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doubting wife

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by murph, Jun 11, 2002.

  1. murph

    murph Member 7+ Year Member

    Jun 8, 2002
    Yakima, Wa
    I have a wonderful wife,but she is not sure about me going to medical school, even though she will be done with her degree it will still be a tough road for her. I know she will support me, but I want her to be excited. Please give me some advice on getting her on the same page as me
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  3. DrMom

    DrMom Official Mom of SDN Physician Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

    Get her together with some physician/med student spouses so that she can ask them questions and get a feel for what it will be like (good and bad). You definitely need her to be in favor of what you are doing, but not necesarily excited about it. From talking with others, I think spouses actually have to make more adjustments than med students, so her input/opinion is crucial. Good luck!
  4. k's mom

    k's mom Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Nov 12, 2001
    Pennsylvania, via Tucson
    For my husband and me(hubby is the med student), it has been very important that his medical school career is seen as a joint effort. We worked together to choose the schools to apply to, I helped him study for the MCAT, etc.... Aside from both of us being wholly committed to the idea of having a doctor in the family, it is also important that your wife have outside interests...a job, sports, classes, support groups (try etc... My biggest fear going into this was the fear that my life would be on-hold for seven years. We have worked to make sure that is not the case. We went ahead and started our family, I am continuing in my career and education, and we are on target to purchase a house in the near future.
    Good luck.
  5. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy* 10+ Year Member

    Jun 22, 2000

    I think that one aspect might just be fear of the unknown...fear of losing control of one's life. Medical school and residency will be several years in your life where the major focus of both of you will have to be on your career. She probably realizes this and just hasn't been able to express all of her fears?

    My advice would be to sit down and ask her what she is afraid of...and then together as a couple, come up with solutions for her to insure that her own life isn't put on hold. If she also wants to study, look into Universities where she will also have opportunities or explore online degree about what you will do about having children during med school and residency, the financial options and career issues. Lay it all out on the table now...write it out even...Problem/Solution and hang on to it as a reference for the heat of things, it's easy to lose touch with solutions! :D

    Good Luck


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