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For those of you getting help financially from your parents...

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by ejay286, Jan 3, 2009.

  1. ejay286

    ejay286 Member
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    Do you plan on reimbursing them in any way? My parents have paid for loads of crap and I feel really bad about it most of the time. I don't come from a particularly wealthy family (Dad makes about 95k/yr and mom is retired) and I know I won't be a millionaire or anything but I'd really like to give back to them in some way when I have the money.
     
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  3. Raryn

    Raryn Infernal Internist / Enigmatic Endocrinologist
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    If they help pay for medical school, I'll pay them back. Other stuff so far is them just being great parents. If necessary, I'll help out when they're older, though they are saving for their retirement...

    I think the best way to pay them back for giving me all the amazing opportunities they have so far will be by giving even more opportunities to my future children.
     
  4. nick_carraway

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    Oh man. Tell me about it. My parents have paid for everything academic so far.

    Undergrad at a UC + all expenses, one app cycle to 50 schools, suits, travel, hotel, etc.

    Now they're paying for a year of post-bacc at SFSU + housing.

    Soon, they'll be paying for another cycle to 35 MD schools, travel (hopefully) + hotel while paying for a year at Georgetown SMP too.

    I feel terrible while I sit in front of my computer watching the World News and reading stats on the economic collapse. It doesn't help that my portfolio is always dropping and I'm sure that my Dad's is too.

    My goal right now isn't to eventually pay them back; it's just to do damn well from now on and make their money worth it. If, later, I can buy them a dream car or help pay for vacations or help pay their bills, I would gladly do it but that's decades away.

    It makes me feel worse to hear that they'd like to retire; my Dad, for one, hates his current department. They can't though, partially because of my plans for med school.
     
    #3 nick_carraway, Jan 3, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2009
  5. JStephens

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    I think it's admirable that you want to pay your parents back. A few of my friends come from wealthy families and more or less "expect" their parents to finance all educational pursuits as if it's owed to them and they wouldn't dream of paying it back. I even had a friend admit that he takes his parents financial assistance for granted because just about everything is given to him, he doesn't have to work for anything. He attended a top Engineering school for about a year and I could probably count the times he actually went to class on one hand. My parents aren't in a position to help me buy gas, let alone help with the financial portion of my educational interests. I do plan to help them out when I get established. Accounting for inflation and adding interest it would cost somewhere in the 7 figures to repay all my Mom has done for my over the years, I may not be able to pay back all of it, but I can try my best to make sure she's got it easier in her older years. The OP definitely has my respect.
     
  6. herkyMD

    herkyMD Class of 2014
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    I'm with the OP. My parents help me out as much as they can by taking out loans and basically paying for my undergraduate education. They say they aren't helping me with med school, but I know if it came down to it they would. I intend on repaying my parents in some way. I'd really love to find my dad a restored '69 Pontiac GTO because that was his first car and he loved it. Also, I've thought about sending my parents on some sort of vacation that they've always talked about but never gone on (probably because they were throwing their money my way). I dunno what I'm going to do yet but when I get established it's going to be something.
     
  7. Lukkie

    Lukkie Membership Revoked
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    hell no, their fault for having me
     
  8. halekulani

    halekulani Member
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    my dad calls me his retirement fund

    so yes.
     
  9. Acc1999

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    it takes a village to raise a child. the child's contributions to the village is all that is needed as payback. Its a parent's responsibility to help a child as much as possible, and child's responsibility is to appreciate that help and to work as hard as possible to become the most that he or she can be. Once you do that, the rewards will come and i'm sure your parents can pick and choose what they need :D
     
  10. EP123

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    I will pay them back by doing the same for my own kids.
     
  11. justdoit31

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    I won't be repaying them for what they have done in undergrad as far as giving them money- I will just try to be half the parent they were and I will also be investing in my children.

    My family believes that each generation should try to do more than the generation before. My grandparents were cotton farmers and so there has been significant progress.
     
  12. JJMrK

    JJMrK J to the J
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    Your parents pay for everything while you invest in the stock market? It seems to me that you're being slightly selfish. I don't know your situation, of course, but maybe you're feeling guilty because you have some money but are letting your parents pick up the tab anyway.
     
  13. DrYoda

    DrYoda Space Cowboy
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    It would drive my parents nuts if I gave them money for any reason. It even bugs them when I get them x-mas or birthday presents. Thus I try to not owe them anything.
     
  14. nick_carraway

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    Not that I should be explaining myself, but the money in my portfolio is in a Roth IRA using funds from work and with an initial donation from my Dad.

    I don't feel particularly guilty about this because no one can touch this money for a few decades and because most of it isn't even my money.
     
  15. angrypremed

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    damn guys, my parents make like 120k+, but I dont take their money, all from loan, thought thats the way to do it so that you dont feel guilty later on in life
     
  16. Bacchus

    Administrator Moderator Physician 10+ Year Member

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    I guess my parents combined income of less than 80,000 a year is a good way to avoid guilt, eh?
     
  17. rocketbooster

    rocketbooster Membership Revoked
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    lol, how have you not been banned yet? I can't count the # of threads I've read recently that include a smartass reply from you. I don't want you to get banned...I'm just surprised you haven't been bothered by the mods. Perhaps it's your 1,000+ post count haha.

    for a lot of people, it's culture. the parents feel it's part of their parenting obligation to cover their childrens' education if they are financially able to do so. however, the children are expected to take of their parents when they grow older. that includes having the parents move in with the children rather than throwing them into nursing homes. the children will then feel the same obligation to pay their future childrens' education, and the cycle repeats.

    lol, I think I'm starting to understand why ppl on SDN yell at people for not using the "search" function. I've been on here for not even a year, and posts are definitely starting to repeat like crazy. the next cycle's premeds are starting to show their faces as they start to stress about the application process coming up. :laugh:
     
  18. Bacchus

    Administrator Moderator Physician 10+ Year Member

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    My parents already know I'm putting them into a nursing home. Its across the street. They'll only have to move 300 yards. :)
     
  19. rocketbooster

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    ha...the point is you're expected to take care of your parents. putting them into any nursing home, unless they need to be for medical reasons, isn't taking good care of your parents. :eek:
     
  20. scrubsaresexy

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    haha well, I turned down a bunch of musical theatre acceptances at private colleges to go to a public college and pursue something that I might actually make a little money in. I think they're already pretty grateful for that :) However, the deal has always been that they would pay for undergrad and I would pay for graduate education. I think that's a fair deal since I've worked hard to get merit scholarship and keep those scholarships. Everybody wins!

    I do feel guilty sometimes, but I've tried my best to decrease the financial burden on my family and I think that my parents recognize that and appreciate it.
     
  21. Bacchus

    Administrator Moderator Physician 10+ Year Member

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    Its assisted living. The home isn't for those that require constant nursing care. Its like a retirement community. Maybe I'll put them into one of those instead ;). Knowing them, they'll refuse like the rest of the oldies in the fam.
     
  22. phonyreal98

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    My parents are paying for probably around 90% of my college expenses. I have a scholarship that pays for the rest. I do not expect them to pay for me to apply to med school or to pay for med school.
     
  23. DrYoda

    DrYoda Space Cowboy
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    Haha, my parents allways say they never want to be a burden on their children. Nice to know their willing to pay for their own nursing home.:D
     
  24. drelizabeth292

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    i feel overwhelmed with this issue. my mom (single mom for 3 girls and has never made more than $50K as a small business owner) is expecting me to buy her a brand new house when i GRADUATE med school. she doesnt seem to understand the DEBT that comes associated with being a doctor. so the longer i take to buy that house, the longer the list of stuff she wants. :laugh: oh well-she deserves it. :love:
     
  25. funkydrmonkey

    funkydrmonkey They Call Me Dr. Funkmonk
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    As the eldest male child, it will be my responsibility to care for my parents, and as a result, most likely they will end up living with me.:) It is how society (in my family's viewpoint is supposed to work: the parents work to care for the kids... once the kids are old enough to work, they care for the parents, and the cycle begins anew with the new generation of kids)
     
  26. Lukkie

    Lukkie Membership Revoked
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    you are seriously the most south asian south asian i've ever known :laugh: props to you bhai.
     
  27. JacksonInTheBox

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    With the folks only making about 50 grand a year I have never asked for more than gas money when I drive home to visit them.

    School has been covered by A LOT of outside scholarships and work. It sucks writing 15 different thank you letters and essays to different companies and organizations every Christmas and summer :).

    I dont think that its bad for parents to help their children but I feel that it is also important for students to learn the grunt work needed in figuring out how to supporting themselves. And what better time to learn this while you still have the folks to fall back on.
     
  28. ejay286

    ejay286 Member
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    Is this when your parents aren't able to care for themselves or just whenever you are old enough to afford to take care of them?
     
  29. efitzpat

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    i realized after writin a novel that this rant is just the wine talking. proceed with the thread.
     
  30. pinkblue

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    my grandma got a job doing hair at a salon and put my dad through med school (the state med school was a lot cheaper then!), so I am very lucky that my dad has put some money aside for my med school. Just like my dad takes care of my grandma now... I expect myself and my siblings to take care of my parents when they are older.
     
  31. Double A

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    I think most people here plan on taking care of their folks. You gotta take care of your parents... older years are for traveling, grandkids, and kicking back.
     
  32. bluesmd

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    i'm paying my parents back. not like an exact monetary amount but when they get older and retire, i'll definitely pay for stuff etc.
     
  33. 229141

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    My parents offered to pay for undergrad, and since I have in state tuition and a half scholarship on top of that, I let them. I do plan on paying them back very soon actually.

    As for med school they offered to help, but I don't want any money from them. I just don't like taking free handouts honestly lol...rather earn it all
     
  34. Superman78

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    I think you guys will be too busy paying your own bills for your own family to have much left to give back to your parents. It's the circle of life, folks. Sacrifice for your kids.

    I'll give my parents something to be proud of and a few happy grandchildren. Some diamonds for my mom and some high tech stuff for my dad should sweeten the deal. I always wanted to buy them a house on the beach, but that was before I understood what a doctor makes and what gets taken away.

    I'll never understand how so many people can send their parents to nursing homes, though. Now THAT'S truly disrespectful to what they've done for you. It's your responsibility when they're retired to make sure they're still living comfortable, independent lives in their own home.
     
  35. mynamehereMD

    mynamehereMD hmmm... somethings wrong.
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    Why would your parents pay for YOUR schooling? Isn't that what loans and working is for? I know I'm older than most the people on this site but not entire generations older. The concept of parents paying for their children's education is bizarre to me. When I was 15 my parents sat me down and told me that I was old enough to be financially independent and how much I needed to contribute to the family for living in the house. Since then I've worked 30-120 hours a week (yes I did work 120 hours a week but made six figures at 21) all through high school, paramedic school, and my undergrad. I would say that it has made me a better person and more ready for the demands of residency.

    To the OP and everyone else whos parents are paying for their schooling, did their grandparents pay for their parents schooling? I think it would be interesting to find that out.
     
  36. ejay286

    ejay286 Member
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    My parents aren't directly paying for my education since I'm pretty much going to my undergrad for free, and the rest that is left over I pay with loans. But they've paid for pretty much everything else I need during these 4 years. As for what their parents did, my parents went to really cheap schools in the 70's so I doubt their parents had to pay any money. I remember my mom mentioning that her tuition was usually only around 500 dollars.
     
  37. hopefuldoc87

    hopefuldoc87 Killer tofu
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    I agree. I have worked throughout high school and college (not as much as 120 hrs tho..lol more like 25hrs/week max during the academic year). This has provided me with enough cash and spending money for college. For the big expenses (tuition, room and board), I take out loans. My parents have offered to pay, but I don't expect them to pay a cent. They have done more than enough for me. The only thing they provide for me financially is a car to borrow whenever I need it. My brothers and sisters have helped me to pay for this app cycle, though, since I don't feel as bad borrowing from them (I've been paying them back little by little). Obviously if your parents are willing and able to pay, it is easy to say let 'em, but I'll be making substantially more than them one day. This was my choice, not theirs. They shouldn't bear the financial burden of my choices, whatever they may be. It is not their responsibility, nor should it be your expectation.
     
  38. Greonis

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    More often than not, unfortunately, it is impossible for some elderly individuals to be independent. The burden placed on the family to take care of someone who cannot take care of himself/herself is enormous, and it is no surprise that many opt to let someone else handle the responsibility. I will say that lacking independence does not automatically entail no quality of life, however, for many of our elderly can still be prosperous, even with physical or mental handicaps. They may simply need some outside assistance to be able to do so.

    What I personally do find to be disrespectful, however, is keeping someone alive with absolutely no quality of life who should have been allowed to pass on naturally a long time ago. It is in this area that the role of the nursing home is in dire need of reform.
     
  39. armybound

    armybound urologist.
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    my parents haven't been supporting me, but I do plan on putting my mom in a nice retirement home when the time comes.
     
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    #39 Deleted member 237747, Jan 4, 2009
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  41. circulus vitios

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    My parents earn about $55k combined, but they still pay $2-3k/year towards my school, which I'm grateful for. I'll pay them back when I get a real job...probably a nice vacation package, since my dad has went on like 3 vacations in my entire lifetime.
     
  42. kac714

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    mine paid for all of undergrad with no expectation of me paying them back. they've given me alot and i'm grateful. any money they give me for med school will be paid back after i pay of the rest of my interest bearing loans.
     
  43. mynamehereMD

    mynamehereMD hmmm... somethings wrong.
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    much agreed.
     
  44. Raryn

    Raryn Infernal Internist / Enigmatic Endocrinologist
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    Because my parents aren't arseholes? Its no undue hardship for them to help me out with room and board (tuition is covered by scholarships), and they want to do it because I'm their son. I plan to do the same thing with my children, helping them out as long as necessary (within reason).

    I understand lots of parents who don't help their children because they don't have the means to. That can't be helped. But any parent who makes their child work at 15 to pay rent to them who isn't dirt poor (and can't pay rent on their own) is a poor parent.
     
  45. kac714

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    My grandparents did pay for my parent's colleges. my dad did a phd, so he didnt have to pay for grad school, and my mom did loans for her grad work.
     
  46. lainapox

    lainapox A little crazypants
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    I will also be caring for my 'rents after I get myself settled and with a steady job, etc (and get rid of medschool debt). Not because I'm the eldest son (as I'm the younger daughter), but because my older brother sucks and went off to pursue religion in a foreign country. Woohoo!

    Edit: Not that I wouldn't take care of them if he was still around, but just that the responsibility is ALL on me now, not divided between two children. (That, and I'm kind of bitter at him)
     
  47. ejay286

    ejay286 Member
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    I agree, my parents never allowed me to be lazy and always wanted me to have a job. But they never expected me to actually live off what I made it was more just for spending money and experience. If they are able to pay for anything they will, and I will do the same for my kids. The only part of the deal I had to keep was maintain acceptable grades and just not be a douche.
     
  48. funkydrmonkey

    funkydrmonkey They Call Me Dr. Funkmonk
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    Yup I am:D
    It will be when I am old enough to afford taking care of them.
     
  49. nick_carraway

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    Agreed. They help pay for my education so that good grades are a bit easier to achieve rather than worrying about finances while studying.

    They help me because even though it's my education, it's OUR family. If a child fails, it takes a toll on the entire family and not just the child. After all, an indebted child is not helpful to the family or to the child. If the burden can be minimized, everyone benefits.

    I respect those of you who have supported yourself and whose parents didn't pay for everything (e.g. my girlfriend's family), but sometimes having that support makes things a bit easier (e.g. getting an internship instead of a job).

    And for what it's worth, yes my Dad's education through grad school was funded by his parents. My Mom didn't go to college, so no for her.
     
  50. RySerr21

    RySerr21 i aint kinda hot Im sauna
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    My parents help out with my undergrad education, but they dont pay in full. I have received schoarships and have taken out necessary loans. My dad went to college via a navy scholarship, but his parents would not have had the money to help him otherwise. And my mother paid for everything on her own. If she (and my father) are in theh position to help me out, then why wouldnt they? I'm going to do the exact same thing for my children. I'm not going to tell my 15 year old kid that its time to be financially independent. I think thats ridiculous. I'm not saying I'm going to hand him/her money, and he/she is going to work for it (ie when they are old enough, if they want spending money they are going to get a part time job) but I will always be there to provide them with their essentials and/or whatever I feel is outside of their budget (for example COLLEGE).
     
  51. Kaustikos

    Kaustikos Archerize It
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    nvm
     
    #50 Kaustikos, Jan 5, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2009

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