Feeling unsure as December 1 approaches

[throwaway1000]

So I made this on a throwaway account because I am so scared of these thoughts that I'm not comfortable using my real account let alone let my friends and family know I am having them.

3 years ago I was pre-med working at a level 1 trauma emergency department as a medical scribe on track for medical school. Since I was in 1st grade I knew I wanted to become a doctor. I thought it would be the greatest achievement of my life. I hated the job. I dreaded driving to work. And many of the people I worked with (physicians, nurses, EMTs) felt the same way. With that said, I knew I actually loved the subject of medicine. I was able to learn things quickly. I was getting the highest grades in classes like Anatomy, Physiology, Pharmacology, and Pathology, with very little effort. In a way... I guess I loved the certain things about the work, but hated the job. I was so certain medicine would be a mistake for me, I began looking at alternatives.

I began shadowing dentists and I was shocked at the difference in culture. Dentistry was so laid back, but it still had the opportunity for that doctor-patient relationship that I was looking for. I was amazed at how close the dentists were to their patients, and how intimately they knew each other. After volunteering for a few free dental clinics I recognized the need and the value of dentistry. I actually enjoyed working in the field and I thought I finally found the right career for me.

One day while at a scribe meeting Dr.X, who was on the board of the hospital and in admissions for my university's medical school, walked in. He wanted to thank us for doing such an excellent job charting for the ED physicians. He said that he interrupted our meeting in order to see who was applying to medical school, so that he could personally highlight our applications with the director of admissions. I thought that this was it. Dentistry or Medicine? I chose dentistry. I let him know that I didn't intend on applying to medical school that cycle. A few days later I turned in my resignation.

Since then I began working in the dental dept of a FQHC. I consider the dental director a mentor, and she has guided me very closely. Aside from being the director, she is the head of the AEGD program and faculty for two dental schools. I've been responsive to her criticisms and she let me know that I have great aptitude for dentistry. I've taken the things I've learned from my intense experience in the ED and applied them in the dental clinic. I love my job. I am thankful that when I wake up early in the morning and drive to the clinic, I don't hate my life. I've received glowing letters of recommendation and incredible support from the dentists I work with.

This cycle, I applied to dental school and received 8 pre-december interviews. I'm still waiting on the response from 6 schools. Before each interview I sit down with 3-4 4th year dental students rotating through our clinic to prepare. After the interview, I sit down with the dental director and review my responses and we discuss any improvements we can make. In a few cases, it turned out she was friends with the interviewer and contacted them to throw her support behind me. I know I have been blessed with having a mentor who is so supportive. I mention all of this to explain that I am very confident I will get an acceptance to dental school in a couple weeks.

With all that said, sometimes when I try and imagine my career as a dentist I find myself feeling sad. For some reason deep down inside, I have this feeling that I settled on dentistry because I was not willing to sacrifice for what I was truly passionate about...medicine. These thoughts have appeared every now and then but I buried them and tell myself that I was paranoid. I made a logical and informed decision based on extensive experience in both fields. As December 1st approaches, I find myself thinking about this with increasing frequency. I'm trapped. I can't share these doubts with anyone. My friends and family are so proud of me for interviewing at my dream schools, and fully expect me to be a dentist. My mentor and other dentists who have supported have spent so much time in helping me achieve my goals. I feel like everything that I asked for, I've been given. I think of all the meetings and interviews with all these people where I sat there and convinced them that dentistry is the only career for me and is my greatest desire. I honestly feel like a liar and ashamed that I was able to convince all these people. I spent this past year working so hard to get accepted that I never really thought about the result. I honestly can't believe I'm entertaining thoughts of switching back to medicine just as the acceptance that I've worked so hard to get is two weeks away.

Sorry for the long post. Its 3AM and I needed to get this out. Uhh... I guess... does anyone here have similar thoughts?

TLDR: Feeling unsure about dentistry. Am I crazy?

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[8_man]

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[stoopidmonkeycatdog]

Man, I can relate with every single part of this post. Just like by you I worked in an ER and found myself despising it, despite wanting to do medicine for my whole life.

So I went and shadowed several different types of physicians, and begun to be filled with dread because it appeared that I just didn't like medicine. Despite this, since I still had the grades and ability i was going to go ahead and still do medicine. My GF convinced me to shadow a dentist, and after that first day it was game over.

I think when people who are actually passionate about patients think about their ideal patient to provider interaction, they're actually thinking about dentistry. That relationship is unrivaled in any other profession in my opinion. So last minute, I switched to dentistry and kept on repeating how passionate I was.

Now that we're 11 days from knowing our fate, and I've started seeing some of my friends getting accepted to medical school... I feel trapped and like a made a mistake. Not because there's anything wrong with dentistry, but maybe because of how in America it is a less prestigious field. I regret not committing to medicine and just trying harder to find a specialty I would like, like maybe dermatology.

The good news is, I think that's a normal reaction that most people are faced with when they make a choice between one green pasture and another. You always look back and think, man the grass sure was long over there, I should've have stayed. When I look at the stress, long hours, and extra years, I begin to remember why I looked dentistry more. Once I block out some of the off-handed comments I get, I feel way more confident in my choice.

I personally feel like it's the right choice. (Especially since I don't really like school, so 4 years and practicing sounds great to me, and I can try to specialize only if I get that desire). I'll still have people come up to me and say "oh dentistry? Did you not think you can get into medical school?" Which is stupid because I'll usually have better stats, leadership experience, and extracurriculars than them. Once I realized a lot of people pursuing medicine are just playing follow the leader, I stopped stressing about it so much.

If you were really passionate about medicine you would've stuck with it. Don't second guess your decision.

 

[fogorvostan]

Just to add on, even once you're in dental school, these feelings still exist every now and then and it's normal. Everyone has "what ifs" going through their mind.

 

[Incis0r]

So I made this on a throwaway account because I am so scared of these thoughts that I'm not comfortable using my real account let alone let my friends and family know I am having them.

3 years ago I was pre-med working at a level 1 trauma emergency department as a medical scribe on track for medical school. Since I was in 1st grade I knew I wanted to become a doctor. I thought it would be the greatest achievement of my life. I hated the job. I dreaded driving to work. And many of the people I worked with (physicians, nurses, EMTs) felt the same way. With that said, I knew I actually loved the subject of medicine. I was able to learn things quickly. I was getting the highest grades in classes like Anatomy, Physiology, Pharmacology, and Pathology, with very little effort. In a way... I guess I loved the certain things about the work, but hated the job. I was so certain medicine would be a mistake for me, I began looking at alternatives.

I began shadowing dentists and I was shocked at the difference in culture. Dentistry was so laid back, but it still had the opportunity for that doctor-patient relationship that I was looking for. I was amazed at how close the dentists were to their patients, and how intimately they knew each other. After volunteering for a few free dental clinics I recognized the need and the value of dentistry. I actually enjoyed working in the field and I thought I finally found the right career for me.

One day while at a scribe meeting Dr.X, who was on the board of the hospital and in admissions for my university's medical school, walked in. He wanted to thank us for doing such an excellent job charting for the ED physicians. He said that he interrupted our meeting in order to see who was applying to medical school, so that he could personally highlight our applications with the director of admissions. I thought that this was it. Dentistry or Medicine? I chose dentistry. I let him know that I didn't intend on applying to medical school that cycle. A few days later I turned in my resignation.

Since then I began working in the dental dept of a FQHC. I consider the dental director a mentor, and she has guided me very closely. Aside from being the director, she is the head of the AEGD program and faculty for two dental schools. I've been responsive to her criticisms and she let me know that I have great aptitude for dentistry. I've taken the things I've learned from my intense experience in the ED and applied them in the dental clinic. I love my job. I am thankful that when I wake up early in the morning and drive to the clinic, I don't hate my life. I've received glowing letters of recommendation and incredible support from the dentists I work with.

This cycle, I applied to dental school and received 8 pre-december interviews. I'm still waiting on the response from 6 schools. Before each interview I sit down with 3-4 4th year dental students rotating through our clinic to prepare. After the interview, I sit down with the dental director and review my responses and we discuss any improvements we can make. In a few cases, it turned out she was friends with the interviewer and contacted them to throw her support behind me. I know I have been blessed with having a mentor who is so supportive. I mention all of this to explain that I am very confident I will get an acceptance to dental school in a couple weeks.

With all that said, sometimes when I try and imagine my career as a dentist I find myself feeling sad. For some reason deep down inside, I have this feeling that I settled on dentistry because I was not willing to sacrifice for what I was truly passionate about...medicine. These thoughts have appeared every now and then but I buried them and tell myself that I was paranoid. I made a logical and informed decision based on extensive experience in both fields. As December 1st approaches, I find myself thinking about this with increasing frequency. I'm trapped. I can't share these doubts with anyone. My friends and family are so proud of me for interviewing at my dream schools, and fully expect me to be a dentist. My mentor and other dentists who have supported have spent so much time in helping me achieve my goals. I feel like everything that I asked for, I've been given. I think of all the meetings and interviews with all these people where I sat there and convinced them that dentistry is the only career for me and is my greatest desire. I honestly feel like a liar and ashamed that I was able to convince all these people. I spent this past year working so hard to get accepted that I never really thought about the result. I honestly can't believe I'm entertaining thoughts of switching back to medicine just as the acceptance that I've worked so hard to get is two weeks away.

Sorry for the long post. Its 3AM and I needed to get this out. Uhh... I guess... does anyone here have similar thoughts?

TLDR: Feeling unsure about dentistry. Am I crazy?

Just sit down and think what you want out of life, and which profession helps you do that better. And then, stick with your decision.

 

[Incis0r]

I understand what you're going through.