Feeling inferior to my partner - competing in the relationship

[romarin-basilic]

I feel inferior to my partner of 2 years because they're in medicine. I feel like their equal in all other respects. But the fact that their MD gives them SO MUCH social value makes me feel like nothing I can do will ever make me equal to them. I'm afraid that my work will always be overshadowed by their MD. And when I think about next year, when they're making 50K in residency and I'm eating ramen in grad school, it looks really bleak. Their privileged position - socially, financially - feels like this enormous hurdle. Right now, I'm taking on so many activities and saying "yes" to every opportunity and it is frankly exhausting. But what's worse is not being able to share my successes with my partner for fear of them seeing them as challenges to "beat". In my mind they've already won because their MD warrants no defense; they're basically a saint in the public eye. This is taking a toll on our relationship.

Have you gone through something similar? How did you overcome these feelings of inferiority? How did you and your partner stop competing with one another? How did you learn to work as a team, instead of as enemies racing to stay ahead of the other?

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[Dr.Acula1]

This sounds very unhealthy for a relationship. I think counseling is the way to go since a good relationship should not be about competing with each other or feeling bad about the other person's successes. I am a soon to be MD and my girlfriend is a soon to be nurse. We have an understanding that she chose to be a nurse because she didn't want to be a doctor and not because she couldn't. She celebrates with me all my achievements and I do the same for hers. Everyone has accomplishments that should be celebrated and I encourage you to start celebrating each others accomplishments rather than seeing it as an obstacle to overcome.

 

[armybound]

Does your partner act this way or do you just feel this way?

I have several feelings on this subject, none of which I'm sober enough to adequately portray

Being an MD doesn't really make you special. You definitely shouldn't treat your SO like your education makes you better than them
That MD has chosen you as someone worth spending time with. You are valuable to them.
Being a "power couple" might be a way that you both can stroke your ego when either of you has a success

 

[singasongofjoy]

not being able to share my successes with my partner for fear of them seeing them as challenges to "beat"

Is this how your relationship actually functions? Does your partner actually feel that way, or is that coming from inside your own head only? I've got 5 years more of education than my partner, but we both recognize that our brains and the things we enjoy doing are extremely different, and highly value that. I think the thing to do is to recognize that you're two very different people with different interests and different skillsets. Take pride in doing the things that you do without comparing them to your partners, and hopefully they will do the same. If that's not currently possible, then as the first reply above suggests, I'd consider therapy. You can't live a whole life feeling like/perceiving that you're competing with the person who should be supporting and cheering for you. That's not a sustainable relationship. Best of luck.

 

[J ROD]

Why do you feel inferior? First answer that. Is it you or your partner causing this feeling?

 

[julie walker]

I feel inferior to my partner of 2 years because they're in medicine. I feel like their equal in all other respects. But the fact that their MD gives them SO MUCH social value makes me feel like nothing I can do will ever make me equal to them. I'm afraid that my work will always be overshadowed by their MD. And when I think about next year, when they're making 50K in residency and I'm eating ramen in grad school, it looks really bleak. Their privileged position - socially, financially - feels like this enormous hurdle. Right now, I'm taking on so many activities and saying "yes" to every opportunity and it is frankly exhausting. But what's worse is not being able to share my successes with my partner for fear of them seeing them as challenges to "beat". In my mind they've already won because their MD warrants no defense; they're basically a saint in the public eye. This is taking a toll on our relationship.

Have you gone through something similar? How did you overcome these feelings of inferiority? How did you and your partner stop competing with one another? How did you learn to work as a team, instead of as enemies racing to stay ahead of the other?

You have to love yourself first, my friend. When you love yourself, there is no need to feel inferior. A man finds a confident woman very attractive and once your partner gets a hint of your insecurity he will treat you less than what you are worth. Hold your head high and walk and talk with confidence. No one is better than you. When we die we rot the same. Love yourself, take good care of both the physical and the mental. Know your worth.

 

[Fortyfive]

I feel inferior to my partner of 2 years because they're in medicine. I feel like their equal in all other respects. But the fact that their MD gives them SO MUCH social value makes me feel like nothing I can do will ever make me equal to them. I'm afraid that my work will always be overshadowed by their MD. And when I think about next year, when they're making 50K in residency and I'm eating ramen in grad school, it looks really bleak. Their privileged position - socially, financially - feels like this enormous hurdle. ....

lol

 

[SilentCool]

I feel inferior to my partner of 2 years because they're in medicine.

That's because you ARE inferior!