Does this AMCAS activities description sound arrogant?

NotASerialKiller

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Jul 7, 2015
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It is fascinating to know that the impact of our work determines the quality and efficacy of the healthcare system in the US
This doesn't sound arrogant, it sounds wrong. Whether or not you're doing meaningful work, I'm certain that you and your team are not solely responsible for the quality of healthcare in America as this statement implies. I'm guessing what you meant is that you're producing meaningful results/drugs that genuinely help people and make a difference in the healthcare system.

I would most definitely change that sentence. Arrogance is being smug about your accomplishments, this is just an untrue statement.
 
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Pink Panda

Pink Panda

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Jan 15, 2012
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This doesn't sound arrogant, it sounds wrong. Whether or not you're doing meaningful work, I'm certain that you and your team are not solely responsible for the quality of healthcare in America as this statement implies. I'm guessing what you meant is that you're producing meaningful results/drugs that genuinely help people and make a difference in the healthcare system.

I would most definitely change that sentence. Arrogance is being smug about your accomplishments, this is just an untrue statement.
Great way to put it. Thanks so much!
 
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FindMeOnTheLinks

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Jan 25, 2014
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"I have experienced the delight of..." I would rephrase that sentence. It is flowery language that does not belong here. A better phrase would be "I have had the opportunity to participate in the development of potential new cures...."

And the following sentence "All of the drugs that are part of our clinical trials were formed from cutting-edge research and represent the forefront of medical knowledge." - that sounds arrogant. From what it sounds like, you had no role in the actual development of those drugs, so it just sounds weird to include a sentence like that in what is supposed to be about what YOU did. That sentence is not adding anything to your narrative, it is only making you seem as if you have an ego. Furthermore it seems out of place within the passage as it intervenes between two sentences that are related. I would just remove this sentence and your narrative will be much better.
 
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