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families and school

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - DO' started by roballan14, Feb 8, 2000.

  1. roballan14

    roballan14 Member
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    Are any of you students with a family? I am married and have a 2 year old boy. Some docs are telling me that it can be devastating to the family to go to school and try to run a family.

    Do any of you have any experience in how it can be done? My wife and I are dedicated to my becoming a doc.

    Do some schools have a higher proportion of "non-traditional students" (i.e. students with families)?

    We both are completeing our B.A.s now. Mine in is religion (bio minor) my wife's is in elementary ed.

    Thanks
     
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  3. UHS2002

    UHS2002 Senior Member
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    It is obviously harder to go through med school having a spouse and children, but it is still feasible.

    Having a spouse can be a positive thing, because a lot of single students complain of feeling lonely and of being cutoff from life in general. Having a spouse can be a tremendous support, as long as both you and your spouse went into med school as a joint venture and you both knew well what you were getting into. What that means is that your spouse should not be jealous that you will be spending a lot more time with your studying buddies than with her. That you will be too pooped to even think straight sometimes or too stressed out and go ballistic over minor things. You need a strong relationship before med school and you also need to forewarn your loved one that you may not be the most pleasant person to be around for a substantial part of your education.

    Kids add an extra stress, because it is hard for them to understand that "daddy is too busy right now, because he needs to study" or that daddy will come home often way after they have already gone to bed and get up before they do. Consequently, it is impossible not to feel guilty, at times, of "neglecting" your kids. I think this is particularly true for the moms in med school, more so than for the dads, because of our social expectations from each parent. Again, your spouse has to be willing to "save the day" and give your kids the extra attention they will need.

    My spouse, who is looking over my shoulder (I have just been told it is not "over my shoulder" but from "a cloud above") says that as long as you have "super spouse" by your side, things will be fine. That is, someone that takes care of the bills, takes care of the kids, takes care of the daily routine at home, and so on...LOL

    It can be done! Many people in my class, including myself, are doing it right now! Talk it over carefully with your spouse and good luck!
     
  4. UHS03

    UHS03 Senior Member
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    UHS2002 is absolutely right. Many students in my class as well are married with children and they seem to do fine. My wife is VERY supportive and I couldn't do this without her. I make a point to eat dinner with her at night (even if I am scarfing down food in a new record time) and we usually spend at least one night a week hanging out (watching a movie or whatever.) She understands what commitments I have and fortunately has been very eager to help in any way she can...let me put it this way...if it wasn't for her, my apartment would be a mess, I would wear the same clothes every day, and I would live on McDonald's food! Emotionally she is a real rock for me and always understands my mood swings (especially around test time..which is right now incidentally!!) I don't have kids so I can't comment on that, but getting married before medical school was the best thing I ever did. there are times of course when I feel guilty for not being around, but she understands that it is all worth it inthe long run. The key is to look toward the future and never forget that all the sacrifices we make right now will result in a happier life for both of us down the road (you know, in 50 or 60 years [​IMG] Good luck to you!
     
  5. Stephen Ewen

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    What a vital topic.

    The Jan./Feb. 2000 issue of Focus on the Family's Physician Magazine contained an article titled "Surviving Medical School" which is written by the wife of a now FP resident who went through med school married, and had a child toward the end of his clinicals. The issue also featured a "Roundtable" of docs discussing such issues, and the magazine quite consistently addresses this subject, as well as yearly sponsors marriage enrichment seminars just for medical professionals and students.

    Here is the contact info for the magazine, which is complimentary to physicians (and med students):

    1-800-A-FAMILY

    [email protected]

    Other resouces include:

    Medical Marriage and Family Ministries, Inc.

    The Mature Medical Student

    Overall, it can indeed be done, but not lightly.

    (I had to edit this to get the links to work)




    [This message has been edited by Stephen Ewen (edited 02-08-2000).]
     

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