Alexander99 said:
I work out a lot too. Obviously you haven't been to UCSD's gym (or UCSD in general.) I didn't coin the term "UCSD goggles" for nothing dude. There are hardly any hot chicks at the gyms I go to.
The rest of your post was highly amusing though. Thanks for the laugh.
np, dude. LOL. I think the shizzle that goes on at some of these gyms is insane.
For example, look for the
Natural Bridge in skinny guys benching weight that is obviously far too much for them.
This happens usually when someone's 1 RM gets close to 200, and they start thinking, well, damn, I might as well be placing 2, 45-lb plates on both sides of the bar, so they can look impressive...this is how this motif works...
This person is usually 5 10 - 6 0 and 145 lbs soaking wet. They will be wearing UNDER-ARMOUR body sculpting clothing, and of course, and mp3 player so they can get
psyched up for the lift, which of course, they can never complete.
This lifter never comes alone, usually with 3 buddies to stroke his fragile ego and egg him on to do more reps than he can even do. Frequently, his buddies will carry the first through eighth rep of the set, so this little bugger can "stimulate every last muscle fiber."
OK, this is the guy you see who lifts chest EVERY MONDAY around 5-6 pm. Notice, mondays are chest days for half the world? Why? Because God has decreed it such, and work builds up later in the week, so if you only have one day to workout and one bodypart you can work .... you better bet your sweet ass its gonna be
chest and biceps day at the gym.
So, this guy starts pumping up some tunes on his mp3 player. I guarantee you he is listening to either Pantera or Metallica...no two bits about it. This same guy is found in every gym across the US at the same time, a bit like Santa Claus on Xmas night if you know what I mean.
So he and his buddies are doing what they do best: monopolizing equipment and not letting people work in. They all have "only 2 more sets left" but since their break is 3 minutes between sets EACH, with 4 people working in, it's gonna be a long day. Oh yeah, they also brought over about 4 pairs of the mid-range weight dumbells you need for your curls, cept they won't put them back.
So they talk it up, and finally, the big moment comes, its time to lift...!
The guy with less mass than a heroin fiend takes to the bar and plays his music loud and starts jumpin up and down, getting PSYCHED for the lift. 225 lbs, wow! This guy is a beast! He looks like he can barely put up the bar only, unassisted.
So he gets on the bench and gets a grip that looks like he is ready for disaster. He keeps lifting his back off the bench and resquaring, and two of his buddies go to either end of the barbell, and one behind him, in order to give this guy a good 'spot.'
So, on the count of three, ALL of his spotters heave the tremendous weight in the air. His arms look like toothpicks from the "bridge challenge" back in high school--toothpicks from the exact moment you remember when your team's structure collapsed under the incredibly penny weight. "This
ain't lookin good" you think to yourself.
Suddenly, as if God Himself spoke, you hear those dreaded words, "
MY WEIGHT!" utters the rwandan bodybuilder. All the sudden fear slams against you as you think "AH F**K" .... you know
somethin' is gonna give ...
...and it's prolly gonna be at the AC joints. DAMN. The spotters on both ends of the bar release the bar and the barbell comes hurdling down to earth at cosmic speed, what now?
THE BOUNCE!
This clone of Dr. Evil, Skinni-me, has managed to achieve the unthinking, catapult the momentum of a 225 lb barbell straight into his sternum and directly down onto the xiphoid process. You wait for a crack, as the bar sinks about 6" deep into his 5" thick chest ...
BOUNCE!
The bar comes catapulting off his chest, about 1/2" into the air as the lifter performs none other than the secret move passed down from the Greco-Romans long ago, THE NATURAL BRIDGE.
The "lifter" has gone from five points of contact (back of head on matt, shoulder blades, butt and two feet, to just two:
back of head on matt and one foot on ground. His back and butt are at least a foot off the matt and arched so much you finally know what Hawking meant by an "infinite curvature" of space-time. Wow, physics 101, here we come.
Suddenly, the trio of spotters rushes back to the bar, but Mr. Bones grunts and cries in terror, knowing if they touch the bar, he didn't complete the lift.
Knowing how to respond, the spotters grab the bar and heave mightily upward, the four moan in unison ... what next from the bone thungs n harmony?
Then you hear the next command you dreaded from the lead spotter. This guy can't weigh more than 120, and he stands at about 6' 3". Oh God, not this, but yep, he SCREAMS IT
"It's all you!
He continues to yelp at the emaciated figure below the weight whose face is turning purple with effort. As you stare deeply into his recessed eyes and gaunt face, you know this poor man doesn't just
believe he is moving the weights. HE KNOWS IT!
The spotters on either side of the barbell now look like they are doing a power clean with a weight four times they can handle. As they pull upward, they yell on
"Easy weight man, easy weight" until the bar is back in the upright position. NOW, its time to rack the weight....
....if you WERE A *****! The mor-FIEND underneath the barbell yells a command
"Alright, goin to four...four EASY reps" ... you ponder "four easy reps? wtf?" Obviously, your understanding of weightlifting jargon isn't well-developed...
four easy reps means "alright, I'll drop this weight on my chest again ...
...you guys go and call an ambulance ..." After the set is over, Captain Cadaverous jumps up from his set and slaps high fives to all his buddies as they marvel at his achievement...
It only took a squad, only four men of mediocrity, to hoist a 225 lb barbell up four times. What a true champion of the gym!
