Does he really not have time to date during residency/fellowship?

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stella233

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Hi. Non medical person here. Sorry if this is not the most appropriate forum for this.
I recently started going out with an awesome guy who is finishing his fellowship this year. We haven't been going out very long - maybe 4 months. I typically see him every other week, sometimes more if he can. He's always (always always) super busy and exhausted. I feel bad for the guy. I'd usually tell him we can stay in instead of going out, but he'd always put in the time and effort to spend time with me outside of the house. I tried to cook for him etc whenever I could since he didn't normally have time.

ANYWAY - everything was going fantastic until he slowly started seeing me less and less. He would say work was getting unbearable, and I understood. So I gave him space. Eventually it got to the point where I didn't even hear from him for weeks at a time. This confuses me because it came out of nowhere. I got no indication whatsoever that he was losing interest. We still have outstanding plans for weekend trips (initiated by him, not me). I finally said something along the lines of "I know this is a very difficult/busy time for you, so we can stop seeing each other if it's becoming a hassle."

He said no and asked if I can please bear with him until he finishes his fellowship (approaching very soon). Of course I said yes. But he hasn't so much as contacted me in almost a month. Obviously he has lost interest and doesn't want to see me anymore - I know I know. Im not even sure why I'm writing this, I'm just sad/confused and felt like writing to strangers. I'll get over it eventually. Just sucks because he was the nicest guy I've ever been out with.

I guess one teeny tiny part of me has to ask - can he really be THAT busy? Don't get me wrong, I know he is in fact busy. But too busy to text/call me even once in a month? We make time for what's important to us right? It was never an issue for him to make time for me before. What could have possibly changed?

I already know the answer (he doesn't like me and "ghosted" me because he thinks its better than saying "hey I don't like you.) Just need to get this out of my system so I can move on

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Depends on the fellowship.

He doing a Rheumatology fellowship and in the middle of a research year? Yeah, he's lying to you.

He doing a interventional cardiology (super-)fellowship at a busy center and always on call (and often coming in for procedures even if he isn't)? He very well might be that busy.

Some fellowships can be absurdly brutal, and in the home stretch it might be that he has to buckle down and work. Regardless though, the academic year universally ends 06/30, so you'll know in a month and a half.
 
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Going weeks/1 month without so much as a text is a huge red flag, in my opinion. No one is too busy to send a quick text/e-mail. Even astronauts and active duty soldiers contact their loved ones more than that.

He can't be that nice if he's going weeks between dates with you and doesn't text you for longer. While he may not have much control over his schedule as a fellow, if he prioritized you he would be communicating much more clearly and more often. You deserve better--everyone does.
 
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He’s not too busy to text once a month

You are already single
 
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You do know the answer and that's fine. A text message takes two seconds. Some fellows are incredibly busy, but not that busy. If he's ghosting on you and still saying he's interested when you ask him, he might not be as nice as you thought.
 
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