouse and they've been married for 40 years now. My former boss treated me with compassion and kindness and put me at ease and she reminds me of my mom, so I want to help her if I can. She is also looking through her own network at the hospital, but you know, given the limitations physical geography I thought SDN would be a great place for people to find one another too. Plus a lot of my indian friends in my own network that I met through school got married when it came to arranged marriage right after they got into residency, so I guess my network is dried up as well.
 

fancymylotus

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I did some online research because I thought asking my friend will be awkward because of the age and social status difference, essentially they were my former boss. I learned that desidesi is some sort of online indian dating site? Anyhow I am looking cause my former boss was talking to another doc about candidates and it seemed like it was a really important that she found someone for her son. I'm born from a difference country where arranged marriages aren't as common anymore so I'm not really sure how it's supposed to go, as in do the parents get together? Do they essentially stare at potential suiters profiles like a application process? It's interesting that's for sure. My former boss was nice to me.


You're looking for shaadi.com
 

desidesi

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Thanks for letting me know about the website I'll relay the message to her!
 

Gpan

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Has she tried going back to india and look for one?
Does the bride to be have to be a future doctor? Would she accept a stripper? say 5'10" tall dark long hair indian princess who likes high heels and poles. Any kind of poles
 
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Hannah Banana

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Has she tried going back to india and look for one?
Does the bride to be have to be a future doctor? Would she accept a stripper? say 5'10" tall dark long hair indian princess who likes high heels and poles. Any kind of poles
As long as she's in her residency.
 
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HinduHammer

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Also Indian men are the worst. Sorry not sorry

What an enlightened perspective. I didn't realize you'd met and had sufficient interactions to judge all Indian men! I'll go ahead and tell my children that they are the worst now- to save you the trouble of doing so.
 
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HinduHammer

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Guys I know this is kind of strange, but I have a friend whose son is starting his first year of fellowship in GI who is looking for an arranged marriage. He's within driving distance of Chicago. She told me that any caste (?) system is ok. I think her son is around my age 28-29 and they are looking for a bride that is already in residency and around 28-29 or younger. Please let me know if you know of anyone! I have no idea how arranged marriages work by the way.

I think my cousin used jeevansathi.com and he and his wife are now happily married.
 

fancymylotus

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What an enlightened perspective. I didn't realize you'd met and had sufficient interactions to judge all Indian men! I'll go ahead and tell my children that they are the worst now- to save you the trouble of doing so.


Sorry. Grouchy from past bad experiences.
 

desidesi

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Has she tried going back to india and look for one?
Does the bride to be have to be a future doctor? Would she accept a stripper? say 5'10" tall dark long hair indian princess who likes high heels and poles. Any kind of poles

Um I'm not sure if she went to india to look for someone. I think she wants a doc for her son who is a doc and she's also a doc.
 

solitarius

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I'm reluctant to criticize the OP.

I get a sense that even the Indian students born here face very strict cultural constraints that we cannot fully appreciate. I even get a sense that the Indians seem more conservative than some of the East Asian students.
 
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fancymylotus

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I'm reluctant to criticize the OP.

I get a sense that even the Indian students born here face very strict cultural constraints that we cannot fully appreciate. I even get a sense that the Indians seem more conservative than some of the East Asian students.


They should do what I did!
 

Caia

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I'm reluctant to criticize the OP.

I get a sense that even the Indian students born here face very strict cultural constraints that we cannot fully appreciate. I even get a sense that the Indians seem more conservative than some of the East Asian students.

Ehh. Just because it may be a cultural norm doesn't mean it should be acceptable. That includes any situations with arranged race specifications.

The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread was the discussion in SPF about a white parent not allowing their kid to marry anyone non-white. Doesn't seem so different.
 
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deleted480308

Ehh. Just because it may be a cultural norm doesn't mean it should be acceptable. That includes any situations with arranged race specifications.

The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread was the discussion in SPF about a white parent not allowing their kid to marry anyone non-white. Doesn't seem so different.
Seems a lot like dave's philosophy to me
 
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WhtsThFrequency

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Ehh. Just because it may be a cultural norm doesn't mean it should be acceptable. That includes any situations with arranged race specifications.

The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread was the discussion in SPF about a white parent not allowing their kid to marry anyone non-white. Doesn't seem so different.

I think insinuating arranged marriages between consenting parties are "unacceptable" is going a bit far. Modern cultural arranged marriage practices are often much different than what people imagine.
 
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Caia

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I think insinuating arranged marriages between consenting parties are "unacceptable" is going a bit far. Modern cultural arranged marriage practices are often much different than what people imagine.

Individual freedom is exactly my point. I believe individuals can do whatever they want. I don't like rules set out by parents because of their own expectations. Whether that is because that is how they do things in their culture or because they don't want to dilute the white race. Individual choice should absolutely be maintained.

Whether this scenario is driven by the parents or individual isn't stated, but the post I was replying to was listing culture as an acceptable reason and I don't think it is.
 
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Hannah Banana

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I think insinuating arranged marriages between consenting parties are "unacceptable" is going a bit far. Modern cultural arranged marriage practices are often much different than what people imagine.
When you said "often much different than what people imagine", do you mean good or bad?
 

fancymylotus

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Individual freedom is exactly my point. I believe individuals can do whatever they want. I don't like rules set out by parents because of their own expectations. Whether that is because that is how they do things in their culture or because they don't want to dilute the white race. Individual choice should absolutely be maintained.

Whether this scenario is driven by the parents or individual isn't stated, but the post I was replying to was listing culture as an acceptable reason and I don't think it is.


You can parent however you choose. Some of us choose to follow our religions/cultures/traditions/parents wishes more strictly than others.
That said, marrying a Muslim guy is definitely not winning me any brownie points with members of my extended family, but what the **** ever.
 

WhtsThFrequency

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Individual freedom is exactly my point. I believe individuals can do whatever they want. I don't like rules set out by parents because of their own expectations. Whether that is because that is how they do things in their culture or because they don't want to dilute the white race. Individual choice should absolutely be maintained.

Whether this scenario is driven by the parents or individual isn't stated, but the post I was replying to was listing culture as an acceptable reason and I don't think it is.

In most modern arranged marriages, individual choice IS maintained. It simply is as more formal affair. If the two people involved hate each other, it will not proceed. We aren't talking child marriages and **** here.

And yes, I think culture IS a huge influence, and one that people want to respect and keep because it is very important to them. Just because it seems unromantic to us doesn't mean it isn't a valid way of creating lasting relationships built on family and tradition, given that the people involved are committed to making it work and into each other.
 
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Caia

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In most modern arranged marriages, individual choice IS maintained. It simply is as more formal affair. If the two people involved hate each other, it will not proceed. We aren't talking child marriages and **** here.

And yes, I think culture IS a huge influence, and one that people want to respect and keep because it is very important to them. Just because it seems unromantic to us doesn't mean it isn't a valid way of creating lasting relationships built on family and tradition.

Perhaps I'm not communicating my thoughts well. I'm not referring to child marriages or people that hate each other being forced to get married....or the level of romance involved. People can do what they want and if they decide to go the arranged route, that is their choice. I take issue with the specific requirements that are expected, particularly race. Whether it is arranged or not isn't what I have such a distaste for (provided consent is there).

Everyone can parent how they want and choose how they want to handle their parents' expectations (obviously), but expecting to dictate the race of someone else's partner is something I have a complete lack of respect for, regardless of the reasoning behind it (culture, preservation of the white race, what have you). That is simply my opinion. This thread just brought my hatred for it forward.
 
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fancymylotus

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Perhaps I'm not communicating my thoughts well. I'm not referring to child marriages or people that hate each other being forced to get married....or the level of romance involved. People can do what they want and if they decide to go the arranged route, that is their choice. I take issue with the specific requirements that are expected, particularly race. Whether it is arranged or not isn't what I have such a distaste for (provided consent is there).

Everyone can parent how they want and choose how they want to handle their parents' expectations (obviously), but expecting to dictate the race of someone else's partner is something I have a complete lack of respect for, regardless of the reasoning behind it (culture, preservation of the white race, what have you). That is simply my opinion. This thread just brought my hatred for it forward.



Race and religion don't always go hand in hand, you know. My parents wanted me to marry someone Hindu more than they wanted me to marry someone Indian. Was it likely that I was going to find a non Indian Hindu? Probably not. But other religions, like Islam, well, there was probably a better chance- ie Indian Muslims, Pakistani Muslims, North African muslims, etc
 

Caia

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Race and religion don't always go hand in hand, you know. My parents wanted me to marry someone Hindu more than they wanted me to marry someone Indian. Was it likely that I was going to find a non Indian Hindu? Probably not. But other religions, like Islam, well, there was probably a better chance- ie Indian Muslims, Pakistani Muslims, North African muslims, etc

I'm not sure where I said race and religion went hand in hand. Race is what pisses me off the most but religion I don't see as reasonable either. Religion is something that a person can change though, whereas their race they obviously can't. If the individual wants to seek out someone of a specific race, religion and eye colour or simply just religion, that is their decision but once it's expected to be controlled by someone else, it's not ok.

It's not that I don't understand people want those brought into the family to fit in well with the group, but that is for the individual to decide, no one else.
 

fancymylotus

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I'm not sure where I said race and religion went hand in hand. Race is what pisses me off the most but religion I don't see as reasonable either. Religion is something that a person can change though, whereas their race they obviously can't. If the individual wants to seek out someone of a specific race, religion and eye colour or simply just religion, that is their decision but once it's expected to be controlled by someone else, it's not ok.

It's not that I don't understand people want those brought into the family to fit in well with the group, but that is for the individual to decide, no one else.



There are many many cultures where this line of thought would be a huge deal, mine included.

I made my own decision and in the process didn't make everyone happy, so I understand what you're saying.
 

WhtsThFrequency

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Perhaps I'm not communicating my thoughts well. I'm not referring to child marriages or people that hate each other being forced to get married....or the level of romance involved. People can do what they want and if they decide to go the arranged route, that is their choice. I take issue with the specific requirements that are expected, particularly race. Whether it is arranged or not isn't what I have such a distaste for (provided consent is there).

Everyone can parent how they want and choose how they want to handle their parents' expectations (obviously), but expecting to dictate the race of someone else's partner is something I have a complete lack of respect for, regardless of the reasoning behind it (culture, preservation of the white race, what have you). That is simply my opinion. This thread just brought my hatred for it forward.

Ah, I see. I thought you were having more of an issue with the fact that it was arranged. Gotcha.
 

NeedToStudy

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How much choice the individual is given really depends on the family to be honest. More families nowadays give their children more latitude than before but there are still some pretty conservative families out there in which the child's choice is not relevant. Things are changing but not everyone is happy with it unfortunately.
 

lazyindy

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OP is obviously a troll people...
 

VenusinFurs

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I dunno, you didn't mention how tall or fair he was, so I'm not biting. I'm saving myself for a 6'5" albino.
 

j4pac

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One is a business transaction, another has a much greater percentage based on human emotions. Which do you think would fail more often?

Statistically?
 

Caia

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Statistically?

It was a rhetorical question because the answer is obvious.

I think making certain choices for people would result in a more favourable statistical outcome for many things, particularly in regards to individual health. That doesn't mean I support it in the least.
 
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