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Don't feel connected to my class...

Discussion in 'Medical Students - MD' started by sighyup, Feb 10, 2018.

  1. sighyup

    sighyup

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    Is it a really bad sign that I don't feel much connection to my class? Most people are fine and nice enough (although there are definitely some obnoxious jerks in the mix), but to be honest I don't feel like I have any true friends and generally feel like med school culture is not a natural fit for my personality. I can put on a smile and do the typical small talk at school, but after it's over I feel lonely and empty most of the time. There are a few people I feel some fondness for but by and large I feel nothing for most of the people in my class. Anyone else feel this way? Is it ok to just not really feel that excited about your class or med school life in general? It seems like everyone likes to talk about how med school is this really special time in your life in which you meet your best friends, etc. Why don't I feel this way at all?
     
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  3. HomeSkool

    HomeSkool Excelsior! Physician Faculty Lifetime Donor Classifieds Approved 2+ Year Member

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    Floating in the ether
    I had a handful of friends in my class, but otherwise remained somewhat disengaged from my classmates. So what? It's not high school, no matter how much some med students try to act like it is (and believe me, I had a lot of classmates who seemed to think they were in high school).

    Don't get hung up on meeting "your best friends" during med school. After graduation, you'll go your separate ways and many of those BFF-type relationships will fade away as the realities of residency and life take hold. And there's nothing wrong with that. Most people only have room in their lives and hearts for a one or two real best friends anyway.

    Just focus on being the best student you can be, keep close to your family (those relationships actually will last your whole lifetime), and don't worry about not being wrapped up #DatMedSchoolLyfe.

    FWIW, I met my wife (my #1 best friend) in undergrad, and I met my "best friend" (really #2 after my wife) during residency.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2018
  4. funtertaining15

    funtertaining15 Average Wizard 5+ Year Member

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    Hey, I can kinda relate... Felt like that in the beginning...while I never had any problems, half the class I couldn't really relate with outside of school bc they just have a different lifestyle/hobbies which is fine...and the rest have people they already hang out with/groups of friends,and so it's even harder... but I have a more reserved and introverted personality, so having a small quality group of friends is better than than quantity :). Fortunately, I do have some close friends in my class but yeah, you don't have to be "friends" with everyone in your class. I'm friends with 3/4 of mine on FB but with school now and clerkships, I only talk to a handful on the regular, and mostly in school. Only like 3-4 do I actually hang out with outside of school, outside of group events and etc on occasion. That's partly because I like staying in a lot and tbh I'm not as into med school as a good number of my classmates. I'm grateful to be here and I do want to help people, but I'm burned out at times with school that once I leave the hospital, unless it's studying for cs or reading posts on specialties, I prefer enjoying my hobbies and my family and music and everything unrelated to medicine.
    Also your best friends?? That's what they said in college, too. Give it some time. Maybe in residency that'll happen for you. If your class has a fb group, you can try posting events or maybe someone posts something interesting...or if there people with your interests, engage with them whenever you can.. it's hard, I know. I know the smile and the small talk...(boy do I dislike small talk lol) but as long as you have things you enjoy, just make an effort to try and talk to people and see what happens. Trust me when I say you're not alone. I know people in my class who have a select few they usually hang out with, some who just go to do what they gotta do, etc. Med school is what you make of it. I know you might hear this from someone else, but if you start to feel worse, maybe talk with a school counselor or someone you trust. ^^ hang in there!!

    Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using SDN mobile
     
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  5. I never felt anything for most of the people in my class, except those I already knew (a few of us were from the same college). Most of my friends I made in high school, undergrad, residency, and afterwards. Honestly, med school was kind of a blur for me. You may just be doing your own thing in med school, and that's ok. It's totally not a "special time where you meet your best friends" for everyone, not by a long shot.
     
  6. akuko2

    akuko2 2+ Year Member

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    I'm cool with medschool not being high school, but if residency isn't like Scrubs I'll be sorely disappointed.
     
  7. It's a lot like scrubs. Attending life is even more like it. :)
     
  8. AnatomyGrey12

    AnatomyGrey12 2+ Year Member

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    Seriously tho, it’s like American Pie all over again

    OP don’t sweat it. I’ve got a few friends but for the large part I just do my own thing. At the end of the day I’m here for myself and my future career.
     
  9. ciestar

    ciestar 2+ Year Member

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    Im right there with you, OP. I don’t have a single friend in my class. I am at the point where I just have to live with that fact. I rely on my husband more than ever. Just after being left out so many tines, I basically gave up. I tried so many times to connect and failed. I’m super introverted as well, so that is an extra hurdle. But trying and failing stings, so it is just easier for me not to try at this point. As long as you have a support system outside of your class, you’ll be okay.
     
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  10. Kkshake

    Kkshake

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    I have a question for the introverts on this thread....has that significantly influenced your patient encounters? Because I'm introverted too, have zero friends in my class, and although I perform really well w/ content/procedures for encounters, I'm always losing points for the "humanistic component"
     
  11. NuttyEngDude

    NuttyEngDude Red-Flagville Rocket Scientist 7+ Year Member

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    4th year now. I will agree that some try to re-live high school, the glory years, or what they may have imagined they missed in high school. But I definitely see in the long run that med school is a mix of people thrown together that are trying to succeed, some at any cost. Just hang in there and get through. Fortunately life gets better each step of the way.
     
  12. NuttyEngDude

    NuttyEngDude Red-Flagville Rocket Scientist 7+ Year Member

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    If anything it may help, introspective and reflective thought helps you connect with a person and empathize more so than your ability to "party." Humanism points are probably the easiest points to get, just ask for help and feedback. They might be able to go over your encounters with you and offer pointers.
     
  13. str8cashhomie

    str8cashhomie 5+ Year Member

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    I really agree with a lot of this on a lot of different levels. I have no problem wit getting invited to hang out with people, drink after exams, travel etc and I have always not had a hard time making friendships. Just that medical school the deep connections haven't happened. People only talk about school outside of school and are constantly on their own agenda. It's to the point where I don't go out of my way for it anymore, just content with a great family and strong friendships back home.
     
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  14. ciestar

    ciestar 2+ Year Member

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    I have zero issues with this. I am an excellent communicator and I am told I show a lot of empathy in my encounters. I just suck with my peers.
     
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  15. teeayejay

    teeayejay 2+ Year Member

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    Yea, I like my classmates for the most part but there's only a handful that I feel comfortable completely being myself - the rest, I just don't have much in common with and probably wouldn't know if I wasn't in medschool.

    I think part of this is due to me being slightly older than the majority and then my actual life-friends are older than me. I gained those friends while I was in undergrad so I don't feel the need to over-extend myself at this point in my life. Family is also a big pillar for me - I'd say start trying to cultivate those relationships if possible. Good luck.
     
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  16. sighyup

    sighyup

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    Jan 30, 2018
    Thanks for the replies. I think part of why it's been so hard being in med school (aside from all the studying) is that I haven't really felt excited or happy about the social scene or the culture of med school. A lot of my classmates seem to just really love it and already have their best friends and love the material and think being in med school is the coolest thing ever, etc. And I really don't feel any of that. If I never had to go to another mandatory class I would totally choose that option. I don't despise anyone in my class, but it's strange being part of such a small social environment and not feeling much of anything for anyone. I just feel so out of step with my class sometimes. The sense of isolation and disconnect is really powerful.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
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  17. funtertaining15

    funtertaining15 Average Wizard 5+ Year Member

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    Funny enough, no- pretty good in that respect, but you'd think the opposite... I think part of it is that I prefer smaller groups...too many people overwhelm me... Definitely not the one that's socializing, saying 'hi' to everyone, like my parents haha. I wish, but I'm a good listener in that respect with patients..take a mean hx...just that a/p part tho lol. But even at some point during the day I'm ready for the last pt so that I can go back to my apt and decompress.
    Humanistic...in regards to that..Maybe think of someone you care about when you have a pt encounter and imagine you treating him/her. Though I find myself chuckling and smiling a lot at things pt find funny that I don't think are..idk if that's just me...I just don't know how else to respond.. Another part of medicine that I guess you have to deal with in some specialities...sorry, off tangent ^^

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    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
  18. Syncrohnize

    Syncrohnize SDN Gold Donor Gold Donor Classifieds Approved 7+ Year Member

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    It’s definitely not reputed as such from anyone I know, that was undergrad. The issue is that you probably went into medical school expecting that and are let down. At the end of the day, I’d call medical school similar to high school. The same dramas the same kinds of cliques and bonding... except you’re not going to get feel as involved with any of it if you don’t go out as 99.9% of it no longer happens at school.
     
  19. sighyup

    sighyup

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    Jan 30, 2018
    Eh I guess we go to very different schools. A good chunk of everything at my school happens on campus. It's like undergrad (or high school) 2.0.
     
  20. Medin2017

    Medin2017

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    Do any of you guys worry about lack of "connections" if you ever wanted to go into private practice? I'm in dental school so it's probably different, but I sometimes wonder if I'm not best buds with everyone, I wouldn't get referrals or something in the future. How would that work in medicine? Maybe I'm just more paranoid than most.
     
  21. libertyyne

    libertyyne 2+ Year Member

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    There is more demand of mds than there is supply especially outside of the coasts. You should be able to join a practice . Your colleagues will refer to you even if you aren't their best friend.
     
  22. Medin2017

    Medin2017

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    Got it thanks. No clue how referrals work in the future so sometimes I feel like I haave to be a people pleaser in school.
     

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