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Family and Love

Discussion in 'Medical Students - MD' started by Yogurt the Kid, Mar 9, 2002.

  1. Yogurt the Kid

    Yogurt the Kid Member 7+ Year Member

    Mar 8, 2002
    I was talking to my Dad last night and he asked with the most genuine care if it would be possible for me to go medical school near home. In so many ways these are the most beautiful times of our lives; I would love to be in touch with my family and even live with them during medical school. Otherwise he'll be 62 when I graduate. I don't want to get caught up in the script that society offers and look back at my life and think: "Wow, I've lost what I value most." Is there anyone that keeps close to or lives with family? In either case, what kind of practical considerations do you think are important (i.e. residency placement, the work load, housing, ANYTHING). Thanks!

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  3. THE instiGATOR

    THE instiGATOR Cow Tipper 7+ Year Member

    Sep 27, 2001
    I was accepted by the closest allopathic med school to my family (1.75-2hr drive). It's an absolutely awesome setup, but I didn't cancel all of my apps when the letter arrived (I did cancel a bunch, though). My parents were REALLY happy, as was I. I had to tell them, though, that what's best my future is more important AT THIS TIME than living close to them. They're pretty young (mom's 41 and dad's 46), so they won't be too old when I graduate. They didn't seem to understand completely (my mom did, kinda). Every time I would tell my dad I was traveling to another school for an interview, he'd bum me out and say "You're wasting your time and money! Just be happy with the acceptance you have and quit this nonsense!".

    My what is best for your future (keep your aspirations in mind). If primary care is your goal and being close to your family is extremely important, stay close to home. Whatever you do, visit the parents often. You'll have plenty of student loan money, and plane tickets aren't that expensive.
  4. vyc

    vyc Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jan 20, 2002
    it's funny... bc though my parents love me very much and miss me a ton but they encourage me to go wherever i want, even if it's far away from home.

    however, that said, i think i WANT to be close to home... family is so important.

    i lost my grandfather while i was living in england and trust me, that SUCKED.
  5. Mad Scientist

    Mad Scientist Member 7+ Year Member

    Jul 9, 2001
    I will be starting residency in a year and a half, and am looking forward to moving to the town where my parents live after being away for 12+ years. (I am reasonably certain that I can get into a program there.) Life changes. When I left I was eager to get away and establish my own life. Now I have a wife and 2 kids, and I am anxious to get back. We need their help with the kids (babysitting!), and I want to raise my family in the safe, happy environment where I grew up.
  6. Original

    Original Ogori-Magongo Warrior 7+ Year Member

    Sep 2, 2001
    Family is very important but at times you just gotta do what you gotta do. I left home at 17 and left my parents at the other side of the atlantic. My mom came with me but was here for only 1 week to help me settle-in. She was here last june for my Ugrad graduation and then both my parents were here again last October. I'll be home in 2 weeks for spring-break. It's tough but I'm sure my parents are glad. My mom will expect me to seat down and talk with her 24 hrs/day all spring break <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Lovey]" title="" src="graemlins/lovey.gif" />
  7. Voxel

    Voxel Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

    Nov 5, 2001
    Life is all about choices. You have to figure out how important each factor is to you. Such as location(close vs any, but in an exciting city) or quality/repuation of medical school, research availabitiy, and expense. There maybe more factors for you, but you have to go where you would be happier. I hope you find a decision that makes you happiest.
  8. vyc

    vyc Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jan 20, 2002
    this is true...
    but i wonder if one day i'll wake up and my parents will be old and dying- and i'll doubt all my reasons for choosing to study at far away more prestigious school or a more exciting city.

    we can't make up for lost years.

    i'm conflicted on this though.

    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Voxel:
    <strong>Life is all about choices. You have to figure out how important each factor is to you. Such as location(close vs any, but in an exciting city) or quality/repuation of medical school, research availabitiy, and expense. There maybe more factors for you, but you have to go where you would be happier. I hope you find a decision that makes you happiest.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
  9. dr.evil

    dr.evil Senior Member Physician 7+ Year Member

    Oct 30, 2001
    This hits pretty close to home for me. My grandfather is dying of lung CA. I visited my parents yesterday (they only live ~1 hour from my med school) and I talked to my dad about his dad dying. He made the comment that he's never regretted staying close (distance wise) to his parents and now is glad he never moved away. He has always lived within an hour drive and visits them often.

    This conversation came up because I will likely be moving away for residency training which stresses my father a little. I have to say that my choice of places to interview for residency were all within a 7 hour drive of my parents. Although I really wanted to move far away and do residency at some great and prestigious institution, I tried to be practical and realize that what we all do as physicians/med students is very similar across the country. Therefore, I'll stay close b/c I can always live far away when I'm finished with my training and can afford airline tickets often.

    Of course, it's all a personal decision and very dependent on your situation. I think it is and has been the correct decision for me.
  10. Family is the most important thing in life, I would stay close.
  11. DJ W.R.

    DJ W.R. Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jul 5, 2001
    Premeds are a very competitive and self-motivated group that always strive for the best. But what's "best" in terms of the questionable US News rankings is definitely not what is best for each individual. Personally I would much rather go to a lower ranked school that is close to my family...I NEVER want to be in a position to regret the fact that I chose the big name institution and my career over my family. Just my $0.02.
  12. LaCirujana

    LaCirujana Smoking Gun 7+ Year Member

    Feb 23, 2002
    Leaving chaos in my wake
    I chose to stay at my "in-town" med school, though I had been accepted at more prestigious programs. About 3 weeks after I made my final decision and told the other schools I wasn't coming, my brother died very suddenly. I would not have made it through my first year of med school without the support of my family. The other benefits included the in-state tuition, developing an even better relationship with my parents, and feeling fine about going far away for residency.
  13. squeek

    squeek Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jan 21, 2002
    My parents and siblings and my husband's family all live in Alaska, Washington, and Montana. We ended up 3000 miles away in NYC, because that was where med/grad programs and financial aid were best (I couldn't apply to UW due to AK/WA residency issues).

    Let me tell you, after being away for two years--and even after being away for only a month--my husband and I both can't wait to get back to being near our family. Family is what we've missed most this entire time, and I'm planning on applying to residency programs in Washington just to move back to be near them.

    If I did it again, I'd stay close to home.
  14. lilycat

    lilycat Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

    Aug 12, 2000
    Being far away from family (a couple-hour plane trip vs. a couple-hour car trip) was one of the most difficult things about med school for me. Like squeek said, if I had it to do over again, my decision to move away might have been different. But, I had gone to college close to home, so I felt like I sort of owed it to myself to get away for med school and see what else was out there. In that sense, I definitely do not regret my decision.

    Even living far away from family, I always make them a priority in my life. Rather than going on trips with friends during breaks and long weekends, I usually go home to visit my family. No matter what else is going on in my life, I always try to call one of my family members every day and touch base with them. If you are close to your family and you value your time with them, you will find a way to maintain that closeness even if you are geographically separated. Case in point -- throughout my childhood, my father worked in Texas and Florida, while my mother and I lived in CA -- I usually saw him one weekend every month. But, we would take lots of father-daughter trips together, and talked on the phone almost every night -- somehow we always managed to stay extremely close.

    If you feel like the school you like best is at a distance from your family, just make sure to make them a priority in your life.
  15. smedly

    smedly Member 7+ Year Member

    Feb 14, 2002
    I think that I have issues to deal with....I chose an osteopathic school because it's minutes from my house. I couldn't imagine a daily life without my family and my puppies. Yes .... I am living at home with my mommy through medical school. I can't wait to see the decisions I make when choosing a residency!!
  16. rajneel1

    rajneel1 Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Oct 29, 2001
    thank god i got into a medical school near my family (like 30 minutes away). life is going to be so much easier. if i need food, i know my mother or mother in law will cook it for me. if i need advice on financial aid, i know my dad will go find out for me. on weekends, i can spend time iwth my cousins and go to family functions. my husband will be nearby so that he can help carry my books to school! if i stay near home, i know i will be well taken care of. that is a big plus for me!
  17. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

    Oct 17, 2000
    upstate ny
    whoa, rajneel, i thought you were male all this time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />
  18. Trek

    Trek Grand Uranium Member 7+ Year Member

    Aug 23, 2001
    The Big House
    We could just ask momma Trek how happy she is that "baby" Trek is moving to just 200 miles away instead of 2500!! --Trek
  19. Considering most med schools are essentially the same in quality, I would probably go to the school that is closest to you. I had a family member who was pretty sick. He need a quadruple bypass, several angio stents, and a kidney transplant. Well, I managed to be there every single time even though I was 1200 miles away. Let me tell you. It sucks being away from family and friends. No school would ever make me forget about my loved ones. I used to drive several hours to the closest airport and fly two hours on a plane just to get home. I used to take off every weekend or every other weekend to take care of family business. If I had the choice to drive one to two hours, I would take it. Let me tell you... traveling really limits your studying time. I studied while I was driving (not smart) and flying just to get through school. The cost of traveling also was pretty expensive, but that was the sacrifice. So, my opinion is to stay close to home whenever possible. You'll get your residency for the most part. But, your family always should come first.

    good luck.
  20. Medic171

    Medic171 Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Apr 22, 2001
    I feel you Yogurt. I have plenty of talks with my wife about it. If I get accepted at one of the MI schools, great! But if not, it will be very hard and it is the one and only thing that I ever question about my academic and career choice. I am a non-trad, and my parents are in their 50's. I had a troubled time in high school with several things including pot and alcohol. I reformed my self, went to Com College, transferred to the university, and repaired my relationship with my girlfriend(now wife), my parents, sister, and the rest of my family. I missed so much with my family during my teens and early twenties, and it will be really hard to leave for up to 7-8 years(residency may not be in MI either) when things are finally great and the past is healed.

    they are understanding, but I hope it will not come to me having to leave. I just take it as it comes.

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